Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday, August 23, 2007 – Page 3
I have to be one of the luckiest guys in the world. Not only am I a teacher who was I able to find a summer job, but I love my summer job and enjoy the people I get to work with there.
By now I’ve been back in the classroom for a couple of weeks, so I miss the mature, stimulating yet serious, adult conversations that I being surrounded by adolescents just doesn’t offer.
The computers were slowing down, the internet was cutting in and out, so like any work place, we coworkers took on the most pressing issues of our time.
Some one said they had a side ache.
Well, what have you been eating?
Hot Tamales (the candy) and Dr. Pepper.
Well, there’s your trouble right there.
What you need is Pop Rocks and Coke.
What’s wrong with eating Pop Rocks when you drink Coke?
It’ll make your stomach blow up. Like feeding Alka Seltzers to a pig.
Isn’t that what happened to Jerry Mathers from ‘Leave it to Beaver?’
No he died in Vietnam, you’re thinking of Mikey from the Life Cereal commercials. “Hey Mikey, he likes it!”
They fed Alka Seltzer to his pig?
No he died from drinking Coke while eating Pop-Rocks. Only I guess that was Mikey, I thought Mikey died in Vietnam, I thought I saw the Beave on Disney Channel back in the Nineties.
So what about Pigs?
Oh you know, some hoodlum kids like to watch pigs blow up. Off course that’s a good way to tick off the pig farmer.
What are you talking about?
Pigs, they can’t burp and they can’t fart, so they blow up when they eat Alka Seltzer.
Why would anyone do that? That’s crazy.
I don’t know, just a stupid thing you dare people to do, like cow-tipping and snipe-hunting?
What’s snipe-hunting? What’s a ‘snipe?’
Oh, you’ve never been snipe-hunting before? We’ll have to take you out snipe-hunting some night, you’ll like it.
What does that have to do with pigs?
Oh, well a snipe is kind of like a bird, I guess.
Hey I heard people like to do that to seagulls out in California.
Hunt them?
No, feed them Alka Seltzer.
Why?
So they blow up because they can’t burp or fart, so they blow up.
I though that was pigs?
It is, that’s why people don’t throw rice at wedding anymore.
Why don’t they throw rice at weddings anymore?
Because it hurts the birds, they’re stomachs blow up.
Hey, have you ever put Mentos in Diet Pepsi?
Aw man, that is so cool?
What, what, why is that cool?
It makes like a 15 foot fountain.
No way.
Way. Don’t you ever watch YouTube?
What’s YouTube?
Have you seen that movie ‘Cars?’
Yeah, I love how they go cow-tipping, only they’re tractors instead of cows.
Hey, did you ever notice that Hot Tamales kind of make Dr. Pepper taste like beer?
Now if you think this was confusing, keep in mind that all three major soft drinks were originally pharmaceuticals.
Coke, was intended to replace coffee as a pick-me-up and headache cure. Thus the original trace of cocaine.
Pepsi was originally a bicarbonate, to settle your stomach. Sort of like today’s Pepcid.
And one of Dr. Pepper’s key ingredients is prune juice. Originally one was suppose to drink it at 10, 2, and 4 to keep regular. Of course, to celebrate their anniversary, they’ve put a “23” on their cans. I think it reminds me of Heinz 57 and it’s kind of gross.
It refers to the fact that pharmacists experimented by mixing 23 different flavors to come up with the spicey-sweet one they settled on.
When I was in high school and college we’d put a little bit of everything in our glass and dare each other to try it.
They call that concoction a “suicide.”
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