Commencement Address 2008

Students, parents, friends, and distinguished members of the class of 2008, welcome to the annual commencement column.

You live in an amazing time of fantastic discoveries and advancements. When I was in high school, the best computers had about 128 kilobytes of memory, today you can get a memory card for your digital camera or a flash drive with as much as 4 gigabytes. Just imagine how much memory your cell phones will have by the time your 20th class reunion comes around in 2028!

Why, when we in the class of 1988 were Seniors in high school, we had to satisfy ourselves with egg McMuffins because they were just beginning to introduce the breakfast burrito, no one had even dreamed that someone wound conceive of something so fantastic as a breakfast pizza. Imagine what your children will be eating on their way to school in the morning.

When high school students came home from school in the eighties, we watched a phenomenal new development called Mtv. Yes, you’re familiar with it, but what you probably didn’t know was that the M stood for music. That’s right, instead of unrealistic “reality shows” that follow the sleazy lifestyles of melodramatic adolescents with borderline personality disorders and substance abuse problems, Mtv used to show a thing called “Music Videos,” sort of like you watch on the computer on YouTube, Yahoo music and MusicJesus. Just imagine what your kids will be watching on their phones during class, instead of listening to their teachers when you’re my age!

Speaking of cell phones, I bet you wish your parents would fork out the $399 to get you your very own iphone for graduation. 5 oz, 8 hours of talk time, hold songs and pictures, and can access the internet, even watch streaming video. I know I was disappointed when my folks failed to buy me a Motorola DynaTAC 8000X, it was a 13 inch brick that you could talk on for almost a half an hour before needing to recharge. And the DynaTAC was a steal at just $3,995. Just imagine, someday your kids’ principle won’t be able to confiscate their cell phones because they’ll be implanted in side of their heads.

Twenty years ago we were trying to get everyone to quit smoking because it causes cancer. Just this last month teenage girls were clamoring to get as much time in the tanning bed as they could before prom, in spite of the fact that that it causes skin cancer. We were all drinking caffeine free diet cola because pop was bad for us, you’re all lugging three or four energy drinks with twice the sugar and caffeine of regular pop in your back packs to school everyday but you still sleep through class. Just imagine what it will take to make you look good and feel normal when you’re in your 30’s or 40’s. Sheesh!

The year that most of you were born, dictator Saddam Hussein accused Emir Al-Ahmad Al-Jaber Al-Sabah the third of stealing Iraq’s oil by drilling sideways. So he invaded Kuwait, which was the fourth richest country in the world per capita. The U.S. President, a man named George Bush thought we should go to war to get Iraq out of Kuwait. Bush had become an oil millionaire through the Zapata and Dresser Corporations in Texas in the 1950’s and 60’s. By the time you were three or four years old, the Dresser Corporation was the third largest oil-services company in the world. When you were in second grade, a man named Dick Cheney negotiated a $7 billion merger between Dresser and a company called Halliburton. You may have heard of Mr. Cheney. When George Bush went to war against Saddam Hussein in 1991, he was our Secretary of Defense.

When you were in seventh grade, George Bush’s son, also named George Bush, decided that he wanted to go to war against Iraq too. We weren’t sure why because we were already in a war in Afghanistan, trying to catch the man who planned the attack on the World Trade Center, back when you were in fifth grade. Halliburton and its subsidiaries, including KBR and Blackwater received billions of dollars in no-bid government contracts to help build military bases in Iraq. Coincidently, Dick Cheney was the second President Bush’s Vice President. Weird huh?

When I was graduating from high school, the average price for a gallon of gas was ¢96. Makes you wish you were born in another time doesn’t it?

Just imagine what the world could be like twenty years from now. Now, imagine what you think it SHOULD be like twenty years from now. Now, enjoy the ceremonies and the cake and cards and parties this weekend, then please start doing your best to make this world the way you imagine it SHOULD be.

Commence Addressing

Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday, May 17, 2007 – Page 3

Here’s a sensitive subject that I’d like to address, commencement.

Commencement is supposed to be a ceremony after which people who have just become former high school seniors commence with the rest of their lives, sometimes known as adulthood.

Really, it’s a ceremony after which these adolescents who are convinced that they are no longer children, have to be coerced by their mammas to commence addressing a stack of thank-yous for all the cards and money and stuff that people gave them as a reward for somehow surviving high school.

Commencement remains a rite of passage for young people in a time when rites of passage pass sooner then they used to because kids think that they somehow have a right to their rites of passage earlier.

