The speech he SHOULD'VE made

My friends, my speech writers prepared a script for me which my advisors and party big wigs vetted and convention officials have posted on these handy teleprompters. But my friends, this is not a time for safe, party-approved rhetoric, this is a time for straight talk.

“You all know, I’ve been called a maverick, someone who marches to the beat of his own drum,” but let’s face it, I’ve agreed with President Bush far more than I’ve disagreed.

If I truly put country before party, I’d have asked someone like my fellow Vietnam veteran Chuck Hagel, Republican Senator from Nebraska. Chuck and I disagree on Iraq and on torture, and he’d genuinely be willing to tell me the what he thinks and stand up to our party and special interests. But I’m more interested in my own personal legacy than in actually advancing real reforms.

I really wanted to pick my friend Joe Lieberman, the Independent Senator from Connecticut. I like him, we agree on things and get along well, so I know he’d be a good working partner. But after all, he used to be a member of the Democrat party, among other things.

I thought for sure that Governor Frist of Florida or Tom Ridge of Pennsylvania. Both could garner a few more electoral votes than Nebraska, Alaska or Connecticut. But lets face it, Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich, GOPAC and Republican strategists decided to stick me with this former local TV Anchorwoman and beauty pageant runner up.

You gotta admit, it was a stroke of genius. Should Liberals attack her, we'll get to cry "sexist" and make them look like a bunch of hypocrites. Even though we’ve opposed equal rights for women and equal pay for equal work, if we win, we’ll get to lay claim to breaking that glass ceiling for women, not those pesky Democrats.

Sure, for years, Republicans have argued that women should stay home with their kids instead of pursuing a high profile career, but it’s the Democrats who’ll look sexist or even “elitist” if they question her for putting her five kids through a national campaign.

It’s a win-win. She advocated abstinence-only sex education and cut funding for programs offering shelter to homeless unwed mothers, but she and her pregnant 17 year old daughter are heroes for not having abortions.

Sure, she may have improperly pressured then-Public Safety Commissioner to fire her ex-brother-in-law, an Alaskan state trooper, who had been in the middle of a custody dispute with her sister- but that just shows that she can stand up to men and she gets things done. It doesn’t mean she won’t help me fight corruption and reform government. Maybe I’ll put her in charge of hiring and firing U.S. Attorneys, so that the Attorney General won’t have to be bothered.

Let me be straight with you my friends, if elected I probably wouldn’t be so bad. I’d probably be much less of an extremist than George Bush. My advisors are just trying to activate our party’s base of extreme right wingers so that they’ll get out the vote. Once I’m elected, I’ll probably be more like an H.W. Bush or maybe even a lovable dottering grandpa type like Reagan- everyone loves Reagan.

So you won’t even have to worry about “Caribou Barbie” unless I die or am incapacitated somehow while in office.

My friends, what we really need to worry about is insuring the old Reagan ideals of trickle-down economics, less regulation of corporations and massive tax cuts for the extremely rich. We can’t let these dreams die.

Sure, more Americans are out of work than have been at any time in the last five years, but remember, a rising tide lifts all boats. If the levy breaks, then it raised cars and houses too. I want to protect middle-class Americans like my wife Cindy and myself. If the Democrats win, people like us may have to cut back to only four or five houses instead of seven or eight!

And let’s not be confused: These are perilous times, not just for America, but for freedom itself. Freedom to own and carry your own 39mm Kalashnikov automatic assault rifle. Freedom for importers, and food and drug producers from burdensome government oversight. Freedom for hedge fund managers, banks, mortgage lenders, credit card companies and financial speculators from oppressive government regulations.

Most of all it’s going to take someone of unusual strength and character, to continue to wage the world wide war on the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

My friends, only I have the experience it will take to keep on torturing people, to racially profile and to harass elderly women at airport security checks.

The only way you can be safe is if you continue to let this government have the freedom to spy on it’s own citizens, and investigate and compile private data on them. If you don’t vote for Sarah Palin and me this November, the enemies of these freedoms will win.

And that’s not just empty rhetoric, that’s change you CAN believe in.

America, this is our moment

Hillary Clinton made history by coming so close to winning the Democratic nomination on June 3.

Barack Obama graciously called her “a leader who inspires millions of Americans with her strength, her courage, and her commitment to the causes that brought us here tonight.”

More history was made that night. Only two sitting Senators have ever been elected President, Warren G. Harding, and John F. Kennedy. No matter who wins in November, they will be the third. Arizona Senator John McCain (age 71) is the oldest man to ever run for President.

I believe that history was made Tuesday, June 3, not because a Black man had accumulated enough delegates to win a party nomination, but when Sen. Obama told us that “Our time to turn the page on the policies of the past. Our time to bring new energy and new ideas to the challenges we face. Our time to offer a new direction for the country we love.”

McCain’s speech that night was about Barack Obama, about how McCain doesn’t think Obama is qualified to be President and that his rhetoric about hope and change is just rhetoric. Hillary Clinton’s speech that night was about herself and how many people voted for her and how she deserves power. Obama’s speech wasn’t about a Black man making history, it wasn’t about himself or his rivals (except to praise them). His speech was about providing jobs, making taxes fair for the middle and working classes, making college and health care more affordable and restoring our reputation in the world.

Hillary supporters need to pull together behind the Democrat’s new nominee. Democrats will only hurt their chances in the Fall if they continue to campaign using fear, innuendo, and division. Those were the tactics of the Bush administration. Obama showed what he was made of when he stuck to the high road.

"What you won’t hear from this campaign or this party,” he told the crowd in St. Paul that Tuesday night, “is the kind of politics that uses religion as a wedge, and patriotism as a bludgeon – that sees our opponents not as competitors to challenge, but enemies to demonize."

Frankly, I think that’s been a problem afflicting our nation since the days of Joseph Mccarthy.

Religion should be a tie that binds, not a tool for political leverage. So-called conservative Christianity is neither genuinely conservative or at all Christ-like. It’s radical and legalistic, like the Pharisees who were constantly trying to trap Jesus in the Bible.

The Right-wing religion introduced into the public square by the likes of Jerry Falwell back in the 1980’s is about fear, anger, and a need to control culture. It’s about prohibiting and preventing. It’s against a lot of things- but what is it for? It opposes things but what does it propose? Does it propose we feed the hungry? Refresh the thirsty? Invite in the stranger? Clothe the needy? Visit the sick and imprisoned? What would Jesus do?

TRUE patriotism is standing up for the principals embodied in the Declaration, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights- not just the flag or the pledge or a car magnet shaped like a ribbon. It's not a lapel pin.

Choose hope over fear? Yes we can.

I hope that Hillary supporters will unite with Obama supporters to truly change the direction of the Democratic party. So that it will be bottom-up and not top-down. So that it won’t be politics as usual. Millions of small donors on the internet instead of millions from corporate donors and special interest groups and lobbyists.

I also hope that Republicans who are sincere in their concern for traditional values, for families and for honest people who work hard for a living will find something about Senator Obama that they can agree with and be leery of the faux-maverick promises of John McCain.

We all need to be able to argue and debate and hash out solutions together to our problems without calling each other names or writing each other off as irrelevant or morally inferior. It really is time for some serious change.

Let’s come together “to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves and our highest ideals."

Worrying about the future is a thing of the past

This has been tense election year, there’s a volatile atmosphere. America is involved in a long war, over which opinion is sharply divided. Hawks are critical of how it’s been handled, Doves are skeptical that it should have ever been fought at all. We are experiencing unrest and cynicism. There is racial tension. Our nation is in turmoil, and people cry out for hope and change. One man answered the call.

The year was 1968. The man is Pat Paulsen. On this day, April 24 1997, Paulson died of complications from colon and brain cancer and pneumonia in Tijuana, Mexico. But never one to let life keep him down, Paulsen is running for President again this year.

Much has been said in this campaign about experience (especially by Hillary Clinton and John McCain). Pat Paulson is the one candidate with even more experience running for President than Ralph Nader, having run for President in 1968, 1972, 1980, 1988, 1992, and 1996, and now again in 2008. Of course, he lost each of the six previous campaigns, but lets face it, we learn more from our failures than from our successes.

Last week, the publisher of this publication published a column in which he discussed how the other candidates were distant relatives and/or descendants of famous politicians and celebrities. Well Paulson knew several celebrities too, mostly because he was a frequent (weekly) guest of the now defunct ‘Smothers Brothers’ variety show on CBS (he once was asked to interview Daffy Duck for the show).

