Avahst!

I'm hoisting a new flag ye land lubbers! I shouldn't take more that the Good Book for ye to figure out what she stands for, but the repercussions for my presence on the web may take a while to sink in. I'll just say that there'll be no more Mr. Nice Guy. Argh

Realism, Symbolism, and non-objectivity

Some of the other teachers at my school didn't quite "get" the Jackson Pollock, Williem deKooning, and Mark Rothko stuff. Non-objective art is not something that everybody "gets." Granted, one of the reasons I started the semester with it is because many of the kids in painting class had not taken Drawing class, so I wanted them to be able to "succeed" even without a great skills base.

But I want people to understand and appreciate all art, even if they still don't quite like it or respect it, they should at least be able to "get it." Think of it as a continuum, at one end is naturalistic/realistic, at the other end is totally non-objective. Somewhere in between are varying degrees of abstraction. Maybe this will help. Scott McCloud has a great book called "Understanding the Comics." In it, he uses this illustration that I would think that Math, Science, and English teachers should all understand. He talks about non-objective and what I call "compositional" art in terms of "the picture plane." Essentially the picture plane is when you work exclusively with the elements and principles of design. Think of art that only deals with these, but does not show any images the same way you think of instrumental music.

Two good ones

These don't just speak to the state of the media, but more than that, they are very critical of we Americans as media consumers.

quote

'The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.' ~Bertrand Russell

‘King George II’ should learn his place

All of my Republican friends like to give me a hard time because they think I never draw cartoons that pick on Democrats. Well, here ya are. But now to make up for it, you need to read the column below, which is more Bush-bashing than I've done in a few months:

Some of the Latin we were taught as History Majors are the phrases “Rex Lex,” and “Lex Rex.”
I’m not entirely certain which means which, but one roughly translates, “The king IS the law,” or at least “the king is above the law.”

This refers to absolutist rulers like the King George III against whom we fought our Revolutionary War, and Kaiser Wilhelm II who loused up the diplomacy and foreign policy left him by Otto von Bismarck and entangled Europe in World War I.

Waaay back during Robin Hood’s time, the English were sick of the absolutist Prince John (who was really just the substitute monarch for his brother Richard the Lion Hearted, who was off fighting the Crusades.) Those clever Brits made John sign a thing called the Magna Carta, which basically said that not even the king was above the law, but instead actually, the LAW is king.
We yanks like that idea so much that we adopted one big über-law called the Constitution. Bottom line is, in the United States, the Constitution is sovereign, over states, and over government officials; both law makers and those charged with executing the laws. They’re sworn to uphold and defend it, not circumvent it or erode it’s basic principles.

According to the Boston Globe, “President Bush has quietly claimed the authority to disobey more than 750 laws enacted since he took office, asserting that he has the power to set aside any statute passed by Congress when it conflicts with his interpretation of the Constitution.”
He has done this with things called “signing statements,” in which a President explains which part of a law he plans to enforce or not enforce when he signs bills into law that have been passed by Congress.

The American Bar Association has expressed their concern that President George W. Bush’s use of signing statements has been excessive and “contrary to the rule of law and our constitutional system of separation of powers”

Two glaring examples were when Bush claimed to be able to wiggle out of Congress’s ban on the use of torture and when he claimed the right to tap phone lines without first seeking a judge’s warrant.

A great controversy has been brewing over whether or not the new Congress should prevent President from sending a surge of more troops to Iraq. Many Bush supporters site the Constitutional division of powers. They claim that only the President is the Commander-in-Chief of American military forces.

The Constitutional problem with that line of reasoning is that the Constitution gives Congress, not the President, the power to “declare war,” “raise and support armies” and “make rules concerning captures on land and water.”

Unfortunately for this President, Congress has not declared war. Bush can use the rhetoric of “the War on Terror” all he wants, but Iraq did not attack the United States, or have any part in the attack that was made on us by terrorists. Almost four years after Bush ordered the invasion, we still have not declared war on Iraq.

