Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Mourning Granny's House



Don't shed too many tears
After all it's just a shell
People are to a home, what a soul is to a person
The family has been long gone
The house just sits on the corner
like an old person alone in a nursing home
neglected
empty of memories
waiting to go home
ashes to ashes
and dust to dust
the building has been caving in on itself
wishing a storm would flatten it
waiting either
for the family to come back home and live in it again
or to go home at last

Great Quote

"Anyone who is different today faces harassment, whether it is in the way he dresses, or in the position he takes on important issues. And when the price of being different is a cold fear, with good reason, then freedom as we peddle it in our international publicity releases is gone. If and when it disappears, it won't be stolen by big government, the tax collector, or the Supreme Court. Fascism will be the people's choice. It usually is. We've managed to avoid it so far only because nobody nutty enough to give the people what they want has come along. Yet. "
~Mike Royko

Great Quote


"I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil.
And that no one knows the truth."
~Molly Ivins

Great Quote



“Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.”
~Mort Sahl

Progressives for Obama

Progressives for Obama

California state legislator Tom Hayden, long time progressive and anti-war activist responded to an article on TruthDig.com by sharing this website. http://progressivesforobama.blogspot.com

The article suggested that Democrats had lost their way, and Hayden holds (as does Air America Radio host Thom Hartman) that progressives have to stand up and take our party back, the way that conservatives did with the Republican party.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Bully

Been talking to 4th, 5th, and 7th graders about complimentary colors and made this oil pastel painting

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Worrying about the future is a thing of the past


This has been tense election year, there’s a volatile atmosphere. America is involved in a long war, over which opinion is sharply divided. Hawks are critical of how it’s been handled, Doves are skeptical that it should have ever been fought at all. We are experiencing unrest and cynicism. There is racial tension. Our nation is in turmoil, and people cry out for hope and change. One man answered the call.

The year was 1968. The man is Pat Paulsen. On this day, April 24 1997, Paulson died of complications from colon and brain cancer and pneumonia in Tijuana, Mexico. But never one to let life keep him down, Paulsen is running for President again this year.

Much has been said in this campaign about experience (especially by Hillary Clinton and John McCain). Pat Paulson is the one candidate with even more experience running for President than Ralph Nader, having run for President in 1968, 1972, 1980, 1988, 1992, and 1996, and now again in 2008. Of course, he lost each of the six previous campaigns, but lets face it, we learn more from our failures than from our successes.

Last week, the publisher of this publication published a column in which he discussed how the other candidates were distant relatives and/or descendants of famous politicians and celebrities. Well Paulson knew several celebrities too, mostly because he was a frequent (weekly) guest of the now defunct ‘Smothers Brothers’ variety show on CBS (he once was asked to interview Daffy Duck for the show).

But as it turns out, he the North Cove, WA Genealogy Society (NCWGS) revealed recently that Pat Paulsen is a direct descendant of Leif Ericson, who you all know discovered America nearly 500 years before Christopher Columbus laid his claim. They also found that Pat is related to Chief Sitting Bull.

These ancestral connections may have influenced Paulsen’s position on illegal immigration; “All the problems we face in the United States today,” said Paulsen, “can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

The NCWGS also uncovered that the Rev. Jesse Jackson is Paulsen’s 5th cousin, twice removed. Turns out that the family changed the spelling of their name from Jacksen to Jackson three generations ago. Most excitingly, Pat and Elvis were 3rd cousins.

Paulsen managed to garner more votes than Democratic candidate Kucinich in several precincts of Michigan’s January 15th primary. Unfortunately, he still came in third behind Hillary Clinton and “Undecided.”

“I’m not sure whether it was nostalgia or just a malaise with the useless primary,” said Lincoln Park, Michigan Mayor Frankie Vaslo, “but the Paulsen campaign ran a hard race in Lincoln Park precincts. His strong showing, I am sure, convinced Chris Dodd and Mike Gravel to gracefully exit the race.”