But as it turns out, he the North Cove, WA Genealogy Society (NCWGS) revealed recently that Pat Paulsen is a direct descendant of Leif Ericson, who you all know discovered America nearly 500 years before Christopher Columbus laid his claim. They also found that Pat is related to Chief Sitting Bull.

These ancestral connections may have influenced Paulsen’s position on illegal immigration; “All the problems we face in the United States today,” said Paulsen, “can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

The NCWGS also uncovered that the Rev. Jesse Jackson is Paulsen’s 5th cousin, twice removed. Turns out that the family changed the spelling of their name from Jacksen to Jackson three generations ago. Most excitingly, Pat and Elvis were 3rd cousins.

Paulsen managed to garner more votes than Democratic candidate Kucinich in several precincts of Michigan’s January 15th primary. Unfortunately, he still came in third behind Hillary Clinton and “Undecided.”

“I’m not sure whether it was nostalgia or just a malaise with the useless primary,” said Lincoln Park, Michigan Mayor Frankie Vaslo, “but the Paulsen campaign ran a hard race in Lincoln Park precincts. His strong showing, I am sure, convinced Chris Dodd and Mike Gravel to gracefully exit the race.”

Like Ralph Nader, Paulsen has a way of evoking the ire and resentment of his opponents. Hubert Humphrey angrily accused of causing his loss in the 1968 election. In the same year (before his own untimely death) Bobby Kennedy called Paulsen “ruthless.”

Paulsen decided to run again after watching how divisively polarized the electorate had become. “Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country,” explained Paulsen “ it would probably fly around in circles.” Paulsen says he considers himself “middle-of-the-bird.”

Paulson doesn’t understand all the fuss about the middle class. “What middle class? There’s only seven people left in the middle class - who cares about them?” Paulson is less concerned about poverty than the other two Democrats, “This is the richest nation in the world, and we'd be richer if it weren't for the poor people. There are people without clothes and shoes and socks and ties and handkerchiefs and hats and underwear...some of these are nudists...but, most of them are poor people.”

When asked about same sex marriages, Paulsen was resolute,“I’m for them. They will cut down on overcrowding in the schools.”

When asked if he believed that the 2nd Amendment garunteed the Right to bear arms: "No, I believe in the right to arm bears."

A recent study has revealed incredible coincidences linking Pat Paulsen to Abraham Lincoln...
* The names Paulsen and Lincoln both contain 7 letters.
* Lincoln was killed in Ford's Theatre. Paulsen once owned a Ford (Maverick).
* Lincoln was slain in the presence of his wife. Paulsen's wife nearly killed him one night (in their Lincoln).
* John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln at the theatre and hid in a warehouse. Paulsen once lived in a warehouse.
COINCIDENCE? YOU DECIDE.

Confession is good for the soul

It’s hard for me to be hopeful. I am Winnie the Pooh’s friend Eeyore the donkey I wish I were more upbeat, but I just have so much cynicism, that I can’t overcome my skeptical, critical, bitter, melancholy nature. This drove my wife crazy at Disneyland.

I tell you this because I want to join the hope band wagon, I really do, but I have to tell you, I’ve had this tremendous fear that the forces of nature have a way of squelching hope, no matter how audacious.

That was yesterday, but today, hope springs eternal. Like a daffodil breaking through the snow, I was given a glimpse of a glimmer of that light of liberty on that torch that John Kennedy once spoke of as being passed between generations.

I received a confession from a repentant sinner that hinted that our once glorious democracy could find redemption. I received an email.

It was an email from a young Iowan living in Washington D.C.

“Can I just say that I am so disgusted with this race and so ready for it to be over?” My friend began, then the confession came, “I have gone from admiring Clinton for being such a strong, independent, and smart woman, to wishing that she would just admit defeat and give the Democratic Party time to heal before the general election.”

I hear ya, I hear ya. The now infamous "is Obama a Muslim" libelous viral email? According to the Huffington Post it was sent out, not by some right wing nut case racist, but by an Iowa county chair volunteering for the Clinton campaign.

“From what I understand from all the analysis being done and articles being written,” my friend continued, “the only way she can win is to be cunning and manipulative wooing superdelegates to her side and reinstating the Michigan and Florida delegates.”

That’s what they say. The “Delegate Math” just doesn’t add up for Hillary. She’d have to win all of the remaining primaries and caucuses by wide margins to win without Michigan, Florida or superdelegates.

I’ve tried to compare superdelegates to the Senate and legitimately elected delegates are the House of Representatives, but that may be too generous. Basically back in the 70s when the caucuses and primaries became more important to electing a party representative, the party power players in the smoke-filled rooms wanted to hold on to some vestige of power, thus 20% of the party convention delegates are uncommitted, VIPs like Senators and Governors.
Oh, don’t get too sanctimonious about it Republicans, you have them too. You just don’t call them “superdelegates.” You have 463 unpledged delegated who play the same role as the superdelegates. They are there to ensure that a tie, or at least post-third round voting, doesn’t make the party look like a joke. Of course, it’s back-firing. Superdelegates seem to be making a joke out of the Democrats and the convention is months away.

“At this point, it seems that she is out to win this for herself with no regard for what is best for the party and for the country,” my friend complained. “It's a bit disgusting.”

One conspiracy theory suggest that she wants McCain to win, do poorly for four years, so that she can run again in 2012, whereas if she concedes to Barack, it may be eight years before she can run again.

“I wish that I had supported Obama,” my friend shared with me, “and hope that I get the chance to vote for him in November, It's hard to spit those words out, but it's good for me to be reconciled with this error and the guilt I feel.”

That’s the difference between us “bleeding hearts” and people with no conscience. Do you think that the 8-10% of Hillary's voters in Texas who were just following Rush Limbaugh’s orders feel guilty? Do you think they have regrets?

The very fact that my friend, and I do consider all Hillary supporters friends, repentant or not, the fact that this friend can see the error of their ways gives me hope.

God knows if Hillary actually manages to purloin the Democratic nomination it will either turn another generation off to politics or spawn an angry change movement. How sad that the Clintons, who got started in politics to oppose the politics of usual of the Johnson/Nixon era have become what they once held in such contempt.

Race for Second Banana Begins

Last Tuesday, February 19th was the Wisconsin Primary. I have a good friend who teaches Social Studies in Wisconsin who wrote before then to shoot the breeze about politics.

“I would imagine it's about time to start placing bets on the Democratic and G.O.P tickets. McCain and Romney seem really grouchy with each other so I don't think they can work together. How about a McCain/ Huckabee ticket?

Obama and Clinton would be a powerful combo but I don't think they'd do well together either. How about an Obama/Edwards ticket? Do you think that with Edwards' populist bent and Obama's fresh ‘outsider’ reputation that this combo could work? Do you think he'd consider Kucinich or Jon Stewart?”

Well, the day I wrote this, Mitt Romney came out and officially endorsed John McCain. I don’t know if he’s fishing for a spot on the ticket or not. I had figured he had got out when he did so that he could run again in 2012.

Conventional wisdom has McCain/Guliani in an all 'Hawk' ticket, although McCain/Huck would certainly bring in the Southern and "Evangelical" vote. Either way, "Mr. Smooth" Romney would be left out in the cold. And in the weeks since Super Tuesday, Huckabee has been pretty adamant that he’s not giving up and that he expects a miraculous win.

Some pundits have thought that he’s trying to force McCain to make him the V.P. News flash Huck, with a temper like McCain’s I wouldn’t try to force him to do anything.

Is there a chance of a "DREAM Team" on the Democratic side? Hillarack or Oballary? I don' think that there's anyway that Hillary accepts the number two post. For her this isn't about transforming the country, it's about personal ambition.

As for Obama, he may be the quintessential post-partisan, coalition/consensus-building, aisle-crosser, but I just can't see anyone getting over the way that Hillary and her husband have treated him. Sure, you can say “keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” but he doesn't need to have to be looking over his shoulder to see if the Clintons have his back or if they're about to stab him in the back.

I’m sure that some people think that if he's serious about including Republicans in his administration, he'd ask Ron Paul to be his running mate- but, after that cover article in the New Republic about Ron Paul’s racist rants in his newsletter, that would be like Lincoln running with Jefferson Davis or maybe Nathan Bedford Forest.

