Does May 1 holiday make you a basket case?

As I understand it, the tradition used to be that the May basket was supposed to be left on someone's doorstep. When you ring the doorbell, you are supposed to run away. Where I grew up, that’s not what kids left on your doorstep when they rang the bell and ran away.

What I remember about May 1 were scenes on the evening news of the Russians holding big parades where tanks rolled by and the red army marched past a bunch of really old men from the Kremlin. It looked like it was their 4th of July or something. Growing up in the cold war, that certainly didn’t seem like a holiday that any red (er, uh, red, white, and blue) blooded American kid would want to be a part of.

The truth of the matter is, May Day is an American invention. It’s supposed to be about the little guy, the blue collar, working class regular Joe who puts in his 8, 10, or 14 hour day trying to make a decent living for his family. But like so many things that began here, May Day has become an international celebration. And like a lot of things, Americans decided that we couldn’t like it if Europeans did.

Back on May 4, 1886 there was a rally in the Haymarket of Chicago. Workers were protesting low wages and unfair treatment. They wanted the right to organize unions that would be able to bargain collectively, on behalf of employees, with business owners and management.

Someone threw a bomb at the cops who were trying to disperse the crowd and things got out of hand. No one really knows who actually threw it, but eight agitators were arrested and tried for the murders. Four were put to death, and one committed suicide in prison. Five of the eight were German immigrants. Their sentencing set off a huge growth in unions in Europe. And concern for how America treats it’s immigrants.

Okay, okay. May Day isn’t really all that American. Germans and Scandinavians celebrated it long before Christianity came to Europe. May first is the day, according to legend that the Tunic god Oden (the Norse knew him as Thor) died in order to discover some secret magic power from some people called the Runes or something. Europeans celebrated by lighting bonfires, going on runs, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol and dancing around poles. American college students do the same thing only they call it Spring Break.

Neo-Pagans have been trying to bring it back. They call the holiday “Walpurgisnacht,” probably another reason it doesn’t get celebrated her in the states. Can you imagine wishing people “Merry Walpurgisnacht?” Happy Walpurgisnacht. have you made any resolutions for Walpurgisnacht? What are you doing Walpurgisnacht Eve?

As much as I admire the working man, I’m not much for celebrating pagan holidays, so once again (remember February) I would like to offer readers an alternative (if somewhat obscure and esoteric) holiday for the first week in May. Cartoonist Appreciation Week, May 3-10.

National Cartoonist Day is every year on May 5. The very first comic strip, The Yellow Kid, appeared in a newspaper on May 5, 1895. But this year they decided to have it on May 3. I think because they couldn’t get Congress to make it a federal holiday, nobody can get the Monday off, so cartoonists wanted it on a Friday night so they can party.

A highlight of Cartoonist Appreciation Week is Free Comic Book Day, also May 3. Participating comic book specialty retailers around the world give away free comic books to any unsuspecting kids who make the mistake of entering their stores. Sort of like how drug dealers give you the first hit for free because they know they’re going to get you hooked.

If it’s that important to you to hold on to the old holiday’s connection to labor unions, you might be interested to know that cartoonists have their own union. The National Cartoonists Society is the world's largest organization of professional cartoonists, Founded in 1946, one of their goals is "to stimulate and encourage interest in and acceptance of the art of cartooning by aspiring cartoonists, students and the general public." I’m not a member because I can’t afford the dues. Maybe someday.

If you happen to know a cartoonist, you may want to send them a card or something. Preferably with a generous gratuity inside. Or perhaps you should bake them a pie, or a plate of cookies. Chocolate chip or oatmeal would be nice, but cartoonists don’t usually like raisins very much. Or marshmallows. Cartoonists hate marshmallows.

The lease you could do is leave a comment on this blog post and say hi, or maybe an email or poke them on Facebook. You COULD at least visit http://tedstoons.blogspot.com and leave some comments on some of those cartoons.

By the way, the distress call “Mayday, Mayday” has absolutely nothing to do with the first day of May. It comes from the French phrase “venez m'aider,” meaning “come to my aid!” Thought you’d like to know.