Like Ralph Nader, Paulsen has a way of evoking the ire and resentment of his opponents. Hubert Humphrey angrily accused of causing his loss in the 1968 election. In the same year (before his own untimely death) Bobby Kennedy called Paulsen “ruthless.”

Paulsen decided to run again after watching how divisively polarized the electorate had become. “Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country,” explained Paulsen “ it would probably fly around in circles.” Paulsen says he considers himself “middle-of-the-bird.”

Paulson doesn’t understand all the fuss about the middle class. “What middle class? There’s only seven people left in the middle class - who cares about them?” Paulson is less concerned about poverty than the other two Democrats, “This is the richest nation in the world, and we'd be richer if it weren't for the poor people. There are people without clothes and shoes and socks and ties and handkerchiefs and hats and underwear...some of these are nudists...but, most of them are poor people.”

When asked about same sex marriages, Paulsen was resolute,“I’m for them. They will cut down on overcrowding in the schools.”

When asked if he believed that the 2nd Amendment garunteed the Right to bear arms: "No, I believe in the right to arm bears."

A recent study has revealed incredible coincidences linking Pat Paulsen to Abraham Lincoln...
* The names Paulsen and Lincoln both contain 7 letters.
* Lincoln was killed in Ford's Theatre. Paulsen once owned a Ford (Maverick).
* Lincoln was slain in the presence of his wife. Paulsen's wife nearly killed him one night (in their Lincoln).
* John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln at the theatre and hid in a warehouse. Paulsen once lived in a warehouse.
COINCIDENCE? YOU DECIDE.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Consider Hubler

http://www.hublercongress.com/about_rob.htm

Who is Rob Hubler?

1960's- A Veteran who opposes war
Served in the Navy on nuclear subs during Vietnam, 1962-69
Good Conduct Medal winner
Editor of college newspaper Parson's college in Fairfield, IA
Graduated with honors
Co-chaired Fairfield Citizens for Peace
Fairfield Chamber of Commerce "Man of the Year 1971"

1970's & 80's- Someone who knows Iowa politics
Western Iowa campaign coordinator for Dick Clark and Tom Harkin
Legislative assistant for transportation and military issues
Campaigned for John Cavanaugh (NE), Gary Hart (CO), and Paul Simon (Ill)
Entered the University of Dubuqe's Theological Seminary, 1989

1990's- Someone who lives his faith, instead of just using it to sell an agenda or to scare people with wedge issues
Presbyterian Pastor in Iowa, Kansas, Nebraska
Teacher for severely disabled children in Pasadena, CA
Returned to Iowa in 2005

Hubler brings extensive experience. He believes that Iowa's 5th District deserves a Congressman who is informed, educated, thoughtful, and who will be a positive voice toward creating a more perfect union.

Please pass this email on so that voters in our district can learn more about Hubler and see that we have a real alternative to Steve King.

Visit Hubler's website to learn more for yourself:
http://www.hublercongress.com/about_rob.htm

STEVE KING GIVES NO EXPLANATION FOR NOT SUPPORTING IOWA GUARD...

http://www.hublercongress.com
Press Release: Monday, April 21 2008


Rob Hubler, Democratic candidate for Iowa's Fifth Congressional District, says the incumbent, Steve King, is obligated to elaborate on why he refused to sign a letter asking Congress' Armed Services Committees that the head of the National Guard Bureau become part of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. King is the only Iowa lawmaker in Washington whose name is not on the request.

"Now we in the Fifth District can lay claim to having the only member of the state's delegation refuse to support the brave men and women who chose to serve in Iowa's National Guard not to mention overseas in Iraq, Hubler said.

The only statement the incumbent gave for not signing on to the request is his belief that Democrats do not support U.S. troops.

