The Truth Revealed!

The best film makers know how to use music at just the right times. There are two songs in Frank Capra’s masterpiece “It’s a Wonderful Life” that have me so conditioned like one of Pavlov’s dogs, that as soon as I hear them, my throat swells and my eyes get puffy. One is the traditional carol, “Hark the Herald Angels Sing.” The other is a little ditty that you can expect to hear a lot this weekend. It was made famous by a guy named Lombardo and his Royal Canadians, but it was first written by a Scottish poet named Robert Burns (1759-1796). He wrote it way back in 1788.

I think that no other song can take you back and make you reflect on your past year or fill your heart with memories and make you miss your long lost friends.

Unfortunately, no one really understands this song. It could be that Burns had been drinking too much when he wrote it, or that Guy & his Canadians had been hitting the Canadian Club a little too hard whenever they played it, or that most people have had plenty of champagne when they hear it on New Year’s Eve.

Just like the much maligned “Louie Louie” by the Kingsmen, Auld Lang Syne has been the subject of suspicion and conspiracies, even investigation by the FBI and the NSA. Now, for the first time, thanks to the Freedom of Information act and an online English-Gaelic dictionary, the secrets of this holiday favorite are revealed:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

“Auld,” is easy enough to figure out, it’s Gaelic (the old Scotch & Irish home language) for “old.” And lang syne is “long-gone.” So obviously He’s saying sarcastically, “should we forget our long lost friends?”

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

“Let’s have a drink to old friends.” Of course, some of the friends who are most long-gone are the friends I used to drink with and I really don’t drink much anymore. But I wonder if what ol’ Burnzie meant was that his old friends had drank so much that they were “pretty far gone.”

And surely ye'll be your pint stowp!
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

“You have to pay for your pint of ale yourself, but I’ll still drink with you.” Basically, “let’s go Dutch.” I know, this verse is kind of a disappointment, isn’t it? I thought it would be much more sweet and sentimental. Oh well, no one ever accused us Scotts of being generous to a fault.

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pou'd the gowans fine;
But we've wander'd mony a weary fit
Sin' auld lang syne.

“We two have run about the hills, and pulled the pretty daisies, but we’ve also wandered many a weary step once or twice- since long ago.” Um… I guess he’s just saying we’ve had our ups and downs.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us briad hae roar'd
Sin' auld lang syne.

“Once or twice have paddled in the stream from … till dinner… but now, there are oceans between us…” (that roar?) Sorry, the online dictionary had no translation for “briad hae roar'd.” Does anybody know wha the heck a “briad” is?

And there's a hand, my trusty fere!
And gie's a hand o' thine!
And we'll tak' a right gude-willie waught,
For auld lang syne.

“Take my hand, friend, and give me yours, and we’ll take a chug-a-lug to good will, for old time’s sake.” So you can see why, even though it was written back in 1788, it really is a lot like a fraternity drinking song like “Louie Louie.”

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

Make sure you designate a driver this New Year’s Eve. If you know you should celebrate for old time’s sake with something other than alcohol, please find some “friends of Bill W.” and get the support you need. If you wake up New Year’s morning and feel like you can’t wake up, try a shot of Tabasco in your coffee and some scrambled eggs, then go back to bed.

God bless your 2006.

What Would Jesus Want?

So, Christmas is three days away. Are you exhausted yet? Shopping, wrapping, planning, preparing food, cleaning, kids’ concerts and pageants, traveling, visiting, hosting…is it any wonder that this is one of the most stressful times of year. Sometimes it seems like Christmas is all about things. We say that it’s better to give than to receive, but either act is focused on materialism. Is that all Christmas is about? Just the presents. Getting what we hope for, giving what others will appreciate the most?

Has anyone bothered asking, what does Jesus want for His birthday?

Funny thing is, He tells us what He’d like. Micah 6:8 says: “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Act justly. That doesn’t mean that we’re supposed to become self-appointed administers of justice. God’s vigilantes. We are not supposed to force people to do right or to make sure they’re punished for doing wrong. It’s not my job to speed up and cut off somebody who just cut me off or who wouldn’t let me into their lane even when I signaled and everything. That’s not acting justly. That’s trying to be God.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” That’s not just another old saying, that’s Jesus from Matthew 7:1.

Acting justly does not mean controlling others. It means showing some self control. It means doing the right thing, not because it will get me something, not even because it’s what God tell us to do, but just doing it because it’s the right thing to do.

Love mercy. You think Jesus does a touchdown dance in the end-zone every time a convict is executed? Does He raise a foam finger in the air and shout “score one for the good guys” every time a terrorist is caught or shot? Does He really want to rub people’s face in it when they get caught doing wrong or when the law finally catches up with them?

Just the opposite. Jesus doesn’t scream at people. He doesn’t slander His opponents. He doesn’t bomb anything. In fact, 2 Peter 3:9 says: “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

What does it mean to be humble? In Philippians 2:3-8 Paul tells us, “Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what… He set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human!... He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death--and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion.” (from Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase, “the Message.”)

That humble baby in the manger born on Christmas loved mercy and loved us so much that He acted justly all His life and finally gave up His life for us, so that we can take a closer walk with Him.

THAT’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

Merry Christmas, kiss your Medicare goodbye

If the House version of the budget passes, 220,000 low-income families may lose their food stamp benefits. If the potential capital gains and dividend tax cuts get passed, 80% of the benefits will go to the top 3% of earners, who make more than $200,000.

Poverty is as much a moral issue as abortion. Republicans do not have a monopoly on "Christian" issues. Yes, vote your faith, but please, don't be a one-issue voter, and please don't judge us who aren't as if you're more Christian then we are or as if one can't possibly get to Heaven and vote Democrat. Supply-side/Trickle-down economics not only does not work (at least not well enough) but it is immoral.

Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." ~Matthew 19: 23-24

the 1,200 year old man

I sat in the booth at the truck stop waiting for Nick. We were meeting for my annual exclusive interview. It was not like him to not be punctual, but I had been waiting almost a half an hour past the time we had agreed to meet.

The next think I knew, an ancient looking man approached my table. He couldn’t have been more than five foot tall. He was dressed all in green suede and didn’t speak.
He placed a small envelope on the table in front of me, tipped his hat and left. Inside was a small card on very formal stationary with a web- address on it and a short not that said, “Mr. C sends his regrets, but a member of his team will meet you here.”

It turned out that the address was a private chat-room. I generally avoid chat-rooms, bulletin boards and especially instant-messengers. It’s not so much that I’m afraid of anything like opening my computer to viruses or anything, it’s just that if I wanted to talk to someone in real time, I’d rather be with them face to face, or at least on the phone.

I logged on to the Wild-Wild Web and checked into the chat-room as directed. Almost immediately, I was greeted:

CHB: Thank you for meeting with me.

TM: Hello, to whom am I speaking- or reading, as the case may be.

CHB: My name is ‘Calminaion Heldere Bekendheid,’ I am an elf. Mr. C was detained by an unforeseen engagement. He thought that you might not mind interviewing one of us this year as something different.

TM: Oh, Okay, umm, boy, how do you pronounce a name like that? Do you have any nicknames?

CHB: You can call me Bob.

TM: Uh, how long have you been an elf?

CHB: My whole life. How long have you been a human? What kind of a question is that? I was told that you were an experienced journalist.

TM: Okay, okay, Please forgive me. I wasn’t prepared to interview an elf. Let me try again...um...
Oh, I know, how old are you?

CHB (a.k.a. Bob): Boy, you’re a real soft-touch, aren’t you? Do you start all your interviews so impolitely?

TM: Oh, I’m sorry again. Are elves sensitive about their ages?

CHB: Aren’t you? No matter, I was born in 805 A.D. Don’t you have any more important questions? Say about Christmas, or Santa Claus?

TM: Wow. Uh, where are you from? Originally, I mean- I assume you’re from the North Pole now.

CHB: Never assume anything. That whole North Pole thing is a myth, but then, I suppose that as far as you’re concerned, so am I. You couldn’t find my home town on a map. My kind are from behind the gossamer veil between realms.

