Peas and Mustard

Get it right people!
Tuna casserole takes cream of mushroom soup.
Tuna SALAD takes mayo or Miracle Whip.

And while we're at it,
tuna salad has celery,
NOT peas.
If you HAVE to use peas,
use a bag of frozen peas.
Canned peas are for tuna casserole,
not tuna salad.

Get it?
Got it?
Good.

As long as I'm on the subject
canned peas are the worst peas
AND the worst canned vegetable,
not that there are any good canned vegetables.

This morning
someone brought fresh snap peas
still in the pod for our snacks
and it is all I can do
not to take them all,
they are SO wonderful

I may have to write
an ode to peas
fresh from the garden
why not?
They've written songs
about homegrown tomatoes

Bottom line;
casseroles are comfort food,
THEY can be soggy

Salads should be light and uplifting,
they should be crisp.

Meanwhile,
I don't care
what you native Midwesterners think,
Jello and marshmallows
are for desert,
they do not constitute salad

Now that we've got that clear-
Thank you for using
just the right amount
of mustard
in the potato salad

Mustard is for both
color and flavor

But next time
back off a little
on the onions

A good rule of thumb
is to use sweet Vidalias
you don't want the onions
to overpower everything else

Chives are fine
just be careful
how many
and how strong

the onions are really more about texture
than flavor, in potato salad
green onions
are about
color and texture

you could always
try red onions
but that's a whole different color
and then
you REALLY
need to be careful
about how much
and how strong

But definitely don't skimp
on the mustard
sour cream may seem
all fancy schmancy
and sugar is sweet
but nobody wants
their potato salad
too be too sweet
or too schmancy

I really can't overstate
that you really can't
over use
mustard
in the
potato salad

But for God's sake
back off of the damn peas
in the tuna salad

Ted's Famous Enchilada-Lasanga Dish

Beef 'Gringolada' Bake '

Disclaimer: REAL enchiladas are generally made with corn tortillas. AUTHENTIC enchiladas are made with shredded or "pulled" meat, rather than ground beef- if they contain meat at all. (Technically, this recipe would make burros in enchilada sauce) Whatever- while it may be a Midwestern "gringo" recipe, this is a sure-to-please family favorite.

Ingredients:

1/2 lb. hamburger
10 oz can enchilada sauce
8 oz can tomato sauce (tomato soup can work too)
1 3/4 cup shredded cheddar or jack cheese
1 cup of ripe black olives
1/2 medium onion, finely chopped
1/2 cup diced green chilies
1/2 tsp dry oregano leaves, crushed
1/2 tsp of cilantro (this is the secret to making things taste like authentic Mexican cuisine)
Sour cream
8 flour tortillas

Directions:

Brown hamburger.
Combine enchilada and tomato sauces in a small sauce pan and simmer over medium heat.
Set aside 1/2 cup shredded cheese and 1/2 cup of sliced olives for garnish.
Chop the other 1/2 cup of olives and mix with 1 1/4 cup of cheese, onion, chilies, oregano, and cilantro. Mix with hamburger and 1/2 of the sauce in a large bowl.
Spread approximately 1 tsp of sour cream on a tortilla, then spoon in 1-2 tablespoons of meat mixture. roll the tortilla up and place it in a 9X13 baking pan that's been sprayed with Pam. Spread, stuff and roll the rest of the 8 tortillas until they fill the pan. Drizzle on the remaining sauce.
Sprinkle with remaining cheese and garnish with olive slices.
Bake at 350° for 15-20 minutes or until heated through.

Note: you can prepare the ingredients ahead of time and bake later if you need to and it makes awesome leftovers because the flavors intensify when they've had a chance to "steep."

Chicken 'Gringoladas'

Ingredients:

2 (10 ounce) cans chunk chicken, drained and flaked
10 oz can enchilada sauce
8 oz can cream of chicken soup
½ cup sour cream
1 ¾ cup shredded cheddar or jack cheese
½ cup cottage cheese
2 tbsp flour
1 cup of ripe black olives
½ medium onion, finely chopped
½ cup diced green chilies
½ tsp dry oregano leaves, crushed
½ tsp of cilantro (this is the secret to making things taste like authentic Mexican cuisine)
Sour cream
8 flour tortillas

Directions:

Combine enchilada, chix soup, and ½ cup sour cream in a small sauce pan and simmer over medium heat.

Set aside ½ cup shredded cheese and ½ cup of sliced olives for garnish.

Chop the other ½ cup of olives and mix with 1 ¼ cup of cheese, ½ cup cottage cheese, 2 tbsp four, onion, chilies, oregano, and cilantro. Mix with chicken and barely 1/3 of the sauce in a large bowl.

Spread approximately 1 tsp of sour cream on a tortilla, then spoon in 1-2 tablespoons of chx/cheese mixture. Roll the tortilla up and place it in a 9x13 baking pan that's been sprayed with Pam. Spread, stuff and roll the rest of the 8 tortillas until they fill the pan. Drizzle on the remaining sauce.

Sprinkle with remaining cheese and garnish with olive slices.
Bake at 300° for 15-20 minutes or until heated through.