"He has got to do better than just use an extreme talking point that is untrue and worn out," Hubler said." " you want to really represent the people of western Iowa, including those who wear the uniform of our armed forces, you must give a more detailed reason for such an irresponsible decision. And by the way, where is his criticism of fellow Republican lawmakers Tom Latham and Chuck Grassley who understand this is an issue that transcends party lines?"

Furthermore, this is not even an issue over the war in Iraq, it is a policy issue over the inner workings of a government office and making it more efficient," Hubler added. "This is to ensure that Iowa's guardsmen and women have a voice with the other military branches and that they receive the benefits promised to them for enlisting. As the next Representative of Iowa's Fifth District, I will bring Real Representation to those who served or are actively serving our great nation."

Hubler is a Vietnam-era veteran of the U.S. Navy.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Don't be afraid of "Elitists"

“If you think the Democrats are going to take away your bible, you’re an idiot. If you think they’re going to take away your gun, you’re an armed idiot. And if you think they’re going to take away your gun and give it to a Mexican to kill your god, you’re Bill O’Reilly.” ~ Bill Mahr


I'm not a big Bill Mahr fan, but he's got a point here.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Republicans and Democrats both 'Dead Wrong' says late entry into campaign

Associated Press - April 1, 2008 12:15 PM ET

SARATOGA SPRINGS, N.Y. (AP) - A comedian who's run for president eight times since 1968 has joined the 2008 campaign.

The punchline? Pat Paulsen died in April 1997.

To mark April's status as National Humor Month, Paulsen's hat has been thrown into the presidential ring again.

His widow and campaign manager, Noma Paulsen, has just announced the winners of the Pat Paulsen for President 2008 Campaign Slogan Contest. Among the winners was Joel Goodman of Saratoga Springs with the slogan "Pat Paulsen '08: Never Say Die!"

Goodman, director of The Humor Project Inc., has also agreed to become Paulsen's New York campaign manager.

Paulsen first launched his satiric campaign for the presidency on the stage of the "Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour" in 1968.

On the Web: http://www.paulsen.com

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Pathetic coverage

Grad time

I found a couple of really dilapidated photos of my goddaughter from 98 or so. They were darkroom prints that weren't developed right, so they faded fast and had some chemical marks. A little Photoshop fun and no, they're not good as new, but they are funky and artsy-fartsy!

A stateman whom more politicians should emulate

Clarence Hoffman has been the Iowa State Representative from the 55th District, a sort of dog-legged shape district that stretches across southern Woodbury, all of Ida, the western half of Crawford and the northeast corner of Monona counties. He has served in the Iowa House of Representatives since 1998.

Hoffman received his BS from South Dakota State University and taught high school for a while before starting the Hoffman Agency in Charter Oak. He has since built his business into a successful independent insurance brokerage with offices all over western Iowa.

Hoffman currently serves on several committees in the Iowa House - the Commerce committee; and the Local Government committee, He is the ranking member of the Economic Growth committee. He also serves on the Economic Development Appropriations Subcommittee.

Anyone who knows him knows that it has been important to him to advocate for the economic development of western and rural Iowa.

I went to college with sons John and Louis. When I first met him, he enthusiastically talked about the importance of supporting local businesses, and the importance for anyone in business to show care and concern for their customers. Looking out for others will is always in your best interest. People will support you, if you support them.

That must have left an impression on me, because I remember it almost twenty years later. I think it may be part of what made me interested in reading Dale Carnegie and Norman Vincent Peale even though I wasn’t in business or sales.

We consider Clarence and his wife Lynn dear family friends. They were an important part of our church and the community back when they lived in Charter Oak. Especially when we were in college, I watched them sacrifice to invest in lives of a number of young people.

It will be obvious to regular readers of this column, that I lean well to the left of Clarence on many political issues, but it has been my experience that unlike many of his colleagues (in both parties) Clarence has always striven to serve with both intelligence and integrity.