TM: Well, Saint Nicholas is originally from Macedonia, what is now Turkey. Is where you’re from going by a different name today?

CHB: I TOLD you, it’s not anywhere you could find on your own.

TM: Are you saying elves are from another planet? Or another dimension?

CHB: I’m no physicist so I really couldn’t explain it to you- it’s more of a metaphysical thing anyway.

TM: Okay... well, uh, just how many of you are there?

CHB: Of me? Why, I should hope there’s only one!

TM: I mean elves? How many elves.

CHB: Well how in the Dickens should I know? Do I look like the census bureau? How many humans are there? 7 billion?

TM: Whoa? Santa has billions of elves?

CHB: Boy you humans are sure arrogant? You think you’re the only intelligent life on the planet!
First of all, he does not “have” any elves as if we’re his property or slaves or chattel. Secondly, there are only twelve of us on the team. I guess there are thirteen, but Peter’s not an elf.

TM: Only twelve? But how can you make all of those toys? How do you handle production? Who manages inventory? Don’t you elves help Santa with logistics as well?

CHB: Oy veigh! Do all of you Americans only see things through a business paradigm? Your’s is not the only Weltanschuang around, you know.

TM: Welshishwhatzit?

CHB: It’s German for ..for... well, there isn’t really an English word for it- paradigm or world-view probably come the closest. My point is that it’s very clever satire to remake Santa into your own image, but the truth is far more mysterious, even mystical. It is MAGIC, after all.

TM: Are you saying that it’s all some New Age, Neo-pagan, Norse mythology? Is there some secret information like in the da Vinci Code?

CHB: Oy veigh again! When you’re talking about Saint Nicholas, one of the signatories of the Nicean Creed! If he’s de-evolved into heresy, it’s your society’s fault, not his.
My point is, He is more a metaphor than a myth, more an analogy than anathema. Why don’t you pick up a copy of C.S. Lewis’ ‘Chronicles of Narnia’ for Christmas?

TM: I’m sorry, maybe we should just give up, I think I’m more confused now that I’ve interviewed you than before we started.

CHB: You find yourself confused a lot, don’t ya kid? Merry Christmas anyway!

Poor Santa

my sister-in-law sent this (along with a bunch of other holiday funnies) in an email . I thought this was the best and too good not to share. I only wonder what airline spent the money to do this.

Yes, Dakota, There is a Santa Claus

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Leader & The NEWSpaper:

Dear Editor—

I am 4 years old. Some of my friends say there is no Santa Claus. Mom says, “If you see it in the paper, it must be true.” Please be honest, is there a Santa Claus?

Dakota Williams

Dakota, I think that your little friends are mean, insensitive, snot-nosed little bullies. Kids today are in too much of a hurry to grow up. Their older brothers and sisters tell them that it’s not “cool” to believe in Santa and make them feel like their babies if they do. As a result, they have to make them feel better by picking on other little kids like you. Everyone likes to feel important, and unfortunately, everyone likes to feel powerful. I wish that we could all feel important and loved because God made each one of us and has a purpose in mind for each of us, but unfortunately our shallow, decadent materialistic society and the amoral, market-driven media have conditioned us all to believe that there are pretty much only three or four things that make us valuable. For poor folk, its survival skills, either you’re sexy or you’re aggressive. For middle-class folk it’s pretty much all about how much stuff you have. And for wealthy folks, its all about how much influence you wield. Basically, no matter who you are, we all like to think that we are the center of our own universe.

Yes, Dakota, there is a Santa Claus. I wish I could tell you that he exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, but you know, those are things that sometimes seem to be in short supply these days. Alas! how dreary our world has become, because the icon of Santa Claus is misused as an advertising ploy. Or as a threat and a bribe to get little kids like you to obey. Or as a politically-correct, sanitized, homogenized symbol to be used in place of religious ones so that we can celebrate “something” without offending anyone by celebrating the birth of Christ, whom Saint Nicholas of Patara served, followed and strove to emulate.

It’s like when you find out that a star athlete that you once admired uses steroids or when a politician you placed hopes in breaks his campaign promises or when an anti-establishment band you listened too sold their songs to an advertising agency to use in a commercial. Or when readers find out that a character in a piece of journalism is actually a composite character, or fictional all together, like you, Dakota (oops!)

Thank God there are still little kids like you- full of wonder and excitement this time of year to prove to us that there is still childlike faith, poetry, and romance to make this existence tolerable.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in Spider Man. Go ahead and set up a webcam to monitor your chimney on Christmas eve to catch Santa, but even if you don’t see Santa Claus, what would that prove? The whole point of magic is that it defies explanation and sneaks around any empirical evidence we can compile. As Shakespeare put it in his play Hamlet, "there are more things... under heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

Dakota, if you haven’t seen the wonderful animated film, “The Polar Express,” based on the 1985 book by Chris Van Allsburg, you really should. I was a curmudgeon this year, an old Ebeneezer Scrooge who didn’t want to even hear any Christmas music until I watched this movie with my children. It melted my cold, cynical heart so that the Christmas spirit could come in and warm my soul.

In the Polar Express, a little boy is beginning to doubt that Santa exists. Once he meets Santa at the North Pole he is given a chance to ask Santa for anything he wants. All he asks for is one jingle bell from Santa’s sleigh. The only people who can hear the bell ring, are those who believe in Santa. Just because your friends or many adults can not hear the bell ring, does not mean that it doesn’t continue to ring.

I think that the Editor at the New York Sun who wrote another little girl, named Virginia, put it much more eloquently than I can when he wrote:

“You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.”

“No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.”

High School Sports; you can’t please everyone

Wow. I never knew that coaching cheer could be this fun or this easy. I’m scared. I’m waiting for the shoe to drop. Maybe it won’t, maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe God has granted me this season’s new squad because He feels like I paid my dues last season.

The mom of one candidate who didn’t make it back on now “hates” me and her daughter is never allowed to go out for cheer again. Nor is she allowed to become mascot ( I BEGGED her to, but she’s on Drill squad and thought that she’d be gross and sweaty when it was time to perform with Drill, and I suppose she’s right.)

It makes me sad. I really love that kid and was rooting for her to make it back on, but she really needs to work on her grades anyway.
I appreciated this kid so much. Not just because of her awesome flips and tumbling, but because she was our glue. Our stabalizing element. She’s the one who ran after people who stormed off and wanted to quit. She’s the one person of the twelve who never went negative, who never felt sorry for herself and never complained. Even when she lost her Grandpa. She’s steady and she leads both by directing people and by example. And even though she’s a natural born flyer, she didn’t hog the glory but became an outstanding base too.

Be that all as it may, our candidates had to have teacher reccomendation forms and then they had to perform in front of a panel of six judges. I also figured student’s grade point averages into a points total.

Another mom chewed me out on the phone the other day for nearly 40 minutes. Her daughter and decided not to come back out (maybe she sized up the competition and saw the writing on the wall) she asked if she could help with JrHi cheer on the days she doesn’t have Weight Lifting- who knows, maybe she could improve and tryout again next season. She’s only a Freshman so she’ll have six more opportunities- besides many of this season’s cheerleaders plan on playing volleyball rather than cheering next Fall. On top of that, she had surgery to have her wisdom teeth out just before tryouts and had some bad reactions to her pain-killers, so she was really in no condition to tryout even if she had wanted to.

Now her mom is angry with me for not rescheduling tryouts. The girl was still a mess a week after tryouts. Our first game is Dec 3, I wish I could have had tryouts a month earlier- we’re going to be pushing it to be ready as it is.

I like this kid too. She told me that coming out for cheerleading was a life-altering decision that she made. I hope she still feels like that’s true. No one would have ever thought that she would come out for cheer, they assume that she’s brooding and sardonic and critical of perky people. And that’s some of what drove her. She wanted to prove her critics wrong. While I still think she’s too hard on herself, she made it. By the last game, she knew most of the chants and kept up, she even went up as a flyer in a half-extension mount.

