The wrong man for the job

Recently it was decided that one of the Vice Presidential candidates of a major party was too much of a liability for his running mate. So that party, decided to choose another ‘Veep’ to replace him.

It was agreed that in order to appeal to traditional values, he should be someone who could feel comfortable speaking about his faith. At the same time, in an effort to make the party more diverse, he would be the nations first Jewish Vice President. In fact, he is even believed to be a Rabbi.

A press conference was held in a major U.S. city so that the media could get to know the candidate.

“Mister Krist, many people have criticized the President, saying that his tax cuts benefited the rich, meanwhile others accuse his opponent of engaging in ‘class warfare,’ how do you feel about this?”

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Candidate Krist, Some people have accused the Republicans of exploiting the 9-11 tragedy for political gain, but at the same time anti war protestors used caskets as props in some of their protests during last week’s convention, provoking the same kind of criticisms. What do you have to say to the families of either 9-11 victims or of the families of fallen soldiers in Iraq?”

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

“Both candidates have been accused of being out-of touch with the people. Some call Bush ‘smug’ and others call Kerry ‘aloof.’ Do you think candidates should be more humble or down-to earth?

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

“Recent polls suggest that Americans distrust politicians. They suspect their leaders of using religious issues for political gain. And they’ve grown to expect that politicians of both parties believe that ‘the ends justifies the means.’ How do feel about that?”

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

“Mr. Krist, Many people are concerned about the level of rancor in this year’s campaign. The American people have never been so polarized. Negative campaigning and mud slinging are stooping to all time lows, even candidate’s service records are being scrutinized. Some former leaders have said that America won’t be able to move forward until we start talking about what ideas are right or wrong and stop talking about who’s good and bad. If you are personally attacked by your opponents, how will you respond?”

You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

“But wouldn’t that be seen as weak? Don’t you need to project the impression of strength? Especially during a time of war and in an era of terror?”

You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?

“One more question, Mr. Kist, isn’t it?”

Christ, actually.

“Christ, right. Someone told us your middle initial is ‘H,’ what’s the ‘H’ stand for?”

Suddenly the conference was interrupted, the candidate was spirited away and party officials came to the podium.

“We regret to announce that upon further reflection, not all of Mr. Christ’s positions are in harmony with those of our party, our platform, or our nominee. We will be reverting to our previous ticket, but we want to assure the public that our candidate still retains the endorsement of Rabbi Krist’s father, and if anyone says he doesn’t, your not a true patriot.”