knee deep

Welcome to Main Street, Charter Oak, Iowa March 1, 2007 Brrrrr

SICK OF THOSE HIGH PAID TEACHERS

Maybe some of you have already received this one, but it's still
rather poignant.

SICK OF THOSE HIGH PAID TEACHERS?

I, for one, am sick and tired of those high paid teachers. Their
hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work nine or ten
months a year!

It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do.
Baby-sit! We can get that for less than minimum wage. That's right. .
. I would give them $3.00 dollars an hour and only the hours they
worked, not any of that silly planning time. That would be $19.50 a
day (7:45 AM to 4:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch).

Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit
their children. Now, how many do they teach in a day. . maybe 30? So
that's 19.5 X 30 = $585.00 a day. But remember they only work 180
days a year! I'm not going to pay them for any vacations or snow
days. Let's see. . . that's 585 x 180 = $105,300.00 (Hold on! My
calculator must need batteries!)

What about those special teachers or the ones with master's degrees?
Well, we could pay them minimum wage just to be fair. Round it off to
$7.00 an hour. That would be $7 times 6-1/2 hours times 30 children
times 180 days = $245,700.00 per year.

Wait a minute, there is something wrong here!

_______________________________
Ted's cartoons, artworks, photos, and commentary at:
http://tmal.multiply.com

Pirate Prayers at:
http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com

"The gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the
comfortable." ~Garrison Keillor

If only old teddy were around to kick some sense into George W. Remember, nothing is so conservative than conservation- Red states need to start thinking green!
What my fellow Arizona native may not realize is that the water in the pool is just about evaporated.

'Cause I Got High'

Is our President still using cocaine? I don't know, that may be nothing more than a wild conspiracy theory. I do suspect that he's what psychologists call a "Dry Drunk," that is an addict who may not be using, but never deals with the underlying emotional and mental problems that motivated them to abuse drugs or alcohol. Dry Drunks operate in a perpetual deeply pathological state.

One recovery website describes Dry Drunk Syndrome this way:

This lack of sober realism manifests itself in many ways.

1. Grandiosity, put very simply, is an exaggeration of one's own importance. This can be demonstrated either in terms of one's strengths or weaknesses. In either case it is blatantly self- seeking or self-serving, putting oneself at the center of attention, from the "big me" who has ask the answers to the "poor me" whose cup of self-pity runneth over and wants all of our attention.

2. Judgmentalism is mutually related to grandiosity. It means that the alcoholic is prone to make value judgments - strikingly inappropriate evaluations - usually in terms of "goodness" or "badness".

3. Intolerance leaves no room for delaying the gratification of personal desires. This is accomplished by gross confusion of priorities with the result that a mere whim or passing fancy is mistakenly given more importance than genuine personal needs.

4. Impulsivity is the result of intolerance or the lack of ability to delay gratification of personal desires. Impulsivity describes behavior which is heedless of the ultimate consequence for self or others.

5. Indecisiveness is related to impulsitivity in the sense that while the latter takes no realistic account of the consequences of the actions, the former precludes effective action altogether. Indecisiveness stems from an unrealistic exaggeration of the negative possibilities of the action ; so one wavers between two or more possible courses of action, more times than not- nothing gets done.

That's pretty serious stuff, so let's try to cope with living in a dysfunctional America with humor! It's one way that the children of abusers act out in school, by being class clown. Maybe this will help. Here are the lyrics to a hilarious hip-hop parody being played by a number of Liberal talk radio hosts (may as well laugh, if we don't we'll just cry):

Bushman - 'Cause I Got High'

I wasn't gonna score me no dope, to get me high,
I wasn't gonna drive while giggling drunk... I got high.
Man, I wasn't gonna inhale skunk! No, that is a lie!
'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high.

I coulda been a fighter pilot once, but I got high.
A big chief in the National Guard, but I got high.
Now - man! I couldn't fly a kite, and I know why:
- 'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high.

I wasn't gonna campaign for Pres, but I got high.
I can't fix a whole sentence together, 'cause I got high.
Now I ain't no better than that pothead Clinton, hope you know why:
'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high.

I was gonna sign Kyoto, I swear, but I got high,
I was gonna clean my cowboy act up, but I got high.
It was a slight ambitious misjudgment, and I know why:
'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high.

I was gonna bomb Pyongyang, I said, high as the sky.
Show those slit-eyed commies who's da boss, but I got high.
Now bombs are gonna wipe ME out, and I know why
- 'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high.