Kids these days start drinking and smoking and “experimenting” with sex and drugs in junior high. Remember when kids used to “experiment” with smoking in junior high and drinking in high school and “discovered” sex in college? Remember when people who used drugs generally dropped out of college, and “discovered” that life was pretty hard when you couldn’t hold down a decent job?

Some of us “experimented” with smoking and “discovered” drinking in college. We’re the same squares who experimented with cussing in junior high and keep hoping to rediscover sex after years of marriage. Today, kids are cussing and fighting, dating, and threatening laws suits, in early elementary school.

Which begs some questions; when does adolescence commence, and when does it end? When does adulthood commence? With so few rites of passage left to pass through at the end of what we used to quaintly consider childhood, what exactly does it mean to be an adult anyway?
What got me thinking about this is that Ellen, my five year old up and asked me one day, “Daddy, inside your brain, do you sometimes think you’re still a kid? Like, are you the same person inside your brain as you were you were when you were a little kid, like MY age?”

Honestly? I didn’t want to tell her that inside I wish I didn’t have work and responsibility and bills and all the pressure and expectations that we adults all have. All I want to have to do is watch Saturday morning cartoons and eat breakfast cereal. But I didn’t tell her that. I don’t really know what I told her, some grown-uppy thing about how you’re always the same person inside, you just grow and get smarter and more mature and blah blah blah.

One of the ways to know you’re an adult is if you recognize that the behavior of other adults is hopelessly adolescent. Like politicians, musicians, professional athletes, celebrities of both the big and small screens calling people names, lying, cheating, stealing, gossiping, arguing, flaunting their toys and clothes, throwing tantrums when they don’t get their own way or paying hundreds of dollars for a haircut.

But you REALLY know you’re an adult when you feel it’s important (even if it’s nearly impossible) to try to explain to your children WHY the things those supposed adults are doing are so inappropriate, hurtful, self-destructive, or just plain immature.

I know that in some ways the class of 2007 is a lot more worldly and road-worn than most that have gone before them. The September 11 attacks happened when they were in seventh grade, we invaded Iraq when they were in eighth grade. But let’s hope that the rest of they’re life lessons don’t have to be so hard-learned.
Let the commencements commence!

Graduation 2006; Commencement Address from a bitter burn-out

Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper & Schleswig LEADER, Thurs. May 18, 2006

Greeting class of 2006. What can I tell you? Not much that you haven’t heard already.

Your generation is so super-saturated by multi media that there’s not much of your life that you haven’t been hearing something on you earphones, on the TV, on your computer or game system. If anything you’ve been inoculated against actually hearing anything valuable. Few of you really read, you skim. Few of you focus and pay close attention when you’re spoken to, you multi-task.

Actually, I’m not dumb, I know that very few of you are actually reading this. Most of my readers are over 30. Really a lot of us in my age group don’t have time to sit down and read a column like this, most of my readers are probably over 50….60…..okay, 70 even. See the wonderful thing about those folks is that they read because the want to and they- you won’t believe this, they enjoy reading and like to do it as a leisure activity. Someday you should try it. Who knows, you might even like it.

It’s not necessarily your fault that you ignore most of what’s thrown at you, you’re wired that way. How can you know what’s important when the stream of input, information and stimulus never stops? And it’s just as well, who can blame you for only paying attention to what you choose to? Your generation is probably more cynical, jaded, and skeptical than any generation before you.

I’m not sure if that’s my generation’s fault or that of the Baby Boomers before us, but you’ve been sold to, lied to, and pandered to more than any generation before you. When the Boomers went to college someone told them that television was a vast wasteland. Today, pretty much most of the society you’re about to enter into as adults is such a wasteland.

The good news is that together capitalism and technology are simultaneously providing you with more opportunities for choice and at the same time more and more isolation. Download your own mix onto your MP3 player, cell phone or personal game/media/entertainment device and close out the rest of this mixed up world.

I’ve lost you already haven’t I? Say, could whoever’s cell phone with the ring tone “My lady humps” by the Black Eyed Peas, pleas answer the call or shut it off?

Oh, by the way, you’ll appreciate this- don’t worry about either of the two wars that are going on or the ones on the horizon. Unless you volunteer, you probably won’t have to fight them. When the Boomers were your age, they got drafted. Today it’s us Generation-Xers who are over their fighting and dying because they keep calling up all of our National Guard units. You’re welcome.

I guess I don’t know what you’d like for a job. Hmmmm, let’s see…Gee, it looks like most of the ones where you could have earned a decent living for yourself and a family out of high school have been sent overseas. A lot of them are being filled by illegal aliens.

