Grow up to be little

Both of our girls tell us they’re teachers- not that they’re GOING to become teachers when they grow up, but that they ARE teachers. I’m pretty sure that with Grace, the 5 yr old it is an identity thing. We both go to school to work, on occasion we both have conferences or seminars to go to. Essentially it’s part of who we are, thus Grace thinks of her self the same way, just like she’s a Mallory, a Neddermeyer, a Christian or an American, she’s also a Teacher.

I still have hope. There’s at least a good 18 years between now and a Bachelor’s degree for her so maybe respect for teachers or at least teacher salaries will go up, or she’ll marry some rich doctor or engineer, or maybe she’ll change her mind.

With Ellen, the two year old, on the other hand, being a teacher definitely part of play time. The other day she sat all three of us down in chairs on our porch and held class.

“Now, you sit here, and you sit hewa (here), and you sit down, NOW, me gonna teach you!” she announced, and a serious lecture followed, “No puddles, no MUD,” she explained as she paced back and forth in front of us, “No stweet (she’s not old enough to cross alone yet), no touchies (as in glass and china in Hallmark or Amee-and-Me), no SINGING (whered that one come from?), and no puddles, and no STWEET! O-tay?” she concluded.

Wow, kid, you hear us say “No” to a lot of things or what?

I know that teaching is important to her because I’ve had to get some private tutoring. When we’re in the back yard she’ll suddenly decide that I need to climb into the “class-woom” at the top of the slide so that “ME gonna tweech you!”

There’s barely enough room for anyone up there, let alone an adult, but I fold up my legs, and my pride and listen to the day’s lesson.

“Ummm, No mud, and no street, and no bubbles, O-tay Daddy? And, and, no stweet, and NO puddles!”

Yes ma’am, no ma’am.

But we’re keeping perspective, we remind ourselves that she’s the child and still has a lot to learn.

Take for example, conflict resolution. My hope is that this lesson will prevent countless problems on the playground when they’re both at real school…

Grace wanted to play basketball, Ellen wanted to play baseball, they both brought their argument to me, but I was on the phone at the time.

“Hold on just a second girls, Daddy’s on the phone, I’ll help you in just a second.” I said
At this point Grace playfully bounces the basketball on Ellie’s forehead. It wasn’t enough to hurt her and it was actually hard to keep from grinning, but then Ellie wholloped Grace with her plastic baseball bat.

“Okay, okay, I’m going to have to let you go, I seem to have a situation here,” I told the caller, and I really had to hold back the laughter. Part of me wished I’d had it on tape so I could’ve sent it in to America’s Funniest Videos, another part of me was tempted to spank Ellie because she really hit the hardest and with the most malice, but I bit my cheek and put them both into “time-out.”

Two year olds really don’t have a firm grip on reality yet.

I just about blew a gasket the time I walked in on her in the bathroom. A puddle of #1, plenty of #2 smeared across the floor (that I’d scrubbed just a couple hours before), and her pull-up stuffed in the toilet. She was either trying to flush it or scrub it out- I was to fuming to be able to tell for sure. Of course, after I’d given her a bath and cleaned up her mess it dawned on me that this was a good thing, it means that she’s STARTING to catch on to the whole potty-training thing we’d been working on, she just wasn’t entirely clear on the concept just yet.

Then there was the time my parents called from Phoenix. It used to be that she’s listen for a minute or two, press some buttons and drop the phone. Now she gleefully chatters away for nearly a half an hour. Recently she decided to give them a tour of the house (remember, this is by phone).

She held the phone out at arms length and told them “These my books,” walked over to the television, made sure the phone was looking at the screen and told them “Arthur’s on,” then pointed the phone at a clothe basket, “these my clowths.”

I suppose that these days some of you may have those new phones with miniaturized digital cameras in them, but I can assure you, Ellie's Grandma was thoroughly confused.

Like I said, two year olds really don’t have a firm grip on reality yet. But then again, sometimes, they say things that are remarkably profound.

“Da-aad,” Ellie sang my name to get my attention so I knew she was about share something important with me, “Umm, Dad, ummm..”

“What is it honey?” I coaxed.

“Um, maybe someday,” she paused, what? Maybe someday we can go to the park? “umm, maybe someday when you gwow up YOU can be wittle too!”

Sometimes two-year old logic perplexes me so I tested her for clarification. They call this “active listening” in teacher biz, I call it repeating what people just said to you, Ellie does it a lot so turnabout is fair play.

“Let me get this straight,” I said, “when I grow up, maybe I can be little too? Like you?”

“Yeah, when you gwow up you can be wittle too!” she promised. I’m looking forward to it.