Good Eats

For years as Youth Counselor at our church, I had to make two turkeys a year for the Sunday before Thanksgiving, but left the cooking to someone else as we'd travel up to our cousins' in Sioux Falls. Neither happened this year. Instead, I volunteered for pie duty! Nothing disappoints me more than a holiday with cake or bars or dishes but no pie.

I've made pumpkin pies for years, but I pretty much just use the pie in a can from Libby's and get it done easy. This year we had put up tons of apples from a visit to Small's Fruit farm in October and of course I'd found out in August that I'm diabetic, so I went through a lot more work. They turned out great- ( all the non-diabetics in the family said they were good, anyway) so I'd like to share the recipes here.

First a turkey hint that my mother-in-law tried that made this year's some of the most succulent and moist we've ever had: "Brine." You take a 5 gal. pail, fill it with 4 gal. of water, 4 cups salt and 2 cups sugar. Then you soak your frozen turkey in it all day, drain it and let it sit overnight in the fridge.- then just bake it the way you normally do any other year. Google it for better instructions if you don't believe me, it was great.

Mal's All American Apple Pie

• 6oz frozen apple juice (this is the secret)
• 2 tbs flour (I used stone ground, but I'm really into my low carb diet right now)
• 1 tsp cinnamon (heaping, frankly 2 won't hurt anything)
• 1/4 tsp salt (aka "a pinch")
• Apples ( I used a 1/2 gallon pre-cut and frozen)
• 1 tbs butter or margorine
• 1 tsp nutmeg (but a pinch is fine, just less nutmeg than cinnamon- are you getting that cooking is more art than science for me?)

Stir together on low heat for 3-5 minutes or until it starts to thicken. Pour into ready made pie shell, cover with another pie shell, pincing together around the edge. My wife taught me to cover the outside edge of the crust with aluminum foil to prevent it from burning. Her grandmother says to drizzel a little melted butter on top and sprinkle with sugar to make a prettier, tastier crust, but she didn't tell me that until they were done already so I'll take her word for it.

Bake for 15 minutes at 450°, lower heat to350° and bake another 30-40 minutes, check to see if crust is just right.

Great served either hot or cold. This was a BIG hit. Michigan Mallorys would top with sharp cheddar cheese, but Iowa Neddermeyers made homeade whipped cream (which I skipped for sake of the old blood glucose levels, already peaking from all the trukey & stuffing.)

It's Ted's Great Pumpkin Pie, Charlie Brown

• 2 cups (one 20 oz can) of pumpkin ("all natural," not "pie mix." You could also puree your own if you want to go to the work. One year I tried a different recipe that you bake in the actual pumpkin shell itsef, it tasted grate, but wound up being really runny- but trust me, THIS recipe sets up perfect)
• 1 tsp cinnamon (heaping)
  
• 1/2 tsp "pumpkin pie spice"
• 1/2 tsp nutmeg
• 1 tsp ginger (generous)
  
• 2 tsp Splenda sugar substitute (other recipies only call for one, but that's gonna be too bland- frankly, I think you can boost the cinnamon and/or ginger a little too if you want)
• 1 cup milk ( I suppose you can use condensed or evaporated, but watch the sugar levels if you're diabetic)

Simply pour into a ready made pie crust, level and let sit for a while, cover the edge of the crust, and bake at 350° for 50-60 minutes, checking it with a toothpick. Let cool over night.

We had it with home made whipped cream- not diabetic, but Jeez, did it make it awesome!

Pork Chop on a stick

Category:

Barbecue & Grilling

Ingredients:
8 6-ounce boneless pork loin chops, about 1 inch thick
1/2 cup bottled Italian dressing
Peanut oil
8 8 x 1/4-inch-thick wooden skewers or dowels
Honey mustard or BBQ sauce

Directions:
Place chops in a resealable plastic bag set in a shallow dish. Pour salad dressing over chops.; seal bag. Marinate in the refrigerator for 1 hour, turning bag occasionally. Preheat oil to 350° F. Drain chops, discarding marinade. Insert a wooden skewer into a short side of each chop. Fry the chops, half at a time, for 5 to 8 minutes or until 160° F. Maintain oil temperature around 350° F. Remove chops from hot oil and drain on wire racks. Serve chops with honey mustard.

Iowa Beef Sundae

Category:

Meat & Seafood

Ingredients:
1 package (17 ounces) refrigerated fully-cooked beef tips with gravy ( can substitute left over pot roast or browned hamburger)
1 package (24 ounces) refrigerated mashed potatoes

Toppings: Shredded cheddar cheese, dairy sour cream, cherry or grape tomatoes

Directions:
Heat beef tips with gravy according to package directions. Heat mashed potatoes according to package directions. Using ice cream scoop, place 2 scoops (about 1/3 cup each) mashed potatoes in each of 4 individual sundae cups or serving bowls. Divide beef tips evenly over potatoes in each dish. Sprinkle with cheese and top with dollop of sour cream, as desired. Place 1 tomato in center of each serving for a “cherry.”