“The constitution supposes, what the History of all Governments demonstrates, that the Executive is the branch of power most interested in war, and most prone to it,” James Madison cautioned. “It has accordingly with studied care, vested the question of war in the Legislature.”
Last week, hand written notes from Vice President Dick Cheney were entered into evidence in the perjury and obstruction of justice trial of Cheney’s former Chief of staff, Scooter Libby. The notes suggest that the Vice President would rather have Libby go down than Carl Rove, President Bush’s Deputy Chief of Staff for blowing the cover of CIA agent Valerie Plame in order to silence and/or get even with her husband, Ambassador Joseph Wilson because he criticized the Bush administration for misrepresenting intelligence in order to convince Congress, the United Nations, and the American public to let them invade Iraq.

Witnesses seem to have implicated Cheney, not Libby in leaking Plame’s identity. This could be to the Bush administration what Alexander Butterworth’s revelation that there were tape recorders in the Oval office was to Richard Nixon.

Republicans like John Warner of Virginia and Chuck Hagel are gradually coming around. They’re now supporting the Senate resolution opposing the President’s buildup of troops. Will it be another Arizona Republican, this time John McCain who will visit the President and talk sense to him, the way that Barry Goldwater did with Nixon in 1974?

This column highlighted just three ways in which George W. Bush likes to think of himself as above and beyond our 230 year old system. I’m not calling for impeachment, just stronger oversight and accountability. Should impeachment come, I hope Congress targets Cheney first. Bush could beat the Democrats to history by appointing Elizabeth Dole his replacement Vice President. Then she’d be the first woman President when Bush resigns or is removed from office. I think it would be fitting, since her husband Bob was Gerald Ford’s running mate.


Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. ‘Ted’s Column’ has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. If you’d like to see any of Ted’s editorial cartoons bigger and brighter, you can visit http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2

"War is Gods way of teaching Americans Geography" ~Anonymous

My Diner Mug

Yeah, I have a coffee problem. But it was still fun to take and manipulize a ton of pictures of my favorite coffee mug. 1950's Diner style.
CLICK HERE TO SEE THEM ALL

Complementary Color Oil Pastel Portraits

Here are the students' self portraits. Can you tell which one is Jessica, the girl I painted?

Megan

Since I kind of get ahead of the students, right now that's on our sketches of the full skeleton, when they don't need my help, I started drawing them. Here's Megan, a pretty good drawer herself and a cheerleader last football season. Her new lip ring put an end to that according to State Association rules. Maybe she'll tryout for mascot.

What should we talk about?

I can’t believe its been another week already. It is very nice to be here with you again, especially after the last couple of crazy weeks.

What do you think about the cartoon this week? Have we ever had a conversation about how Iraq is pretty much a civil war? Or have I shared with you my contention that we shouldn’t make generalizations about Muslims because there are so many different groups who all hate each other? Well, now it’s playing out that way in Gaza and the West Bank too. Ehud Olmert is the current Prime Minister of Israel. Sorry if you already knew that.

Yeah, I know I didn’t actually draw anything this week. Sometimes you find images that just illustrate your concept better than you could with a drawing- so why not a collage? Juxtapositioning is as meaningful as drawing, and faster.

I wanted to follow-up on a few things with you before talking about anything new. In regard to last week’s column- I know that impeachment will probably never happen because the Democrats haven’t got a big enough majority and even if they did, many of us would rather not use it because we feel like the last time it was used as a political weapon, rather than to balance power as it was originally intended.

But keep following the Scooter Libby trial and I’m sure you’ll have plenty to be disgusted about with the war and the Bush/Cheney Administration whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican.
Many of you told me how much you enjoyed the column where I interviewed my 5 year old daughter about America. Her baby sitter told me that they quizzed her older sister on the same questions as they read it. Grace, who is 7 didn’t do much better than Ellen.

By the way, Grace told me that she was very embarrassed by Ellen. Fortunately I think I was taking Ellen to the doctor that day so she wasn’t at either school or the baby sitter so, as far as I know, she is still unaware that I wrote about her in the newspaper and lots of people had a few laughs at her expense. Fortunately, once she catches on to reading, we’ll still have another child that I can use.