His support of the continuation (not addition) of the one cent sales tax for schools, even in the face of pressure from his own party is just one example of his intelligence and his integrity. His desire that the revenues of that tax be shared on a per student basis with rural schools and not just hoarded by the regions with a larger tax base is an even greater example of his integrity.

Frankly, wish that his Dad would run for Congress and unseat his fellow Republican Steve King. But you can't always get what you want.

So, as he finishes his final term I wanted to recognize him and thank him for his character and service to our district. There's a reason he's run unopposed for so many years, and it's not because the Dems can't field a candidate, nor is it because the district is just so overwhelmingly Republican (although, let’s face it, those have probably helped) – No, it's because people know Clarence and they trust Clarence. They know him because he goes out of his way to get to know them and be available and approachable, which has gone a long way in building trust with them too.

Whoever succeeds him would do well to follow his example. He’s leaving some mighty big shoes to fill.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Buttons

Remember when you and Rosie would always hide my campaign buttons?
Well here's some right here on the web, so IN YOUR FACE!!!

Friday, April 11, 2008

New graphic

So here is my beautiful new logo for my freelancing designer/photographer/cartoonist business (which hasn't really made me much money yet, but what the heck)!

I've had several people try to encourage me to offer to do Senior Portraits this summer. I realize that it's not the best business model to just post all my cartoons here on a blog and only get paid by one small town newspaper, but I' ll get my butt in gear here and try to send some cover letters and stacks of examples out eventually. School is busy, life is busy, there's still a mountain of neurosis's to overcome...

Need a tee-shirt designed for you? I can do that too.

And below is another not-for-profit job I did, a portrait as a gift for one of my students.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Some "non-profit" prophets could profit from reading their Bibles more closely


Somehow I have finagled an partial transcript from the hearings being held in Washington by Iowa’s senior senator, Charles Grassley. In case you haven’t been keeping up, “Mr. 99 Counties” is leading an inquiry into a number of obscenely wealthy televangelists and mega-church preachers.

In the interest of the separation of church and state churches are generally exempt from paying federal taxes as non-profit organizations. When ministers not only wear Rolex watches and custom tailored suits, but own their own Leer jets, Bentleys and multiple mansions, one has to wonder whether or not their churches are genuinely non-profit.

Here is a snippet of the transcripts that I have attained and present here in exclusive coverage. I believe that in this portion, Sen. Grassley is interviewing an expert in the origins and original intentions of the religion, which the “Grassley Six” pastors under investigation claim to represent:

Grassley: Uh, Mr. Heyzoos Uhfnazareth? Is it?

Christ: Yeshua, it’s Aramaic. Nazareth is the town my family was from. Many Greeks and Romans of my day used “Khristos” as a sort of surname for me. It’s really more of a title. I imagine you read an Anglicized version of first name and mistook it for Spanish. We Palestinians hare have a rather ruddy complexion so that westerners mistake us for being Hispanic. It happens a lot.

Grassley: Uh, yes, well, sorry, Mr. uh, “Khristamos,” Arab/Greek/Palestinian sumthinorother, yes, okay, alright then, Um, uh Mr. “Khirstamas,” and uh, am I to understand that you are a Doctor of Rabbinical er, uh Theological, Doctrinal studies or such?

Christ: You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am.

Grassley: And um, is it the general position of this religion which these preachers claim to represent that its pastor require multiple homes? For instance, a villa in Florida, a penthouse in Manhattan and a getaway somewhere in the islands?

Christ: Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.

Grassley: Really? That seems different that the way some of these preachers are living. Uh, and um, how about these pastors talking about God wanting their followers to be really blessed with lots of riches? Does your religion really teach that God’s gonna make people rich if they give all their money to one of these preachers?

Christ: I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven, , it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

Grassley: So, if I understand you, Rev. Khristmas, uh, you’re saying actually, that your religion warns people against getting too wrapped-up in earthly wealth or material possessions. Is that it?

Christ: Woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort.