Now, her mom’s scared to death that her kid is going to be up to no good every Friday night and she banked on her getting back on squad when she registered for a class every Friday.

Last week this girl was in tears in my room because her mom was so angry at her for not being a cheerleader anymore. Do you know how awkward it is to want to honor and respect the parent, but have their child come to you for comfort or solice because their relationship with their parent is so strained? Yikes. All I could do was try to reassure her that everybody goes through this kind of thing when they separate from their parents’ orbit durring adolescence.

But back to THIS season’s squad. Holy Cow! They learn so fast. They have so much energy and enthusiasm. They’re so sharp. They’re so coachable and cooperative. They get along with each other and there’s no DRAMA! No crying, no kussing, no tantrums. They want to workout durring conditioning. They don’t cut corners, they don’t whine.

We have two Freshmen, two Sophomores and two Juniors. The of the six are also on Drill Squad, so they have experience with “cheerleadery things” like jumps and 8-counts. Wow. Thank you Jesus!

But, kids are kids and parents are parents, so I’m sure that there will eventually be some drama. The other night in practice one of them challenged me because they didn’t want to have to take out their navel ring. Good grief. There’s always something.

Wing nuts

"Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right." - Laurens Van der Post

Too many sides to too many issues

Before President W. Bush I considered my self "post-partisan," a moderate, a "pro-life Democrat." I was disappointed in and felt betrayed by President Clinton's infidelity and dishonest. I always tried to see past party lines. I believe in hashing out issues and getting to hard compromises. I made every effort to try to help Republican friends see that Democrats and "Liberals" weren't all a bunch of pro-gay, pro-communist, evil, hedonistic atheists out to destroy our way of life. Now, I will freely admit that I am angry about the war, just as angry as many of my dearest friends and neighbors have been about abortion for years.

The thing is none of us (my self included) ought to be single-issue voters. The other thing is that there are scores of issues that are every bit as ugly, wrong, immoral and "un-Christian" that our society and both our parties need to wrestle with.

I hope that this column provokes readers to think and talk about some of them. One of the purposes of a newspaper (and of the internet, I guess) is to be a forum for the free expression and discussion of ideas. A couple people have emailed or signed my guestbook anonymously instead of writing letters to the editor for the NEWSpaper & LEADER to publish. Please write the paper, don't be afraid, your ideas are just as legitimate and certainly as passionately held as any of mine. I'm not always right and I hope I never intentionally put anyone else down.

Here is a note that some one left on my website's guestbook. I could write them back because they left a bogus email address.

"tina - Many Democratic officials warned of Saddam's weapon capabilities and stock piles of biological weaponery since 1998: Clinton, Albright, Pulousi, Gore, Kennedy, and more .... before Bush was even in the White House. If you are going to spout off as some sort of expert you should know your facts and not just talk out of frustration and anger. The last time I checked ... Congress basically handed the President a blank check in 2002 and backed him with full support. He did not do this alone. Your column is unclear as to intent other then another flaming liberal trying to burn everything around him. Beings as though you are a Lutheran I find this even more appalling. Do you really wish to support the killing of innocent unborn babies in the ballot box, because we have soldiers willing to fight to protect you and what you have to say? I would certainly hope the cost of fuel would not cause you to jump that direction. There are many issues to consider, and your angry column was irresponsible to your neighbors."

I know that the administration didn't go in without support. Heck, I was won over for a while. That only makes it worse. Because many of us (Republicans included) feel duped and used and yes, guilty. Tina is absolutely right, I shouldn't just write out of anger- that part did make me "flaming," although (except for the blank check that Congress gave Bush) I try really hard to include as many facts as I can any time I write about politics. I do not support the killing of innocent unborn babies, but I also don't support killing innocent live babies, youth, adults or elderly. I don't support cutting programs for the poor while maintaining and even increasing tax cuts for the super rich and for corporations. I wish I'd never supported a unilateral, pre-emptive, unprovoked invasion of a tiny, weak nation that had nothing to do with the terroist attack on us. I don't attack rape, torture, and denying basic human rights to anyone, even to terrorists.

Please forgive me whenever any of you feel that any of my columns are irresponsible. I want to be a good neighbor. But please, can I just tell you that I feel like your questioning my faith or impugning how "Chirstian" I am if you assume that I am totally pro-choice or somehow must want to see babies die because I vote for Democrats or criticize Republicans. Sin is sin and wrong is wrong, unfortunately there is no escaping it in this world, especially in politics.

In Boy Scouts I was taught, "God, Country, and Family- in that order." I believe that God created us with a nature that asks questions. I believe that our founding fathers designed our system of government so that we are not only allowed to scrutinize it and express our displeasure with it, but that it is our duty to do so. And I believe in supporting families, even the unborn members of those families, but I have not seen the current administration neglect support for middle class and poor families while flaunting faith and values for political expedience. If I were a Republican or a Fundamentalist Evangelical I would feel abused.

I'd like to leave you with some quotes from Republican leaders. Three of the four are some of my favorite politicians, no sarcasm intended, they really are (sorry to disappoint any of my fellow Democrats). My point in sharing them is that the bush administration may have won your votes by being "pro-life," but I contend that they've pursued policies that are cruel and abusive of life.

All of us, Democrat and Republican, Green Party and Libertarian, Lutheran, Fundamentalist Evangelical, Catholic, Methodist, whoever All of us need to stop accusing each other of being less-Christian, less-moral, less-right. We need to see past our differences so that we can be alert to how un-Christian, immoral, and wrong we can sometimes be.

"If we are viewed as a country that engages in torture ... any possible information we might be able to gain is far counterbalanced by (the negative) effect of public opinion... This battle we're in is about the things we stand for and believe in and practice. And that is an observance of human rights, no matter how terrible our adversaries may be." -- Senator John McCain (R-AZ)

"I think the administration is making a terrible mistake in opposing John McCain's amendment on detainees and torture." --Senator Chuck Hagel (R-NE)

"I'm a strong supporter of Senator McCain's amendment. I don't think the White House should veto it." -- Former Secretary of State Colin Powell

"The United States can win the war on terrorism without sacrificing our values." --Senator Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.)

PS- Torture is NOT "Pro-Life"

Turkey & Football

The family clamored around the table. The aroma of a home cooked meal filled the air, as did the feeling of anticipation- after all, the meal had been in preparation all morning and some items even the night before.

But first, the lady of the house had to welcome their guests who were waiting at the door.

“Greetings Massasoit, we’re so clad you decided to come, may I take your head-dress?”

“Thank you Barbara, here, we weren’t sure what to bring, I hope you like it,” he said while handing her a steaming the corn casserole. His wife came in behind him with bowl of cracked-wheat and brown sugar pudding. “Where’s Myles?” He then asked.

“Oh, he’s in the back with the boys getting ready for the big game. He said something about the teams wearing their old uniforms or something, it’s right through here,” she directed the Chief past the great room and back to the den.

“Good grief,” sighed his wife, Standing-Water. “Every year it’s the same thing, it seems like from September to January I’m a widow every Sunday.”

“I know what you mean,” she empathized. “Come on back to the kitchen,” she invited, “Priscilla’s here.”

“Oh my,” Mrs. Massasoit whispered, “I thought she was the one who was after your Myles.”

“Oh Lordy,” Barbara Standish assured her, “that was over eons ago. Besides, it was Myles who was after her- water under the bridge now. Besides, her new beau, John Alden is with her. He’s back there rough housing with the kids. My land, I swear I’ll never understand a man’s fascination with throwing a pig’s bladder around.”

Finally, meal time arrived. The children petered each other and teased. The youngest kids turned up their noses at the squash and peas. The Herring and eel were very popular, but not as much as the venison with gooseberry relish. Myles Standish had to stop the boys from throwing hickory nuts at the girls. For the most part, a good time was had by all.

Until Bill Bradford stood up to make a speech. He had hitting the ale pretty hard all afternoon.

“The Council has thought meet to appoint and set apart...a day of Solemn Thanksgiving and praise to God for such his Goodness and Favour, many Particulars of which mercy might be Instanced...” he rambled.

