It's only Monday, Mr. Mom

I like to think of myself as a modern guy. There was never any question as to whether or not I'd help with our kids. There are some guys out there who have lots of grandkids already and they've never changed a poopy diaper. I'm not saying that makes me a good dad or anything. Here's a hint guys, never refer to it as "babysitting" the next time you have to watch your own kids without your wife's help.

Modern as I may be I have to admit that there are times when its hard. I have to tread lightly here guys, because I don't want the lady readers to think I'm complaining. Lets just say PARENTING can be hard. Last summer I must have sent out two dozen resumes filled out at least a half a dozen applications and still couldn't land a summer job. Some people work places for years and then lose that job. Teachers lose theirs every summer. Anyway, Bethany got a summer job but I couldn't, that meant I had to play Mr. Mom. And parenting is hard. Single parenting is even harder. Personally, I think that men are parentally retarded. It's like we're missing a gene or something. I'm not saying that women have it any easier, but I for one don't feel especially competent in the area.

So when Lonestar came out with their hit song, Beth just looked at me and started laughing. I think she meant to be laughing WITH me, not AT me, but I can never quite tell the difference.

Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time
Breakfast six, naps at nine
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday Mr. Mom

Not only should you avoid putting darks in with lights, but some darks are cheaper than others, so you can't just put any old purple in with the blues, or you'll be singing the blues. Check all pockets for candy, gum, and toys. Never put anything in the dryer without checking to make sure that you got the stains out. And "Super-Bee" the stuffed toy sent home by the teacher for good "bee-havior" needs to take baths at home in the teacher's washing machine, not ours.

You know, not to give them a free plug, but those Mr. Clean "erasers" really work pretty well on most crayons- on the wall, but you still have to use a lot of elbow-grease. If your kids get a hold of a Sharpie permanent marker and it bleeds through the paper they're drawing on, you'd better hope they were working straight on the terrazzo floor instead of the nice oak table.

I hate Barney. I don't mind the Wiggles or Dora the Explorer. Of course, my favorite is Kim Possible. I think it's because it reminds me a little of the old Scooby Doo show, that and Kim Possible is a cheerleader. The joy of DVDs is that you can just click to the beginning, no waiting. The joy of cable TV is Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel.

Why is it that when I don't have to go to work, they're always up at six, but on schooldays pulling them out of bed is like pulling teeth! Maybe if I tried putting them down for a nap at 9 they'd actually sleep. Waiting till after lunch just leads to a major battle of the wills.

No trouble with bubble gum in hair yet, lollipops a few times. Gum just lands on the carpet in the van. Several times they've decided to play beauty shop and cut their own hair, a couple times with a shaving razor, not just scissors!

Sweet potatoes- now I don't know it that's a Southern thing, or a baby food thing. I've sat down in a wet chair plenty of times. Milk, juice, water, and of course, plenty of potty. My mom used to make us popcorn on Friday nights when we watched Rockford Files when I was a kid, so that's something I wanted to be able to do for my kids. Let me tell ya, they LOVE popcorn. Let me tell ya somethin' else: I don't know what vacuum cleaner you currently using, but Eletralux really sucks.

Thought there was nothing to it Baby, now I know how you feel What I don't know is how you do it!

So, now on those nights when Beth has a meeting or teaches a class, I don't get quite as freaked out, instead I think about how she has to do it every night that I'm gone for a football or basketball game.

Our girls are at this great age. They're at the age where Grace will lean over to Ellie's side of the van and point at her, with her finger inches away. When Ellie protests, Grace defends herself in the age old, big-sibling style,

"What? I'm not touching her- look, I'm not TOUCHING her!"

They've also got great imaginations. Ellie has an imaginary friend she calls "P.J." When I didn't have school one day but Grace did, I took Ellie into Denison to get groceries. She'd behaved herself pretty well so I agreed to take her out to "McDonald's Happy Meal." Of course this was after the Daylight Savings time change so I thought we were going out to lunch at 11:30, but it was more like 10:30 because my watch is broke. At any rate, "P.J." had to come with us.

This was a little hard for me. She wheeled a high chair up to our booth for him and kept talking to him and pretending to wipe his hands after she'd feed him French fries. I'm used to people staring at me because I'm outspoken or I dress goofy. It's new to me to have people staring at me because someone I'm with is talking to people who aren't there.

What ya gonna do? Parenting can be hard.