Apply this column directly to the forehead

On this day (March 6) in 1899, a miracle drug was patented by a pharmaceutical company in Germany. Chemist Felix Hoffman wanted to help relieve the pain that his father suffered due to arthritis. Felix looked to salacin, found in the bark or willow and poplar trees, which I’m sure were both popular around where he lived. Poplar trees are popular everywhere.

Salacin, or salicylic acid worked wonders not just for arthritis, but on headaches. You see headaches are often caused by swollen blood vessels in the brain. Salicylic acid is sold in these handy little pills called aspirin. Aspirin is BOTH an analgesic and an anti inflammatory, in other words, first it kills the pain, then in un-swells those blood vessels so that they’re less likely to hurt when the pain killing effects wear off.

It’s also an anti-coagulant, which means that aspirin thins the blood out, which is why so many doctors have been recommending it to help prevent strokes and heart attacks and lower blood pressure. That might explain why the Bayer aspirin company reports that heart disease prevention now accounts for 37 percent of aspirin use.

23 percent of people are still taking it for arthritis, I hear that! Believe it or not, Bayer barely registers headache treatment at 14 percent I guess that ibuprofen and acetaminophen have taken a chunk out of the headache niche. Ouch.

It’s being used by some to help prevent certain cancers and to treat and prevent cataracts. But beware, like any medication it has dangers and side effects. Since it thins the blood, you wouldn’t want to take too much of it if you’re anemic or a hemophiliac. Too much could give you an ulcer. It can even complicate your acid reflux. Wonderful. No wonder they call it a wonder drug! (note sarcasm).

Pregnant women and small children should avoid taking aspirin because it’s suspected of contributing to Reye’s syndrome, which can severely damage organs, particularly the brain and liver.

Speaking of your liver; like, any medication, you should be careful what you mix it with. An old wives tale said that taking an aspirin before you start drinking would prevent hangovers. Think again. Actually, aspirin increases blood-alcohol levels more quickly and makes the intoxication more severe.

There are plenty of other uses for aspirin that won’t give you an ulcer and are guaranteed to prevent some headaches-

Check with your vet on this but apparently it works to kill pain in dogs just as well as humans. Of course, dogs have a really hard time with child-proof bottles. Be careful, because aspirin doesn’t kill pain for cats, it just kills cats.

Need a jump but don’t have any jumper cables? Drop two aspirin tablets into your car battery itself. The acetylsalicylic acid will combine with the battery's sulfuric acid to produce one last charge.

Teenagers, the salicylic acid is an astringent, that means that it’s good for reducing pimples. Tape on an aspirin the night before the big dance, or crush one into a wash cloth and scrub with it. Some people actually put on an “aspirin mask” to exfoliate their whole face, but it really dries your skin out.

It’s also good for getting rid of calluses and warts tape an aspirin to a wart and kiss it good bye. Try using duct tape. Believe it or not, researchers have found that 85 percent of people who use just duct tape (no aspirin) got rid of their warts compared to only 60 percent of people who got them froze off.

Crush two aspirins and mix the powder in 1/2 cup warm water or maybe some fresh lemon juice. Soak the stained clothes in the solution for a couple hours and you can rid yourself of sweat stains, grass stains, nicotine stains, even eggs.

Fresh cut flowers will last longer if you crush an aspirin in the vase- it helps the plant circulate water easier, just like it helps people’s blood flow. But supposedly, if you don’t have aspirin, a pinch of ground-up Viagra will do just as well. Of course, there are some things aspirin can’t do.