“Oh no,” pined Alden under his breath to his friend Myles, “Here he goes talking about religion again.

“...The Council doth commend it to the Respective Ministers, Elders and people of this Jurisdiction;” Bradford continued.

“Aw man,” Standish complained to Alden, now he’s on to politics...”

And thus the first Thanksgiving dinner was ruined by people talking about sex, politics, and religion. If only they would have stuck to food and football.

Coffeeholics Anonymous

Hi, I’m my name is Ted (no last name) and I’m a coffeeholic.

1. We admitted we were powerless over coffee--that our lives had become unmanageable.

It’s unmanageable because I can’t seem to function in the morning with out a cup of coffee. I start to get run down in the afternoon if I don’t have a couple more cups later on, but I can’t get to sleep at night because there’s too much caffeine left in my system.

I have to drink enough coffee just to feel normal. To actually get really alert and pleasantly aware, I have to drink the hard stuff, espresso. Regular Joe was just my gateway drug, it led to more serious things, Mocha Java, Cappuccino, occasionally a Voltaire… I even tried a Caramello once. And yes, it loathes me admit this to anyone…I even drink prepackaged, refrigerated, Starbuck’s bottled “Frappuccinos.” One day at an all-day teacher’s workshop- I had three. I almost overdosed. It’s truly a miracle that I’m even here today.

I try not to drink any coffee or pop when I know I have to go to the Doctor, because I’m sure they’ll tell me I have high blood pressure, but when you’re sick you’re even more tired or worse you have “medicine- head” from cold pills, so if you’re going to manage to drive yourself to the doctor’s office, you have to have some coffee.

2. I had ALMOST come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity…

But you see, I’m Lutheran. Coffee is one of Sacraments. It’s a means of Grace. Phillip Melangthon, Martin Luther’s colleague in the Theology department at Wittenburg University was thought to have said, “Coffee is proof that God loves us,” or something along those lines. We have dark roast for matins and half-caf for vespers. Old Lutheran stores sell “Most Certainly Brew” brand coffee for Gospel brunches.

Missouri Synod Lutherans, old, conservative, German Lutherans believe in modest, classic coffee. Maybe a little creamer and sweetener, but just powder, nothing so self-indulgent as these expensive liquid creamers. Those Evangelical Lutherans, the wild liberal Scandinavians prefer those prissy, decadent flavored coffees like hazelnut and Irish cream and Kaluha and cinnamon almond and like that. Since the fellowship agreement with the Episcopalians, there’s even rumors that they’re experimenting with English tea and even Eastern, New Age beverages like “chai tea.” What is chai tea anyway? I always get it confused with “tai chee”, which is some kind of Chinese slow ballet stretching exercise or something.

3. So, I made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

And as I understand Him, He made coffee and so how can anything He made be bad for us? Or isn’t that what people who smoke pot say? Anyway- it’s a bean and God made beans, so how can a bean be so bad?

4. I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

And found myself to be about a quart low.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

I admit that I’m a bear if I don’t get my coffee. Year after year I try to give it up for Lent and year after year my students are BEGGING me to drink coffee by late February because I’m so crabby without it. Who knows how many people I have wronged while suffering from withdrawal.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

How soon do I have to be ready? Can’t you wait just five minutes? Let a guy just sit her for a few minutes with the newspaper and a cup of coffee. You know it takes me a while to get going . We won’t be late, I promise. Can’t a guy get just five minutes of peace and quiet all to himself? Is that so much to ask?

Letter from a reader

Ted, what are you doing to our nice little hometown newspaper? Do we have to constantly read about how unhappy you are with our Country, our President, and our Beloved God? Please stop insulting the intelligence of your readers by ranting and raving about our great country and our great leaders and our great military! And for you to use passages from the Bible in one paragraph, only to follow through with your hatred towards our Country! I will pray for you. It sounds like you are a very unhappy American! Also, you need to get your facts straight. The history lessons and political rhetoric you constantly bestow upon your readers is such an insult to us! Remember how you believed every word Dan Rather reported? Didn't you learn your lesson then? Enough is enough of these political columns of yours? Can't you find something nice to right about?

Thanks for hearing me out, I just hate to see our sweet little newspaper being dragged down the political road by untruths. From a "Tired Housewife in Ute who is married to a Vietnam Veteran and very very proud of it!"

~Jean Nepper

- Not sure if I want to either reply to her or forward this to the NEWSpaper so that they can run it? Obviously we dissagree about the war and the Bush administration. I am an unhappy American I love my country and fear for it. That's why I write what I write. It's as simple as that.

"I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just." ~Thomas Jefferson

I learned my lesson when I wrote about what Dan Rather was reporting about Bush's service record. I wrote a retraction in a later column. But has anybody learned their lessons about Bush/Cheny/Rove/Libby? Come on- which is more un-American? Complaining about the current administration, or not wanting people to be able to complain about it?

We should do right by our vets

On June 28th, 1914 Austrian Archduke Francis Ferdinand and wife were assassinated in Sarajevo by Serbian nationalist. Germans wanted to defend Austrians, Russians wanted to defend Serbians, the French had promised to help the Russians. Germany marched through Belgium to attack France. The English wanted to defend the Belgians and by summer everyone in Europe had “August Fever.” They assumed that thanks to modern technology and good planning, they’d win a quick war and be home by Fall.

Instead, World War One, or “the Great War” left 10 million dead and 20 million wounded, many of those permanently maimed. The world faced amputees, the long-term health effects of new chemical and biological weapons and to the paralyzing psychological traumas that were then known as “shell-shock.” So many young men and boys were lost that theirs became called “the lost generation.”

At 11 a.m. on November 11, 1918, in a railroad car, leaders of the Allied and Central Powers signed an armistice, a temporary suspension of hostilities. Americans observed that day as a day to honor peace and the sacrifice of it’s veterans already in 1919. In 1938, Congress made it an official, National holiday. In 1954 Congress renamed the holiday “Veteran’s Day.”

Before WWI was even finished, in January 1918, President Woodrow Wilson gave his famous “14 points” speech to Congress. Outlining his plan for making the world safe for democracy, and making sure that WW I would be the war to END all wars. We could learn a lot from his plan:

1. “Open covenants of peace, openly arrived at”…”diplomacy shall proceed always frankly and in the public view.” No secret alliances, no secret negotiations, all deals needed to be above-board. Would that also mean no secret bombings and no secret prison camps?

2. “Absolute freedom of navigation upon the seas, outside territorial waters, alike in peace and in war”

3. Free trade

4. Arms reduction

5. Sovereignty and self determination for small countries, rather than occupation and control by more powerful nations.

Points 6-13. Dealt with the reorganization of many of the European nations that were fought over and agreeing on where their borders should be.

14. “A general association of nations must be formed under specific covenants for the purpose of affording mutual guarantees of political independence and territorial integrity to great and small states alike.”

After WWII, the U.S led the way in creating such an association, the United Nations, in hopes of helping all nations operate by rule of law and international agreements, rather than by the personality and whims of their leaders or parties in power.

Republican Senator from Wisconsin Gerald Nye led a committee to investigate what drew the U.S. into WWI. Between 1934 and 1936 his seven member committee held Ninety-three hearings and questioned more than two hundred witnesses. The committee reported that between 1915 and April 1917, the US loaned Germany $27 million while at the same time loaning Great Britain and its allies $2.3 billion (about 85 times as much). They concluded that the US entered the war because it was in its commercial interest for England to win.

116,516 American service men died in WWI. The war cost the U.S. $18.7 billion. Americans came to understand that America’s involvement may have been profit driven. Congress authorized veterans' benefits in 1917. In 1924, WWI vets were promised a bonus payment of $1,000. As the Great Depression worsened in 1932, nearly 15,000 veterans and their families marched on Washington to demand their bonuses. The “Bonus Army” camped out for months. By July, the Bonus Army was 25,000 strong.

No matter how we feel about the war or the President, we should honor our soldiers. We should pressure our officials to make sure that veterans and military families, including National Guard members receive the benefits that they need.