Sweet Corn Salsa

Category:

Appetizers & Snacks

Ingredients:
1 c corn kernels, cooked
1 ripe papaya, peeled, seeded and cut into 1/4 dice
1/3 c diced red onion
2 ripe diced tomatoes,
1 1/2 ts minced garlic
1 tb grated lime zest
1/4 c Lime juice
1/3 c Chopped cilantro

Directions:
Any salsa is best when served fresh. If it isn’t convenient to make the salsa just before serving time, prepare and refrigerate all your ingredients ahead of time and toss together 15 minutes before serving. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients except cilantro. Toss together. Refrigerate, covered, for up to 2 hours. Just before serving, toss with cilantro.

Ted's Zuke Salsa

Category:		Appetizers & Snacks
Style:		Mexican
Special Consid.:		Low Calorie
Servings:		Plenty!

Description:
What are the best things that everybody (in Iowa) has in their garden in July? Home grown tomatoes, and zucchini! Once August comes around, you can add sweet corn. Even if you don't have a garden, your neighbors and coworkers are bound to be bringing you zucchini. Here's a great idea for using it up.

I've heard of zucchini bread, sautéed, in pasta and grilling zucchini and even using shredded zucchini in fruit preserves- but this salsa is my new favorite way of using up those big green monsters.

Ingredients:
1/2 cup diced onion
1 diced clove garlic
1 cup diced tomatoes
1/2 cup diced sweet peppers
1 diced Anaheim pepper
1 cup diced zucchini
1 4oz can of diced green chilies
1 tsp cilantro
1 tsp parsley
the juice of 1 lime
4 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp vinegar
salt to taste

Stir and let sit at least an hour, maybe even overnight.


Directions:
There's only two things that money can't buy and that's true love and homegown tomatoes. If you don't have those, I like firm Romas because they're easier to dice- but most people go for those juicy Beefsteaks.

I diced up my zucchini pretty small- between a quarter inch and and eighth of an inch cubed. Zuke is one of those things like potatoes or tofu that takes on the flavor of what ever it's in. So if you need more salsa, or you like yours chunkier rather than juicy, by all means spread it out by using more Zuke!
I skinned mine first, but I bet it would at color and texture to leave it on.

The secret to making it more like salsa instead of just pico de gallo is the olive oil. The secret to making it taste like authentic Mexican is the cilantro and the lime. Mmmmmm. They're teh secret ingredient in ANY salsa.

You can certainly include sweet corn in this recipe and some people even like chick peas or black beans- but then we're getting into other types of salsa and not just Zuke. But after all cooking should be more art than science.

The Anaheim pepper gives it a kick, but don't be afraid. Anaheims are very mild and flavorful, they're nothing like cayennes, jalepenos or haberneros, not that there's anything wrong with heat, but this is an IOWA recipe.

My favorite for heat and flavor are GREEN chilies. In Iowa, stick with just one can of mild chilies- Arizonans and Californians may prefer two cans or medium or hot. Again, THIS recipe is about the Zuke, not the nuke.

For color and flavor, dice up the non-hot peppers. My first time I happened to find "sweet mini-peppers" on sale, but Bell peppers would work too, but make sure to use red, yellow, or orange. The green ones will overpower the whole thing.

Not only is this great with chips, or on tortillas or rice, but try it as a salad topping or on your baked potatoes, you'll love it. You'll go through it so fast, that you won't have a bunch of zucchinis laying around for long.

Elephant Stew

Posted by Mallory's on Jan 30, '08 2:13 PM for everyone

Category:		Other
Style:		Soulfood
Servings:		3,800

Ingredients:
1 large elephant
plenty of brown gravy
salt & pepper to taste
2 whole rabbits -- optional

Directions:
Cut elephant into bite-size pieces (allow about 2 months to do this). Hold aside trunk, you can use it to store the pieces.

Put elephant in large (very large) pot; add enough gravy to cover. Cook over kerosene fire at 450 degrees for about 4 weeks, or until golden brown.

If more guest are expected, 2 rabbits may be added. However, this should be done only if absolutely necessary. Most people do not like to find hare in their stew.

The Kid's Favorite Lunch

Category:		Pasta
Style:		American
Special Consideration:		Kids

Ingredients:
1 box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
Some milk and margarine
Ketchup (Catsup) to taste

Hot dogs, of you're extra hungry

Directions:
Open box, dump noodles into pot of boiling water. Drain after 8-12 minutes (depending on your elevation). Return noodles to pot, tear open little packet of cheese flavored powder, and some butter or margarine and just a little milk* and stir. Serve with hot dogs, or cut hot dogs into medallions and stir into Mac&Cheese to make a tasty "casserole." Garnish with Ketchup. Your kids will love it! You'll be their hero!

*If you're a real freak, you could substitute milk for water, beer, or soy-milk substitute. You can really fancy it up by adding some Velveta, or part of a can of cream of cheese soup! Or... if diet isn't a problem, add a spoon of sour cream. Most kids won't like these modifications, but grandparents might be convinced that you went to more work than you really did.

Irish Pub Breakfast

Category:		Breakfast & Brunch
Style:		Irish

Description:
I have a friend you visited the emerald isle for vacation once who sent me a post card with this recipe on it.

