One that's been brewing a long time

New Cartoons

For a while now I've been thinking that I should create a venue for religious commentary. My column says it's about "sex, politics, and religion," but it never deals with sex and only rarely deals with religion. I do have a religious blog, http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com that ends up dealing with politics a lot. But not in cartoon form. So, here's an attempt. Look for "Sheep in Wolves's Clothing" on Mondays on my cartoon bloc, http://tedstoons.blogspot.com

These first two are pretty political in fact, being a donkey and an elephant. I'm afraid that you'll also find "h in wolves's Clothing" a little esoteric, that's because I want to encourage readers to think- and in the case of these first two, to look up a verse in Scripture. Because the best thing that any teacher or minister can say to you is "don't take my word for it, look it up!"

Here, I'll help you out THIS time- Ecc. 5: 10-15 is a great admonition for shallow, materialistic, upwardly mobile, day traders with a penchant for mortgage backed securities!

Whereas Ecc. 6:11 is something someone on the Straight Talk Express might say to someone more nuanced to let them know that they're not someone they'd like to have a beer with while watching hockey or NAASCAR.

Come join!

Come join my new FaceBook group!mal•toons FaceBook group

Or, if you're a cartoonist yourself, come join...Political Cartoonists of the world unite!

Does May 1 holiday make you a basket case?

As I understand it, the tradition used to be that the May basket was supposed to be left on someone's doorstep. When you ring the doorbell, you are supposed to run away. Where I grew up, that’s not what kids left on your doorstep when they rang the bell and ran away.

What I remember about May 1 were scenes on the evening news of the Russians holding big parades where tanks rolled by and the red army marched past a bunch of really old men from the Kremlin. It looked like it was their 4th of July or something. Growing up in the cold war, that certainly didn’t seem like a holiday that any red (er, uh, red, white, and blue) blooded American kid would want to be a part of.

The truth of the matter is, May Day is an American invention. It’s supposed to be about the little guy, the blue collar, working class regular Joe who puts in his 8, 10, or 14 hour day trying to make a decent living for his family. But like so many things that began here, May Day has become an international celebration. And like a lot of things, Americans decided that we couldn’t like it if Europeans did.

Back on May 4, 1886 there was a rally in the Haymarket of Chicago. Workers were protesting low wages and unfair treatment. They wanted the right to organize unions that would be able to bargain collectively, on behalf of employees, with business owners and management.

Someone threw a bomb at the cops who were trying to disperse the crowd and things got out of hand. No one really knows who actually threw it, but eight agitators were arrested and tried for the murders. Four were put to death, and one committed suicide in prison. Five of the eight were German immigrants. Their sentencing set off a huge growth in unions in Europe. And concern for how America treats it’s immigrants.

Okay, okay. May Day isn’t really all that American. Germans and Scandinavians celebrated it long before Christianity came to Europe. May first is the day, according to legend that the Tunic god Oden (the Norse knew him as Thor) died in order to discover some secret magic power from some people called the Runes or something. Europeans celebrated by lighting bonfires, going on runs, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol and dancing around poles. American college students do the same thing only they call it Spring Break.

Neo-Pagans have been trying to bring it back. They call the holiday “Walpurgisnacht,” probably another reason it doesn’t get celebrated her in the states. Can you imagine wishing people “Merry Walpurgisnacht?” Happy Walpurgisnacht. have you made any resolutions for Walpurgisnacht? What are you doing Walpurgisnacht Eve?

As much as I admire the working man, I’m not much for celebrating pagan holidays, so once again (remember February) I would like to offer readers an alternative (if somewhat obscure and esoteric) holiday for the first week in May. Cartoonist Appreciation Week, May 3-10.

National Cartoonist Day is every year on May 5. The very first comic strip, The Yellow Kid, appeared in a newspaper on May 5, 1895. But this year they decided to have it on May 3. I think because they couldn’t get Congress to make it a federal holiday, nobody can get the Monday off, so cartoonists wanted it on a Friday night so they can party.

A highlight of Cartoonist Appreciation Week is Free Comic Book Day, also May 3. Participating comic book specialty retailers around the world give away free comic books to any unsuspecting kids who make the mistake of entering their stores. Sort of like how drug dealers give you the first hit for free because they know they’re going to get you hooked.

