Jimbo for President

The other day I had an original idea. Okay, and almost original idea.

I Googled it to make sure and found that ALMOST nobody has taken this idea very seriously before.

My idea is Jimmy Buffett for President 2008. It's not a TOTALLY new idea. Former House Majority Leader, Texas Republican Dick Armey once tried to start a "Buffett for President" campaign back in 2002, but the Florida pirate and musician asked him not to, then made a campaign contribution to Florida Democrat Bob Graham's campaign.

And needless to say that Buffett's fans, known as "Parrotheads" have already printed T-shirts and his merchandising people have already made up bumper stickers, but other than Armey and the Parrotheads, I'm the first person to come up with this idea.

When you think about it, it's a fabulous idea. Our current President pretended to land a plane on an aircraft carrier, likes to work on his ranch and can cuss like a sailor. Jimmy Buffet flies his own sea-plane, likes to hang out on the beach and really is a sailor.

I hear you scoff. But the author of such hits as "Margaritaville," "Cheeseburger in Paradise," and "Why don't we get drunk and screw?" actually has some genuine political experience.

Buffett has been the honorary mayor of Key West, the honorary President of the Conch Republic and of course the President and CEO of the "Margaritaville" chain of restaurants and merchandise store.

There are going to be things that neither Republicans or Democrats will like. Democrats may not be keen on how Jimmy would be okay with Free Trade. Republicans certainly won't like the legalization of various substances that show up at beach parties. You can never please everyone, but that's the point in proposing a third party, the "Parrot-ican-icrats."

Hawks may be frustrated because Parroticancrats are very laid-back.

They never rush in to anything let alone a fight. Doves may eventually be dismayed someday though, if some other nation just happens to go too far, especially if the Parrothead-in-chief will have had a few too many that day because he won't put up with any crap from anybody, unless he feels like it.

Just imagine the first 100 days of legislative proposals. Lime will be the national fruit, Rum and Tequila will become the official national mixers, the hammock will become the official national outdoor sleeping place thing and shrimp the official appetizer. And don't forget the national shirt-wear, Hawaiian.

And just so you know that he's got a whole team assembled to handle the world's problems, here are a few suggestions for cabinet:

Vice President will be Joel Walsh, formerly of the "Eagles," now touring again with his band the "James Gang." I know you were expecting Allan Jackson, but I figured him for Secretary of State. We need somebody tall to impress all those world leaders.

Besides, Jimmy asked around and Joel was the only person who wanted the job. In fact, here's what Walsh said about his role:

"If I was Vice President you know what I'd do? Pretty much anything I wanted to. I'd have a first class seat on Air Force One. An awesome pad in Washington D.C. (If you vote for me) Play golf all day with heads of state, if they brought beer wouldn't that be great? I can't wait!"

Just to keep the Red-Staters and hawks happy, we'd make Toby Kieth Secretary of Defense. He seems to know where to place American boots when necessary.

Bruce "the Boss" Springstien would be Secretary of Labor.

Willie Nelson and John Cougar Mellencamp will become Co-Secretaries of Agriculture- what with all their work on "Farm Aid" and all. And you don't want Willie at either the IRS or the DEA.

Reggae artist Ziggy Marley will become Secretary of Education, that way no child will be left behind without first “learning about peace, love, and surfing, mon.”

I figure Jimmy Buffet and Warren Buffett have to be related somehow, so we'll appoint the "Oracle of Omaha" Secretary of the Treasury.

Heck, I don't know why somebody didn't think of that one before- President Buffet may just want to put me in charge of the Ministry of Great Ideas.

Here's another idea; instead of having the inauguration on the steps of the Capital in DC, we'll have it at sunset on "Mallory Square" in Key West.

I just hope this goes farther than the "Bullwinkle for President" bandwagon I jumped on a few years back, or the Bozo campaign before that.