Lefties would LOVE Obama to go with Edwards, but Edwards is a class-warrior and Obama is pulling Independents and disillusioned Republicans, he might risk losing them with Edwards.

Needless to say both Clinton and Obama are courting Edwards for his endorsement, but he’d made it pretty clear while he was still running that he wasn’t interested in the Vice Presidency.

I’d like to see Barrack ask Bill Richardson and thereby court the Hispanic vote. Then again, Richardson watched the Superbowl with his old pal William Jefferson Clinton.

One rumor has Obama going with Virginia Gov. Timothy M. Kaine one of the first politicians outside of Illinois to endorse Obama last year. Another puts Tom Daschle former U.S. Senator and Senate Majority Leader from South Dakota on his short list. That would certainly bolster his inspirational speeches with years of Washington experience.

Maybe Obama WILL pick a woman, but NOT Hillary- Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius or Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano thus creating the most difficult to pronounce Presidential ticket in memory- either Obama/Sebelius or Obama/Napolitano!

What if Hillary Clinton gets the nomination? Former Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack, without a doubt the blandest, whitest, plainest, most soft-spoken choice out there. Don’t you think she’d want it clear who wears the pants and who'd in charge and she want to make sure that there's no possible way that her Vice President could be someone anyone would seriously consider as a possible successor to her, thus leaving the way open for a Chelsea Clinton candidacy in 2016.

As much as I love teaching and living in Iowa, I wouldn’t mind a pay raise even if it meant having to pack up and move to the beltway. So once again, I’d like to let all three candidates know that I’m available. I promise not to hog the spotlight and will personally guarantee that I’ll never be as sneaky, scary, or bossy as Dick Cheney. John, Barrack, Hill- gimme a call.

---

Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. Ted first declared his candidacy for the V.P. on August 2, 2007- but his campaign hasn't gotten very far yet. 'Ted's Column' has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002.

Race for Dick Cheney's job

On Feb 5, 2008 12:47 PM, SgtTom@upnorth.cold

I would imagine it's about time to start placing bets on the Democratic and G.O.P tickets.

McCain and Romney seem really grouchy with each other so I don't think they can work together. How about a McCain/Huckeby ticket?

Obama and Clinton would be a powerful combo but I don't think they'd do well together either. How about an Obama/Edwards ticket.

Do you think that with Edwards' populist bent and Obama's fresh "outsider" reputation that this combo could work?

Thoughts. WRONG!!! PAT BUCHANAN!

On Feb 5, 2008 15:o7 PM, teddy@undersnow.brr

Conventional wisdom has McCain/Guliani in an all 'Hawk' ticket, although McCain/Huck would certainly bring in the Southern and "Evangelical" vote. Either way, "Mr. Smooth" Romney is left out in the cold.

Is there a chance of a "DREAM Team" on the Democratic side? Hillarack or Oballary? Freddie "The Beetle" Barnes, what say ye? I don' think that there's anyway that Hillary accepts the number two post. For her this isn't about transforming the country, it's about personal ambition. As for Obama, he may be the quintessential post-partisan, coalition/consensus-building, aisle-crosser, but I just can't see anyone getting over the way that he husband has treated him. Sure, keep your friends close and your enemies closer, but he just doesn't need to have to be looking over his shoulder to see if the Clintons have his back or if they're about to stab him in the back.

LOOK, (says Pat Buchanan, again) if he's SERIOUS about including Republicans in his administration, he'll ask Ron Paul to be his running mate- of course, after this week's cover article in the New Republic, that would be like Lincoln running with Jefferson Davis or maybe Nathan Bedford Forest. Lefties would LOVE Obama to go with Edwards, but Edwards is a class-warrior and a borderline Socialist- Obama is pulling Independents and even some disillusioned Republicans, he'd lose them with Edwards, Edwards is too left leaning. What's more, Edwards is a White, Southern Male, he's got his pride, he'd turn Obama down if offered.I expect Barrack will ask Bill Richardson and thereby court the Hispanic vote.

WRONG! Richardson watched the Superbowl with his old pal William Jefferson Clinton. I predict that Obama WILL pick a woman, but NOT Hillary- Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius or Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano thus creating the most difficult to pronounce Presidential ticket in memory- either Obama/Sebelius or Obama/Napolitano!

Elenor Cliff, WHAT IF HILLARY IS INDEED THE NOMINEE?

Former Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack, without a doubt the blandest, whitest, mealy-mouthiest girly man since George HERBERT Walker Bush. She wants it clear who wears the pants and who'd in charge and she wants to make sure that there's no possible way that her Vice President could be someone anyone would seriously consider as a possible successor to her, thus leaving the way open for a Chelsea Clinton candidacy in 2016.

Predictions??!?

Hillary's inner Flick

I saw this on Slate and thought it was a kill! Do you ever feel like you're Matthew Broderick? You used to be the cool suave, Ferris Bueller, but now you're just another boring, middle aged teacher type? I do.

Dead men shouldn't vote;But writer want's to be first 'dead president'

Mark Twain, June 15, 1879

I have pretty much made up my mind to run for President. What the country wants is a candidate who cannot be injured by investigation of his past history so that the enemies of the party will be unable to rake up anything against him that nobody ever heard of before. If you know the worst about a candidate to begin with, every attempt to spring things on him will be checkmated. Now I am going to enter the field with an open record. I am going to own up in advance to all the wickedness I have done, and if any Congressional committee is disposed to prowl around my biography in the hope of discovering any dark and deadly deed that I have secreted, why–let it prowl.

In the first place, I admit that I treed a rheumatic grandfather of mine in the winter of 1850. He was old and inexpert in climbing trees, but with the heartless brutality that is characteristic of me I ran him out of the front door in his nightshirt at the point of a shotgun and caused him to bowl up a maple tree, where he remained all night, while I emptied shot into his legs. I did this because he snored. I will do it again if ever I have another grandfather. I am as inhuman now as I was in 1850.

I candidly acknowledge that I ran away at the battle of Gettysburg. My friends have tried to smooth over this fact by asserting that I did so for the purpose of imitating Washington, who went into the woods at Valley Forge for the purpose of saying his prayers. It was a miserable subterfuge. I struck out in a straight line for the Tropic of Cancer because I was scared. I wanted my country saved, but I preferred to have somebody else save it. I entertain that preference yet. If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon’s mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty. If it is loaded, my immortal and inflexible purpose is to get over the fence and go home.

My invariable practice in war has been to bring out of every fight two-thirds more men than when I went in. This seems to me to be Napoleonic in its grandeur. My financial views are of the most decided character, but they are not likely, perhaps, to increase my popularity with the advocates of inflation. I do not insist upon the special supremacy of rag money or hard money. The great fundamental principle of my life is to take any kind I can get.

The rumor that I buried a dead aunt under my grapevine was correct. The vine needed fertilizing, my aunt had to be buried, and I dedicated her to this high purpose. Does that unfit me for the Presidency?

The Constitution of our country does not say so. No other citizen was ever considered unworthy of this office because he enriched his grapevines with his dead relatives. Why should I be selected as the first victim of an absurd prejudice?

I admit, also, that I am not a friend of the poor man. I regard the poor man, in his present condition, as so much wasted raw material. Cut up and properly canned, he might be made useful to fatten the natives of the Cannibal Islands and to improve our export trade with that region. I shall recommend legislation upon the subject in my first message. My campaign cry will be: “Desiccate the poor workingman; stuff him into sausage.”

These are about the worst parts of my record. On them I come before the country. If my country don’t want me, I will go back again. But I recommend myself as a safe man –a man who starts from the basis of total depravity and proposes to be fiendish to the last.

Mired in mud, war wages on

“Tsuanmi Tuesday” is coming up next week so, here’s my take on what I’m calling “the Malevolent Seven,” the men and woman who would be President. In the interest of making it arbitrary, thereby giving the false impression of impartiality, let’s do it in reverse alphabetical order.

Former Massachusetts Governor, Mitt “perfect hair” Romney (R) has still got the money and the machinery. How will he do on Tuesday? Hard to say, he’ll probably do great in the big states where he’s run ad after ad on TV. He’s taken a lot of flack for being a flip-flopper.

But as appealing as his Reaganesque hair is, I think his biggest drawback will be his biggest strengths. He’s smooth, he’s good looking, and he has a captivating style. Just what any candidate needs right? But he’s too smooth, too good looking, and too stylish. Voters are gonna think he’s a phoney-McFake-pants and avoid him the way you avoid plastic people who are too perfect to be real, which is sad because they might be nice people, but they try too hard.

