More Iowa Jokes

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Iowa.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because it's the coldest or hottest spot in the nation, you might live in Iowa.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Iowa.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Iowa.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, & they don't work there, you might live in Iowa.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Iowa.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Iowa.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Iowa.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Iowa.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Iowan WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going east or west on I-80 for the weekend... or going to Adventureland.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer - more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day... and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You see people wear bib overalls to funerals.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car... and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction & DAMN HOT!
12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
13. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
14. Down South to you means Missouri.
15. East to you means Illinois.
16. A brat is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
18. You go out to a tail gate party every Saturday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors because your fire works melted.
20.You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21.You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly."
22.You've never met any celebrities.
23.Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
24. You've seen all the biggest bands... ten years after they were popular.
25. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
26. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
27. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
28. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
29. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
30. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
31. You install security lights on your house and garage - and leave both unlocked.
32. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
33. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
34. All festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
35. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, Mt. Dew, and Jell-O with marshmallows.
36. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is.
37. You own only three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
38. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
39. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
40. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
41. You think deer season is a national holiday.
42. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Iowa friends.
You Might Be From A Small Town If...

You can name everyone you graduated with.

You know what 4-H is.

You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a
dirt road.

Your idea of a FUN weekend was riding around parking lots because that was where EVERYBODY went.

Your idea of an EXCITING weekend was watching a fight in the parking lot.

You swore at someone and your parents knew within the hour.

You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.

School gets canceled for city, county, or state events.

You were ever in the Homecoming parade.

You have ever gone home for Homecoming.

Everyone thought it was really cool to date someone from the
neighboring town.

You had senior skip day.

The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

You don't give directions by street names, but something more like,
"Turn right by Nelson's house, go two blocks east past Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field."

The country club golf course had only 9 holes. (Or there wasn't even one.)

You can't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich
people".

The people in the city dress funny, then your town picks up on the
trend a few years later.

You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.

Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the Feed Store.

You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.

The football coach suggested that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.

Directions are given using "the" stoplight as a reference.

The city council meets at the coffee shop.

Your "letter jacket" was worn after your 19th birthday.

You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.

Your teachers call you by your older siblings' names.

Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

The closest Taco Bell or Burger King is at least 30 miles away.
So is the closest shopping mall.

It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn
mower.