At the All Star break

George Steinbrenner passed away this morning. Like most non Yankees fans, I down right loath the Yankees. They've long been the best team money can buy and therefore emblematic of what's wrong with America, and America's game. Be that as it may, it is a hard week for the Yankees, having also recently lost "the Voice of God," long time announcer Bob Sheppard.

Sheppard was an old school baseball man cut from a similar cloth as Red Barbar, Mel Allen, and Vince Scully. Serious about reporting and serious about baseball. I believe that Bob Costas is one of the few sportscasters to truly appreciate the nuance of such master craftsmen.

Steinbrenner may have micromanaged his club and at times become a caricature of himself, a wealthy tyrant who handled his subordinates autocratically rather than trusting their wisdom and experience to care for his franchise. He operated from the "strict-father" model. An American titan.

In his book about Watergate, Jimmy Breslin revealed that the Nixon Administration intimidated, harassed and extorted the Yankee owner and ship builder simply because he made contributions to Democratic campaigns. That much at least makes me a little less resentful toward Steinbrenner.

As Hunter Thompson might say, he "stomped on the Terra." Steinbrenner left a big mark on baseball and in that way on American history. That much is undeniable.

What could be more American, or more perfect on a summer evening, after playing hard all day long at the fair, than to crawl onto your dad's arms and watch the Home Run Derby on TV before having to go to bed? Two of my girls did just that last night. Ellen, who is eight has a deeper tan than most Dominican outfielders. Annamarie, who is five is missing two of her front teeth, therefore lisping everything she says.

We sat there watching Boston Red Sox slugger David Ortiz match records and the girls were each a constant stream of questions. Why do all those little kids get get to play in the outfield? Could I do that? 'Cause I'm on the tee-ball team, so I should get to do that too, right? What time is it in Anaheim? Do the people in the stands get to keep the balls they catch? Why does everybody wave their arms that same way? Why do they only use WOOD bats? Why don't they have aluminum bats like us? Why is the pitcher standing behind that fence? Why does the fence only have three squares? Why don't they just have a fence with for squares and have the pitcher throw the ball OVER the fence? Why doesn't David Ortiz run around the bases when he hists a home run? Is this baseball or not? So really this is the Home Run Derby and not a baseball game, but it's a different kind of game that's kinda LIKE baseball? Right, Daddy?

I assume that there would still be questions, and most of the questions would be exactly the same if they were boys. But one question they each asked independently (at different times, each when the other wasn't in the room) was one that no American son would ask. "Why can't GIRLS play baseball?"

Other dads would probably answer, "girls play SOFTball." I wasn't sure how to answer. Part of me wanted to say "I don't know why not, Honey, it doesn't seem fair does it?" But as enlightened and liberal as that might seem, I thought it would still be a cop-out. Instead I told them each, "I don't see why they can't. Just because there aren't any professional woman players now doesn't mean there shouldn't be. There used to be (but I didn't go into the whole story of World War II). I wondered if Jackie Robinson ever asked his dad why there weren't any black men in the Majors and what his dad might've said to him.

It will be interesting to see how Ubaldo Jimenez does in the All Star game tomorrow night. I'd like to see the National League actually win for once. In a year that has had an unprecedented four no-hitters (which should've been five, if it weren't for the umpire stealing Detroit Tiger Armando Galarraga's against Cleveland earlier this summer), it would be exciting to see Jimenez pitch a perfect game. 

Along with the buzz about the seemingly super-human rookie Stephen Strasburg joining the Washington Nationals, this seems to be the year of the pitcher. That's refreshing since it was the big hitters like Sosa, McGuire and Bonds a few years ago that sullied baseball's reputation with all their steroids.

I had the wonderful opportunity of seeing Arizona play at Dodger's Stadium a few years ago on different nights with different friends who had each been pitchers in high school. Neither were fans of either the Dodgers or the Diamondbacks. Both told me their were fans of whoever was pitching. 

When she painted and redecorated her room for a 4H project this summer, I was tickled to see my oldest daughter Grace, who is eleven, insist on adding the finishing touch of her Randy Johnson bobble-head. It was a great memory to attend an Arizona Diamondbacks game with her and her grandfather back home in Phoenix on Father's Day a couple of years ago. Last summer all three girls took me to a game in Kansas City.  

The D'Backs are of course dead last this year, but hey, as any Cubs fan will tell you, the All Star game is just the half-way mark. A lot can happen between now and October.

It's been a long time, almost as long as I've been alive, since Congress passed Title IX which reads,

No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance...

But hey, any Cubs fan will tell you that the All Star break is just the half way mark, a lot can happen in a few years. Someday we might just hear the voice of God announce, "Pitching for the National League, number five... Annamarie Mallory."

