It's a 'Dog-Eat-Dog' World

Not long before she succumbed to cancer, political humorist Molly Ivins wrote a book called “Who let the Dogs In?” Her preface was that our country is pretty much overrun by a pack of political animals.

Watching the political conventions this week and last, I had a hard time not imagining what breed some of the major players would be if they were of the canine species. As a disclaimer, I should point out that I in no way mean to offend any particular breed of dog, or their owners.

The “old guard” definitely runs in a pack. I think about old Warner Brother’s cartoons where bugs bunny is avoiding Mafia hood. The gangsters are always dogs in Brooklyn.

Dick Cheney is the big round English Bulldog, brooding and serious. He doesn’t say much but what he says goes. At his side is, Republican strategist, Karl Rove. He’s a French Bulldog, a little smaller than the English Bulldog, with pointy bat-like ears that stand up. I imagine him with a pen and clipboard.

Bouncing around the two bulldogs is George W Bush, a Rat Terrier- a happy-go-lucky little dog who’s a little hyper active, constantly asking the bulldogs what they want him to do, repeating what they say to others, but easily distracted.

Not as tight with the pack, but following alongside is former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich. I see him as a Pomeranian. Cocky, commanding, and self-important, but his bark is much worse than his bite.

Waiting to take over the neighborhood is another bulldog, only John McCain is a Miniature Bull Terrier. The American Kennel Association (AKA) calls this breed “full of fire.” They say that Mini-Bulls” have a sense of humor and natural ebullience and is known for his clownish antics.” Sure, he’s survived plenty of fights, and his temper is as volatile as a Pit Bull Terrier, but he just doesn’t quite have the power that the old English Bulldog has or the cunning that the French Bulldog has.

Mitt Romney is like a Pharaoh Hound. The AKA describes Pharaohs as having a “noble bearing with hard clean-cut lines-graceful, very fast with free easy movement…” All show and no real substance, changing positions on a dime.

I know that I’m biased, but I see Obama as a pointer, what the Kennel Association considers to have “agile grace; the head noble, proudly carried; the expression intelligent and alert…even temperament and alert good sense make him a congenial companion both in the field and in the home. He should be dignified and should never show timidity.”

McCain may accuse him of having nothing but rhetoric, but great speeches have changed the tides of history. Examples; Gettysburg Address, FDR and JFK’s inaugural addresses, George Washington and Dwight Eisenhower’s farewell addresses, and of course Martin Luther King’s dream speech.

I sort of think of Hillary Clinton as kind of a sheltie. She’s more of a ''watch'' dog, than a guard dog. Shelties bark at intruders, but after giving warning (usually at 3 o’clock in the morning) they pretty much look out for themselves first and leave the homeowners to fend for themselves.

Bill Clinton of course is a loveable, lumpy Saint Bernard. He the sheltie is his pack, but she’s the alpha-dog. He sticks by her wherever she goes, but has been known to stray, giving other females a sniff now and then. He can save you in the Alps with a barrel of brandy, but he doesn’t always understand his own potential. Of course, Steven King’s “Cujo” was a Saint Bernard too.

In some ways Joe Biden is a bit of a mutt, but mostly, I see him as a boxer. The AKA tells us that the Boxer was “developed to serve as guard, working and companion dog… The Boxer is an alert, self-assured, and fearless dog. The Boxer is a playful and fun-loving dog who is often called the ‘Peter Pan’ of the dog world as they seem to maintain that youthful exuberance..”

Working class Joe, positive and upbeat, but good in a fight… why do you think Obama chose him?

Of course regardless of their party affiliation, when it comes to politicians it’s important to remember this Portuguese proverb; “The dog wags his tail, not for you, but for your bread.”