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'Ted's Column' has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002 and the Schleswig Leader since 2004. In 2007 the Mapleton PRESS, which published both of the smaller paper, "absorbed" both the Leader and the NEWSpaper. But the PRESS is not exactly a major metro daily, it runs once a week and has an official circulation of 2130 with an estimated total readership of around 4260. So if you're ever in Western Iowa, at a gas station on a Thursday, buy a copy, we appreciate your support.

This week, he REALLY wants you to come see all of Ted's cartoons, some even in color at http://tedstoons.blogspot.com

More to this month than just Trick-or-Treats

More to this month than just Trick-or-Treats
Page 3 Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper & Schleswig Leader- Thursday, October 5, 2006

Welcome to October. You may be aware that this is “Hispanic Heritage Month.” Around here, there are plenty of people who know it as National Pork Producers’ Month. There are also those (usually in the Volunteer Fire Department) who will be working to promote Fire Prevention Week, October 8-15.

But I bet that you were not aware that this is also Billiard Awareness Month. If you weren’t, be sure to be aware of billiards. I’d hate for you to get knocked in the head by one.
Someone, somewhere decided that this should also be “Celebrate Sun Dried Tomatoes Month.” Probably someone in the sun-dried tomato industry. No doubt in California or Italy or somewhere where they can dry their tomatoes in the sun in October with no fear of frost, rain, or falling leaves.

It’s Church Safety and Security Month, so talk to your congregation’s trusty trustees about making sure your church is safe and secure.

So you say you get frustrated by the whole “Hispanic Heritage Month?” You don’t mean to be racist or to resent recent immigrants, but you don’t understand the need to focus on one ethnic group? Not to worry, for all you “Traditional American” (AKA white) native-born Iowans can enjoy “German-American Heritage Month.” Listen to “Polka Party” and grill some brats and enjoy being from Western Iowa, or wherever.

Did you realize that this is also international Strategic Planning Month? No? Neither did the White House.

My Librarian and English/Language Arts teacher friends want you to know that this is National Book Month. Why not read one?

It’s National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. A subject close to many people’s heart. Get it? Breast...Heart? Yeah, you’re right, it isn’t really something to joke about.
I love that it’s also National Chili Month. I’d make a pot, but let’s face it, it’s pretty much “guy food” and I live with four females. I guess I’m hoping that my Farmer-in-Law makes some, his chili is great.

It’s National Communicate With Your Kids Month, not that that’s actually possible. But just remember, you didn’t HAVE to buy them that cell-phone and you can disconnect the internet or TV satellite hook up any time you want to.
October is National Dental Hygiene Month. And what better finale than all those caramel apples and Halloween candy!

Sad to say it’s also National Depression Education & Awareness Month. (Get it?) You’re right, that was a pretty sad attempt at humor.
Why hasn’t anyone told us before now that this is National Ergonomics Month? Well, now that you know, why not get comfortable and think about redesigning your living room?
It’s National “Gain The Inside Advantage” Month. If you’d only known, maybe you would’ve already.

What else? Pajama Month, National Popcorn Poppin’ Month, and Roller Skating Month. I’d like to see some people celebrate all three of these at once.

Just to warn you, this is National Sarcastics Awareness Month. Seriously, it is, I’m not making this up, and I’m not being sarcastic.

If like me, you’re not a professional plumber, you probably didn’t know that this is Toilet Tank Repair Month. Have fun with that one. (note sarcasm).
YES! It’s finally Positive Attitude Month! It’s “Right Brainers Rule! Month.” See, I knew this because I’m a right-brainer. Oh, did I mention that it’s also Self-Promotion Month?

Believe it or not, this is Spinach Lovers Month. That’s gotta be difficult after last month!
This is the LAST week to register to vote in 2006 US general elections in November.
Tomorrow is the last day of Mental Illness Awareness Week. Crazy!

It’s National Carry A Tune Week. Wish I could.

Here’s some irony, you’re reading a newspaper right now, and it happens to be National Newspaper Week. Good going, you know how to celebrate that one.

