Immigration Reform; Blame Canada

Much has been said lately about the new legislation in Congress proposed to reform the immigration progress. I say it’s high time. Too many of these darn Canadians have been coming down here, crossing our borders illegally and stealing all the American jobs. Heck, it’s getting so anymore, you can’t go to a restaurant without havin’ to see a bunch of Canadians bussing tables.

They’re tryin’ to tell us that there are millions of Canadians here in the United States and it would be impossible to deport them all so now we oughta just come out and give them amnesty or something. I for one don’t feel any animosity toward any Canadians. Some of my best friends are Canadians. Well, okay, I don’t really have any Canadian friends, but just because someone doesn’t have any Canadian friends doesn’t mean that you’re racist.

But just because someone’s not racist against Canadians doesn’t mean that the Federal government has no right to come in here an try to make us have to integrate with all these Northerners. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them, but that doesn’t mean I should have to live around them. It’s like they’re from a whole ‘nuther continent or something. And besides, their flag is a red maple leaf. Wasn’t the old Soviet Union’s flag red? What are they Communist or something? Don’t they have socialized medicine there?

If it’s such nice place then why are there so many of them down here in our country? I hear that they’re digging these tunnels under the Canada-North Dakota border to smuggle in prescription drugs. So there you are. Canada wants to undermine our American way of life with their inexpensive health care systems.

In this post-9/11 era we need to be more conscious of our national homeland security matters, so that’s why I suggest that we start building a fence along our border with Canada. As it stands, pretty much anybody in Canada can pretty much just waltz right into America and threaten our cherished values and American way of life. And maybe we should start calling for volunteers in places like Montana to form Minutemen Militias to voluntarily patrol the border to catch the “frost-backs” when they try to sneak into our country because after all I’m sure that there’s no way that the INS can get it all done.

I hear that some do-gooders have taken to leaving thermoses of hot chocolate or coffee and blankets out in the tundra for the poor immigrant families from Canada, like that’s some kind of humanitarian thing or something. I say if they’re dumb enough to venture out onto the prairie trying to break into our country then they deserve what they get. Illegal immigrants are criminals, helping them survive the journey is just aiding and abetting CRIMINALS. Don’t they get it? ILLEGAL, they’re breaking the law. It’s against the law to break into somebody else’s country, so why should these people help them survive the crossing? They’re accomplices and traitors and should be deported too.

I also think that if these Canadians do come to our country they should have to learn to speak American. None of this “owoot and abowoot” business. They should have to talk American like everybody else. Did you know that some of them don’t even speak ENGLISH? That’s right. Apparently there are this whole ‘nuther kind of Canadian called French-Canadians. Does anybody else think that it’s kid of fishy that the French opposed our invading Iraq after 9/11 and now all these Canadians think that they can come here and force their cheap prescription drugs on us and win everything at the winter Olympics?

Not that it’s all their fault. I mean, who can blame them. We have the best of everything here in America, we have a Congress and a President and they’re stuck with a “Parliament” and all these “Ministers.” Who are they trying to fool? Like they’re all British and hoity toity or something or like calling a politician a “Minister” makes them more Christian or something. So I think that we should carefully use the Patriot Act to review the phone calls of any Canadian who wants to come into our country LEGALLY and offer them political asylum so that they don’t have to live in such a Communist country.

And plus, some Americans bare some responsibility too. I was at this restaurant once and when I paid my bill and they went to give me change, some of the coins were Canadian. I hear from my relatives in Michigan that this kind of thing happens all the time to them up in the Great Lakes. This says to me that maybe some American companies seem to think that it’s okay to hire these illegal Canadians because then maybe they won’t have to pay them as much as American workers since the Canadian dollar (shouldn’t that be “POUND”) isn’t worth as much as the American dollar. So I think that we need to send the INS or the Department of Homeland Security in there to all the Wal-Marts and restaurants and places that keep hiring these Canadians and charge them penalties for helping the Canadians come into this country.

I’m sure if you search your hearts you’ll know that I’m right and agree. It’s time that we do something about this. Canada has been a cancer growing on the back of North America for too long. We should clear it all off and let the oil companies explore for new sources of energy up there and keep America strong.