Ben Tripp of Veterans For Common Sense puts it this way. “Thousands of Vietnam veterans are lost in America's streets and public shelters, thirty years after their war petered out, unable to repatriate in a nation that has forgotten what real sacrifice costs… Will we let this happen again to the warriors that are spilling their guts in the sands of Iraq?... Do not judge them for what they have done, no matter how bloody, no matter how banal their role in the war. Do not judge them. They are the sword that cuts. They are not the hand that wields it. Some will be accused of crimes, and will answer for them; others will be lauded as heroes and held up as models for future generations…if we are willing to do the work, we might be able to stop the war inside our troops when they come home.”

Blood for oil?

Joseph C. Wilson, had been in the State Department since 1976. He’s served as ambassador to Gabon from 1992 to 1995. He’s helped direct Africa policy for the National Security Council. In 1990, he was in charge of U.S. affairs in Baghdad

In February 2002, Vice President Dick Cheney's office had questions about an intelligence report that referred to a memo that documented the sale of uranium yellowcake by Niger to Iraq in the late 1990's. Joseph Wilson agreed to visit Niger where he had been a diplomat in the mid-70's and visited as a National Security Council official in the late 90's.

He met with Ambassador Owens-Kirkpatrick. She the ambassador told him that she knew about the allegations of uranium sales to Iraq , but had already investigated them and told Washington that it didn’t happen.

After further investigation, Wilson concluded that it was unlikely that any such transaction had taken place and that the memos were probably forged. The government of Niger also denied the charges.

In September 2002, however, the British government published a "white paper" claiming that Saddam Hussein and his unconventional arms posed a “clear and present” danger. The cited Iraq's attempts to purchase uranium from an African country.

Then, in January 2003, President Bush, citing the British dossier, repeated the charges about Iraqi efforts to buy uranium from Africa.

That March on "Meet the Press" Vice President. Cheney said that Saddam Hussein was "trying once again to produce nuclear weapons." Cheney was voracious and tenacious about making sure that people linked Iraq with Osama bin Ladden, Alquaeda, and September 11, even though Iraq and Saddam Hussein had absolutely nothing whatsoever with 9/11. Hussein and bin Laden HATED each other. There are far more Alqueda terrorists in Iraq now then there were in February 2003. Hussein’s Bathist government didn’t let them in.

In March 2003 U.S. forces invaded Iraq.

“The act of war is the last option of a democracy, taken when there is a grave threat to our national security. More than 200 American soldiers have lost their lives in Iraq already. We have a duty to ensure that their sacrifice came for the right reasons,” wrote Wilson in the New York Times in July 2003.

As of this month, 2,000 American service men and women have died in Iraq.

Wilson’s wife, Valerie Plame, a CIA operative had her cover blown in retaliation for her husband’s whistle blowing, and no doubt to get him to shut up. That was petty, it was also illeagal. The last time I checked, outing one of our own spies is also treason.

Vice President Dick Cheny’s Chief of Staff, Lewis "Scooter" Libby Jr. resigned last Friday after being charged with obstruction of justice, making a false statement and perjury in the C.I.A. leak investigation.

According to an October 28 story in the New York Times, Exxon Mobil’s third-quarter net income jumped 75 percent, to $9.92 billion.

“Its profit in the first nine months of this year - $25.42 billion - already equals its full-year earnings for 2004. This year's sales, which topped $100 billion in the last quarter, are expected to exceed those of Wal-Mart,” the Times also reported that Shell Oil’s profits rose 68 percent to just over $9 Billion.

Call me crazy, and I’m no economics expert, but if there’s such a problem with supply, due to Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, so that we everyday people were paying nearly $3 per gallon, wouldn’t they have taken a hit to their profits? Iraq constitutes 11 percent of the world’s oil reserves, second only to Saudi Arabia’s 25 percent. Even with all the trouble with insurgencies and the threat of looming civil war, why aren’t average Americans benefiting from the fact that we now control so much oil?

President Bush, Vice President Cheney and Secretary of State Rice all came from the oil industry. I wonder how much Enron, Halliburton, The Carlyle Group, CentGas, The RAND Corporation, Chevron, and UNOCAL and their stockholders benefited from the $1.6 billion in tax cuts for the wealthiest 2% that Republicans now refuse to roll back, even after hurricanes Katrina, Rita, and Wilma?

One year from this week, when it’s time to vote, I hope that people who can’t afford to invest in the stock market and have to pay so much for oil to fuel their homes and to fill their tanks so they can drive to work will remember who lied to us and how many Americans have had to die because of those lies.

Democracy For America

Democracy For America: "There was a perceptible shift in attitude. Military action was now seen as inevitable. Bush wanted to remove Saddam, through military action, justified by the conjunction of terrorism and WMD. But the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy." ~Downing Street Memo

VAIW :: Veterans Against The Iraq War

VAIW :: Veterans Against The Iraq War: "Veterans Against Iraq War is a coalition of American veterans who support our troops but oppose war with Iraq or any other nation that does not pose a clear and present danger to our people and nation.

Until and unless the current U.S. Administration provides evidence which clearly demonstrates that Iraq or any other nation poses a clear, direct and immediate danger to our country, we oppose all of this Administration's pre-emptive and unilateral military activities in Iraq. Furthermore, we cannot support any war that is initiated without a formal Declaration of War by Congress, as our Constitution requires.

Although we detested the dictatorial policies of Saddam Hussein and sympathized with the tragic plight of the Iraqi people, we opposed unilateral and pre-emptive U.S. military intervention on the grounds that it established a dangerous precedent in the conduct of international affairs, that it could easily lead to an increase of violent regional instability and the spread of much wider conflicts, that it places needless and unacceptable financial burdens on the American people, that it diverts us from addressing critical domestic priorities, and that it distracts us from our goals of tracking down and destroying international terrorists and their lairs.

Furthermore, we do not believe that the American military can or should be used as the police force of the world by any administration, Republican or Democrat. Consequently, we believe that the lives and well being of our nation's soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines should not be squandered or sacrificed for causes other than in the direct defense of our people and nation."

"You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul"

~George Bernard Shaw

"Those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." -Benjamin Franklin"

Carolyn Kalil's Personality Quiz

Carolyn Kalil's Personality Quiz

true colors test

true colors test

Coffee Personality Quiz

Coffee Personality Quiz

Personality Quiz: Quiz

Personality Quiz: Quiz

Personality Test

Personality Test
I turned out to be an ENTP- very analytical

BLOGinality: weblogger personality types - the personality test

BLOGinality: weblogger personality types - the personality test

Online test based on Jung - Myers-Briggs typology

Online test based on Jung - Myers-Briggs typology

Art Schools and Art Colleges Directory - ArtSchools.com

Art Schools and Art Colleges Directory - ArtSchools.com

Young Love

One of the things about being a guy who coaches a predominantly girls’ sport is that you end up being kind of a father-figure. At least I hope I do. One former cheerleader went so far as to ask my wife and I to be her godparents once. Last week another former cheerleader introduced me to her college roommate as her “mentor.”

One of the things about being a father-figure is having to patiently listen to things that would probably make most real fathers cringe and then gently dispensing empathy, advice or admonishment in appropriate doses.

Case in point; over the course of several months, one former athlete kept me updated on her life via email. Essentially, it was like watching the old ‘50s/early ‘60s TV show, “The many Loves of Dobby Gillis,” except that she’s a girl.

She went through a plethora of boys. There was the cowboy, the manipulative control freak, the musician, the bad boy, the other girl’s boyfriend, the Boy Scout, and the really cute nice guy who they both knew it wouldn’t last and didn’t, and the chauvinist pig.

Finally it ended with “the one.” Of course, I’m not her real dad, and many people thought that I got married too young, but I still cringed. Then, I proceeded to dispense the appropriate amounts of empathy, advice and admonishment. Immediately afterward, I was thanking God that I didn’t have to worry about such things as a REAL dad for at least another 15 years (20 or 30 if I get my way). But alas, it was not to be.