I am frankly, frightened for Illinois Senator Barrack Obama (D). He genuinely wants to heal our country and be a bridge-repairing consensus builder who reaches across party lines, racial lines, and probably even socio-economic levels. Nobody wants that. Get real. People hate a goody-goody. We like being angry at each other, calling each other names, and blaming each other for our problems.

How could he actually think he could get anywhere with a message of hope and reconciliation? If Bill and Hillary don’t take care of him, the Republicans will find a way to “swift-boat” him. And if he makes it though both of those onslaughts, I’m afraid that the majority of Americans are only pretending to be ready to elect a woman or a Black man. We’re still way more tribal than we want to admit to ourselves.

When you really get down to it, Arizona Senator John McCain (R) is about as old-school Republican as you get, but Republicans don’t think so. See, he proposed the McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform Bill years ago. Yeah, at one time he actually wanted to clean up politics. He’s also come out and publicly said that he’s opposed to torture- which makes sense, seeing as he was once a victim of it.

Be that as it may, he’s said that he’s willing to keep our troops in Iraq for a hundred years if that’s what it takes to win. I guess he forgot that we already won, several years ago. We deposed Saddam Hussein, defeated the Iraqi army and removed the Bathist Party from power. Since then, we’ve pretty much been hanging out, building the world’s largest air base and the world’s largest embassy, and ticking people off.

Then there’s Arkansas Governor Rev. Mike Huckabee (R). Ya want so much to like him because he’s nice and likeable and best friends with Chuck Norris, but there’s just something about him that makes you wonder if he’s not playing that guitar with a few strings missing, no pick, and his amp unplugged.

I’m not talking about the violent criminal activity of his sons, or the fact that he thinks that Pakistan is in Latin America. Even those of us who are on the same page with him on his Evangelical Christian faith and values need to step back and think twice before rushing to amend the Constitution. Of course, he also want so get rid of the IRS- who isn’t for that? Except, funny thing about government services is that they need revenues to pay for them. Even the most radical libertarian likes having an army protect us and appreciates things like roads, bridges, the Center for Disease Control…

How did former New York City Mayor Rudy Guliani (R) do in the Florida primary? When I wrote this a week ago, I could not imagine that his candidacy was going to last too much longer. But who knows? I have a friend who actually thinks that both of the nominations won’t get decided until the conventions this summer.

I feel bad for former South Carolina Senator John Edwards (D), because no one’s really listened to him since the Iowa Caucus. Ah, but not only does he have even better hair than Mitt Romney, but he also has a lot of delegates. He may just end up being the Democratic “King-maker” (or Queen maker, as the case may be). Eventually at least two people are going to start paying attention to him.

Finally there’s New York Senator and former First Lady, Hillary Clinton (D). If a Republican gets elected in November, I won’t blame any third-party candidates, I’ll blame the dirty campaigning and lying that she and her husband Bill were doing back in January.

Letter from your past; time travel isn't easy

One of the drawbacks to writing a once-weekly column is that you have to write it a week ahead of time. That really makes it difficult to respond to current events. For instance, I’m writing this on January 2. On December 31 the big news was still the instability of Pakistan after the assassination of opposition candidate Benazir Bhutto. This morning, nearly 300 people have been killed in Kenya amidst violence after President Mwai Kibaki allegedly stole re-election. Kenya used to be considered one of Africa’s most stable democracies. Now slums in Nairobi are burning, leaving thousands homeless and suggesting that tribal violence may soon tear the nation apart as it has in neighboring Somalia and nearby Rwanda.

God only knows what will be happening in the world when you’re reading this, sometime after January 10.

I’ve been itching to poke fun of twelve different candidates for the U.S. President, but of course I have no clue as I write this what the outcome of the January 3 Iowa Caucus will be.

We should all thank God that there probably won’t be riots or mass murders as a result of the results. And don’t be too quick to assume that we’re too advanced or evolved for that sort of thing to happen here. How different would America be in 2008 if Robert Kennedy hadn’t been assassinated before he had a chance to get his parties nomination back in 1968.

Tuesday, January 8^th was the New Hampshire Primaries. As I write this, some people say that if Barrack Obama wins or gets second in Iowa, he will attract droves of voters in New Hampshire and win handily over Hillary Clinton. Still others anticipate that John Edwards will surprise both of then in Iowa and then New Hampshire and by now (Jan 10) his people will be talking to Obama’s people about the V.P. spot. But from where I sit, a week ago (Jan 2) I think that both states are anybody’s race.

January 19 will be the Republican primary in South Carolina. From Jan 2, I can see Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee absolutely swamping both Guliani and Romney in South Carolina- however, from what I’ve been reading on the web, libertarian Texas Congressman Dr. Ron Paul may be the surprise victor in both Iowa and New Hampshire, throwing the GOP into chaos.

Ron Paul may seem like a fringe candidate, but he has some serious supporters. Recently, when FOX excluded him from presidential debates in New Hampshire, his supporters organized a mass sell-off of their stock in NEWS Corp., FOX’s parent company. No joke, it dropped almost half a point in one day.

Maybe we still won’t have a clear idea of who the two final candidates are until after “Super-Duper Tuesday,” February 5 when 23 states have their primaries and around 40% of the summer convention delegates are decided. Then again, maybe you, living there in Jan 10 know more than I do back here in Jan 2.

Come to think of it, next week (my next week, your last week) Jan. 7 there will be a little gathering of folks in Tulsa that may have a major impact on the shape of America’s oligarchy. At the University of Oklahoma, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg will be having a pow-wow with some movers and shakers to talk about mounting a third-party campaign for the White House. Bloomberg claims that he’s not planning to run for President, but listen to some of the big-Whigs he has coming to this conference: Democrats like former senators Sam Nunn (Ga.) and former presidential candidate Gary Hart. Republicans like Sen. Chuck Hagel (Neb.), former party chairman Bill Brock, and former New Jersey governor Christine Todd Whitman.

Other people planning to attend include William S. Cohen, a former Republican senator from Maine and defense secretary in the Clinton administration, Bob Graham, a former Democratic senator from Florida; Jim Leach, a former Republican congressman from Iowa; Susan Eisenhower, a political consultant and granddaughter of former president Dwight D. Eisenhower!

Now, if they aren’t up to something serious, then Ralph Nader didn’t screw things up for Al Gore in Florida in 2002.

Who knows, what the future holds? Well, I guess you do since from here in Jan 2, my future is your past there in Jan 10. Lets hope it’s a good one.

Changing the direction of the whole world has never been so easy

Amazingly, many Iowans have never attended a presidential caucus. Some are apathetic about politics, others are too busy, but some are intimidated. They somehow think that they don’t know how to caucus or that it will be too hard.

Iowa’s first in the nation caucus is different than a primary vote and it does take longer than just punching a card or flipping a lever and leaving, but it’s not hard or anything to be afraid of. Caucusing is easy, fun and can be very enlightening.

Everyone who can, should go out of their way to give it a try. Iowa has a massive amount of influence on the national elections- it really is disproportionate to our population and our economic power. Voters, media, and strategists all over the country will be watching us closely next week. Experts think that independent voters in New Hampshire will especially be influenced by the results of Iowa’s January 3 caucus.

This week, the PRESS is publishing times and locations where you can go to caucus.

In some ways, a caucus is a comfortable, informal gathering where you get together and talk about who you think would be the best leader and why.

One thing that makes it even easier, is that Republicans are only with Republicans and Democrats are only with Democrats, so you don’t have to worry about those really awkward disagreements that you’re always afraid are going to turn into full fledged arguments and ruin the night.

It’s always easier to discuss politics, even to argue policy issues and philosophies when the people you’re debating with pretty much agree with you on most of the same basic principles. So caucusing helps you know you’re not crazy because there are actually people who think the same way you do- at least on some issues.

Once everybody gets settled in whatever room you’re meeting in, your precinct chair begins the night by giving a brief introduction to caucusing, and then everyone divides up into groups depending one which candidate they support.

Once in their area, each group counts off for the precinct chair to determine how many people were in the room.

The precinct chair then divides the number of caucus members for each candidate by the appropriate number to figure out viability.