Ingredients:
Raw Oysters
1 Pint of Guinness Stout (warm)

Directions:
Drink oysters and eat beer. Yu

Eat Me! Fun Recipes

Check out my new, yummy collection
http://tmal.multiply.com/recipes

Green Eggs & Ham

You do not like them.
So you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

St. Patrick's Day recipes:

Feb 8		-	Irish Coffee
Feb 8		-	Irish Pub Breakfast
Feb 8		-	Steak and Guinness pie for St. Patrick's
Other favorite recipes:
Feb 7		-	Celebrate Arizona Statehood Day (Feb 14) with it's native dish
Jan 30		-	College Student Suprise
Jan 30		-	Elephant Stew

View All Recipes

Celebrate Arizona Statehood Day with it's native dish

Category:		Baking
Style:		Mexican
Servings:		Six

Description:
Arizona-Sonoran cuisine is considered the "soul food" of Arizona. Non-Arizonans mistakenly refer to this style of food as "Tex-Mex," which is just downright offensive.
El Charro Cafe, the oldest Mexican restaurant in Tucson has a family legend that says that Monica Flin, who started the restaurant in 1922, cussed in the kitchen when a burrito flipped into the deep fryer. Because young nieces and nephews were in the kitchen with her, she changed the swear word to "chimichanga," the Spanish equivalent of "thingamagig." The customer loved it and it became El Charro's signature dish, although Macayo's, another restaurant in Phoenix and later Las Vegas, has tried to claim that they came up with it.


Ingredients:
6 (12- to 14-inch) flour tortillas
1 pound ground beef
1 medium onion, chopped
1/2 cup red chile sauce or enchilada sauce
Salt and black pepper to taste
Vegetable oil
2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
2 cups shredded iceberg lettuce
2 cups chopped green onions
Chopped tomatoes (optional)
Guacamole (optional)
Sliced black olives (optional)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Warp stacked tortillas in aluminum foil, and heat in oven 15 minutes or until hot. To microwave, wrap a stack of tortillas lightly in paper towels and warm on high for 6 or 7 seconds per tortilla.

In a large frying pan over medium-high heat, brown beef; drain, leaving beef in the pan. Add onion, chile or enchilada sauce, salt, and pepper; cook 2 to 3 minutes or until onions are transparent.

In the center of each warm tortilla, spoon 1/6 of meat filling. Fold tortilla, tucking in the ends to make a secure fat tube, and fasten with wooden toothpicks. NOTE: Assemble only 2 or 3 at a time, as the tortilla will absorb liquid from the sauce.

In a large pot or deep fryer over medium heat, add at least 4 inches of vegetable oil. Heat oil to 375 to 400 degrees F. Fry the chimichangas, 1 or 2 at a time, 3 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from oil, drain and place on serving plates. Top with Cheddar cheese, lettuce, green onions, and any optional ingredients that you prefer.

Grandma's favorite babysitting supper

Category:		Other
Style:		American
Special Consideration:		Quick and Easy

Description:
Every time I make this and Grandma is at our house for supper, she thinks it's great and asks me for the recipe- even though every time she babysits for us she has us put out these ingredients so that she can make it for our kids.

Ingredients:
1 can of chicken
1 can of cream of mushroom soup*
1 cup of macaroni noodles**

*can substitute cream of chicken if you want to be REALLY fancy
**can substitute other kinds of noodles, preferably flat, curly, or shell not spaghetti or linguine or anything too fancy like that.

Directions:
Boil noodles,
drain noodles,
dump noodles back into pot
open can of chicken and dump it in the noodles
open can of soup and dump it into the noodles and chicken*
stir and serve

*can alter the order so that the soup goes in second and the chicken goes in last if you really want to.

College Student Suprise

Description:
A staple of young people without decent jobs or real lives.

Ingredients:
A pouch of instant Ramen noodles

Directions:
Open pouch, put noodle mass in sink or some kind of container, pour hot water on them, wait until andante...

Or not- if you're really hungry or in a big enough hurry, just bite into the crunchy, dry mass of noodles right out of the packaging! Yum!

Have a blast this Thanksgiving

Category:		Meat & Seafood
Style:		American

Ingredients:
4 Eggs
4 c Bread crumbs
1/2 Envelope Lipton onion soup
1 c Uncooked popcorn

Directions:
Beat eggs and other ingredients. Stuff turkey and bake at 375 degrees for 3 hours. When 3 hours are up get the hell out of the kitchen because that stuffing is gonna blow that turkeys ass right out of that oven.

Corny Concerto

Note; It really tans my hide when people whine about the "Liberal Media." Duh, how about the Corporate-tool media, as in NBC=GE, CBS=ViaCom, ABC=Disney. Or how about the COMMERCIAL media, as in selling something and making money- hello? THAT's what all TV news is, selling us exactly what we want- and guess what? "The customer is always right." Oh, except of course, FOX News, which of course is SO fair and SO balanced (and NOT Republican propaganda in any way shape or form at all, NOOO.)

Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader,
Thursday, July 26, 2007 – Page 3

It is that time of year. The symphony of summer is reaching a pitched crescendo.
July reached it’s unbearable hottest and at last evening thunderstorms broke loose. The fireflies have mysteriously faded away and the cicadas have conspicuously replaced them.
Kids are actually beginning to become weary of their constant sunburns, mosquito bites, and scuffed knees and elbows, some are even getting a tiny bit bored with their routines of late nights and late mornings, bike rides, pools and freedom.

Yet there is the shadow of a gathering cloud on their horizon. The bitter dull anxiety that another school year is encroaching on their worlds. They look forward to seeing so many of their friends again and changing their routines, yet they dread the homework and responsibilities and pressures.

Neighbors are laying their offerings of squash, zucchini, and rhubarb on the altar of friendship (and unloading their surplus on all the stoops and porches around town).

The beans are at their deepest, darkest greens so that if you’re on a road between two fields you feel like you’re adrift in a sea.

The corn has tasselled-out. It’s like the zenith in the grand finale of a fireworks show.
The melodic postlude of the home grown tomatoes is still a few weeks off, but right now is that crescendo, the fever pitched sweetness of perhaps God’s greatest gift to Iowa, her crowning glory- the harvest of the sweet corn.

Many an amateur theologian has postulated that wine and beer and chocolate are proofs of His love, but none are quite as generous, like a grandparent offering a child candy, as sweet corn.

My friends and family in far flung places like Arizona and California just don’t get it. Only Midwesterners- rural and small town Midwesterners have a true appreciation of this gift.
Like the best blessings, it is appreciated more if it is preceded by adversity.

I don’t know how many years I have whined about July weather in Iowa. Too hot, too humid, too buggy, together that’s too miserable. Ever the optimist, my Farmer-in-Law would remind me that it’s bad for people and livestock, but wonder full for the corn.

This may be theologically incorrect, but isn’t there a song that says “you gotta go through Hell before ya get to Heaven?”

Bushels of sweet corn are given to friends and neighbors and pastors. Truckloads are sold at farmer’s markets and on roadsides, but some of the sweetest sweet corn are the arm fulls you help pick and prepare.

I always offer up a prayer for the veterans of Vietnam when I trudge through the jungle, enduring heat and insects and the itch and cuts and scratches and sweat.

The field corn a few more rows in stands almost twice as tall as the sweet corn, but we had to keep bending over to pick ears. I suppose since it’s been so dry the corn hasn’t got the energy to suck water up from way down in May to reach the kernels.

Eleven months of the year corn is a side dish or an ingredient. In Iowa in July, corn is the main dish. Often the only item on the menu and that’s fine because it is so sweet, so creamy, and fresh and so spectacular that it constitutes appetizer, main course, side dish, and desert.
Butter, salt and pepper, plenty of napkins, toothpicks, and maybe a broom are all the accompaniment that are needed for this culinary concert.

Here are a few recipes if you actually get tired of eating it off the cob. You can use these later in the year with the corn you "can" too;

Sweet Corn Chowder

2 strips raw bacon -- diced
1/2 sweet onion -- diced
1/2 c red pepper -- diced
2 c sweet corn cut from cob
3 tbsp fl our
3 c chicken or veg. stock
1 c russet potatoes -- diced
1 c heavy cream
1 tbsp chopped parsley
salt and pepper -- to taste

Cook bacon over medium-high heat in a large sauce pan
until crisp; add onions, peppers, and Florida sweet corn and
stir for approximately two minutes; add fl our and stir for one
minute; andd stock and stir until smooth, birng to a boil, add
potatoes and simmer for 15-20 minutes to desired consistency;
add cream and simmer 2 more minutes. Season with fresh
parsley, salt and pepper.

Brown Rice & Sweet Corn Salad

1 lb Brown rice, cooked
1/2 lb Sweet corn, cooked
1/2 c chopped onion
1/2 c diced red pepper
1/2 c diced green pepper
2 lg Firm guavas, diced
(or try kiwis or tart apples)
4 T Vegetable oil

Heat the oil in a large wok or pan and saute the onion until
translucent. Add the diced green and red peppers and saute
until tender. Reduce the heat and stir in the corn, rice, and
fi nally the guava. Remove from heat and season to taste. Chill
in the refrigerator and stir again before serving. For a fl avor
accent, you may toss in a vinaigrette dressing.

Festival Sweet Corn Salsa

1 c corn kernels, cooked
1 ripe papaya, peeled, seeded and cut into 1/4 dice
1/3 c diced red onion
2 ripe diced tomatoes,
1 1/2 ts minced garlic
1 tb grated lime zest
1/4 c Lime juice
1/3 c Chopped cilantro

Any salsa is best when served fresh. If it isn’t convenient to make the salsa just before serving time, prepare and refrigerate all your ingredients ahead of time and toss together 15 minutes before serving. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients except cilantro. Toss together. Refrigerate, covered, for up to 2 hours. Just before serving, toss with cilantro.

Holy cow; adventures in agricultural photography

Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday, July, 19, 2007 – Page 3

It’s not always easy to get pictures of kids and their animals. The critters generally aren’t good posers. They kick up dust that catches the flash and shows up in the picture as mysterious glowing orbs. Inevitably pictures can be blurry, eyes are closed or beasts are baring their worst sides.