I was sitting on Grace’s bed reading a book while she took her bath next door when her younger sister Ellie called to me from her room across the hall.

“Da-aad?”

“In here kiddo.”

“Yeah, but um, I have to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah, so come in here and talk.”

“Yeah, but, um, it’s something vewy imp-O-tant.”

“Okay…” How serious can anything a three-year-old has to talk about be? I thought as I tried to quickly finish up my chapter.

She sauntered into the room and sat down next to me, folded her hands in her lap and let out a long sigh.

“What is it honey? Is everything Okay?”

“Yeah, but it’s just that I wuv Bwaden SO MUCH?”

Braden is her older cousin from Topeka. Braden is a Freshman in high school and an awesome kid. He and his older brother Cale have always been incredibly kind, patient and fun with all our girls, but obviously, he’s a little bit old for her. Not to mention the whole never –marry-your-cousin thing. But I wasn’t sure my preschooler was ready for a discussion about the legality or icky-ness of that whole scenario, so I decided to just listen empathetically.

“He is a pretty good guy huh?”

“Yeah,” she said, looking up with the most dramatic eyebrows she could muster, “but I just don’t know… I love him SO much, but I just miss him. I won’t get to see him for two weeks!” she sighed, exasperated.

“And…and. I just,” she looked down at the floor and shook her head in dismay. “Maybe sum day when we’re both teen-angels we can go to the same college.”

At that point, I probably should’ve pointed out that Braden already is a teenager, but just as I was about to speak she told me more, “And we will get mare-weed and wive in Sioux Falls. “The next morning when I drove her to the babysitter, she told me that she’d changed her mind, they’d live in Topeka, “but it’s so far away!”

Later, on the stairs, after Grace was in her pajamas too, Ellie informed Grace that “you can be our neighbors in To-PEEK-ah.”

“Da-aad!” Grace started to tattle, “Ewen said I half to be her ney-BOHR!”

“It’s Okay, homey, when you grow up you can live anywhere you want to, she just loves you so much that she want to stay close.”

So it may be a couple of weeks instead of a couple of decades, but I’m already planning on asking a young man what his intentions are with my daughter. I’m practicing sounding intimidating.

Bill Cosby knew what he was talkin’ about

I recently rented ‘The Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Bill Engvall and Jeff Foxworthy made me split a gut. But I gotta admit that Larry the Cable Guy was hit and miss with because his humor appeals a little too much to the junior high boy level than I’m used to. Ron White is funny enough, but I worry for that guy and his family, is really as bad of a drunk as he pretends to be on stage?

When I was a kid in college, a popular comedy album was ‘Bill Cosby; Himself.’ Even the guys who liked the racier jokes told by Eddie Murphy and Robin Williams thought that Cosby was the best. But I have to admit that back then I didn’t appreciate half of Doctor Coz’s routine. And it dawned on me the other night when ‘Bill Cosby; Himself’ showed up on late night cable why that was. It’s the same reason that Jeff Foxworthy is currently the funniest man on the planet, they’re parents.

I SO did not get many of Cosby’s jokes about being a dad. Now that I’ve been one for several years, I know why Bill Cosby is considered a genious.

“These people (kids) cannot hear.-Come here. Come HERE, commere, commere, commere, COME HERE!”

“DA-AAD, she’s touching meee!”

“Quiet down, stop touching your sister, knock it off, leave her alone, give that back to her, If you don’t stop that I’ll stop this car. Don’t make me pull over and stop this car, I’ll stop this car, don’t make me come back there….”

I didn’t have to look up a transcript because these are all things that I’ve said over the last few years myself.

“What did your mother ask you to do? Close the door, we’re not paying to cool (or warm) the whole outdoors. What did I ask you to do?” Etc. Etc.

Coz was right, we all become our parents and say things that we swore to ourselves we’d never say when we grew up and had kids. Like Jeff Foxworthy, I have three girls, so needless to say, my lifestyle isn’t anything like it was in college.

Probably two thirds of our laundry is pink, for example. Last summer even the shower curtain and bathroom accessories went pink.

I have maybe four pairs of shoes. Dress shoes, work shoes, tennis shoes and sandals. Each of the four women in my family have no less than twenty pairs of shoes- and the eight-month old only wears one pair maybe once or twice a week- she doesn’t even walk yet!

Last week I reached into the refrigerator for a pop and there was a pair of pink shoes!

You can’t walk through our living room without having to side-step a Barbie or Barbie clothes. Nothing hurts so bad in the middle of the night on the dark walk to the bathroom, than stepping bare-foot on a Barbie shoe.

I’m the kinda guy who prefers a little privacy in the john, but every other morning when I step into the shower, there’s Barbie staring up at me.

The other night it happened. I thought I’d get through my entire life without being drawn through the vortex and into their world, but what could I do? My wife Bethany had taken Grace, our six year old to speech therapy in Omaha, so there I was with three-year old Ellen and the baby…

“Daddy, will you play Barbies with us?”

“Huh, wha?” I pretended not to hear her as I peered over my Newsweek at them on the floor.

“DA-AAD, play Barbies with us! PLEEEASE. Here…” she handed me two dolls, “you be these two and I’ll be these two.”

Oh jeeez. What am I supposed to do? How do I do this?

“Hi I’m Ewika and I’m Pwincess Anamaliese, what’s your names?”

“Uh, hi…uh, I’m, uh… Snow White, and uh, this is- er, uh, Ken, yeah, Ken. How are you? Do you want to play?”

What can I tell you, you pretty much have to make it up as you go along.

As Dr. William H. Cosby, once said, “My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn't because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.”

Coffee Suite; a photo-essay

What can I say? I'm an addict, I admit it.

Caught writing

Didn't someone once say "a cluttered desk is the sign of a brilliant mind?"
Here's a picture of me taken by one of my Journalism students.So this is pretty much what it looks like to see me write my column.

Double wave

I don't know, is it pathetic that this is as creative as I get as a visual artist anymore?

The end of a sportwriting era

This reporter would like to thank Butch Walker of the Dunlap Reporter and ‘Madam Publisher’ for the opportunity to test my skills on what Howard Cosell called they “toy department” of life. When I was sophomore in high school, I was assigned sports story, but I couldn’t write my way out of a paper bag, so my Journalism teacher let me draw cartoons.

I’m glad Butch is feeling better and gladly hand the reins back over to him, but I’ll miss having the best seat at a game- standing along the sidelines, up close to the action.

Former U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren once said “I always turn to the sports section first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page has nothing but man's failures.”

I’ve enjoyed getting to report on the accomplishments of this Bulldogs football team. I hope you enjoy reading about them. Thanks to them and Coach Petersen and Ernie Kline for their help with stats and quotes.

Fun quote

"If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing."
- Kingsley Amis

Sports Quotes

"Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings."
- George Will

Today's Front Pages

Today's Front Pages

Akiane: child prodigy, artist, poet. Purchase Paintings and Prints direct from Akiane

Akiane: child prodigy, artist, poet. Purchase Paintings and Prints direct from Akiane

This girl's work is currently at the Museum of Religious Art in Logan, IA if you have a chance, I highly reccomend checking it out.

My life as a cub reporter at the Sports Desk

This should be my last week as a sports reporter. It’s almost a shame to retire so young from such an illustrious and rewarding career, but I believe that the time has come for me to hang up my cleats and move on. Besides, I’m pretty sure that there’s no danger of me joining the ranks NBC’s Bob Costas orChris Berman of ESPN.

Butch Walker, the publisher of the Dunlap Reporter was going to have to have surgery. He needed someone to cover Boyer Valley High School’s Friday night football games for him for at least a month. I’m pretty sure that his first choice was a former student of mine named Justin.

Justin is a premiere sports photographer. He was our yearbook’s photo editor last year and has sunk a lot of money into his equipment. Unfortunately for Butch, Justin had just gotten home from basic training for the National Guard and was headed to Alaska for several weeks on a photo-excursion with some uncle or something.

