Republican dictionary

September 16, 2008

Today's Inbox: The Republican dictionary

A reader's view

Do you speak Palinese?

Black teen pregnancies? A “crisis” in black America. White teen pregnancies? A “blessed event.”

If you grow up in Hawaii you’re “exotic.” Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, you’re the quintessential “American story.”

Similarly, if you name your kid Barack you’re “unpatriotic.” Name your kid Trig, you’re “colorful.”

If you’re a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you’re “reckless.” A Republican who doesn’t fully vet is a “maverick.”

If you spend three years as a community organizer growing your organization from a staff of one to 13, and your budget from $70,000 to $400,000, then become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new African American voters, spend 12 years as a constitutional law professor, then spend nearly eight more years as a state senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, becoming chairman of the state Senate’s Health and Human Services committee, then spend nearly four years in the United States Senate representing a state of nearly 13 million people, sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran’s Affairs committees, you are “inexperienced.”

If you spend four years on the city council and six years as the mayor of a town with fewer than 7,000 people, then spend 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, then you’ve got the most “executive experience” of anyone on either ticket, are the Commander in Chief of the Alaska military and are well qualified to lead the nation because your state is the closest state to Russia.

If you are a Democratic male candidate who is popular with millions of people you are an “arrogant celebrity.” If you are a popular Republican female candidate you are “energizing the base.”

If you are a candidate with a Harvard law degree you are “an elitist,” out of touch with the real America. If you are a legacy graduate of Annapolis, with multiple disciplinary infractions you are a “hero.”

If you go to a south-side Chicago church, your beliefs are “extremist.”
If you believe in creationism and don’t believe global warming is ma made, you are “strongly principled.”

If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you’re a “Christian.” If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years, you’re “risky.”

If you’re a black single mother of four who waits for 22 hours after her water breaks to seek medical attention, you’re “irresponsible,” endangering the life of your unborn child.
But if you’re a white married mother who waits 22 hours, you’re “spunky.”

If you teach abstinence only in sex education, you get teen parents. If you teach responsible, age-appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

— Rev. Robert Price, Prairie City