I guess I'm gonna stop toking dope, tell you why:
I'm gonna kick my brown-nugget drugs habit, if I die.
When I'm impeached and I'm washing dishes, hope you know why:
- 'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high,
'Cause I got high.

Gee! I buggered-up the whole world, 'cause I got high
On copious blow, I lost the plot, 'cause I got high.
Now I'm piped off my stoopid face giggling... I know why:
- 'Cause I got high, 'cause I got high, 'cause I got high,
'Cause I'm high, 'cause I'm high, 'cause I'm high.

NBA OR NFL?

NBA OR NFL?

36
have been accused of spousal abuse

7
have been arrested for fraud

19
have been accused of writing bad checks

117
have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3
have done time for assault

71, repeat 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14
have been arrested on drug-related charges

8
have been arrested for shoplifting

21
currently are defendants in lawsuits, and

84
have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

NBA or NFL ?

Give up yet? . . Scroll down,

Neither - it's the 535 members of the United States Congress.
The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.

_______________________________
Ted's cartoons, artworks, photos, and commentary at:
http://tmal.multiply.com

Pirate Prayers at:
http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com

"The gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the
comfortable." ~Garrison Keillor

A Pirates Life for me

A Prayer for course correction
A Prayer to be used
Shining Face Prayer
Luther's coffee cup prayer
Ash Wednesday
Prayer for intimacy
5 Finger Prayer
The 7 Deadly Sins
Prayers by 60's Radical Malcom Boyd
Lord's Prayer made personal
In like a lion- St. David's Day
The Lord's Prayer made personal
Hoisting a pirate flag
and...
Why I'm not a pastor

These and motivational quotes, devotions, and political and spiritual commentary are all on my blog, "Prophet, Priest, and Pirate." Not to mention a ton of links to Christian music and Christian humor.

http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com

Searching for spiritual sustenance? Interested in something different than sitting for an hour in a pew on Sunday, singing 400 year old songs? Check out this blog, who knows, maybe God will use it to talk to you. Leave a comment, That's the kind of thing Martin Luther would've wanted, to spark debate and discussion.

Pass the web address on to other people you think might think it's interesting.  Feel free to email me about anything you have questions about. Send me your prayer requests. Bookmark it and come back to visit once in a while, there are new posts a number of times a week.
 Visit http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com


Aloha and
Me ka pule,
Pirate Ted


_______________________________
Ted's cartoons, artworks, photos, and commentary at:
http://tmal.multiply.com

Pirate Prayers at:
http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com

"The gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." ~Garrison Keillor

Great cartooning sites

Here are some great links I've found to a number of great political cartoonist's websites

http://www.markfiore.com

http://www.mikhaela.net

http://www.cartoonistswithattitude.org

http://www.thismodernworld.com

http://mackaycartoons.blogdrive.com

Great Wisdom

http://www.libertymulch.org

A great war leaves the country with three armies - an army of cripples, an army of mourners, and an army of thieves.
- German proverb

A Few Words in Defense of Our Country

A Few Words in Defense of Our Country
Unabridged lyrics to Randy's song (and New York Times op-ed piece)
Listen to it or watch his video at http://www.randynewman.com

I’d like to say a few words
In defense of our country
Whose people aren’t bad nor are they mean
Now the leaders we have
While they’re the worst that we’ve had
Are hardly the worst this poor world has seen

Let’s turn history’s pages, shall we?

Take the Caesars for example
Why within the first few of them
They were sleeping with their sister
Stashing little boys in swimming pools
And burning down the City
And one of ‘em, one of 'em
Appointed his own horse Consul of the Empire
That’s like vice president or something

That’s not a very good example, is it?

But wait, here’s one, the Spanish Inquisition
They put people in a terrible position
I don’t even like to think about it

Well, sometimes I like to think about it

Just a few words in defense of our country
Whose time at the top
Could be coming to an end
Now we don’t want their love
And respect at this point is pretty much out of the question
But in times like these
We sure could use a friend

Hitler. Stalin.
Men who need no introduction

King Leopold of Belgium. That’s right.
Everyone thinks he’s so great
Well he owned The Congo
He tore it up too
He took the diamonds, he took the gold
He took the silver
Know what he left them with?