Butch’s next choice was Brett, a Junior and our mascot. Brett’s life long aspiration is to become a CPA. Not to cast aspersions on his writing abilities, but he’ll tell you himself that he’s more comfortable with numbers than words.

Be that as it may, he has served as an announcer for various 4-H livestock shows and junior rodeo events and he is at every game. Of course, how much of the game can you see from inside a foam bulldog head? Brett asked Butch for time to think about it, but told me almost immediately that he was going to decline.

If I remember right, I believe I actually had to offer to cover Boyer Valley Football for Butch before he (I hope not too reluctantly) made me his third choice. He had statistics forms for the head coach to fax him anyway, so the coaches would just fill them out and send them to me Monday morning instead. I’d do the write-up and send it to Butch’s wife and staff by deadline Tuesday.

Now, I’m not completely oblivious to the fact that I wouldn’t be everybody’s first choice to write sports. I coach a predominantly female sport that is often ridiculed or at least marginalized as a non-sport. I’m an Art teacher for Cripe’s sake. Those two put together and people tend to think I’m a sissy. If they don’t suspect I’m gay, I’m sure they at least think that I’m way too “in touch with my feminine side” to like or know anything about sports.

I’ll admit this much; growing up I wasn’t good at sports, I had a short attention span, and I was bad at memorizing names and numbers. This doomed me where communicating with other guys is concerned. I couldn’t keep the names of rock bands, brands of stereos, or makes and models of cars in my brain, let alone stereo component and car parts.

So I’d hang out with girls. That was fine, I didn’t like competing with guys or comparing myself to other guys and I DID like girls. Man, did I like girls. Unfortunately for me, maybe because I treated them well, because I listened to them, or who knows, maybe they thought I was gay too, all the girls I had crushes on only wanted to “just be friends.”

I’ll also admit that I didn’t have a lot of respect and probably unfairly prejudged and stereotyped a lot of “jocks.” The athletes in my high school seemed to me to be arrogant (even when they lost), treated girls like disposable tissues, and were hypocrites where health and fitness were concerned. They had better bodies than me because they worked out and exercised, but they deliberately drank till they puked or passed out on a weekly basis, if not more often.

But, over the course of the last 15 years or so my attitude has changed. I see that sports is an outstanding opportunity to teach character. Coaches see kids in a context that regular classroom teacher’s don’t. Everything from work-ethic to resolving conflicts with teammates. I’ve read books by Tiger’s Manager Sparky Anderson, Husker legend Tom Osborne, and UCLA basketball Coach John Wooden that I feel have helped shape me and I hope have helped me shape the students I coach.

I’ve come to realize that successful jocks can’t be dumb jocks. Strength and skill aren’t enough. The guys who are starters in high school are the ones who were paying attention in junior high. You have to know how to execute a play and how to compensate for the unexpected. Even a game of force like football has strategy as subtle as chess and the winners are the ones who take advantage of that fact.

And I have watched at least ten high school football games a year for that last twelve years. I still don’t follow the NFL or NCAA that much, I’ll catch a couple games of each per year. Frankly high school football is a lot more fun. It’s much more unpredictable. I also like it better because I know who’s playing. Now that I’ve been at BV for five years or so, I had the Juniors and Seniors way back in junior high.

And I’ve come to recognize the value sports holds as a cultural lynch pin. What I mean is, girls may talk about their feeling, they may talk about guys, they may talk about shoes. Guys, guys talk about their work, the weather, and sports. Fortunately for me, I’ve learned enough about football and baseball to hold my own. What’s more, I’ve learned that if you ask questions, guys who know more about it are all too happy to share what they know. That way you don’t sound like a freak or a snob, you just sound like either you don’t have satellite or your wife won’t let you waste all day in front of the tube.

I have to tell you, there’s no seat in the stadium like the one I’ve had this past month. Stay out of the coaches’ way, use the telephoto lens, and don’t trip on the chain gang and it’s amazing what you get to see and hear. Several times I’ve had to step out of the way of a train wreck that crossed out of bounds. Of course, I never seem to click the shutter button in time to capture it.

Nothing compares to being up on the edge of the field, only two or three yards ahead of the action. Why watch millionaires play on TV when you can experience the action up front. The best seat is to be standing the whole game and it only comes with a press pass.

Click HERE to read one of my football stories

Victoria

Victshupe's Paintings

These are by my goddaughter, who is a former student. She is an artist and photographer in L.A.

A lot of these are of people in nightclubs. This one of the guy in the purple shirt reminds me of a Paul Gauguin.

The bottom one is totally like something Andy Warhol might have done.

I'm really proud of her. She has gotten really good, better than when I was trying to teach her.

Click here to see more of Victshupe's Paintings

Happy Fall

Building Confidence

“Confidence is the inner knowledge that when you are yourself and others are free to be themselves, everything works out for the best.” ~Brian D. Brio, Beyond Success; 15 secrets to Effective Leadership and Life Based on Legendary Coach John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success.

One of the biggest struggles in coaching cheerleading is helping build confidence. It’s one thing to yell and kick along with five other people during practice, but doing it in front of several hundred people on a Friday night is quite another. Doing it in front of a couple hundred of your peers and classmates at a pep rally is even more nerve-wracking.

People have asked me how I can speak in public. Simple; I know that I’m going to make mistakes that people may laugh out eventually in life, so I may as well be prepared to laugh at myself. If I can do that, that I don’t have to be afraid of making a fool of myself. Now I’m not charming or funny enough to be very good at deliberately making people laugh, but I can manage to get in front of a big group of people and talk to them about just about whatever, without panicking.

Retired UCLA Coach John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success is one tool that I’ve tried to use to help kids learn about teamwork and important character traits like work-ethic and confidence. Another one is Norman Vincent Peale’s classic The Power of Positive Thinking. A few years ago an author named Mary Lou Carney wrote an adaptation of Peale’s book for Teens. In The Power of Positive Thinking for Teens, she lays out ten simple steps for building your confidence:

1. See success- it’s an age-old coaching technique, you imagine, “visualize,” you picture yourself doing well. Starting with the end in mind, that’s all it is.

2. Nix negativity- sometimes this is the most difficult step. It means not letting yourself talk yourself out of being able to do whatever it is that you have to do. Force yourself to not be doubtful.

3. Don’t build obstacles- you’ve heard the old saying, “you’re your own worst enemy?” It can be true, so be on your guard against self-sabotage. Don’t look for excuses to fail, don’t make things harder than they have to be.

4. Be yourself- That’s all you can be, don’t try to pretend to be something else, lay it all out there and if they like you, great, if they don’t, oh well, their loss, don’t take it too personally. This is what my opening quote is about. Just know that when you are yourself and allow be themselves, everything will work out for the best.

5. Know your strengths- Many coaches have you list your assents and then focus on what your good at, not what you’re not good at. A lot of times that will compensate for your weaknesses. It’s also helpful just to list and review your strengths in order to remind yourself that you’re at least good for SOMETHING.

6. Know yourself- this is not the same as #5. This one could be written as, “know your limits.” If you know what your values are and, yes, what your weaknesses are, you can look for ways to maintain a balance, delegate out responsibilities, or ask for support.

7. Use the antidote (Philippians 4:13)- Memorize and recite this verse at least ten times a day. “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

8. Aim high- If you shoot for nothing, you’ll hit it every time. If you shoot for the moon- even if you miss, you’ll reach the stars.

9. Put yourself in God’s hands- We don’t know what the future holds, but we know Who holds the future. Sometimes all you can do is to do your best and let God do the rest, also known as “let go and let God.”

10. Be unbeatable

trying to remain cheerful

I've seen other cheerleading websites, but I’ve only ran across one other cheerleading “blog” while surfing the web. And mine is the only Cheer Coach’s “blog.” A blog is a web-log, a journal or diary kept on the internet. Most of the more famous blogs are political. There are now so many of them that you hear TV news pundits talking about a “blogosphere.”

Of course, last I knew the only other male cheer coaches in Iowa was one guy at a community college and some guys who own an exclusive Cheerleading gym outside of Des Moines. I’ve been posting a lot of entries lately, if you’d like to take a look at it, click on over to http://cheercoach.blogspot.com.

