Telephone- it’s for you

Telephone- it’s for you
Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday, February 22, 2007 – Page 3

You’ll never believe who called me the other night.

I was sitting there at my daughter’s dance class, minding my own business when out of the blue, I received a call on my cell phone from someone I hadn’t talked to since high school.

I don’t mean to drop names but it was none other than Arizona Senior Senator John McCain. I hadn’t heard from John since I was at a press conference he held at the Arizona Republic/Phoenix Gazette building for teen journalists.

I was so excited, I couldn’t believe someone so prominent would have my cell phone number. He said he wanted to invite me to some barbecue in Des Moines. I tried to tell him that I’d really need to check my calendar and talk to my wife first and that’s when I realized that I wasn’t talking to John McCain, his answering machine was somehow talking to me. Only it didn’t beep and let me record a message. And I thought it was really strange that I’d reach someone’s answering machine when I hadn’t called him, he- that is, it called me.

And so it begins. The Iowa Caususes are almost a year away, and the general election won’t be for another ten months after that.

But this is Iowa after all, we’re like that rhinestone cowboy that Glen Campbell used to sing about, “getting cards and letters from people I don’t even know, and offers coming over the phone.”
Here are just a few- a few of the folks who you can expect mail, calls and visits from:
You already know several of the Democrats, now former Governor Tom Visack’s campaign for Vice President has been underway for a long time. Did you catch my crack? I know he SAYS he’s running for President, but come on.

Then there are the big two, Senators Clinton from New York (by way of Washington, by way of Arkansas, by way of Illinois) and Obama from Illinois, by way of Hawaii. You’d expect me to write about them, so I won’t.... this week.

There are a few other lesser known Democrats, Senators Fiengold from Wisconsin, Consinich from Ohio and Governor Richardson from New Mexico.

Did you even know that Indiana Senator Evan Bayh was running? Or what about Virgina Governor Mark Warner? Actually, I think he dropped out already, but there are a lot of people who are trying to draft him.

Speaking of movements to draft candidates, Al Gore recently was nominated not only for an Oscar for his documentary film about global warming, but also for a Nobel Peace Prize. Even if he doesn’t run, maybe if he wins either of those other awards, he’ll feel vindicated for having won the popular vote in 2000 and having the Supreme Court hand it to George W instead.

There’s always former North Carolina Senator John Edwards.

And Delaware Senator Joe Biden, even though he probably ruined his chances when he in a mildly racist way, referred to Barack Obama as “clean and articulate.”

Which makes Obama at least one up on the current president, who can’t speak about No Child Left Behind without saying “you know,” and “like” every other sentence.

Is there anyone in the Senate who’s NOT running for President?

The only people we really hear about on TV are McCain, Clinton, and Obama, but there are as many or more Republicans out there as there are Democrats.

I’ve talked about my favorite (no sarcasm or irony, I promise) Senator Chuck Hagel of Nebraska. I think he’s the straight-talker that McCain wishes he still was.

Former 9/11 Mayor- oops, I mean New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani recently announced but odd are against him winning over the ultra-conservative religious-right base.

Former New York Governor George Pataki is rumored to be thinking about it.

Some people think that former Florida Jeb Bush would have little or no chance since his brother has become so unpopular even with Republicans.

Former Massachusetts Governor Mit Romney wants to be the first Mormon President, which means he has a Salt Lake City snowball’s chance in Hell (pun certainly intended).

Another guy I think you should seriously look at (seriously) is a former Governor of Arkansas... a man from a place called “Hope”...

No, not that guy, the other former Governor from Hope Arkansas, Mike Huckabee. He lost 110 pounds, he plays guitar, he ran a marathon with Tom Vilsack, and he’s a former Baptist minister but he has been critical of some stances taken by the conventional “religious-right.”

I didn't have room in the newspaper to mention Elizabeth Dole, Condaleeza Rice, Colin Powell, Sam Brownback from Kansas, Former Wisc. Gov. Tommy Thompson, and of course the architect of evil before Carl Rove took over from him, Newt Gingritch! God save us!

Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. ‘Ted’s Column’ has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. If you’d like to see any of Ted’s editorial cartoons bigger and brighter, you can visit http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2