Heres to everyone’s first heroesCharter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday, June 14, 2007 – Page 3I’m pretty lucky this year. At the time that you read this, I get to go to a baseball game with my dad and brother in Phoenix for Father’s Day.
Before we left on vacation, I got to do some awesome things that Dads get to do. I lay on the floor and played blocks with a two year old, I bought a five year old a flower, and I played catch with an eight year old.
I don’t know that I’m a particularly good dad by any stretch of the imagination. I’m not good at sports and I don’t think that I’d ever be able to change a transmission in a car, even though my dad made be help in do it both times that I blew out the clutch in my Chevy Nova back in high school.
But after teaching and coaching for 13 years I’ve seen a lot of kids who’s lives would’ve been drastically improved if only they had had someone to look up to and who’d take them fishing like my brother and I had.
Even though my nephew recently lobbied me to use this column to advocate the establishment of a “Kid’s Day,” because he thinks that it is so unjust that there’s a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day but no Kid’s Day- I’d like to take some time to talk about how important dads are.
Doctor Kyle Pruett reported for the National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies on some of the important things that dads contribute to children.
Dads make great jungle gyms. This is fun for kids and it can be an important building block of intimacy and self-esteem.
Dads promote persistence. When dads play with their kids, they tend to use fewer deliberately “educational toys” than moms do, instead they incorporate whatever is around. Dads encourage problem solving, encourage kids to “stick with it” that serves kids well when they’re in school and in the workplace.
A mom is more likely to ask a child to stop doing something because, “It makes Mommy sad when you don’t listen to her.” In other words, she uses her emotional relationship with the child for leverage.
Dads are more likely to remind a child of the social implications of selfish or rude behavior. He might say, “No one’s gonna want to play with you if you keep that up?”
Sometimes the importance of dads is just plain common sense.
Children whose dads are involved in school do better in school and earn higher wages later.
Girls with dads who are close to them are less likely to become sexually active early.
Even when dads can’t afford to pay child support, being involved in their kids’ lives has a positive effect on their kids.
Recent studies by the University of Michigan reveal that dads are incredibly important for kid’s psychological and intellectual development.
According to the study, “children of highly involved fathers show increased cognitive competence, increased empathy, enhanced school performance, greater motivation to succeed, enhanced social development and self-esteem, less sex-stereotyped beliefs, stronger sexual identity and character, and more intrinsic motivation.”
It also showed that dads who spent more time with their kids could help keep their kids out of trouble, just because they spent time with them.
“Children of highly involved fathers have fewer psychological and behavioral problems, are less likely to become delinquent, and are less likely to use drugs.”
Schedule one on one time. Take them out to eat, just you and them, or take them to do something they like. If you can’t take you guy fishing or take your girl on a “daddy-date,” at least take them along some time when you have to go shopping of to the bank or whatever and use part of that time to ask them how things are going. It will let them know that you’re interested in them.
Sit with them once in a while just before bed and talk about their day. It’s just important that there are times that you turn off the TV, put down the newspaper, and give your kids your undivided attention.
Show affection. Even if older kids whine and complain about it, kids need hugs and encouraging words from their dad. But maybe you shouldn’t embarrass them too much in front of their friends.
They say that it’s important to take your kids to work. Obviously that may not always be possible or it could be a challenge at least. I can’t imagine taking one of my kids to school for an entire day of teaching.
On the other hand, there were times when my dad took us out to the air freight center at the airport. Maybe it was to run an errand of pick up a paycheck or a schedule on one of his days off. My kids beg to get to play with art supplies in my classroom on a Saturday or in the summer.
It’s a way for them to get a peek into your world and feel like they know about your life away from home.
Stay connected when you have to be away. Try to call them, or if you’re going to call your wife anyway, get the kids on the phone and talk to them a little too. It reminds them that they’re important to you.
If you know where your kids play and know a few of their friends, you’ll have more to talk about and more interesting conversations.
None of us is going to be able to be “Super Dad,” but if you just make an effort to spend more than twenty minutes a week with each of our kids, we just might change the world.
Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. ‘Ted’s Column’ has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. If you’d like to see any of Ted’s editorial cartoons bigger and brighter, you can visit http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2