Gosh. I guess you’ll have to go to college if you want something barely adequate where you can at least eke out a living paycheck to paycheck.

Oh, I’m sorry, you may not understand a big word like “eke.” I understand that our collective vocabulary has been suffering some atrophy as you’ve grown up. Let’s see, to eke is to… to eke is to… well, trust me, you’ll be doing a lot of it. Hope you get good at it. “Atrophy?” That’s where things sort of unravel and fall apart and…sort of like this paragraph.

Of course, you weren’t hoping for job security or health or retirement benefits were you? There haven’t been many of those since they killed most of the unions twenty or thirty years ago. Oh, I guess you could enlist in the military, they certainly need people lately.

I guess that most graduation commencement addresses contain advice. Hmmm…I’m stumped on this one. It’s a little too late to suggest that you pay attention, do your work, put your name on it and turn it in. Do your best sounds a little bit trite. My advice would be to get rich. The richer you are, the easier it is to stay that way. The Richest 2% keep getting the most tax cuts. It’s also funny how the more money you have the lest you need, there are lower interest rates, fewer penalties, more complimentary perks.

No, no that’s not good advice because that’s too hard to accomplish and too many kids make that their only goal or dream for their futures when they’re in high school.

I guess that the best advice I could ever give you would be to stay positive. Yeah, that’s it, “Stay Positive.”

Oh, and how about, “Do as I say, not as I do.” ? That’s a good one. But I bet your parents have shared that one with you.

Class of 2005

This Sunday, Charter Oak- Ute will commemorate the graduation of another class. Boyer Valley Seniors walked across the stage last week. I’m not quite sure when Denison-Schleswig or Maple Valley hold their graduations, but I’m sure it’s that time of year for them as well.

I’d like to dedicate this week to those members of the class of two-thousand and ought five.

I feel a special connection to your class. I’ve been a high school teacher now for 12 years, just shy of what sociologist call a “generation” (13 yrs) and most of you were born the year that I graduated from high school, 1988.

You were eighth graders when I moved here to Iowa, so I’ve really got to see you change if you’re in St. John Lutheran, Charter Oak’s youth group or a student where I teach in Dunlap.

I want to talk to you as if you were my own child or at least a niece or nephew. I want to give you some meaningful, practical advice that you can use.

First, if you’re sticking around here and going right into the job force: my advice is the same for freshmen coming into high school. Get involved, only obviously I don’t mean in school, I mean in your community. The only way to make a place better is for you to help. The best way to make sure that other people will be willing to lend you a hand when you need it is to lend a hand.

You’re really lucky to live somewhere where people know each other, look each other in the eye and actually talk to each other. Take advantage of it. No matter how well or how poorly you did in school, you will do well if you get involved and participate in your town, local clubs and civic organizations, and of course your church.

You won’t regret it, you’ll earn respect and help contribute to our quality of life.

Next, if you’re entering into the armed services, either active service or in the Guard or Reserve. I know way too many of you. First of all, thank you in advance. You may be in it for a job or for money for college, but you’re working, standing, sacrificing, risking and fighting for all of us.

The best advice I can give you is what my dad, a Marine sergeant told me. “They can tell you what to do, where and when to sleep, what to eat, how to speak and act, but no matter how much they try, they can’t tell you what to think unless you let them.”

People who’ve been through Basic tell you that the most important thing to do in basic is to be a team player- the whole goal of Basic training is to break you down as an individual so that they can rebuild you as part of a unit. Help your fellow soldiers and don’t be ashamed to ask them for help and you’ll not only survive but thrive.

You CAN support the troops and still not support the war, so don’t resent people who do, you’re fighting for their freedom to do so. Remember you are a citizen soldier. You serve at the pleasure of your Commander in Chief, but that doesn’t mean you have to vote to please him too.

And most importantly, "6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." ~Deuteronomy 31:6

Now, those of you headed for college. College can be a pretty scary place (at least for the first couple of weeks) and it will probably be more challenging than high school was. Don’t quit after the first semester. You can do it.

To survive at college, you will need to follow the same advice that I give to 7th and 8th graders the first day of school: show up to class, do your work, put your name on it, and turn it in. If you do that much, you can at least expect to pass. Your grades may not be stellar, but you’ll pass.

Next, keep perspective. For some kids, the first semester of college is as emotionally intense as all four years of college put together. Don’t let that panic you. It feels cool to know that all of a sudden you’re out on your own and legally a grown up, but keep in time that you’re still learning, growing and maturing and you don’t know everything yet. So let yourself make mistakes.

