The Truth Revealed!

The best film makers know how to use music at just the right times. There are two songs in Frank Capra’s masterpiece “It’s a Wonderful Life” that have me so conditioned like one of Pavlov’s dogs, that as soon as I hear them, my throat swells and my eyes get puffy. One is the traditional carol, “Hark the Herald Angels Sing.” The other is a little ditty that you can expect to hear a lot this weekend. It was made famous by a guy named Lombardo and his Royal Canadians, but it was first written by a Scottish poet named Robert Burns (1759-1796). He wrote it way back in 1788.

I think that no other song can take you back and make you reflect on your past year or fill your heart with memories and make you miss your long lost friends.

Unfortunately, no one really understands this song. It could be that Burns had been drinking too much when he wrote it, or that Guy & his Canadians had been hitting the Canadian Club a little too hard whenever they played it, or that most people have had plenty of champagne when they hear it on New Year’s Eve.

Just like the much maligned “Louie Louie” by the Kingsmen, Auld Lang Syne has been the subject of suspicion and conspiracies, even investigation by the FBI and the NSA. Now, for the first time, thanks to the Freedom of Information act and an online English-Gaelic dictionary, the secrets of this holiday favorite are revealed:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

“Auld,” is easy enough to figure out, it’s Gaelic (the old Scotch & Irish home language) for “old.” And lang syne is “long-gone.” So obviously He’s saying sarcastically, “should we forget our long lost friends?”

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

“Let’s have a drink to old friends.” Of course, some of the friends who are most long-gone are the friends I used to drink with and I really don’t drink much anymore. But I wonder if what ol’ Burnzie meant was that his old friends had drank so much that they were “pretty far gone.”

And surely ye'll be your pint stowp!
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

“You have to pay for your pint of ale yourself, but I’ll still drink with you.” Basically, “let’s go Dutch.” I know, this verse is kind of a disappointment, isn’t it? I thought it would be much more sweet and sentimental. Oh well, no one ever accused us Scotts of being generous to a fault.

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pou'd the gowans fine;
But we've wander'd mony a weary fit
Sin' auld lang syne.

“We two have run about the hills, and pulled the pretty daisies, but we’ve also wandered many a weary step once or twice- since long ago.” Um… I guess he’s just saying we’ve had our ups and downs.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us briad hae roar'd
Sin' auld lang syne.

“Once or twice have paddled in the stream from … till dinner… but now, there are oceans between us…” (that roar?) Sorry, the online dictionary had no translation for “briad hae roar'd.” Does anybody know wha the heck a “briad” is?

And there's a hand, my trusty fere!
And gie's a hand o' thine!
And we'll tak' a right gude-willie waught,
For auld lang syne.

“Take my hand, friend, and give me yours, and we’ll take a chug-a-lug to good will, for old time’s sake.” So you can see why, even though it was written back in 1788, it really is a lot like a fraternity drinking song like “Louie Louie.”

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

Make sure you designate a driver this New Year’s Eve. If you know you should celebrate for old time’s sake with something other than alcohol, please find some “friends of Bill W.” and get the support you need. If you wake up New Year’s morning and feel like you can’t wake up, try a shot of Tabasco in your coffee and some scrambled eggs, then go back to bed.

God bless your 2006.