Ah, if only I had a nickel every time I had that, I’d have my kids’ college tuition paid for. I’m sure that my Dad heard it enough too. What’s the old saying about “get-backs?”
I got home from a school meeting in Dunlap Thursday afternoon and hopped into the van- already expertly packed by my German wife- and we headed off for Minneapolis.
Ellen, our three year old, evidently recognizes Denison because it wasn’t until Westside, Arcadia, Vail and Carrol that she started asking, “Is this Minnie APPLE’s us?”
I think we made it to Glidden before we all needed potty breaks and the baby needed a bottle. Me, I desperately needed caffeine. In stead of taking a “No-Doze,” I bought a can of Starbuck’s Double-Shot Expresso. That did the trick, I was good for the rest of the trip.
Probably the nicest, and yet hardest part of the whole vacation was the Mason City/Clear Lake exit. We decided to try Culver’s Custard & Butter Burgers for supper. Pricey for fast food, but trust me, when you have kids under 10, you get tired of McDonald’s after the millionth time you eat there.
It was the nicest part of the trip because we it wasn’t busy, it wasn’t hot, muggy or buggy, it was dusk, and we sat outside. They had fun 50’s and 60’s music playing on their speakers that Gracie and Ellie danced to and if you’ve never had a frozen custard, you really ought to take a break soft-serve ice cream and frozen yogurt and give it a try. Mmmmm.
It was the worst part of the trip because all three children, ages 6 months to 6 years had bathroom emergencies. Somehow we survived and pressed on.
It was a good thing we all used the bathroom there, because there were absolutely no rest areas open in the entire state of Minnesota.
We found out when we got home that this was due to their state government shut down, brought on by a budget fight between the governor and legislature. Stupid politics.
If you’ve ever been on a 6 hour drive with three children, ages 6 months to 6 years, you know that Interstate rest areas with clean working bathrooms is not a luxury, it is an inalienable right given by our Creator that ought to be constitutionally protected from state political meddling.
Somehow, we got into town without getting lost- much. We preregistered at our hotel on the internet. What a 21st century convenience, right? We even pulled up a route map on the computer straight to the hotel’s front door. Only when we got there, it wasn’t there.
The Ramada Inn was supposed to be right there on 24th between the Airport and the Mall of America. We must have driven between 23rd and 25th half a dozen times. The only hotel where the Ramada was supposed to be was the Thunderbird Inn and Resort.
Stupid internet.
Bleary-eyed and exhausted, we decided to pull in to the T-Bird and ask to use their phone to call the Ramada. We did so with some disdain, after all Thunderbird wine is the wino’s brand- surely this was a dive frequented by airline personnel and riff-raff.
Lo and behold, it was the Ramada-Thunderbird Inn and resort at which we were booked. At least our room was on the first floor and close. The 1960’s vintage Southwestern campy-kitsch motif actually made me feel a little bit at home (remember I grew up in Phoenix in the ‘70’s).
(See the photo of the 40 foot brave who greets you)
Red carpet, rusty red arrowhead wallpaper, fredrick Remington paintings of cowboys and Indians were everywhere.
At 11:30 pm there was no time to soak in the nostalgically cheesy decor. It was time to get the kids tucked into bed. Dream on.
Eventually, after a bath, a debate over who was sleeping where, and plenty of jumping on the beds, we settled down for a short night’s sleep.
The next morning we were to meet our friends at the Minnesota Zoo at 11 am.
So our whole family was starving. We left the hotel an hour early- just in case we got lost. But it took less than 15 minutes to get to the zoo, so I doubled back, because we saw a sign for a McDonald’s.
We pulled off at the McDonald’s exit and saw another sign that promised that the “Golden Arches” was just another mile in from the freeway.
Our stomachs were growling. The girls were begging, “Are we THERE yet???!!”
At long last, the sign, the tall yellow M on top of a pole meant that our appetites would soon be satisfied. Only there was another sign, it said “we’re rebuilding to better serve you.”
Beneath the sign was a big, brown, hole. Dirt and a back hoe where there was supposed to be plastic and egg McMuffins. Stupid McDonald’s (again).
We reluctantly decided to head for the zoo early, destined to over pay for zoo food- if they even served any before noon. We settled in for a $3 cup of coffee and a $2 Rice Crispy bar that we split four ways and waited for our friends. They were 45 minutes late.
The Minnesota Zoo does have a great dolphin show, but basically we ran from there to guess what, the goats and farm animals (how exotic!).
And of course time in the pool at the T-Bird Inn and time in THE mall. Somehow we got home by 3:55 pm in time for our cousin’s wedding at 4. We snuck in the back and were all seated in the balcony by 4:05.
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