The first year I covered the livestock shows at Achievement Days I struggled to get the best possible shot of the kid’s face. Being born in a city I didn’t know any better. After the NEWSpaper came out, my farm native wife explained to me that the whole point of a livestock show is the livestock. Live and learn.

In order to guarantee the best possible shot, I usually keep the subjects there for an eternity so that I can take at least three pictures in hopes of getting at least one that will turn out.
This year I kept one young lady even longer and took four, just to be on the safe side.
There was this group of boys sitting on the gate behind the show ring. They were giving the presenter a hard time, urging her to ask me to take yet another picture.

I recognized at least one of them from Boyer Valley where I teach. These are the kind of middle school kids who wear their boots to school even on field day and wear Carhart jeans even when everyone else in school have on shorts because it’s 100°.

They don’t walk they saunter and from the way they speak you’d guess they were from Oklahoma, Arkansas or Texas, you’d never guess that they’re Iowa born and bred.

“He won’t care, he’s-” something something. I wasn’t sure what they said to the girl but I was sure it was about me. I didn’t know what the problem was but I knew these ornery eighth graders were lucky I wasn’t going to see them in school on Monday because it was summer.

Of course, eventually when I was processing the night’s pictures on the computer I realized that they weren’t just giving me or the girl a hard time. As it turned out the Heifer was relieving itself in all but the last photo.

Later that same night, my Iowa native wife had another nugget of wisdom for me; don’t wear a red shirt and get into a ring full of cattle. Incidentally, our mascot at my high school, Shadow Mountain back in Phoenix was the Matador. I however don’t enjoy being charged by animals that weigh over half a ton.

Now as a photographer I’ve been hit by basketballs, volleyballs, referees, and have even had a couple of near-misses with football players. But I have a real respect for these kids in 4-H and FFA who look like they should have separated shoulders the way their cows and steer pull them around.

At that moment when two black beasts tried to start a mini stampede I was frozen. What I should’ve been thinking was “now’s a good time to jump over this fence next to me.”
The over-riding impulse of a really GOOD photographer would have been “now’s a good time to take a picture, what a great action shot.”

I’d like to say that either of these thoughts came into my mind at the crucial moment. Heck, I’d like to say that I was thinking either “boy, I hope one of these Dads and 4-H leaders who make their livings handling these creatures everyday can step in and get control of them before any of these kids or I get hurt.” They did of course, (in fact I think that they probably never got closer than five feet to me, but that’s not what I was thinking.

As a matter of fact, I can’t tell you what I was thinking because this is a wholesome family newspaper.

I can only tell that there was plenty of it around in the show ring and all the holding pens.

Dan the man Kuhlmann cleaning up my thoughts. Say, that "honey wagon" reminds me of an old joke. Seems like William Jennings Bryant was campaigning once and a crowd was so big that he had to climb up on a farmer's manure spreader so that people could see and hear him. He started off "This has to be the first time that a Democratic candidate has given a speech from a Republican platform."

COU FFA teacher Lee Stence just misses an interview with a champion market steer and his pet boy. "Mooooo"

Here's a couple of great recipes to getya ready for the Iowa State Fair:

Iowa Beef Sundae
1 package (17 ounces) refrigerated fully-cooked beef tips with gravy ( can substitute left over pot roast or browned hamburger)
1 package (24 ounces) refrigerated mashed potatoes

Toppings: Shredded cheddar cheese, dairy sour cream, cherry or grape tomatoes
Heat beef tips with gravy according to package directions. Heat mashed potatoes according to package directions. Using ice cream scoop, place 2 scoops (about 1/3 cup each) mashed potatoes in each of 4 individual sundae cups or serving bowls. Divide beef tips evenly over potatoes in each dish. Sprinkle with cheese and top with dollop of sour cream, as desired. Place 1 tomato in center of each serving for a “cherry.”

Pork chop-on-a-stick
8 6-ounce boneless pork loin chops, about 1 inch thick
1/2 cup bottled Italian dressing
Peanut oil
8 8 x 1/4-inch-thick wooden skewers or dowels
Honey mustard or BBQ sauce

Place chops in a resealable plastic bag set in a shallow dish. Pour salad dressing over chops.; seal bag. Marinate in the refrigerator for 1 hour, turning bag occasionally. Preheat oil to 350° F. Drain chops, discarding marinade. Insert a wooden skewer into a short side of each chop. Fry the chops, half at a time, for 5 to 8 minutes or until 160° F. Maintain oil temperature around 350° F. Remove chops from hot oil and drain on wire racks. Serve chops with honey mustard.

My own Memorial Day Address

My own Memorial Day Address
Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday, May, 24, 2007 – Page 3 by Ted Mallory http://tmal.multiply.com

Eleven score and eleven years ago our ancestors brought forth on this continent, a new nation, supposably conceived in Liberty (that is the freedom to determine our own fates), and dedicated to the proposition everyone is equal.

Now we are entangled in a messy, sectarian civil war in another country that we invaded four years ago unilaterally and pre-emptively. We were told that they had weapons of mass destruction that posed an imminent threat to us. They didn’t.

