Did you know that New Years was created by the Babylonians over four thousand years ago? So if you hate making New Year’s resolutions, it’s just one more thing to blame on Baghdad.
I was curious what the most popular New Year’s resolutions in America were. So I ran a Google search on the internet. You’d think that the Gallup Poll people might have a list, wouldn’t you? Nope. USA Today? No. CNN? Time? Well, they had a Year in Photos, but nothing about resolutions. Finally “About.com” had something, but it was from their “Guide to Philadelphia” section, so it’s really not a necessarily representative of all of us.
By the way, you have to be really careful when you make a Google search. I tried typing in “Year-in-review,” whoa Nelly, you would not believe the websites Google turned up when I accidentally typed “Rear-in-review.”
Be that as it may, her is my brief commentary on About.com’s top 10 New Year’s Resolutions
1) Spend More Time with Family & Friends
According to About.com, General Nutrition Centers took a poll that says that 59% of Americans promise to spend more time with family and friends this year. Are most of GNC’s customers spending too much time at work? Or at the Gym maybe? I’d like to spend more time with my family and friends, but for some reason all the High School Athletic Directors and Basketball coaches think that kids have to play two or three games a week December through March. I don’t know why that is. Schools only play one football game a week all fall. Don’t get me wrong, Sports are good for kids, teach life lessons, build character, etc.
2) Fit in Fitness
Everybody knows that exercise is associated with all kinds of health benefits. “Reduces the risk of cancer… increases longevity, helps achieve & maintain weight loss, enhances mood, lowers blood pressure, and even improves arthritis etc. etc. blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda.” Okay, About.com didn’t use all the “blahs” and “yaddas.” I know all this stuff. We all know all this stuff, but that doesn’t make me like it, or get me out of bed at 4:30 in the morning to do it. Especially when I don’t get home till 11:30 after the basketball game. And it’s going to be 18˚ and icy or muddy at 4:30 between now and June.
3) Tame the Bulge
About.com says that ”Fifty-five percent of adults in America are overweight” Yea!!! That means that 55% of Americans don’t look down their noses at me for being such a fat slob! By the way, have you noticed a trend here? Is it About.com, or GNC? No, I think it’s pretty natural. In fact, I think this is #1 on most of our lists of resolutions. It has been on mine for say the last 25 years of so. I was doing pretty good from June to September, but I pretty much fell off the wagon in October.
4) Quit Smoking
They say this one takes at least two years to achieve. Supposedly, cigarettes are even more addictive than heroine. I smoked a few cigars back in college. I fancied my self a connoisseur. As if a 19 year old can be a connoisseur. Anyway, being a tobacco-snob is like being an imported-beer-snob, it’s too expensive to become too habit forming. The real thing that helped me quit was Bethany. She was my fiancé at the time. She offered to buy me a “Goya de Nicuragua” (my favorite stogie), but she told me that there was no way she’d be kissin’ me for several days. For the rest of you, I’d like to recommend http://www.quitnet.com.
5) Enjoy Life More
Forced to spend more time with your family, having to eat less, get up early to exercise, and no more cigars? What kind of a life does About.com want me to lead? Next they’ll be telling me I can’t drink anymore either.
Seriously though, getting more sleep, being healthier and more fit, losing weight, spending more time with my family and maybe some St. John’s Wort will help.
6) Quit Drinking
Remember, I’ve got that Imported-Beer-Snob thing going. I like Miller Lite and I’ll tolerate Bud Light, but my alcohol is pretty few and far between. Although, my friends on the Atkin’s diet tell me that it’s a carbohydrate/weight loss issue too. That’s an idea that has merit.
7) Get Out of Debt
OW, ow, ow. This might take more than a year. It also might require that I start buying lottery tickets, unfortunately I can’t afford the dollar a week, even with all the money I save on cigarettes and beer. Plus there’s all that St. John’s Wort I’m buying, and the membership at the gym.
8) Learn Something New
Last year I planned on learning how to play the guitar. I even ran out and bought “Guitar for Dummies.” This year I plan on watching the Discovery Channel a lot, that way I can learn useful stuff like how to make a Chevy Suburban into a mobile Las Vegas wedding chapel.
9) Help Others
Was it Ben Franklin who said “God helps those who help themselves?” I don’t know. It may be selfish, but it’s hard to take care # 9 when you can’t even help yourself enough to take care of # 1 through 8.
10) Get Organized
Yeah right. I started reading this book on Adult Attention Deficit Disorder once, but I just didn’t have the patience to finish it.
The only real resolution I made this year was to write shorter columns, but it looks like I’ll have to try again next year.
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