Parent-Teacher Conferences should be about kids

At the time I am writing this, Boyer Valley had just finished up Parent-Teacher Conferences. That’s where teachers sit in a gym for four hours grading papers, cleaning out files, reading or talking to each other about College Football while they wait for what few parents come to come. No, seriously, it’s a beneficial thing but no matter what school you’re at there are several things that are true;

The kids who’d parents the teacher most needs to speak to don’t come. Some parents feel very intimidated and defensive because they can’t understand why their child is doing so poorly. Some teachers feel intimidated and defensive because they can’t understand why they’re the ones under scrutiny when it’s the kid who didn’t turn any homework in on time with their name on it.

One year in California a parent stayed at my desk for nearly 90 minutes! His child was pulling an ‘A’ in my History class and had no real beef with me, although it was very important to the dad that I wasn’t teaching liberal politics. I’ve always prided myself on try to see and share both sides of every issue. My primary goal as a teacher is always to equip students with critical thinking skills so that they can do their own thinking and form their own opinions.

This parent complained about everything from the cost of filling chuck-holes to clandestine government conspiracies but spent most of his time preaching to me about the virtues of guns and the second amendment.

I tried my best to just listen and not attempt to dispute anything he said.

Another year I found myself under the scrutiny of a set of parents who were upset that their daughter didn’t make it back on to the cheer squad. There was a night that I probably would’ve tested positive for high blood pressure. Forty-five minutes into the meeting I made a mental note to myself; “for future reference; never schedule tryouts the week of or the week before parent/Teacher conferences.” Whew!

The thing I probably miss the LEAST about teaching History are those students, bless their hearts, who would have a coronary if they received a ‘B+’ or an ‘A-.’ You know, the ones who would fly off the handle about how I was ruining their lives and preventing them from achieving their dreams because of the grade I GAVE them.

Hello? Teacher’s don’t GIVE grades arbitrarily because they want to ruin you dreams. They merely REPORT the grades that you’ve EARNED. Studying helps. So does 1) actually doing the homework, 2) bothering to turn it in when it’s due, and 3) having your name on it.

My, conferences have usually been much less dicey since I’ve been teaching only Art. Let’s face it, you almost have to TRY to fail Art. When a student does get a ‘C,’ it’s usually because of a severe lack of effort. Their parent’s, fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it assume it’s because their kid just isn’t talented and Art isn’t important so why bother the poor teacher about it. Mind you, I’m the kind of Art teacher who sincerely and adamantly believes that EVERY student NEEDS to learn about Art, EVERY student SHOULD learn about Art, and believe it or not, almost anyone CAN learn to draw if he or she wants to.

I enjoy getting to meet the parents of my students. Sometimes it’s a lot of fun. Some times it can tug at your heart strings. I had a pair of parents who came on behalf of a student who’s living with them for the semester. Not an exchange student, not a foster kid, just a Senior who’s parents abandoned them and who’d last host kicked ‘em out. These new host parents, genuinely want to help him get into college. What hearts.

I don’t know how far off Charter Oak-Ute’s next batch or parent-teacher conferences is but, I’d like to offer some advice for three types of people affected by parent teacher conferences.

Students- Don’t fret and sweat so much. It’s a good thing if your parents attend these conferences. It means they care about you. Believe it or not, so do most of your teachers. They certainly didn’t get into their line of work for the pay. If you’ve been trying your best and don’t have anything to hide, parent-teacher conferences may be temporarily embarrassing, but are no big deal. As Disney’s Kim Possible says “So not the drama!”

Teachers- Make sure you listen more than you talk and make sure you keep your emphasis on the student and strategies for helping them. Don’t waste time either selling your program or trying to defend your teaching style. Parents want help, not a pitch.

Parents- Always remember that teachers are human. Well, most of us anyway. That means we need you to be a little patient and forgiving, but that also means not to put them on any kind of pedestal. What I’m saying is that you going to talk about your child is not the same as you being called into the principal’s office when you were a student, so don’t get scared. At the same time, these are professionals who have had a lot of training in what they do and sacrifice a lot to do it, so please hear them out.

Neither parents or teachers should go into conferences planning on attacking or being attacked. Their common objective is helping kids. Both parents and teachers should keep that in mind.