The precinct can send a limited number of delegates to the party’s county convention. If the caucus isn’t unanimous, they will send delegates representing each of the viable candidates.

Lets say a precinct gets five delegates. The candidate with the most people caucusing for them might get 3, the runner up could get two.

The groups representing viable candidates try to convince loners and people in smaller groups, to throw their support toward one of the more viable candidates. This is a chance for people in the caucus to move to another candidate, and for nonviable candidates to choose others. This could last half an hour.

To wrap up, the precinct chair takes a final tally and may answer questions from people about caucusing, the county, state and national conventions.

One of the most wonderful aspects of caucusing is that it can be a gateway to participation in your party. Caucus attendants are invited to serve as delegates or alternates to the county convention. You can also get to know some of the people who are active in the party in your area, you may also find out ways in which you can get more involved if you’d like to.

You get to know the other people who share your party affiliation. You may be surprised by which of your neighbors share many of you concerns and convictions.

Participatory democracy begins with you. Few countries in the world offer the opportunities for direct involvement in the selection of their leaders. Iowa does it earlier and better than any other state in the union.

It’s a phenomenal privilege- not just a right or a responsibility. It’s easy and can even be fun. You have to be nuts not to try it. It’s worth getting a babysitter for, or taking off of work for, or missing that basketball game for. See you there.


Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. 'Ted's Column' has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. You can see all of Ted's cartoons, some even in color at http://tedstoons.blogspot.com

Longshot visits pizza joint

Traci and Pete Christophersen listen to Republican Presidential candidate John Cox at the Picadilly Circus Thursday afternoon, July 26.

John Cox is a venture capitalist from the Chicago area who is running for the Republican Presidential nomination. Cox stopped in Mapleton last Thursday as part of a tour of all 99 counties in Iowa.

Cox spoke mostly about Iraq, pointing out that it is producing less oil than it did before the United States invaded four years ago. He believes that it is a mistake to expect either a military solution to work, like other Republicans, or to look for a political solution, like many of the Democratic candidates propose. Cox believes that the best thing for Iraq is an economic solution.

Cox proposes an approach similar to the “Marshall Plan” used to reconstruct Europe after WWII. Except that rather than having America pay for it, he believes that Iraq can pay for it’s own recovery because it is capable of producing five million barrels of oil per day. According to Cox, that much oil would bring Iraq somewhere between 75 and 80 billion dollars a year, enough to pay for plenty American force or private security.

Cox imagines that kind of prosperity arousing envy among Iranian citizens and transforming the Middle East.

The former lawyer and accountant considers himself a Reagan-Republican and proposes eliminating all income taxes and replacing them with a 23% national sales tax that he believes would discourage indebtedness and encourage investment.
___________________________________________________________________________________ Back Story; The regular reporter was gone today at the Mapleton PRESS offices so Ann, the Office Manager asked me if I wanted to go over and get a picture of this guy, "if you want to, I don't really care."

Neither of us had ever heard of him. I looked him up on the web to get a little background.

Seems he told the Sioux City Journal that he's "No Barack as far as drawing crowds," but that's not going to stop him. Traci, Pete, their son and I were the only three people in the place. He rattled on about how we could win in Iraq if we could just have their power on for more than an hour a day and then zeroed in on me, like I'm gonna give him SO much publicity and it will be SO positive.

Our publisher made it clear back when I tried covering Obama that our coverage of candidates will be short and general for all of them in order to be fair and balanced.

Note to ALL candidates if you want a crown, tell people sooner than ten minutes before that you're coming.

"Did you give him the hard questions?" Ann would ask me later. I don't know, we had all of five minutes and I hadn't really prepared.

The 23% sales tax really threw me. Here I thought that most Reagonomics fans were brazenly in favor of helping the super-rich and the corporations enough already- AND I thought that Steve Forbes was a nut job with his idea for a 10% Flat tax back in the 90's. Could you imagine having to pay 23% on a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread? How about adding 23% more to a gallon of gas? Try tacking on another 23% to the cost of a house. What is he THINKING?

Talk about hurting the poor, working class, and middle-classes and letting the wealthy and big companies hold onto their stock options, portfolios and inheritances! I appreciate his concern that America had a negative savings rate last year and that credit is way too easy to come by so we're all spending ourselves into a hole, but get real.

And these Reaganites think we Lefties are whacked? No wonder in recent polls most Americans say that their favorite G.O.P. candidate is "none of the above!"

Hot on the 2008 Campaign Trail

This cartoon took WAY too long to create. Want to see the process I went through? Visit http://malloryart.blogspot.com/2007/04/mystic-art-revealed.html

Put me in Coach, I think I'm ready
Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday, April 12, 2007 – Page 3

I can’t help it. Other guys fantasize about playing major league baseball. Me? My daydream would be to follow along the campaign trail for the Post or the Tribune. One of the perks to living in Iowa for a political news junkie like me is that every four years the candidates come a courting.

This season, instead of just calling upon voters in their homes and cafes, there are at least a couple of candidates have been given the moniker, “rock-star,” because they draw crowds in the hundreds. I’d seen Sen. John Edwards last time around on someone’s front porch in Dunlap and had mixed feelings. I was impressed with his enthusiasm and passion and his creativity- his willingness to think outside of convention, but like any half-ways level headed, Iowan, I was skeptical of how he planned to accomplish some of his lofty goals. Call me “Blue-Dog Democrat” or a fiscal conservative, but I figure you have to either pay-as-you-go or start smaller and build up the idealistic stuff once you can. I didn’t go out of my way to rearrange my schedule to see him when he held a much bigger gathering at Cronk’s restaurant in Denison.

But, at the risk of fulfilling some people’s stereotype of the left-wing journalist, I have to admit to you that I was excited to attend the first Barack Obama town meeting at Denison High School a couple of weeks ago. Of course, it didn’t hurt that one of my former students was a volunteer and called to nag me. I was just curious at first. Plenty of people were more impressed with his speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention than with John Kerry, John Edwards, or any of the other people there. So with all of the media coverage that has been building, I thought it might be interesting to take a look at his book. I read a few pages at the library and then got my own copy.

I will tell you that reading his book, The Audacity of Hope, revealed to me that there are at least four important things that make him the virtual antithesis to President George W.Bush; He’s intelligent, he’s eloquent, he respects and understands the U.S. Constitution, and he places a greater value on the well being of people than of any political party. That would be more than enough to vote for him if he were running against W, but first he has to face off with Hillary and Edwards, and if he wins the nomination, he’ll probably have to go up against Guliani or McCain.

So I wanted to hear more. I’ve had something of a benign fascination with the city of Chicago since high school anyway. (I’m not sure why, The original bob Newhart Show, the band Chicago, the ’84 Bears, the Blues Brothers, columnists Mike Royko & Bob Greene? Who knows?)

So I went. Maybe a little too early for someone who wasn’t volunteering. I figured, this is a major national figure, I should cover it for the newspaper, so I brought a camera and a notepad. When I went to sign in, some guy in a sport coat saw my camera and lead me over to the press table. Rock on, wear a camera around your neck and people assume you’re official. The sport coat guy gave me a quick orientation to where the candidate was going to stand, how long he planned on talking, where the microphones would be for taking questions, yadda yadda yadda. As if I’d never been in gymnasium before and I couldn’t see how the chairs were arranged, where the flag was hung or where the mics were. But it still made me feel kind of important in a pretending to be a heap big reporter when I’m really just some schmo with a blog.

I have to have been to a billion basketball games and concerts and graduations where I stand around and take yearbook pictures, but I never got such a buzz of adrenaline waiting for an event to start before. What was the big deal? I hadn’t even seen Barack yet and I had told myself that as impressed as I was so far, I didn’t want to make up my mind already with a whole year to go. Then some kid was leaning back on his chair on the stage and fell off. That broke the tension. Just so you know, he wasn’t hurt, just embarrassed, but I brought it up because it snapped me out of my building anxiety and because when you see the clips of these candidates on TV you tend to forget that they’re real, not edited.

If I weren’t so shy, I should’ve struck up conversations with the photographer and videographer from the Associated Press. He looked like he knew what he was doing more than the sport coat guy and his digital TV camera looked cutting edge. She looked like she was just out of college. She couldn’t have been more than 5’ 4” and 120 pounds, but she was lugging easily 120 pounds of equipment, including four cameras.