Is this Heaven?

‘Field of Dreams’ was on AMC last night and I was ballin' again (like every time I see it) when John Kinsella turns to walk back into the corn and Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) stops him and says, "hey- uh Dad? Ya wanna have a catch?"

So my wife looks at me cross-eyed and says "it must be a guy thing!"
Obviously, Sheez woman- hello!!! God/the universe/a mysterious voice in his cornfield- whoever uses Ray's hero, 60’s protest writer Terence Mann (played by James Earl Jones) and his dad's hero, Shoeless Joe Jackson to help him learn to forgive himself for being a dumb kid and to forgive his dad for not being perfect. Ray’s 36 years old and still beating himself up for hurting his dad by calling Joe Jackson a “cheater” since his Chicago White Sox were accused of throwing the 1919 World Series.

‘Field of Dreams’ was based on the book ‘Shoeless Joe’ by Canadian author WP Kinsella, who got his Masters at the University of Iowa through the famous Iowa Writer’s Workshop.

Kinsella’s book and Kostner’s movie are about male friendships, it's about baseball, it's about redemption, it's about realizing that what you thought were your dreams when you were young aren't necessarily what you really wanted or even what you're called to do. Doctor “Moonlight” Graham, from Chisholm, Minnesota discovered that he made a infinitely more of a difference as a small town doctor than he ever could’ve as a major leaguer. Terence Mann (J.D. Salinger in the book) discovers sort of the opposite- that he can’t escape being a writer or a leader no matter how sick he is of people seeking him out.

And dog gone it, it's about a heavenly place called Iowa. Isn’t any movie that has all that be enough to make a grown man cry. Why can't women get that?

More than anything else, ‘Field of Dreams’ is about how guys relate to each other through talking about sports. I was a late bloomer where this goes. I barely follow baseball even though I love it. Our esteemed publisher Brad Swanson could probably tell you far more about any team, player or ballpark this season than I ever could. I still really only watch maybe two or three pro and college football games a year, yep Thanksgiving and New Year’s. But never the less, if you want to avoid sex, politics, and religion and you’ve exhausted weather and farm implement or car parts, there’s always sports. Guys just can’t bring themselves to talk about shoes or hairstyles.

As long as I’m talking baseball, I may as well mention that my hometown D’Backs are starting in the National League Championship Series against the Colorado Rockies as I write this. I can only hope that they’re headed for the World Series as you read this. If they are, my wife and two of my three girls will be very frustrated with me when I get home from work for a week or so. Our youngest, Annamarie, loves to sit on the couch and watch baseball with me. She’s only 2, maybe she doesn’t know that it’s not a girly thing to do yet.

I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize for my Diamondbacks beating the humility, shame, and healthy Midwestern self-effacing inferiority complex back into the Chicago Cubs that all Americans love and admire them for. No seriously, for Arizona's sake, I'm not guilty, but for history, mythology, baseball and Chicago's sake I am sorry. I was secretly rooting for them. Everybody was, but- just like there has been for the last 99 years, there's always NEXT year. Come on, who told them they could stop filling the proverbial role of Charlie Brown anyway? Am I right?

Anybody but the Yankees

Man, I want to root for the Cubbies- that would sure be historic. But I'd also love to see my Arizona Diamondbacks go up against Boston. Picture it, Randy Johnson against former teammate Kurt Schilling in the last game of the World Series. That could be almost as historic, right?

But if the Cubs beat us, then of course, I'll become a Cubs fan, no matter who they play- but especially if they play the stupid Yankees.

Take me out to the ball game

Guess I'm terrified of leaving on vacation with gas prices the way they are.
See more of Ted's political cartoons at http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2

Take me out to the ball game
Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday, June 7, 2007 – Page 3

Have you ever been to a Major league baseball game? At Chase field in Phoenix, the concessions areas have the feel of a typical large indoor shopping mall. This contemporary temple of America’s pastime has a retractable roof and is air conditioned. Of course, special Diamonbacks fans not only have sky boxes, the even have a pool.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve only been to two major league parks. As much as I love my D’Backs, I prefer their division rival’s home park, Dodger Stadium. This place is situated in Chavez Ravine in such a way so that the city is to your back and the ball field itself is sort of hugged by the hills. Griffith park is not far away. Palm trees and sea breezes contribute ambience.

In these places world class athletes ply their trades. Some, like the Red Sox’s Kurt Schilling analyze their performances and those of their opponents meticulously, others like the Giant’s Barry Bonds pump themselves full of steroids. All of them endure months of grueling training and years in the minor leagues. Their skills are honed to such a fine degree that their teams have decided to pay them millions of dollars.