Grassley: Well, hmmm, that certainly doesn’t square with what I’ve been hearing form these Gucci wearing clergy have been teaching.

Christ: There are false prophets among the people… They will secretly introduce destructive heresies…bringing swift destruction on themselves. Many will follow their shameful ways and will bring the way of truth into disrepute.

Grassley: Why do you think they’re misrepresenting the true teachings of your faith anyway?
Christ: In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them.

Grassley: Well, I for one am pretty put out by how they’re duping folks into giving up their hard earned savings, just so these fat cats can live high on the hog. Why do you think people keep listening to them?

Christ: Men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. These false preachers seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed—an accursed brood!

Grassley: Well, I don’t know what to say sir. Should they be prosecuted? Should they lose their tax exemptions? If they do, it may reek havoc on our long established protections for religion under our laws.

Christ: Blackest darkness is reserved for them… By appealing to the lustful desires of sinful human nature, they entice people… They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him. No one can serve two masters. You cannot serve both God and Money.


References: Matt 8:20, Matt 19: 23-24, Luke 6:24, 2 Pet 2, 2 Tim 4:3-4, Matt 6:24
See also Des Moines Register story

Letter to the Editor

To the editor:

By the end of this month, Representative Clarence Hoffman (my father) will retire after 10 years of service to Iowa and the people of District 55. As his son, I admit that my opinion is biased; yet, I hope that this brief story of the events of April 9, which I was able to witness, will prove meaningful and maybe even inspirational to the readers of your paper.

First, let me provide a little context. The day began with nearly 4 hours of debate over the local options sales tax bill. Ten years ago, Clarence was one of three Republicans to break with his party to pass this legislation and on April 9, he again broke with his party to renew the bill for the next 20 years. In addition to granting needed property tax relief, the bill provides for the continuation (not addition) of one penny of sales tax for schools. The proceeds of this tax from across Iowa are pooled and then distributed to schools equally on a per student basis. What that means is that Iowa’s retail centers do not get to keep all the tax revenue for their local schools; it means that more dollars come into rural community schools to make sure that every child in the state of Iowa has an equal opportunity to get the best education…an Iowa education. Passing the bill was a victory for rural Iowa, but it came at the price of unusually harsh criticism directed toward Representative Hoffman from party leadership.

Directly following the passage of this bill, Representative Hoffman was invited to give his farewell speech to the members of the House. Some in the Republican leadership were so angry that they left the room; they missed a rare moment. Clarence went around the room thanking Republicans and Democrats by name for their various forms of support and friendship over the years, and he called them to continue to trust one another being Iowans first, Republicans and Democrats second. He even thanked, by name, the very members of party leadership who had moments earlier so harshly criticized him for breaking with the party line.

When Representative Hoffman finished, he received a long, sustained standing ovation. Moments later, a line stretched half way across the house chamber with members of both parties waiting to say thank you and farewell. I spoke with more representatives than and I can remember and several, members of both parties, noted that Clarence’s had been the longest ovation they had witnessed in as many as 12 years in the House.

Am I proud of my dad? You better believe it. But in that moment, I was also overwhelmed with pride to be an Iowan and an American. I’ll admit that I have often been tempted to give up on the partisan, cut-throat politics of winners and losers that so often characterizes our system of government. However, on April 9, I saw a rare moment of reward and recognition for a man who has endured working in the crossfire of politicians far on the right and on the left in order to create a better Iowa, and I will forever be changed for the better because of it.

Sincerely,
John Hoffman


I went to college with John and his brother Louis. We consider Clarence and Lynn dear family friends. They were an important part of our church and the community back when they lived in Charter Oak. Obviously we're going to have some political differences, but it has always been my experience that unlike many of his colleagues (in both parties) Clarence has always striven to serve with both intelligence and integrity. So this standing ovation was well deserved. I told John that I just wish that his Dad would run for Congress and unseat his party's embarrassing Steve King. But you can't always get what you want.


