Republican Dictionary

For my fellow non-Republicans, the Nation magazine is compiling an English-Republican translation dictionary. For my Republican friends, (and by the way I mean that, you really are my friends, I don't hate you) these may not be nearly as funny to you, but please just THINK about them, because these are a progressive perception of conservative misperceptions. Ask yourself why we feel that way and what your leaders REALLY believe.

Here are a few of their entries so-far:

ACCOUNTABILITY, n. Buck? What buck?

BIPARTISANSHIP, adj. When Democrats compromise.

CHECKS & BALANCES, pl. n. An antiquated concept of the Founding Fathers that impedes autocratic efficiency; see also REFORM.

FOX NEWS, n. Faux news.

GOD, n. Senior presidential advisor.

NONPARTISAN JUDICIAL NOMINEE, n. An active member of the Federalist Society.

OWNERSHIP SOCIETY, n. 1) A society where you're on your own. (John Read, Ownings Mills, MD); 2) A society where one-half of society owns the other half. (Anne Galvan Klousia, Corvallis, OR); 3) The euphemism used by robber barons and their political lackeys to promote or justify the extreme concentration of wealth into the hands of a powerful few. Synonyms: PLUTOCRACY, CORPORATE FEUDALISM.

SOCIAL SECURITY, n. Broker security.

SPREADING PEACE, v. Preemptive war.

STAY THE COURSE, v. To relentlessly pursue a disastrous policy regardless of how far conditions deteriorate. Antonym: "To cut and run."

TORTURER, n. 1) White House Counsel. 2) Attorney General.

They've got another one that is pretty confusing...

PERSONAL RETIREMENT ACCOUNTS, n. Chinese Communist Party loans.

One of the biggest differences between Republican talk and Democrat talk is that the GOP loves sound bites, news nuggets, explanations that take 10 words or less. Dems tend to be more articulate and more detailed, unfortunately for us that also means we're less concise, sometimes even boring.

The definition of PRA's in this dictionary makes sense if you click here and read maybe three or four short paragraphs of the Nation's article.