When I took Ellen in, Doctor Crabb shared with me an E-mail he had received which he thought ought to be good for a column. Apparently there’s a bumper sticker out there that works for BOTH Democrats and Republicans. It says “Run Hillary, Run!” Democrats stick it on the back of their cars, and Republicans stick it on the front.

It is pretty funny, but I received the same E-mail twice the next day, so I’m sure you’ve all heard it already. So maybe it would be better if I didn’t use it after all. Oh, oh yeah, too late. Oh well, I’ll have to try to remember not to use it again.

What a mess the whole thing with the Senate trying to pass a (non-binding) resolution to denounce the President’s war plan, huh? First you had Republicans Warner and Hagel siding with the Dems on opposing the surge, then they got back in line and voted with the rest of the Republicans to prevent debate on all four different versions of the resolution. What are they afraid of? This isn’t even the actual vote yet, its just debate. Don’t they want to debate? If they disagree with the bill, wouldn’t they want to have an opportunity to explain why?
Stephen Hopkins, signer of the Declaration of Independence, Delegate from Rhode Island to the 2nd Continental Congress said something when he voted to allow the Declaration to be debated by that legislative body in 1776 that I think applies to this situation too-

“In all my years I ain’t never heard, seen nor smelled an issue that was so dangerous it couldn’t be talked about. Hell yeah! I’m for debating anything.”

Words to live by. That’s always been this column’s goal. Sometimes we’ll agree, sometimes we’ll disagree. Sometimes we may passionately disagree, so let’s make sure that we agree to disagree, but let’s also agree that its okay to talk about what we disagree about.

Since it’s already obvious that I couldn’t agree with myself about a single topic this week, I’d like to suggest some ideas for things to do if you really need to snap out of a funk- say if you think you’re suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):

Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show.
Try to not think about penguins.

Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning. Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.

Stare at the back of someone’s head until they turn around.

This works on the “I have the feeling I’m being watched” principle.

‘Ted’s Column’ has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. If you’d like to see any of Ted’s editorial cartoons bigger and brighter, you can visit http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2

PS: Here are more dumb things to do from Things to do when you're bored:
(I think that my friends Tom and Ken will appreciate these the most. Obviously I couldn't think of what to write about this week and I'm kind of in a bit of a funk myself)

See how long you can hold a note
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Inhale deeply and then try and make a noise for as long as you can. Earn extra points for making your partner laugh or ending on an amusing note.

Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.

Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?

Hurt yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one. It is possible, but really stupid.

Pretend to be a car
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street. Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity.

Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.

Get yourself as nauseated as possible
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can't even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the "makes boredom seem a lot better" effect (see "Hurt Yourself").

Invent a weird twitch
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Adopt a bizarre twitch (e.g. flicking your head irregularly, twitching with eye or busting out sporadic cough noises) and try it out whe you go shopping.

Make a low buzzing noise
(Amusement Potential: 15-30 minutes)
Hours of fun in libraries! Keeping a totally straight face and looking nonchalant, make a low pitch humming/buzzing noise and see who reacts.

See what's in your neighbour's rubbish/trash
(Amusement Potential: 20-30 minutes)
You can learn a lot about people by what they throw out. You might uncover some dark secret about them. Plus, they might be throwing out something with value that still works, like a VCR or some porn mags.

Watch TV, repeat everything said in Italian accent
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Sort of entertaining. Include flamboyant shoulder shrugs for added impact, or go for a Marlon Brando set of grunts.

Send spooky emails
(Amusement Potential: 15-60 minutes)
Look up someone's CV on the web, do some research on them via Google and then send them an email full of personal references claiming to be an ex-work colleague who fell in love with their shoes. Or something.

Make prank phone calls
(Amusement Potential: 20-60 minutes)
Very entertaining, but requires discipline. Remember - vulgarities don't make a call funny, but getting the other person to believe a ridiculous story will. Try seeing if you can get them to make noises to 'test' the line. One to get you started off: Call McDonalds with weird complaints about their food.