If it’s that important to you to hold on to the old holiday’s connection to labor unions, you might be interested to know that cartoonists have their own union. The National Cartoonists Society is the world's largest organization of professional cartoonists, Founded in 1946, one of their goals is "to stimulate and encourage interest in and acceptance of the art of cartooning by aspiring cartoonists, students and the general public." I’m not a member because I can’t afford the dues. Maybe someday.

If you happen to know a cartoonist, you may want to send them a card or something. Preferably with a generous gratuity inside. Or perhaps you should bake them a pie, or a plate of cookies. Chocolate chip or oatmeal would be nice, but cartoonists don’t usually like raisins very much. Or marshmallows. Cartoonists hate marshmallows.

The lease you could do is leave a comment on this blog post and say hi, or maybe an email or poke them on Facebook. You COULD at least visit http://tedstoons.blogspot.com and leave some comments on some of those cartoons.

By the way, the distress call “Mayday, Mayday” has absolutely nothing to do with the first day of May. It comes from the French phrase “venez m'aider,” meaning “come to my aid!” Thought you’d like to know.

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'Ted's Column' has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002 and the Schleswig Leader since 2004. In 2007 the Mapleton PRESS, which published both of the smaller paper, "absorbed" both the Leader and the NEWSpaper. But the PRESS is not exactly a major metro daily, it runs once a week and has an official circulation of 2130 with an estimated total readership of around 4260. So if you're ever in Western Iowa, at a gas station on a Thursday, buy a copy, we appreciate your support.

This week, he REALLY wants you to come see all of Ted's cartoons, some even in color at http://tedstoons.blogspot.com

Happy St. Pat's

Some fun ones

See more of my weekly political cartoons and my new feature, "Maladjusted," at http://tedstoons.blogspot.com

Rep. Steve King (R) of Iowa's 5th District strike's again!

Last night on the local news, my idiot Congressman ACTUALLY said pretty much just what I wrote above about Barack Obama. I was so incensed that I HAD to draw this cartoon.

For God's SAKE, will somebody PLEASE get this guy out of office! Clarence Hoffman, since you're stepping down from the State Assembly, why don't you challenge this numskull for your party's nomination!?! PLEASE!

Of course, due to plumbing disasters, we're temporally living with my inlaws while our home undergoes repairs, so I am without PhotoShop till I go back to school on Monday, so I'm posting it pretty raw. If I use it for the PRESS for March 20, I'll obviously rework it some- but then the incident will also be 2 weeks old, so who knows if I will or not.

Click here to see more of my cartoons about Steve King

Be sure to visit www.kingwatch.org

Two corny ones

Cartoons

Click here to see tons of my cartoons- http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2

Click here to see tons of my cartoons- http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2

Cartoons

Click here to see tons of cartoons- http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2
Not only do I think that the last 5 weeks or so are some of my best political cartoons, but I just added another 5 non-political ones that I did in PhotoShop. There's over 100 cartoons there. It's more than a hobby, it's becoming an obsession. Listen, it's a psychological illness- I NEED for you to look at these cartoons. Fortunately, I don' t need you to laugh or to agree with all of them. I know that this is a lousy spam message, but I can't help myself! If you promise to forward this web address to at least a couple of other people who might like to read cartoons, I think that will bring me psychological well-being so that I'll stop sending spam to you. Seriously. As long as you're there, you can click on one of the other menus on the top of the page, like "home," so that you can see tons of other artwork, paintings, drawings, computer graphics, and photos of Presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama. You might even be tempted to bookmark it and visit it every other week to see new cartoons.

Beg, beg, plead

Come view my cartoons

Click here to see tons of cartoons- http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2
Not only do I think that the last 5 weeks or so are some of my best political cartoons, but I just added another 5 non-political ones that I did in PhotoShop. There's over 100 cartoons there. It's more than a hobby, it's becoming an obsession. Listen, it's a psychological illness- I NEED for you to look at these cartoons. Fortunately, I don' t need you to laugh or to agree with all of them. I know that this is a lousy spam message, but I can't help myself! If you promise to forward this web address to at least a couple of other people who might like to read cartoons, I think that will bring me psychological well-being so that I'll stop sending spam to you. Seriously. As long as you're there, you can click on one of the other menus on the top of the page, like "home," so that you can see tons of other artwork, paintings, drawings, computer graphics, and photos of Presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama. You might even be tempted to bookmark it and visit it every other week to see new cartoons.