Malaria

A President once said,
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"
Now it seems like we’re supposed to be afraid
It’s patriotic in fact and color coded
And what are we supposed to be afraid of?
Why, of being afraid
That’s what terror means, doesn’t it?
That’s what it used to mean

[To the first eight bars of "Columbia The Gem Of The Ocean"]

You know it pisses me off a little
That this Supreme Court is gonna outlive me
A couple of young Italian fellas and a brother on the Court now too
But I defy you, anywhere in the world
To find me two Italians as tightass as the two Italians we got

And as for the brother
Well, Pluto’s not a planet anymore either

The end of an empire is messy at best
And this empire is ending
Like all the rest
Like the Spanish Armada adrift on the sea
We’re adrift in the land of the brave
And the home of the free

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

The grass is always greener over the septic tank

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS

I didn't write this about one of my daughters, it was forwarded to me, but it's just the kind of thing that could've happened to me, so here I am passing it on. Don't worry, it's short and sweet-

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS

  I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

  Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.
 
  I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

  I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

_______________________________
Ted's cartoons, artworks, photos, and commentary at:
http://tmal.multiply.com

Pirate Prayers at:
http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com

"The gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." ~Garrison Keillor

Just how ready are we?

Just how ready are we?
Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday, March 1, 2007 – Page 3

There was a time when people asked if America was ready for a Catholic President. Then there was John Kennedy. People wondered if we were ready for a divorced President, then there was Ron Reagan.

This time around, of course people are asking a lot of those kinds of questions.
Would we be ready for Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, a Mormon?

I’ll admit, I’d be one of those who aren’t especially comfortable with that, considering some of the theology of the Church of Ladder Day Saints, under close scrutiny it doesn’t look a whole lot better than Scientology.

Of course, plenty of members of government, including a few Presidents and many of our founders were Free Masons and we’re still here.
Ordinarily, you expect a “lefty” like me to be more tolerant than that. Certainly no one bat an eyelash when Joe Lieberman was the first serious Jewish primary candidate and then Vice Presidential candidate. Of course Judaism is a lot older than Mormonism and after all, Jesus is Jewish. (was Jewish if you don’t believe in His resurrection, is an alien from another planet if you believe what some religions teach).

There was a time when you just couldn’t be Italian and from New York and run for President. People whispered “mob” under their breath when talking about Mario Cuomo.

This time around, New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani is a pretty serious candidate. Three wives and two gay roommates? Cancer survivor? These are all things that not so many years ago would’ve killed him as a Democrat, but the leadership he showed during the September 11 attacks have made hip appealing to both parties.

And, lest I tip toe around the elephants (er, donkeys) in the living room, the big questions that Newsweek magazine has been asking are whether or not America is ready for a woman or a Black President?

That may be the wrong question. What Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama may need to ask themselves is whether or not Iowa and New Hampshire are ready for them?

Lots of people thought that Howard Dean was a regular juggernaut in 2004, but Iowans weren’t sold on him and his internet based base of college egg head progressives. Iowa Democrats like tall, slow moving veterans like John Kerry and good old fashioned, pro labor, pro agriculture Midwestern Democrats like Richard Gebhardt. And then Dean screamed like a Hockey-Dad when he celebrated placing third in our caucus and it was completely over then.

So, how can they expect to win us over? Hillary has to not just distance herself from her husband, but maybe from New York too. She should appeal to her Illinois roots and maybe even the fact that she was a “Goldwater girl.”

Because I know readers who I easily rile won’t believe this , especially about me, but basically, even Iowa Democrats are fairly conservative.

If Hillary wants to win Iowa over, she has to come off as a steady, clear-headed, hard working matriarch. She can’t be too attractive so that we think of her as a woman. But she can’t be too shrill so that we think of her as trying too hard to seem tougher than a man either. Practical, wise, steady. Slow to talk but says the right thing when she does. That’s what I imagine Iowans would like if Uncle Sam were to be replaced with an Aunt Samantha.

There have been plenty of Black candidates for President. The Rev. Jesse Jackson and the Rev. Al Sharpton. But I think that neither of them were Presidential candidates who happened to be Black, Let’s face it, they were both Black candidates. Jackson has represented minorities and the down-trodden his entire career. Not every American is down-trodden. And Sharpton? Well, let’s just say he made Jackson look mainstream.

Of course, and for a while, the perennial non-candidate General Collin Powell. I think that if he came out and pointed fingers and named names and apologized for helping lie us into war, most Americans would still like to draft him for President.

All Obama really has to do is make sure he defines himself and not let Fox news or other right-wing propagandists do it for him. He’s running as a Democrat, not as a Black Democrat.
So far he also talks the talk of a post-partisan, someone who just happens to be a Democrat, almost like he happens to be Black. He speaks his own mind, and speaks carefully and eloquently. Those are things Iowans like; making up your own mind and knowing what the heck you’re talking about.

After the last six years, I’m certainly ready for some of that.