It was insinuated that they were in league with the religious fanatic group that had used terrorist tactics to attack us a year and a half before. They weren’t.

We are divided as a nation over whether we should continue investing the lives of our men and women and obscene amounts of money to try to impose our will on this country, or to begin bringing them home and redeploying them and begin trying to find diplomatic and political solutions to the problems that resulted from our invasion.

Fortunately, this time we are united in our concern for and pride in those men and women who have been placed in harm’s way, in principle- fighting for our security and freedom, no doubt, as in any war, fighting every day for each other’s security and survival.

We also continue to be divided on social, legal, and political issues. Whether it’s better to preserve our rule of law that was designed to protect our liberty or all but abandon those protections in order to extract revenge on those who have or would attack us and hopefully prevent them from doing it again.

Whether it is better to preserve our rule of law that was designed to protect the liberties, equality and justice afforded to all people in our society, or deny many of those rights and privileges to those who some of us fear would represent too much change in our society.

Whether it is better to tolerate the dynamic tensions, conflicting interests, and frustrating bureaucracy that is part of the balanced system that our forefathers established, or disregard it in favor of an authoritarian political ideology that considers individual and other societal interests inferior to the needs of the state, and seeks to forge a type of national unity based on religious, cultural, and business interests.

These conflicts are all testing whether this nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.

This weekend, many of us will meet in community buildings, churches, Legion halls, and cemeteries. Others will probably head for the lake, a ball game, or a barbecue.
We set aside this weekend to remember those who here gave their lives that our nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

Wherever they shed their blood, is now sacred ground- whether at Lexington and Concord, Gettysburg and Anteitam, the Argone Forest, Omaha Beach and Iwo Jima, Inchon and Kapyong, Dong Ap Bia and Tet, Kandahar and Kabul, or Basrah and Fallujah.

You probably won’t clip and save this column, you’ll forget it by next week, But even if you never try to memorize Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, please never forget the people who gave their all for our country.

Even if you never attend a Memorial Day ceremony and just treat it like any other three day weekend, please remember what Memorial Day is for. Say a prayer for the families and loved ones of soldiers and guardsmen who are overseas. Find out how you can send a care package or help with toys or meals.

After all, it really is for us the living, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be dedicated to the great task remaining before us --

That from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain.

Even if we vehemently disagree with or disapprove of the policies and decisions made by political leaders of either party.

-- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
Stay informed, know your rights, participate in Caucuses, and let your self be heard- don’t be apathetic or complacent. We owe it to them.


Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. ‘Ted’s Column’ has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. If you’d like to see any of Ted’s editorial cartoons bigger and brighter, you can visit http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2

What’s Cooking

Cheeseburgers in Paradise

8 pineapple slices
3/4 cup teriyaki sauce
1 pound ground beef
1 large sweet onion -- sliced
1 Tablespoon butter or margarine
4 lettuce leaves
4 onion or sesame seed buns, split and toasted
4 slices Swiss cheese
4 bacon strips -- cooked

Drain pineapple juice into a small bowl; add teriyaki sauce. Place 3 Tablespoon in a resealable plastic bag. Add pineapple and rotate to coat; set aside. Shape beef into four patties; place in a 8” square baking dish. Pour the remaining teriyaki sauce mixture over patties; marinate for 5-10 minutes, turning once. In a skillet, saut onion in butter until tender, about 5 minutes. Grill or broil burgers until no long pink. Place pineapple on grill or under broiler to heat through. Layer lettuce and onion on bottom of buns. Top with burgers, cheese, pineapple and bacon
Replace tops; serve immediately.

Key West Sweet Potato Fries

6 sweet potatoes, cut into French fries
2 tablespoons canola oil
3 tablespoons taco seasoning mix
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C).
In a plastic bag, combine the sweet potatoes, canola oil, taco seasoning, and cayenne pepper. Close and shake the bag until the fries are evenly coated. Spread the fries out in a single layer on two large baking sheets.

Bake for 30 minutes, or until crispy and brown on one side. Turn the fries over using a spatula, and cook for another 30 minutes, or until they are all crispy on the outside and tender inside. Thinner fries may not take as long.

Serve with Heintz 57 sauce and large dill pickle on the side.

Virgin Frozen Fruit “Boat Drink”

2 oranges
2 lemons
1 cup sugar
1 16 oz can crushed pineapple
2 cup ginger ale
3 bananas -- mashed

Grate the rinds of one of the oranges and one of the lemons. Squeeze juice from both lemons and oranges. Combine juice and grated rind with sugar, pineapple, ginger ale and bananas. Pour into a 6 cup mold and freeze. Remove from mold and thaw 20 to 30 minutes before serving. Serves 6 to 8.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Religious leader loved enemies, prayed, taught, stood for grace
Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday,March 15, 2007 – Page 3

Once upon a time, in the ‘Dark Ages’ there was a Christian family living near the coast of Britain in an outpost of the dying Roman empire. This family included a young boy by the name of Patrick. Perhaps you’ve heard of him.

Legend has it that he was kidnapped by a band of barbarians, Celtic barbarians. Did you happen to see “Barbarians Week” on the History Channel? Great stuff. The Celts made some great swords, they beat iron into steel... but I digress.