Beg, beg, plead

_______________________________
Pirate Prayers at:
http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com

Ted's cartoons, artworks, photos, and commentary at:
http://tmal.multiply.com

"The gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." ~Garrison Keillor

A couple of my most venomous cartoons

The media is the message

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I personally am torn. Anyone who knows me or has read this column very regularly knows I’m hard to shut up. Meanwhile I’d wanted to be a cartoonist when I grew up since I was in fourth or fifth grade.

Some look down on cartooning, like it’s too easy or appeals too much to our lowest common denominators and doesn’t require us to read or think as much as writing. Not so, seeing and scanning is thinking just as hard, it just involves a different region of your brain and takes a lot less time.
It takes me almost as long to draw, scan, and process a clean, professional looking cartoon as it does to write a column. More importantly, cartooning has a long and prestigious history that goes back as far as printing itself.

When Guttenburg invented the press, Europe was engulfed in the controversy of the excesses of renaissance and the revolutionary social and political changes of the Reformation. The vast majority of the population couldn’t read, just emerging from the dark ages and all, but they could understand editorial cartoons. So Lutherans drew the pope as a jackass, and Catholics drew Martin Luther as an “instrumental of the devil” (his face as a bag-pipe played by a gargoyle).

Benjamin Franklin, scientist, philosopher, inventor, civic and business leader, humorist, diplomat, statesman, and chick-magnet was also, among other things, one of America’s first editorial cartoonists. His lampoon of the famous “Don’t tread on me” rattle snake flag, that patriot troops flew, featured the snake hacked-up into 13 pieces. His point was the colonies needed to unite if they were going to stand up against British rule.

Paul Revere of midnight ride fame, was also a cartoonist. Yes, you’re right- he was a silversmith. But see, back then cartoons had to be engraved in order to be printed. Whereas today we draw ‘em, scan ‘em and place them into layouts on a computer. So, since he knew how to engrave flourishes and decorative scenes onto his silver tea pots and vases, he also knew how to engrave a cartoon critical of the British onto a printer’s plate.

The real father of modern editorial cartooning had to be Thomas Nast. He was a tubby little German immigrant kid who got beat up in school for not being able to speak English well enough. He discovered that he could win friends by drawing caricatures that made fun of the school bullies.

During the Civil War he worked as a illustrator for Harper’s magazine. They were the Time or Newsweek of the day.

Photography was in it’s infancy. The lens had to stay open for a long time so action shots were impossible. Subjects had to sit still or show up as a blur. They didn’t have digital cameras or even convenient 35 mm rolls of film. Pictures were shot onto big lunky plates of glass. Consequently, publications like Harper’s sent artists like Nast with their sketchbooks to the battlefield, then they’d go home and draw detailed engravings to give readers a realistic picture of the war.

Nast maybe most revered by cartoonists for taking down the corrupt political machine of William “Boss” Tweed run out of Tammany Hall in New York City. But most Americans know him by his symbols.

He’s the guy who came up with the Republican elephant; big rich fat-cat, slow to change, never forgets old issues. He’s also responsible for the Democratic donkey; working class, agriculture, and immigrants, stubborn and sometimes a jackass.

As if those two weren’t enough, he’s responsible for another American icon. In 1884 he was asked to illustrate a children’s poem entitled “Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Before Nast, Americans were used to a tall skinny Dutch “Saint Nicholas,” or a tall skinny British “Father Christmas.” Now, thanks to an editorial cartoonist, Americans had their fat, jolly Santa in a furry red suit.

I could go on and on about how cartoonists brought us Uncle Sam and the Teddy Bear or what an uproar it made in the Islamic world when the prophet Mohammed showed up in a cartoon. But instead, I should just encourage you to enjoy looking at funny pictures.

With the new publisher’s indulgence, I’d like to humbly offer you some editorials cartoons along with this column. If you’re disappointed with the political positions they seem to take, be patient. I hope to try my best to be an equal opportunity offender. The Elephants happen to hold power, but that doesn’t mean that donkeys never do anything worth making fun of.

See all my cartoons in color at http://tedstoons.blogspot.com/