Pretend all humans will die except for people in room with you
Amusement Potential: 10-20 minutes)
What would you do if this really happened? Would the group stay together, or would there be factions? Who would join what group? Remember, there would only be power for a few days before the plants ran out of fuel or broke. To travel, you would always have to be near cars to siphon gas out of. Best to do with people you know.

Step off a curb with eyes shut, imagine it's a cliff
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
To get any benefit out of this one, you have to have a good imagination. Don't step off immediately, build up to the jump. Study the ravine below. Feel the winds at that altitude. Step off and...AHHHHHH!!!!!

Try and sound Welsh
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
The key to sounding Welsh is to make sure that your voice goes up at the end of the sentence, so that everything sounds like a question. Throw in a superfluous 'isn't it?' at the end of everything you say and you're halfway there. Isn't it?

Burn things with a magnifying glass
(Amusement Potential: 5-30 minutes)
Ants are always fun to use for this, but burning the face of someone you don't like, under some circumstances, can be just as entertaining.


Have a water drinking contest
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
While the competition is fun, you probably won't feel too good afterward. To give your event an old western theme, slam the cups upside down on the tables after you have emptied them.

Have a "Who is less competitive" competition
wonder (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Trying to win at this will make you lose. Trying to lose makes you win which makes you lose. Not trying at all makes you lose which makes you win which makes you lose.

Pick up a dog so it can see things from your point of view
(Amusement Potential: 3-5 minutes)
Think about it: your dog has only seen the house from a viewpoint from 6" to 2' high (15 to 60 cm for all you metric fans). It's never seen the tops of counters, what you keep on your desk, the tops of shelves, etc. Try looking at things from its point of view, too.

Pull out a hair, stick in someone's ear
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
Best done to sleeping people. Added challenge in having no one else around, because then you can't blame it on anyone else. Try to beat your record number of times before the person catches on.

Pour water in hand, make sneeze noise, throw water on back of person's neck
(Amusement Potential: 5-15 minutes)
Always a good gag. For an even bigger reaction out of the person, act like you're not sorry at all for what they think you did. Comment instead on how big that sneeze was or about how there was a lot of

Abstract Digital Photo Images

One of the neat things about the abstract-expressionism of artists like Mark Rothko and Jackson Pollock that we studied last month in Painting class, is that it can be done in any media, not just painting. Here are some beautiful images that I captured with a digital camera and embelished a little bit in PhotoShop. I think they envoke mood and experience, perhaps even tragically like Rothko and definitely are records of movement and action and dancing colors like Pollock.


The hidden images that these abstractions were based on? I hesitate to tell you because then you'll be robbed of your independent and subjective powers of interpretation. (In other words, they'll lose their mystique and become mundane once you find out) Okay, I'll tell ya, the first three are a cell phone during a night time bus ride home from a basketball game. The last one? Through the lense of an overhead projector just after the light was turned off. It had a cell of a line drawing on the glass plate underneath.

A couple of male teachers commented on kids' Jackson Pollock paintings hanging in our display cases- they said that some of them looked like they were paintings of the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre." and they "just didn't get it." Not everybody does. Fear no Art!

Some of the best cartoons out there

Republicans, NOT Democrats are fiscally irresponsible.
Mark my words, it will be a miracle if he doesn't take us into another war before his term is up. Who knows, maybe he'll find an excuse to declare marshall law and suspend the constitution and remain in office!
Let's face it, they need to grow a thicker spine.

Open Debate

Here is all I have to say about the Republicans blocking progress on the Senate's resolution denouncing the President's plan for a "surge" of troops to Iraq- What are they AFRAID of? The will of the people?

"In all my years I ain't never heard, seen nor smelled an issue that was so dangerous it couldn't be talked about.
Hell yeah! I'm for debating anything."
~Stephen Hopkins, signer of the Declaration of Independence,
Delegate from Rhode Island to the 2nd Continental Congress 1776