Before you say, he has too much time on his hands, keep in mind that that a blog isn’t something that you have to put a lot of work into like most websites, A blog is a free service and they basically give you a template and a program to add to your web browser so that all you have to do is type and click.

It’s been an interesting season so far. Iowa allows each high school 8 cheerleaders during football season and 6 for basketball. In a perfect world, you’d have 2 Freshmen, 2 Sophomores, 2 Juniors, and 2 Seniors. In a perfect world, you’d hold tryouts in the Spring, get 12 or 20 candidates and choose the best 8. Then you’d go to a camp or clinic during the summer and maybe even get a few practices in before school even started.

I’m here to tell you, there is no perfect world. Last year I had 5 Seniors and one Freshman. We had tryout practices but only had 4 candidates. We had tryouts, but 2 of the 4 candidates chickened out.

We were supposed to have ordered new uniforms last Spring, but we didn’t even have a squad until school started about a month ago.

I had 5 cheerleaders, 2 of which are TOTAL rookies, and only 4 ½ uniforms, 2 bags, 4 sets of pom pons, and only one megaphone (guilt-guilt & shame former cheerleaders!). Did I mention that 3 of those 4 ½ uniforms fit really bad? And we haven’t had time to think about new uniforms because we’ve hardly practiced so we hardly know any chants. (Let alone cheers and stunts).

Nikki is the skinniest kid on squad... a 25 inch waist but we STILL can't get a uniform that fits her. We need to do something about it- parent in the stands were even complaining about how her navel shows. I don't think I've had a 25 inch waist since I was say 8 yrs old.

We're kind of a motley crew, but at least there's a squad. Underclassmen all the way.
3 Sophomores; one was on Varsity last year, one was on Junior High for a brief time, and another that was on junior high for two years- she even got 3rd place at the Iowa State Fair for Gymnastics!

Then there are the 2 Freshmen; complete rookies to the sport of cheerleading, one of whom is pretty cynical and pretty stubborn.

Several kids have approached me and told me that they’re planning on coming out for basketball season. AWESOME- although, if I want uniforms that fit, should I wait till after tryouts in November to measure & order? Of course, I had several kids tell me that they were coming out last Spring but they didn’t.

One of my rookies must have felt alienated, like she didn’t have any friends on the squad, because she went to work and recruited two (for THIS season). One’s quiet as a mouse and while the other cheered last year in Junior High, is painfully shy and doesn’t want to perform in front of the whole student body at pep rallies.

That’s Varsity. Junior High is about as complicated- 3 out of my 5 Junior High cheerleaders are now ineligible because of poor grades, and one of the 2 left has a broken ankle, so she’ll be on the Disabled list for about 6 weeks.

Guess how she did it- she was watching a cheer competition on ESPN and decided to practice some chants at home.

Then there are the three seventh graders; THERE'RE SO TINY! I guess I got too used the almost-all-Senior Varsity squad I had last year. This group really makes me feel old though, because when I first came to Boyer Valley 5 years ago, I taught them Art as Second-Graders!

Stripes

This is what Americans areFrom the movie Stripes, with Bill Murray: "John Winger: Cut it out! Cut it out! The hell's the matter with you? Stupid! We're all very different people; we're not watoosie, we're not Spartans. We're Americans, with a capital A, huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every out every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're underdogs, we're mutts! Here's proof: his nose is cold. But there's no animal that's more faithful, that's more loyal, more loveable than the mutt. Who saw 'Old Yeller?' Who cried when Old Yeller got shot at the end? Nobody cried when Old Yeller got shot?"

Network

Network
This is a frightening bit of movie history- because it so accurately predicted the troubles of globalization:

This is from the 1970's Oscar winner 'Network' (the movie where we got the line "I'm mad as Hell, and I'm not gonna take it any more.")

The chairman of sleazy tabloid-TV network UBS, Arthur Jensen (Ned Beatty), moves in to "convert" Howard Beale (Peter Finch) to sell the values of corporate culture on air. Here near the end of the film, Jensen predicts the future of a corporate world, both fascinating and horrifying.

Arthur Jensen: You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won't have it. You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations; there are no peoples. There are no regions; there are no Arabs. There is no third world; there is no west. There is only one holistic system of systems; one vast interwoven, interactive multivariant multinational dominion of dollars, petrodollars, electrodollars Reich marks, rands, roubles, pounds and shekels. It is the international system of currency that determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today. It is the international system of currency that determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things. You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and you will atone! You howl about America. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM, ITT, AT &T, and Dupont, Dow, Union Carbide and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today. We no longer live in a world of nations and ideologies. The world is a college of corporations inexorably determined by the immutable by-laws of business. The world is a business, Mr. Beale. It has been since man crawled out of the slime. And our children will live to see that perfect world in which there is no war or famine, oppression or brutality. One vast and ecumenical holding company for which all men will work to serve a common purpose and in which all men will own a share of stock, all necessities provided, all anxiety tranquilized, all boredom amused. And I have chosen you to preach this evangel.
Beale: Why me?
Arthur Jensen: Because you're on television, dummy.
Beale: I have seen the face of God!
Arthur Jensen: You just might be right.

monarch rest-stop, Sep 17, 2005
Mallory

Our most important day

This Saturday is an important anniversary that most of us are oblivious to, but as Americans, this day SHOULD be more important, more meaningful, and more valuable than President’s Day, Flag Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, and even Patriot’s Day combined. On September 17, 1787 our Constitution was first adopted by the Constitutional Convention of United States.

The Preamble to the Constitution is often mistaken for a portion of the Declaration of Independence. It is just as important, maybe more so, because it is our “mission statement” if you will, it summarizes what we as a nation, and what our government are supposed to be doing:

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

If I were to put it into today’s language, I might say “We agree to these laws and this Constitution, so that we can stand together, to create fairness, guarantee that we all get along, make sure everyone is safe, look out for each other’s best interests, and make sure that not only we, but future generations will enjoy freedom and the ability to participate in the democratic process for years to come.”

I think it’s summed up even better by our motto, “E. Pluribus Unum” which is Latin for, “from many-one.” We are not one race, we are not one faith, we are not one ethnicity or nationality, we don’t even speak one language, yet we are one. What unifies us is what we believe in, what goals we strive for, and what laws we agree to follow, that is what the Constitution was written to express, those rights, those freedoms, and those responsibilities, those duties. What makes us one is our Constitution, not our political party, not our leaders, not even our flag, but rather it is what our flag stands for, and that is our Constitutional rights.

The Constitution is divided into five main parts. Since it is a legal document, lawyers call these parts “Articles,” and each paragraph in an article is called a “section.” When it gets down to it, they did that so that it would be easier to refer back to specific parts that you need to talk about or study. Kind of like how the Bible is divided into books, chapters, and verses. Nobody really talks or writes that way, it just helps you look up things. On web pages there are anchors and tags, in textbooks you underline, highlight, and stick post-it notes everywhere.

The first Article explains in ten sections, how Congress and the Senate are supposed to work. The second article explains what the President and Cabinet are supposed to do. Article Three sets up the Supreme Court and the Judicial branch. Article Four talks about how the State governments are supposed to get along and Articles Five through Seven explain how fix, change, or add to the Constitution itself. The “founding fathers” had no idea how long America would be around or what our lives would be like, what our technology would be like, so they thought that we should have a way to be part of the process.

As a matter of fact, the word “citizen” basically means “member of the government.” Likewise, the word “idiot” originally referred to someone who refused to take any civic responsibility.

I’d love to write about the Bill of Rights and all of the twenty-seven amendments to the Constitution, especially the First Amendment, but that should be saved for a column celebrating the day that the Bill of Rights was first adopted, December 15, 1791.

We stand united not in our hate for or anger toward terrorists. We certainly don’t stand united in our loyalty to parties or politicians. We are united when we strive for the same goals in the Preamble and engage and participate in the process of our Constitution and when we protect and exercise the rights set forth in the Bill of Rights and Constitutional Amendments.