Fortunately, the woman who runs the Spanish newspaper talked to me quite a bit, and so did Denison photo-legend Bruce Binning. I noticed that he used the exact same model of camera that I do, so that made me feel pretty good. If you'd like to see all of the pictures I took, visit http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/49

Finally Obama arrived, spoke, answered questions, shook hands and gave autographs. Then the volunteers had to lug hundreds of chairs back to the band room and it was over.
There’s something I can’t explain to you about covering an event rather than just attending it. In some ways you feel like you’re not included because you’re working too hard to get a picture or to jot down notes to be able to just take things in. On the other hand, you’re forced to pay closer attention, so you never have those moments when no matter how much you like the speaker, your attention drifts or you need to stifle a yawn.

What I can tell you it that the impression that I got was much like what I got from his book. He came off as very smart without being too technical or boring. He chooses his words carefully, but in a way that seems deliberate without being too “slick or calculated.” He seems warm and genuine, but not gushy or touchy-feely. I know from his book that he is working very hard, but he doesn’t but he doesn’t sound like he is, like Edwards, Hillary Clinton, and McCain can, but he also doesn’t sound like one of those people who makes it look so easy, like Bill Clinton used to.

Like Bill Clinton, his positions seem to be pretty centrist and intended to help, not just be popular. He didn’t have Al Gore’s sense of humor or John Edward’s exuberance, but at the risk of sounding like I’m endorsing him, I think we could do a lot worse. Come to think of it, he have done a lot worse.

Related stories:
Obama reacts to a religious right-winger
http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com/2007/04/wall-of-separation-blog-archive-matter.html

Obama answers questions on issues
http://tedscolumn.blogspot.com/2007/04/obama-answers-quiestions-on-issues.html

"Straight-news" take on Obama's visit to Denison
http://tedscolumn.blogspot.com/2007/04/obama-brings-hope-to-5th-district.html

Ted's photos of the Obama event in Denison
http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/49

Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. ‘Ted’s Column’ has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. If you’d like to see any of Ted’s editorial cartoons bigger and brighter, you can visit http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2

Obama answers questions on issues

Photos by Ted Mallory

Barack responds to questions, challenges
at town meeting Saturday

By Ted Mallory

DENISON, IA- Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama responded to several questions from an audience in the Denison High School Gym, Saturday March 31.

Obama stopped short of saying he’d revoke the No Child Left Behind law, but he did say that he’d make sure the law fully funded the mandates it requires.

“No Child left the money behind,” he complained. He believes that “schools are dealing with children who are uninspired and unmotivated and teachers who are underpaid.”

He also said that he thought that rather than purely standardized testing, students progress should be measured based on what level the student begins at. He’d also like to see an emphasis put on early childhood education since children learn more between birth and age three than at any other time.

Obama addressed concerns about NAFTA and CAFTA. He pointed out that he voted against CAFTA and believes that the burdens and benefits of trade need to be balanced so that workers and farmers don’t get the short end. He opposes allowing corporations to receive tax incentives when they move off shore. He believes that the U.S. needs to enforce the rules of treaties so that other nations don’t dump their products on U.S. markets without opening their markets to American goods. He also said that it is important to hold trading partners to basic labor and environmental standards.

The Illinois Senator explained that the United States spends 50% more per capita on health care than any other nation in the world. He feels that it is important to emphasize preventative care. It is far more cost effective to treat diabetes than it is to amputate limbs lost to the disease. He suggested that one way to lower costs is to pool resources. He proposed opening the same Federal health insurance program which Senators and Congressmen receive to all Americans.

One woman complained about the removal of a monument to the Ten Commandments from a federal judge’s court in Alabama and expressed fear because churches in other countries were accused of hate-speech crimes because of their teachings agains homosexuality.

Obama explained that he was a Christian and invited listeners to visit his church on the South side of Chicago. He explained that he does not believe that Christians are unduly persecuted in the United States, but rather, judging by the attendance at Washington prayer breakfasts among other factors, he felt that the faith was flourishing. He noted that the founders, while believers themselves, believed that the government should not impose any one interpretation of religion on its citizens. He also thought that it was in the best interest of churches not to get “entangled” with the government and thereby risk watering down their message or having to wrestle with red tape.

Obama expressed his support for voluntary prayer groups and Bible study clubs in public schools. However, when it came to a judge, he said that it was important that non-Christians not be made to feel that they were not entitled to the same level of justice that Christians are in the American system. Click here to read further comment on my Pirate Prayer Blog.

When asked about America’s nuclear stock pile, Obama pointed out that even the likes of former Nixon National Security Advisor and Secretary of State Henry Kissinger has proposed eliminating our entire nuclear arsenal. Senator Obama agrees with many Generals that we could the number of nuclear weapons from the tens of thousands we have now to just one thousand, and save at least $13 billion dollars without sacrificing national security.

“We spend more money on defense than the next thirty countries combined,” he explained. He wants to more vigorously peruse the principles of the Non-Proliferation Treaties that the Bush administration has allowed to all but die, which includes seeking to prevent other countries from gaining nuclear weapons while helping them find peaceful energy sources. He pointed out that in the future, the enemies which the U.S. will face are more likely to be terrorist groups than nation-states, so it is vital to contain the spread of nuclear weapons before they fall into the wrong hands.

Finally, Obama boasted that he opposed the invasion of Iraq from the beginning and proposed that the U.S. begin bringing its troops home on May 1, 2007 with the goal of being completely out of Iraq by March 31, 2008. He promised to use the $100 billion dollars a year currently being spent on the war to rebuild our military which has been strained past the breaking point and to improve the care and treatment of U.S. veterans and their families.

Obama brings hope to 5th District

Photos by Ted Mallory

Presidential candidate Barack Obama
brings message to Western Iowa
By Ted Mallory

DENISON, IA- Saturday night, March 31, presidential candidate Barack Obama spoke to an audience of over two hundred at the Denison High School gymnasium. The Illinois Senator started his day in Council Bluffs. Obama came to Denison after speaking to a group of around seventy-five in Onawa. The Onawa town meeting was telecast to simultaneously to house meetings across the country.

The number two Democrat spoke a few minutes about his background and his hopes for the country and then took questions from attendants in the crowd, rather than reporters. He promised that it would be only the first of at least three visits to Denison. Iowa boasts the first in the nation caucuses in January 2008.

Obama quipped that two things he is always asked no matter where he goes.
One is, “where’d you get your funny name?” He explained that his father was from Kenya and his mother was from Kansas. Thus his name came from his father’s East African homeland, and his accent came from his mother’s Midwestern one.

The other question he’s most frequently asked is, “You seem like a nice enough guy. Why do you want to go into something dirty and nasty like politics?” He told the audience that he understands why people have become cynical about politicians but that he firmly believes that the “other” kind of politics is the fact that “we all have a stake in one another.” Whether it is students in an underperforming school, or neglected Seniors in nursing homes, Obama believes that Americans are affected by each other’s condition. He told the crowd that if enough people believe that too and act on it, they can make positive change.

The former community activist and Constitutional Law professor fielded questions from a crowd made up not only of supporters, but also uncommitted yet curious voters, and skeptics. Obama answered inquiries about education, trade, healthcare, religion, fuel prices, nuclear weapons, and the war in Iraq.

He received a standing ovation when he emphasized the importance of taking better care of Iraq and Afghan veterans and their families than we have been in the wake of the Walter Reed military hospital scandals.

“We’ve got to treat our young men and women properly when they come home,” he declared.

Following the question and answer period, Obama was surrounded by attendees who waited to shake his hand, ask for autographs, and visit privately with the candidate.

Crawford County Democratic Party Chairman Les Lewis said that Denison area Democrats didn’t invite the Obama campaign, they just helped coordinate the event. He explained that the campaign organizations of candidates select communities they want to visit and contact activists there about making arrangements.

Lewis noted that the Obama campaign did plan on return visits and the campaign of New York Senator Hillary Clinton also asked about one or two appearances but hadn’t finalized dates yet. Lewis said that this was an unusually early election season. He believed that former North Carolina Senator John Edwards had only recently established campaign personnel in the Sioux City area.

Just how ready are we?

Just how ready are we?
Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday, March 1, 2007 – Page 3

There was a time when people asked if America was ready for a Catholic President. Then there was John Kennedy. People wondered if we were ready for a divorced President, then there was Ron Reagan.

This time around, of course people are asking a lot of those kinds of questions.
Would we be ready for Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, a Mormon?