This is a far cry from watching 4-8 year old girls playing Tee-Ball. This year, we had the good fortune of having both a 5 year old and an 8 year old playing on the same team.

When our 5 year old found out that not only was Charter Oak going to field a girl’s tee-ball team after all, but they were opening it up to TK (Transitional Kindergarten) through Third grade, she was jumping off the walls. Her very first question was would she get a hat.
Naturally, it was up to her 8 year old sister to share with her all of her well seasoned years of wisdom and experience in the sport.

In major league baseball, most of the mitts are brown or black. The Japanese have even added the technological advancement of polarized, transparent plastic where the webbing used to be, so that players can see the ball coming without the sun interfering.

In girls’ t-ball, most of the mitts are pink. Most of the ones that aren’t are black with pink trim or white with pink trim. Come to think of it, a lot of the batting helmets are pink too. The Dodgers don’t have holes in the back of their helmets for pony tails either.

In pro baseball some of the exciting plays happen when runners jump or slide in order to touch the base and avoid the baseman. In t-ball, there always seems to be someone who runs as hard as they can, completely oblivious of the bases. In pro ball, no one ever keeps running from home plate on to the girls bathroom.

In pro-ball, runners lead-off from their base, sometimes they even steal a base. T-Ball girls sometimes dance and twirl (or maybe wiggle a little potty-dance). Often they’re happy to just sit down on the base and play in the dirt or pick at the grass. Don’t think this is something that only runners do, plenty of outfielders can spend much of the game this way.

I’m never quite sure that I understand what ballplayers chant when they engage in dugout cheers and chatter. I swore that at the last game I was at, along with the usual “We are the Bobcats, the mighty, mighty bobcats,” I swore I heard something along these lines-

“We don’t play with Barbies, no no, nothing like that-
We just like to play with balls and bats!”

Now, that may be somewhat true during games, but I can tell you as the parent of two of these athletes, sometimes they don’t even wait until they get home- they break out the Barbies and/or Bratts as soon as they get back in the van.

You’ve seen professional baseball players celebrating after a game with Gatorade, beer, or champaign- depending on how far they’ve made it in the season, but kids just want candy and pop.

Pro ball players follow statistics religiously. And rightly so, not only their team’s standings, but their own careers depend on them. In t-ball all you count is the number of ups and the number of half hours that have past- sometimes you bother with innings.

The most important part of the game is slapping hands and shouting “Good game!” to your opponents in two big lines when it’s all over. If only all competition ended like that.

Of course, between school programs, Dance recitals, doctor's appointments, and leaving to visit family down in Phoenix- the Mallory girls only actually played in one real game this year. Grace was in two, Ellen, the 5 year old who was SO excited, only one. But we're already excited about next season!

Email volley with a former student

First, for those of you that read last week’s column, where I left the keys to the van in my classroom, I had to share this with you. Eventually one of the cheerleaders got fed up and went into my room to help look for the keys.

She returned to the van, keys in hand, which she had found underneath someone’s pom-pon.

“Typical man,” she said, “men don’t know how to look for things!”

Now this week, I thought I’d share a conversation I recently had with a former student of mine from L.A. Chris Freet now works in the PR dept at the University of Oklahoma Athletic Dept. These were two emails, not an instant messenger chat- I hate those things, but I present it to you here in transcript form just because I thought it would be easier to follow.

Chris: I am enjoying the regular conversation.

Ted: Me too, I’m sorry it’s taken more than a week to get back to you. Monster case of bronchitis took me out one day and the rest of the week has been a bear.

Chris: I will prompt with two questions for the next one. Is Bush going to be reelected?

Ted:There’s nothing money can’t buy. Let’s see, the Republicans hated Clinton so much that after 6 or 7 years of not proving any Whitewater wrongdoing, they tried to impeach him for philandering. Then, when they lost the popular election in 2000, they had the predominantly Republican Supreme Court decide. What do you think?

Okay, I’ll get off of the “vast conservative conspiracy” trip for a minute. Seriously, I think it will be tight, just like last time, but I do think he’s vulnerable. You’re dissatisfaction is evidence. You and I are the biggest swing vote. White, male, working-class, rural or Southern. They call our demographic “the NASCAR vote.” But, unless Jesse” the Body” Venture throws his hat into the ring it comes down to five of the “ten little Indians.”

General Wes Clark, Southern (but not too Southern), a decorated vet, offers the most macho alternative. Good choice for Sec. of State or Defense if he doesn’t go all the way and Bush loses.

FLA Sen. Grahm, from right down in Bush Bro country, has gone so far as to sponsor a NASCAR pickup truck. How’s that for appealing to those with red necks, white socks, and blue collar jobs? But, most Americans hate Florida almost as much as we hate California and New York, don’t we?