It’s not just National 4-H Week, it’s also Squirrel Appreciation Week which, coincidentally is the SAME week as National Chestnut Week!

Did you miss October 1st? “International Day of Older Persons.”
Or did you farmers all celebrate this past Tuesday with your livestock? It was World Farm Animals Day.

Hang on to your hats, today is Mad Hatter Day.

Oh, remember how it’s German-American Heritage Month? Well, TODAY, October 6 is also National German-American Day.

I hope that made you grin because it is World Smile Day.
Sure, next Monday is Leif Erickson Day and Columbus Day. But I’m going to celebrate “National Kick Butt Day.”

Just so you’ll be aware, National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day will be October 11. If your teacher or boss gives you a hard time, don’t fret, the very next day, October 12 will be “International Moment of Frustration Scream Day.”

The Truth Revealed!

The best film makers know how to use music at just the right times. There are two songs in Frank Capra’s masterpiece “It’s a Wonderful Life” that have me so conditioned like one of Pavlov’s dogs, that as soon as I hear them, my throat swells and my eyes get puffy. One is the traditional carol, “Hark the Herald Angels Sing.” The other is a little ditty that you can expect to hear a lot this weekend. It was made famous by a guy named Lombardo and his Royal Canadians, but it was first written by a Scottish poet named Robert Burns (1759-1796). He wrote it way back in 1788.

I think that no other song can take you back and make you reflect on your past year or fill your heart with memories and make you miss your long lost friends.

Unfortunately, no one really understands this song. It could be that Burns had been drinking too much when he wrote it, or that Guy & his Canadians had been hitting the Canadian Club a little too hard whenever they played it, or that most people have had plenty of champagne when they hear it on New Year’s Eve.

Just like the much maligned “Louie Louie” by the Kingsmen, Auld Lang Syne has been the subject of suspicion and conspiracies, even investigation by the FBI and the NSA. Now, for the first time, thanks to the Freedom of Information act and an online English-Gaelic dictionary, the secrets of this holiday favorite are revealed:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

“Auld,” is easy enough to figure out, it’s Gaelic (the old Scotch & Irish home language) for “old.” And lang syne is “long-gone.” So obviously He’s saying sarcastically, “should we forget our long lost friends?”

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

“Let’s have a drink to old friends.” Of course, some of the friends who are most long-gone are the friends I used to drink with and I really don’t drink much anymore. But I wonder if what ol’ Burnzie meant was that his old friends had drank so much that they were “pretty far gone.”

And surely ye'll be your pint stowp!
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

“You have to pay for your pint of ale yourself, but I’ll still drink with you.” Basically, “let’s go Dutch.” I know, this verse is kind of a disappointment, isn’t it? I thought it would be much more sweet and sentimental. Oh well, no one ever accused us Scotts of being generous to a fault.

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pou'd the gowans fine;
But we've wander'd mony a weary fit
Sin' auld lang syne.

“We two have run about the hills, and pulled the pretty daisies, but we’ve also wandered many a weary step once or twice- since long ago.” Um… I guess he’s just saying we’ve had our ups and downs.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us briad hae roar'd
Sin' auld lang syne.

“Once or twice have paddled in the stream from … till dinner… but now, there are oceans between us…” (that roar?) Sorry, the online dictionary had no translation for “briad hae roar'd.” Does anybody know wha the heck a “briad” is?

And there's a hand, my trusty fere!
And gie's a hand o' thine!
And we'll tak' a right gude-willie waught,
For auld lang syne.

“Take my hand, friend, and give me yours, and we’ll take a chug-a-lug to good will, for old time’s sake.” So you can see why, even though it was written back in 1788, it really is a lot like a fraternity drinking song like “Louie Louie.”

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

Make sure you designate a driver this New Year’s Eve. If you know you should celebrate for old time’s sake with something other than alcohol, please find some “friends of Bill W.” and get the support you need. If you wake up New Year’s morning and feel like you can’t wake up, try a shot of Tabasco in your coffee and some scrambled eggs, then go back to bed.

God bless your 2006.