I’ll admit, I’d be one of those who aren’t especially comfortable with that, considering some of the theology of the Church of Ladder Day Saints, under close scrutiny it doesn’t look a whole lot better than Scientology.

Of course, plenty of members of government, including a few Presidents and many of our founders were Free Masons and we’re still here.
Ordinarily, you expect a “lefty” like me to be more tolerant than that. Certainly no one bat an eyelash when Joe Lieberman was the first serious Jewish primary candidate and then Vice Presidential candidate. Of course Judaism is a lot older than Mormonism and after all, Jesus is Jewish. (was Jewish if you don’t believe in His resurrection, is an alien from another planet if you believe what some religions teach).

There was a time when you just couldn’t be Italian and from New York and run for President. People whispered “mob” under their breath when talking about Mario Cuomo.

This time around, New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani is a pretty serious candidate. Three wives and two gay roommates? Cancer survivor? These are all things that not so many years ago would’ve killed him as a Democrat, but the leadership he showed during the September 11 attacks have made hip appealing to both parties.

And, lest I tip toe around the elephants (er, donkeys) in the living room, the big questions that Newsweek magazine has been asking are whether or not America is ready for a woman or a Black President?

That may be the wrong question. What Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama may need to ask themselves is whether or not Iowa and New Hampshire are ready for them?

Lots of people thought that Howard Dean was a regular juggernaut in 2004, but Iowans weren’t sold on him and his internet based base of college egg head progressives. Iowa Democrats like tall, slow moving veterans like John Kerry and good old fashioned, pro labor, pro agriculture Midwestern Democrats like Richard Gebhardt. And then Dean screamed like a Hockey-Dad when he celebrated placing third in our caucus and it was completely over then.

So, how can they expect to win us over? Hillary has to not just distance herself from her husband, but maybe from New York too. She should appeal to her Illinois roots and maybe even the fact that she was a “Goldwater girl.”

Because I know readers who I easily rile won’t believe this , especially about me, but basically, even Iowa Democrats are fairly conservative.

If Hillary wants to win Iowa over, she has to come off as a steady, clear-headed, hard working matriarch. She can’t be too attractive so that we think of her as a woman. But she can’t be too shrill so that we think of her as trying too hard to seem tougher than a man either. Practical, wise, steady. Slow to talk but says the right thing when she does. That’s what I imagine Iowans would like if Uncle Sam were to be replaced with an Aunt Samantha.

There have been plenty of Black candidates for President. The Rev. Jesse Jackson and the Rev. Al Sharpton. But I think that neither of them were Presidential candidates who happened to be Black, Let’s face it, they were both Black candidates. Jackson has represented minorities and the down-trodden his entire career. Not every American is down-trodden. And Sharpton? Well, let’s just say he made Jackson look mainstream.

Of course, and for a while, the perennial non-candidate General Collin Powell. I think that if he came out and pointed fingers and named names and apologized for helping lie us into war, most Americans would still like to draft him for President.

All Obama really has to do is make sure he defines himself and not let Fox news or other right-wing propagandists do it for him. He’s running as a Democrat, not as a Black Democrat.
So far he also talks the talk of a post-partisan, someone who just happens to be a Democrat, almost like he happens to be Black. He speaks his own mind, and speaks carefully and eloquently. Those are things Iowans like; making up your own mind and knowing what the heck you’re talking about.

After the last six years, I’m certainly ready for some of that.

Telephone- it’s for you

Telephone- it’s for you
Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday, February 22, 2007 – Page 3

You’ll never believe who called me the other night.

I was sitting there at my daughter’s dance class, minding my own business when out of the blue, I received a call on my cell phone from someone I hadn’t talked to since high school.

I don’t mean to drop names but it was none other than Arizona Senior Senator John McCain. I hadn’t heard from John since I was at a press conference he held at the Arizona Republic/Phoenix Gazette building for teen journalists.

I was so excited, I couldn’t believe someone so prominent would have my cell phone number. He said he wanted to invite me to some barbecue in Des Moines. I tried to tell him that I’d really need to check my calendar and talk to my wife first and that’s when I realized that I wasn’t talking to John McCain, his answering machine was somehow talking to me. Only it didn’t beep and let me record a message. And I thought it was really strange that I’d reach someone’s answering machine when I hadn’t called him, he- that is, it called me.

And so it begins. The Iowa Caususes are almost a year away, and the general election won’t be for another ten months after that.

But this is Iowa after all, we’re like that rhinestone cowboy that Glen Campbell used to sing about, “getting cards and letters from people I don’t even know, and offers coming over the phone.”
Here are just a few- a few of the folks who you can expect mail, calls and visits from:
You already know several of the Democrats, now former Governor Tom Visack’s campaign for Vice President has been underway for a long time. Did you catch my crack? I know he SAYS he’s running for President, but come on.

Then there are the big two, Senators Clinton from New York (by way of Washington, by way of Arkansas, by way of Illinois) and Obama from Illinois, by way of Hawaii. You’d expect me to write about them, so I won’t.... this week.

There are a few other lesser known Democrats, Senators Fiengold from Wisconsin, Consinich from Ohio and Governor Richardson from New Mexico.

Did you even know that Indiana Senator Evan Bayh was running? Or what about Virgina Governor Mark Warner? Actually, I think he dropped out already, but there are a lot of people who are trying to draft him.

Speaking of movements to draft candidates, Al Gore recently was nominated not only for an Oscar for his documentary film about global warming, but also for a Nobel Peace Prize. Even if he doesn’t run, maybe if he wins either of those other awards, he’ll feel vindicated for having won the popular vote in 2000 and having the Supreme Court hand it to George W instead.

There’s always former North Carolina Senator John Edwards.

And Delaware Senator Joe Biden, even though he probably ruined his chances when he in a mildly racist way, referred to Barack Obama as “clean and articulate.”

Which makes Obama at least one up on the current president, who can’t speak about No Child Left Behind without saying “you know,” and “like” every other sentence.

Is there anyone in the Senate who’s NOT running for President?

The only people we really hear about on TV are McCain, Clinton, and Obama, but there are as many or more Republicans out there as there are Democrats.

I’ve talked about my favorite (no sarcasm or irony, I promise) Senator Chuck Hagel of Nebraska. I think he’s the straight-talker that McCain wishes he still was.

Former 9/11 Mayor- oops, I mean New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani recently announced but odd are against him winning over the ultra-conservative religious-right base.

Former New York Governor George Pataki is rumored to be thinking about it.

Some people think that former Florida Jeb Bush would have little or no chance since his brother has become so unpopular even with Republicans.

Former Massachusetts Governor Mit Romney wants to be the first Mormon President, which means he has a Salt Lake City snowball’s chance in Hell (pun certainly intended).

Another guy I think you should seriously look at (seriously) is a former Governor of Arkansas... a man from a place called “Hope”...

No, not that guy, the other former Governor from Hope Arkansas, Mike Huckabee. He lost 110 pounds, he plays guitar, he ran a marathon with Tom Vilsack, and he’s a former Baptist minister but he has been critical of some stances taken by the conventional “religious-right.”

I didn't have room in the newspaper to mention Elizabeth Dole, Condaleeza Rice, Colin Powell, Sam Brownback from Kansas, Former Wisc. Gov. Tommy Thompson, and of course the architect of evil before Carl Rove took over from him, Newt Gingritch! God save us!

Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. ‘Ted’s Column’ has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. If you’d like to see any of Ted’s editorial cartoons bigger and brighter, you can visit http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2

Why she's not viable

Hate to say it, but this is her biggest problem and why so many Dems are more interested in Obama and Richardson, and Edwards, and Fienstein, etc. etc.

The irony is that she is probably the most conservative of any Democrat in the running. She and former President Bill are charter members of the "Blue Dogs," the Democratic Leadership Council, a group of major middle-of the road moderates who are pro-business and all about fiscal responsibility, balanced budgets, reduced deficits, etc. Everything that the Republican party USED to be about. But because there was an element with such vicious and viceral hatred for her and her husband, she has been demonized as some sort of dangerous liberal-extremist icon.

So, ironically, she's divicive even though she and Bill have always practiced bi-particanship. She is imensely compitent and qualified, but she's exactly who the Republicans want because they know thay can beat her because they've already successfully defined her in the public's preceptions.