The Hoffmans have lots of reason to be proud of Clarence and I would like to recognize him and thank him for his selfless and charactered service to Western Iowa. There's a reason he's run unopposed for so many years, and it's not because the Dems can't field a candidate, nor is it because the district is just so overwhelmingly Republican - it's because people know Clarence and trust Clarence.


That's why when John asked me for the email addresses of some of the local newspaper editors around here, I asked him if it would be alright to post this to my blog as well. Of course I don't know how much Clarence will appreciate me posting it just above where I accused a bunch of Republicans of being war criminals, but hey, that's the joy of friendships in small towns- you let some things go and overlook others because it's what's in their hearts that truly matters.



Thank you for being such a great example Clarence.

"Well done, good and faithful servant" ~Matthew 25:23


War Criminals?

The Nuremberg Principles were a set of guidelines for determining what constitutes a war crime. The principles were created by necessity during the Nuremberg Trials of Nazi party members following World War II, Under UN General Assembly and have been international law since adopted in 1950.

Principle I

Any person who commits an act which constitutes a crime under international law is responsible therefore and liable to punishment.

Principle II

The fact that internal law does not impose a penalty for an act which constitutes a crime under international law does not relieve the person who committed the act from responsibility under international law.

Principle III

The fact that a person who committed an act which constitutes a crime under international law acted as Head of State or responsible government official does not relieve him from responsibility under international law.

Principle IV

The fact that a person acted pursuant to order of his Government or of a superior does not relieve him from responsibility under international law, provided a moral choice was in fact possible to him.

Principle V

Any person charged with a crime under international law has the right to a fair trial on the facts and law.

Principle VI

The crimes hereinafter set out are punishable as crimes under international law:

(a) Crimes against peace:

(i) Planning, preparation, initiation or waging of a war of aggression or a war in violation of international treaties, agreements or assurances;

(ii) Participation in a common plan or conspiracy for the accomplishment of any of the acts mentioned under (i).

(b) War Crimes:

Violations of the laws or customs of war which include, but are not limited to, murder, ill-treatment or deportation of slave labor or for any other purpose of the civilian population of or in occupied territory; murder or ill-treatment of prisoners of war or persons on the Seas, killing of hostages, plunder of public or private property, wanton destruction of cities, towns, or villages, or devastation not justified by military necessity.

(c) Crimes against humanity:

Murder, extermination, enslavement, deportation and other inhumane acts done against any civilian population, or persecutions on political, racial, or religious grounds, when such acts are done or such persecutions are carried on in execution of or in connection with any crime against peace or any war crime.

Principle VII

Complicity in the commission of a crime against peace, a war crime, or a crime against humanity as set forth in Principle VI is a crime under international law.


War Criminals under Principle VI (a): CIA Director George Tennent, Pentagon official Douglas Fife, Deputy Defence Director Paul Wolfowitz, National Security Advisor and Attorney General Anthony Gonzales, National Security Advisor and Secretary of Statel Condaleeza Rice, Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld, Vice President Dick Cheny, and President George W. Bush

And don’t forget Principle VI (b): Do the terms, “water-boarding, torture, or Abu Ghraib” mean anything?


I don’t recommend that any of them travel outside the U.S. after next January or they find themselves stuck in The Hague. Better lawer-up.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Unleded is averaging about $3.26 around us right now, how about where you live?


Yeah, how about that? Yet Oil companies continue to have RECORD profits. Tell me again why we invaded Iraq? Bush and Cheney both big oil men. Texas and Wyoming. Carlyle group, and all that. Condaleeza Rice even has a Chevron tanker named after her. Hmmm. Did you catch that press conference a couple of weeks ago when W had no idea that gas prices were creeping up toward $4? Out of touch. Time for a change.