NC Sen. John Edwards, young, dashing, espousing idealistic but impractical rhetoric about NAFTA and manufacturing jobs. Look for him to run again and again and again if Bush gets re-elected. Hey did I tell you I actually met him last week? I’ll have to send you a copy of the column I wrote about it.

MO Rep. Dick Gebhardt, tearing a page out of the Gore playbook is putting on the “pissed off middle class white guy” routine. He’s the most traditional center-left, healthcare and insurance for everybody Democrat. I predict a strong third for the nomination, look for a cabinet job if a Dem gets in.

And of course, Vermont Gov. Dr. Howard Dean, MD. Still the Democratic front runner. Savy, speaks his mind, not the party line, great money maker. He even looks a little like John McCain. He can take Bush, he’s a helluva lot smarter, but doesn’t come off as a boring egg head like Gore and Bill Bradley did. However, folks like your sister and brother-in-law and parents won’t like his positions on homosexuals and abortion. Other weaknesses include his wife. She’s no beauty pageant winner but more importantly, she’s a doctor too and plans to keep her practice if Dean’s elected. Too real, too strong, to independent for stay-at-home-barefoot-and-pregnant hyper conservatives.

Besides, Liberal former governor of a small New England state with a doctor wife- sounds an awful lot like NBC’s the West Wing. But ever since I saw him as JFK in “Missiles of October” in Government class in high school, I thought Martin Sheen would make a great President. Will life imitate art?

Chris: And Should Eric Gagne win the Cy Young?

Ted: He hasn’t done too well against Arizona this year, but anyone with a 1.27 ERA deserves a look. Obviously the Diamondback Dou (Schilling & Johnson) isn’t in the running this year. But Kevin Brown was always my (least) favorite Dodger. Which do you think I follow more closely, politics or baseball?

Ah, Spring

Today is the very first day of Spring. Ah spring, when a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of…

Thoughts of Baseball-

Opening day is just eleven days away, after all.

I was disappointed that my Diamondbacks traded our first baseman Erubiel Durazo to the Oakland A’s, but they gave us Pitcher Elmer Dessens. In spring training he hasn’t given up an earned run in 14 Cactus League games. We’ve needed a number-three starter, anyway.

I understand that our new starting first baseman, Lyle Overbay was hitting .343 in Triple A ball last year. I still like to see Mark Grace on first base, especially after he tried pitching that one game last year!

Of course, there’s still the 1-2 punch of the ‘Back’s big guns Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling. Scouts say that as old as he is, they’ve never seen Johnson as good as he’s been this spring.

I’ve heard that my fellow Shadow Mountain High School Alum, Curt Schilling has been dieting and trying things like aerobics and yoga or tai chi in order to loose some weight. Not that anyone with as many strike outs as him needs to improve that much, but I hear he’s looking at the long haul. He’s been watching Randy and wants to emulate his longevity.

I’ve been trying to get up earlier to spend time on the treadmill and have been cutting back on second-helpings too, since Lent started. Don’t look for too much results-wise until at least the All-Star break!

Of course, there’s also slugger Luis Gonzalez. He’s over his shoulder injury and I think that Barry Bonds had better be ready to defend his record.

Ah spring, when a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of…

Thoughts of War-

This may be apocryphal, but if you hadn’t heard this one, we’ve won the war even though it hasn’t started yet. Remember last week’s column when I mentioned that Andrew Jackson fought the battle of New Orleans two weeks after the War of 1812 was already over? Well, apparently a while the British were on maneuvers in Kuwait when a group of Iraqi soldiers came rushing across the border waving a white flag and offering to surrender. The Englishmen had to tell them that they’d need to wait a few weeks until the war starts first!

But you know, we may not realize what we’re up against. The Russian newspaper Pravda published a report that Saddam is reverse-engineering an UFO that crashed outside of Baghdad back in 90’s. Pravda reports that aliens are guests at one of Huusein’s palaces. They’ve bio-engineered scorpions the size of cows to serve as guard dogs! I for one would hate to be a U.N. inspector near that palace!

No wonder the Russians didn’t want to vote with the U.S. for a Security Council resolution giving Iraq a deadline that would result in military action. Listen, if it’s in Pravda, it must be true, right. At least we know they’re not a propaganda machine of the USSR anymore, since there is no USSR.

Ah spring, when a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of…

Thoughts of Summer, of course-

The nicest thing about cold weather, is that kids don’t calmer so much to get outside. Junior high school students are, of course the worst, but the warmer the weather and the more high school students seem to want to be anywhere but in class. It’s not even that I’m ready for school to be out, so much as it seems to get tougher and tougher to focus on getting the young ones to focus now that the windows are open again.