In Memorial

The following was originally posted on my Spiritual blog, "Prophet Priest and Pirate, " December 3, 2008

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?...

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 35 & 37-39 NIV)

Neither financial struggles nor recession, neither mid-life crisis nor identity crisis, neither stress nor insomnia, neither your job nor your family, not illness, not accidents, not drugs and alcohol, not sexual identity, not suffering physical abuse, nor sexual abuse, not emotional or mental abuse, not depression, not anxiety, not anger, not even suicide.

That's right. You read it.

Recently my brother-in-law took his own life. He had suffered from alcoholism for decades. He'd been through rehab/recovery programs something like five times in the last 12 years. He'd been hospitalized and treated for depression, both with traditional counseling/therapy and medication. Mind you, I'm not excusing or condoning his decision, but I also recognize that mental illness is no less an illness than MS or Lou Gehrig's Disease, or Leukemia. And I know that my brother-in-law knew Jesus and loved Jesus and felt broken and like there was no escape and no cure. Others might accuse him of not having enough faith, that he just needed to trust God more. He knew he lacked faith, if he had had hope he would still be here.

My pastor offered us a beautiful quote from Martin Luther, "I am not inclined to think that those who take their own lives are surely damned. My reason is that they do not do this of their own accord but are overcome by the power of the devil, like a man who is murdered by a robber in the woods."

So, just like the loved ones of someone who's suffered from any other terminal illness for years, I know that now at last, his suffering is over. He is safe in his Savior's arms, cured and forgiven.

He very well may have felt that he was giving up on God, but God did not give up on him.

NOTHING can separate us from the love of God. Even in our deepest despair, even in our grieving, there is still hope.

A note from Bedford Falls

One of my friends once complained that it was too hard to keep up with my blogging because I have too many of them. Guess I'm one of those kinds of people who likes to compartmentalize things. There's a blog for students with assignments and resources, there's the blog for photography and artwork, the one for cheerleaders, the one with prayers and devotions and rants on religion... Then there was this one, the flagship. Initially it was just meant to be the repository for columns that ran in the town paper, then I used it for additional political commentary. Now I'm not quite sure what to do with it. I've never intended to use it as some kind of public diary. I figure, who wants to read just another whiner on the web?

But this has been a challenging week, with the loss of my brother-in-law. I still don't think it would be entirely appropriate to just open up and spew every kind of thought and feeling here in the open. That wouldn't honor my family and their feelings and privacy, let alone his memory.

However, I would like to thank all of you who have shown your sympathy and concern for our families. And for me. At first I figured, it's my job to be strong for my wife and that I really wasn't entitled to much grief of my own. But several of you showed your individual concern for me specifically and I want you to know that it meant a great deal to me.

I also want to thank everyone who's shared with me that you miss my column or wish that it would return. I can't tell you how meaningful your support is. For a while, I was beginning to think that it wasn't just a hobby, but maybe a "true calling." Alas, that doesn't seem to be what God has in mind after all.

Perhaps more than anyone, those of you who prefaced those sentiments with things like "I didn't always agree with you on everything." I mean, dyed in the wool conservatives and people who's views are usually diametrically opposed to mine have said very kind and encouraging things about my writing. If only the handful of people who think that my column "ruined" the paper, felt the same way.

Special thanks to those of you, relatives, neighbors, and even web-readers who've shared that what things I've written have touched you or meant something to you.

Special thanks to our Pastor, Richard Merrill for how he has let God work through him for our family through this whole ordeal. To Rev. Carla from Dunlap for her call to me and her prayer. To Lori and Karen from school (and formerly from school) for their kindness and concern. And to my Brother for his call and his counseling. To my other brother-in-law for treating me like a brother. To all my wife's friends who responded to my emails asking them to hold her up in prayer. And for the chance to visit with Cory's best friends, Alan and Kevin, Friday and Saturday.

To everyone who came through the viewing or to the funeral. I don't know how many people I said this to in the last few days, but the outpouring of love and support from the community reminds me of the last scene in the Christmas movie, It's A Wonderful Life. If only Cory could have let himself accept or be aware of how many people liked and appreciated him, perhaps he'd still be with us.

I'd like to encourage everyone to watch that classic film with new eyes this year. Knowing that there are people suffering with fear and doubt and disillusionment out there- make the extra effort to let everyone you know that they're important to you. And when you yourself are at your most stressed and despairing, realize that your life touches many, many others and even if you're never aware of it, you make a difference, we all need you, and there are always people out there who want to help you if you'll just let them in.

Obituary

Cory Neddermeyer, 45 of Charter Oak, died Tuesday at his home in Charter Oak.

Funeral services will be at 10:30 a.m. Friday at St. John Lutheran Church in Charter Oak with burial at St. John's Lutheran Cemetery in Charter Oak. The Huebner Funeral Home in Charter Oak is in charge of arrangements where friends may call from 4-8 p.m. Thursday. A prayer service will be at 7 p.m.

Survivors include his wife, Sherri, one son, Nolan, and one daughter, Hallie, all of Charter Oak; his parents, Allan and Marjorie Neddermeyer of Charter Oak; one brother, Mark Neddermeyer of Topeka, Kansas; and one sister, Bethany Mallory of Charter Oak.

Published in the Denison Bulletin/Review from 12/4/2008 - 12/11/2008

Amazing. Over 600 people at the viewing Thursday evening. They had to postpone the prayer service from 7 until 9. The church was filled, including the balcony and there was overflow in the basement. The line of cars stretched from the cemetery to the highway. Over 300 attended the luncheon.

Thank you, everyone who've been showing your love and support to the family during this difficult time. Please continue to lift up Cory's family in your prayers.