Me and my friend Grant

Here's a picture of my fellow art teacher, Grant Wood, and I hanging out near his studio in Cedar Rapids. We were painting placid scenes of Iowa prairies when he needed a smoke break. Me, I don't smoke, but I do like to lean against trees in Cedar Rapids.

James K Polk had it right


I believe I have the solution to three major issues that have been plaguing us; the price of gas, the high cost medicine for old people, and of course illegal immigration.

My answer to America’s major problems is nothing new, in fact it is over 160 years old. The answer, my friends, is Manifest Destiny.

Manifest Destiny means that it is once again coming clear that the United States is destined to occupy the entire continent of North America. Seriously, there’s always only been room for one country here, why tolerate three?

Some people argue that we need some kind of a route to citizenship for undocumented migrant workers from Mexico, others staunchly support deporting all illegal immigrants and strengthening the security on our borders to keep people out.

Manifest Destiny eliminates the disagreement between these groups. They wouldn’t have to sneak into our country in search of a better way of life, because they’d already be here right where they are down there.

What’s better is that Mexico is the world’s fifth largest producer of oil, therefore, WE will become BOTH the third AND the fifth largest producer of oil. That would make us like the…. Second-ish largest producer. Currently Russia is number two (Saudi Arabia is number one and that darned IRAN is number four). So my point is that if we would just annex Mexico, the price of gas would drop to like 7 pesos per litre, and since there are like 11 pesos per 1 dollar, that would be a lot less than $4 per litre. Of course, we would force them to use the English system instead of that darned Euro-socialistic metric system, so that would be like only 7 pesos per gallon or something like that.

I know what you’re thinking, “will they speak Spanish or English.” Let me let you in on a dirty little secret that the government doesn’t want you to know. When Alexander the Great conquered places all over the Mediterranean, he spread the Greek language, philosophy and culture. They called this Hellenism, after some Hellen of Troy, some beauty queen in some Greek tragedy that was very popular. The best way to spread the English language and American culture is through TV and video games.

AS everyone knows, Mexicans love TV, especially soap operas and game shows. All we have to do is to not allow any TV programs to be broadcast in Spanish. Within a few years, no problema, nosotros hablamos Engeles.

That’s why we speak English in America after all. There’s a successful TV sitcom or game show in England, like Simon Cowell’s “Brittains Got Tallent” and they export it to us and we call it “American Idol.”

Way back before Columbus (an Italian working for Spain) discovered America (named after another Italian guy, Amerigo Vespucci, by some German guy who turned the “g” into a “c”), the ancient Aztecs (Mexicans) used to have an empire. Only, unlike the Greeks and Romans, they never bothered sharing their culture, or expanding their territory. Here’s why; that way they could keep their own people afraid of their neighboring tribes and blame all their problems on the outsiders. This way they could also have plenty of people that they could use as slaves, to lower their overhead on labor costs, thereby maintaining their profit margins. After all, native Aztecs were always petitioning for a higher minimum wage and for pensions and dental care. And best of all, so long as they kept their empire small and didn’t spread their culture to the other tribes, they could always harvest their neighbors for ritual sacrifice to Quetzalquatal, their angry, neighbor eating dragon god.

But America isn’t like that. We don’t believe in taking advantage of less fortunate people as a permanent underclass of cheap workers or labeling people as somehow subhuman and racially inferior so that they can be used as political scapegoats, preventing us from discovering the true causes of our problems. That’s why we should just take over Mexico and make them all American citizens.

What about out friendly, white, hockey playing friends to the north? Sure, Manifest Destiny means that we annex Canada too, eh. They have pretty decent beer and way cheaper medicine for senior citizens.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Eye carumba!

One of my painting students caught me trying to take a picture of my own eye and asked me to take a picture of hers. Naturally, I experimented on them in Photoshop! I think these images turned out great. She seems to have a quintessential iconic eye!



Eye infection


Playing around with the swivel-view screen on my camera, and of course Photoshop

Two more Christmas Cacti