The Celts, known for their pagan worship of tree spirits, took Patrick for a slave. Among his other duties, he was taught fishing and shepherding. During his long hours watching sheep, he spent a lot of time talking to God. Some people call that prayer.

It was an odd thing because he wasn’t mistreated too badly as a slave, as a matter of fact, he became very fond of the people he served and had compassion for them. How about that? Sounds crazy. Actually, it sounds a little bit like something Jesus once said, what was that? Oh yeah, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)
But the shepherd slave boy did miss his family. Legend has it that he promised God that he would become a priest if He let him somehow escaped.

Sure enough, (you knew where this was going, didn’t you?) sure enough, Patrick escaped and became a priest. Eventually he volunteered to return to the people who had kidnapped him and became the first serious Christian missionary to Ireland.

Now the legends say that Ireland was being plagued with snakes. In a story that was part Moses and part Pied Piper, Patrick was supposed to have led all the snakes into the sea.

Truth is never as exciting, but sometimes just as important as fiction. Geologists and biologists suspect that there never were snakes in Ireland to begin with, yet archaeologists have found lots of images of snakes there. Well, scholars have two thoughts on the snake thing.

One is that snakes and serpent-like dragons were used in much of pagan Celtic designs. The Celts had at one time dominated most of Europe and eventually settled in the British Isles, so they surely would’ve seen plenty of snakes beyond Ireland. At any rate, some historians think that Patrick’s evangelism was so successful and spreading the Word of Jesus, that he symbolically drove out the snakes by overcoming the ancient spirit and nature worship.
The other theory is that he drove the snakes out symbolically by teaching the truth and overcoming a popular heresy of his time, Pelagianism.

Pelagius was a monk, supposedly from Ireland, who taught that the human will, along with good deeds and self-denial, was enough to be considered righteous. He told his people that being good was all you needed for salvation. To him, the grace of God was just a booster; a help, but not necessarily essential. Pelagius didn’t believe in “original sin,” but thought that Adam had just set bad example, rather than condemning us all to perpetual state of selfishness and short-sightedness. He also thought that Christ’s good example showed us the path to salvation, not by His sacrifice on the cross, but through self control.

Because of the whole Adam and Eve being tempted by the serpent in the garden imagery, this false doctrine of Pelagianism was often represented by snakes.

Whether God miraculously used him to save Ireland from literal snakes or just from “snakes in the grass,” you can understand why Patrick became a national hero.

Perhaps his most important contribution was his helping people overcome their confusion about the Trinity. He used the shamrock, the three leafed clover, to explain how God is three persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and yet only one being, only one God.

Patrick’s success at converting the Irish people to Christianity upset the Celtic Druid priests and chieftains. They had him arrested several times, but he escaped every time. He established monasteries and set up schools and churches all over the emerald isle.

After thirty years in ministry he retired to County Down, where died on March 17, 461 A.D. That day has been commemorated as St. Patrick’s Day ever since.

No historians have been able to find any evidence that Patrick himself ever tried green beer.

__________________________________________________________
Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. ‘Ted’s Column’ has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. You can read it weekly at http://tedscolumn.blogspot.com If you’d like to see any of Ted’s editorial cartoons bigger and brighter, you can visit http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2

Enjoy these Irish recipes:

Curach (Irish honey-and-oatmeal cream)

2 oz Medium-grind oatmeal
10 fl oz Heavy cream
2 ts Runny honey
3 tb Whiskey
12 oz Raspberries

Toast the oatmeal on a cookie sheet under the broiler, or in a hot oven -- watch it carefully and stir it from time to time -- until it turns a pale golden color. Leave it to cool completely. Whip the cream until it holds its shape, stir in the honey and whiskey, then the cold toasted oatmeal. Layer the raspberries and the cream mixture in the glasses, saving a few of the berries for decoration on top. Serve slightly cool.

Steak and Guinness pie

1 kg Round steak
1 tb Flour
1 ts Brown sugar
1 tb Raisins (optional)
5 Onions
300 ml Guinness
8 Slices bacon
3 oz Lard
Chopped parsley

Place the meat in a casserole, peel and chop the onions, and fry until golden before adding them to the meat. Add the raisins (if wanted) and brown sugar, pour in the Guinness, cover tightly and simmer over a low heat or in a very moderate oven (325-350F) for 2 1/2 hours. Stir occasionally, and add a little more Guinness or water if the rich brown gravy gets too thick. Meanwhile, line a deep pie dish with half the pie crust: bake it blind: then add the Guinness/beef mixture from the casserole, cover with the top layer of pie crust, and bake until finished, probably about 10 more minutes.

Irish Coffee

1 1/2 oz Irish whiskey
8 oz Hot coffee
1 ts Creme de menthe
1 Maraschino cherry
Dessert topping
1 ts Brown sugar; or to taste

Pour Irish whiskey into a coffee mug. Fill with black coffee and brown sugar and stir until sugar is dissolved. Spray a generous amount of whipped dessert topping (the canned, pressurized topping is easiest to use) on top of the coffee. Trickle creme de menthe to form green stripes on the whipped topping and place the cherry on top. Serve immediately.