Plus, I don't know that we want to be volleying between family dynasties anyway. It makes us look like a cheap bannaba-republic. Nixon used to be paranoid about the Kennedys and successfully destroyed Teddy's presidential aspirations. Remeber, that's where Woodward & Bernstien started their investigation- when someone tipped them off that former CIA agent E. Howard Hunt, working in Nixon's Special Council (Chuck Colson's) office was investigating Kennedy... but I digress

Jimbo for President

The other day I had an original idea. Okay, and almost original idea.

I Googled it to make sure and found that ALMOST nobody has taken this idea very seriously before.

My idea is Jimmy Buffett for President 2008. It's not a TOTALLY new idea. Former House Majority Leader, Texas Republican Dick Armey once tried to start a "Buffett for President" campaign back in 2002, but the Florida pirate and musician asked him not to, then made a campaign contribution to Florida Democrat Bob Graham's campaign.

And needless to say that Buffett's fans, known as "Parrotheads" have already printed T-shirts and his merchandising people have already made up bumper stickers, but other than Armey and the Parrotheads, I'm the first person to come up with this idea.

When you think about it, it's a fabulous idea. Our current President pretended to land a plane on an aircraft carrier, likes to work on his ranch and can cuss like a sailor. Jimmy Buffet flies his own sea-plane, likes to hang out on the beach and really is a sailor.

I hear you scoff. But the author of such hits as "Margaritaville," "Cheeseburger in Paradise," and "Why don't we get drunk and screw?" actually has some genuine political experience.

Buffett has been the honorary mayor of Key West, the honorary President of the Conch Republic and of course the President and CEO of the "Margaritaville" chain of restaurants and merchandise store.

There are going to be things that neither Republicans or Democrats will like. Democrats may not be keen on how Jimmy would be okay with Free Trade. Republicans certainly won't like the legalization of various substances that show up at beach parties. You can never please everyone, but that's the point in proposing a third party, the "Parrot-ican-icrats."

Hawks may be frustrated because Parroticancrats are very laid-back.

They never rush in to anything let alone a fight. Doves may eventually be dismayed someday though, if some other nation just happens to go too far, especially if the Parrothead-in-chief will have had a few too many that day because he won't put up with any crap from anybody, unless he feels like it.

Just imagine the first 100 days of legislative proposals. Lime will be the national fruit, Rum and Tequila will become the official national mixers, the hammock will become the official national outdoor sleeping place thing and shrimp the official appetizer. And don't forget the national shirt-wear, Hawaiian.

And just so you know that he's got a whole team assembled to handle the world's problems, here are a few suggestions for cabinet:

Vice President will be Joel Walsh, formerly of the "Eagles," now touring again with his band the "James Gang." I know you were expecting Allan Jackson, but I figured him for Secretary of State. We need somebody tall to impress all those world leaders.

Besides, Jimmy asked around and Joel was the only person who wanted the job. In fact, here's what Walsh said about his role:

"If I was Vice President you know what I'd do? Pretty much anything I wanted to. I'd have a first class seat on Air Force One. An awesome pad in Washington D.C. (If you vote for me) Play golf all day with heads of state, if they brought beer wouldn't that be great? I can't wait!"

Just to keep the Red-Staters and hawks happy, we'd make Toby Kieth Secretary of Defense. He seems to know where to place American boots when necessary.

Bruce "the Boss" Springstien would be Secretary of Labor.

Willie Nelson and John Cougar Mellencamp will become Co-Secretaries of Agriculture- what with all their work on "Farm Aid" and all. And you don't want Willie at either the IRS or the DEA.

Reggae artist Ziggy Marley will become Secretary of Education, that way no child will be left behind without first “learning about peace, love, and surfing, mon.”

I figure Jimmy Buffet and Warren Buffett have to be related somehow, so we'll appoint the "Oracle of Omaha" Secretary of the Treasury.

Heck, I don't know why somebody didn't think of that one before- President Buffet may just want to put me in charge of the Ministry of Great Ideas.

Here's another idea; instead of having the inauguration on the steps of the Capital in DC, we'll have it at sunset on "Mallory Square" in Key West.

I just hope this goes farther than the "Bullwinkle for President" bandwagon I jumped on a few years back, or the Bozo campaign before that.

The race is on

In case you didn’t know it, the 2008 Presidential race is already underway. I know, I know, it’s as bad as the stores and Christmastime. I think I saw Wal-Mart employees stocking the shelves with Halloween costumes the Monday after Easter.

In the interest of civic participation, this feature would like to present you with a number of potential candidates for your consideration- since most of them will begin visiting Iowa this summer, if they haven’t been here already.

Since they’re the current party in power, lets start with the Republicans.

The front-runner for the GOP nomination seems to be a woman named Dr. Condeleza Rice. She’s a PhD doctor, not a medical doctor. You’d think that would be a plus, but she doesn’t really seem to have a brain of her own. Her ideas, thoughts, policies, plans etc. are pretty much those of her bosses, Dick, Rummy, and the one known only as “W.”

Right-wingers will try to sell her as the historic, because she’d be both the first woman and the first Black president. But let’s face it, voting for the current Secretary of State would pretty much be voting to continue the Bush administration. With the numbers, the war, the personnel changes, all the retired generals criticisms and the price of gas- this may not be our best bet.

Next there’s Senate Majority Dr. Bill Frist. He’s a medical doctor, not a PhD and he tried to prove it when he diagnosed the late Terri Schiavo as not being in a persistent vegetative state and having plenty of brain activity by watching a few minutes of news clip video of her. Hmmm... the autopsy showed that she had very little brain left let alone brain activity.

If you believe in religious freedom, you may also not be comfortable with the fact that he participated in the whole “Justice Sunday” thing where he and televangelists railed on independent judges who refuse to set up a fundamentalist theocracy.

There’s also Newt Gingrich, the former House Speaker who spearheaded the Republicans’ “Contract on America” back in the 1990’s. He pretty much invented “Talking-point memos” and gave Rush Limbaugh office space in the Capital building. Scary, isn’t it time for the pendulum to swing a little more toward the center?

Now I always used to love Senator John McCain. He’s from my home state of Arizona, he’s a Vietnam Vet, he used to be his own man, a straight shooter who’d break party ranks when it was the right thing to do. Best of all he wanted a balanced budget and to clean up campaign finance.

But alas, he has started to kiss up to the fundamentalist like “guy-smiley” Jerry Fawell and Pat Robertson. How “base” can you get?

My favorite Republican has to be Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel. He’s still a deficit hawk who believes in fiscal responsibility and he’s been very skeptical of the Bush administration’s mishandling of Iraq. Unlike McCain, he seems to still be willing to stand up for what’s right, even if it means standing alone.

Now, in the interest of equal time, let’s turn to the left.

The biggest name among Democrats is still New York Senator and former First Lady Hillary Clinton. Okay, is she capable? Probably. Is she electable? possibly. But there are plenty of problems.

First of all, merely by being who she is, she’s divisive. There’s nothing she does or believes- all Democrats considered, she’s pretty moderate, but people vehemently hate her. Even more viscerally than her husband, and even though he was a liar and a philanderer, he was still a Rhode’s Scholar brainiac student of the law and economics.

I for one think the best way of keeping America sharply divided, keeping the wing-nuts on the extreme right angry and active, and guaranteeing that either Jeb or Prescott Bush will run for President would be to elect Hillary.

Who else is there? Well, there’s Virginia Governor Mark Warner. Centrists and even Republicans may like him. He believes in fiscal responsibility and deficit reduction. Even if it does mean, yes, rolling back the massive Bush tax cuts that benefited the richest 2% of Americans. He’s very articulate, clear, and smart. And yes, he’s a Southerner.

Hmmm. Moderate/Conservative Democrat from the South. He may have appeal.

Don’t forget Former Vice President Al Gore and former Vice Presidential Candidate North Carolina Senator John Edwards. Handsome Southern gentlemen both, but these two are probably more aggressively progressive and have lots of creative ideas for things like health care, education, and tax reform.

Bringing up the rear; New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, former Clinton Secretary of Energy. Hmmm, what was that about working toward not being dependent on foreign oil that President Bush mentioned in his State of the Union Address?

Oh yeah, did I mention that he’d be the first Hispanic President?

Finally may I introduce Wisconsin Senator Russ Feingold. He co-sponsored the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act (“McCain-Feingold Bill”). He is a recipient of the John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Award. He actually voted against the Iraq War Resolution and yet voted in favor of funding to support our troops.