Some people seem to think that college is all about pizza, beer and sex. Keep fun in it’s place. Are you having a drink? Or does the drink have you? Are you having sex, or does it have you? It’s normal to try new things, it’s normal to want to fit in with everybody else, and it’s normal to want to have fun, but always remember that your decisions determine your destiny. Most of the people who drop out of college can’t blame grades or money- the grades and money get eaten up by poor choices.

Finally, to all of you. Enjoy the ride. Life is a journey, not a destination. Use things and love people, don’t use people and love things.

“Success is the peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.” ~John Wooden, UCLA

A lot is said about kids today. Mostly critical and cynical (by me included) but I want to be the first to tell you that most of you make me feel very secure about the future.

Congratulations, and good luck.

Teenagers, Read This!

I figure you didn’t nominate me to speak at your graduation for a lot of very good reasons. For one thing, you don’t know me from Adam. For another I’m not famous. At my high school graduation we had the local weather guy come in a news helicopter.

I have no idea what he said. It was God-awful hot on the football field in June in that polyester graduation gown and he was kind of a goof.

Another reason you didn’t ask for me is that I haven’t done anything amazing and I don’t have a ton of Master’s or Doctorate degrees. At my college graduation we had some missionary who was the director of all kinds of international education or ministry programs or something.

Thinking of him reminds me of another reason you probably didn’t ask for me, I tend to go on and on forever. A good commencement address, or any speech really shouldn’t go on for more than say seven to ten minutes. When I plan for three, I end up talking for anywhere from 15 to 20.

I do remember at least ONE thing my college graduation speaker said. He said something along the lines of "when a butterfly flaps it’s wings in China, it creates a hurricane in Australia."

His point is a good one for you too. What he meant was that EVERYONE makes an impact. Even what seems like the most insignificant action can have enormous impact. Like a smile, a helping hand, letting someone else cut in front of you in line, telling someone that you appreciate what they did or encouraging them. Someone once called these "random acts of kindness."

I’m also well aware of the fact that you didn’t hire me to speak because I’m not an alumnus. A couple of years ago COU had Dr. John Hoffman speak at your graduation. He graduated from COU a year after I graduated from Shadow Mountain.

Today John’s the Dean of Students at Concordia University in Irvine, CA. Personally, I remember thinking that he gave one of the best commencement address I’d ever heard, but frankly, I don’t remember much of what he told kids either.

Since the school board didn’t see fit to invite me to speak to you, here now are some important things you should think about. You might even want to cut this out and tape it to something in your dorm room, or room, or locker at work, or foot locker in the barracks, or in your car or whatever:

Enjoy the ride. No two years of your life will be more intense or exhilarating than the next two. I could speculate about why, but who cares, the point is everybody has been telling you to appreciate high school as the "best years of your life," but really, the next six months will be like the last 4 years squeezed together.

People are more important than things. Measure your success in people, not things. Who have you helped, who has helped you, who have you learned from, who has learned from you? Who do you love? If you measure your success in money or possessions, you’ll either hurt yourself or hurt others.

Don’t burn the bridges you cross. Many of you can’t wait to "get the heck out of this one-horse town." Someday you may appreciate what it gave you, stability, strength, values, sense of belonging. As a matter of fact, someday you may even need those things and miss them. Don’t think that you can’t come home again. You can, if not to Charter Oak and Ute, then at least to some other small town.

With creativity, ingenuity, commitment, and most of all perspective, you can be successful and live comfortably anywhere. Don’t be afraid to go to Washington, Chicago, New York, China, Japan. Feel free to try Omaha, Des Moines, Denver, or Minneapolis. But don’t be afraid to come home either.

Farmer, blue-collar worker, professional, or entrepreneur, you can survive, and even thrive right here if that is what you choose. If that’s not what you choose, that’s fine, but don’t ever regret or deny where you come from, it is a huge part of who you are.

Be proud of that. We are proud of you.

Finally, think about what Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich wrote to graduates back in 1997:

"Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who'd rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there's no reason we can't entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt."

Face it, we all become our parents and once you hit your twenties, you’re going to secretly wish that COU would ask you to give a graduation address too. Adults are always trying to give advice to kids, and you will too. Mary Schmich gave some incredibly profound advice in her column. If you don’t remember anything else from this column, PLEASE remember this:

Class of 2003, "Wear sunscreen." Congratulations and good luck.