Wild Bill for President

It was just me and this rattlesnake out on the desert, and I won the staring contest.

Omygosh! I almost forgot, I came to Denison just so I could get my picture taken with that famous columnist and cartoonist from around here, where is that guy?

Finally, a voter with a bigger head than me!

I'm gonna miss Ted so much after Jan 3, that i think I could just cry!


Okay, so I didn't have as much luck as a photographer as I did with Obama last Spring. But I did have quite a day. 10:45 at Denison Town Hall with Governor Bill, lunch with a former mascot and a former cheerleader, both much smarter than me, and then 1:30 at the Fire House for Hillary. No, she didn't break my camera, and no I don't dislike her so much that I refuse to take her picture- my batteries just died.

Maybe next week when I have more time and I'm not falling asleep at the keyboard, I'll write about it. For now I'll just say that I'm more at ease if she HAS to get the nomination, but I am more impressed with Governor Richardson than ever, and I always have been. Still not 200% decided/committed yet- hopefully I will be by next Thursday when I go caucus.

Both were very interesting events. Richardson's may have been more what Iowa is supposed to be about, Clinton's was more of a production- but while she's no Bill Clinton, she is much better on the stump than she's been in the debates. Bill Richardson may be no Bill Clinton either, but he seems much more consistent from a town hall meeting like this to the debates to his commercials, web messages, and Sunday morning talk circuit. That may be one of the things I appreciate about him. That makes him seem genuine and makes him at least seem to have integrity.

But please, even Mike Gravel or Dennis Kucinich would be better than any of the Republican candidates out there. Dodd and Biden are every bit as good as Edwards and Obama. Hard decision, but that's a nice problem to have! Now if we could just field a decent candidate to run against Steve King for Congress!


Here are a few more candidates coming to the area between now and Caucus Day if you're interested.
Jill Biden (Wife of Joe Biden): December 28 Cronk's Cafe =12:00 Noon

Chris Dodd: December 29 Cronk's Cafe = 1:30 P.M.

John Edwards: December 30 Cronk's Cafe = 4:00 P.M.

Changing the direction of the whole world has never been so easy

Amazingly, many Iowans have never attended a presidential caucus. Some are apathetic about politics, others are too busy, but some are intimidated. They somehow think that they don’t know how to caucus or that it will be too hard.

Iowa’s first in the nation caucus is different than a primary vote and it does take longer than just punching a card or flipping a lever and leaving, but it’s not hard or anything to be afraid of. Caucusing is easy, fun and can be very enlightening.

Everyone who can, should go out of their way to give it a try. Iowa has a massive amount of influence on the national elections- it really is disproportionate to our population and our economic power. Voters, media, and strategists all over the country will be watching us closely next week. Experts think that independent voters in New Hampshire will especially be influenced by the results of Iowa’s January 3 caucus.

This week, the PRESS is publishing times and locations where you can go to caucus.

In some ways, a caucus is a comfortable, informal gathering where you get together and talk about who you think would be the best leader and why.

One thing that makes it even easier, is that Republicans are only with Republicans and Democrats are only with Democrats, so you don’t have to worry about those really awkward disagreements that you’re always afraid are going to turn into full fledged arguments and ruin the night.

It’s always easier to discuss politics, even to argue policy issues and philosophies when the people you’re debating with pretty much agree with you on most of the same basic principles. So caucusing helps you know you’re not crazy because there are actually people who think the same way you do- at least on some issues.

Once everybody gets settled in whatever room you’re meeting in, your precinct chair begins the night by giving a brief introduction to caucusing, and then everyone divides up into groups depending one which candidate they support.

Once in their area, each group counts off for the precinct chair to determine how many people were in the room.

The precinct chair then divides the number of caucus members for each candidate by the appropriate number to figure out viability.

The precinct can send a limited number of delegates to the party’s county convention. If the caucus isn’t unanimous, they will send delegates representing each of the viable candidates.

Lets say a precinct gets five delegates. The candidate with the most people caucusing for them might get 3, the runner up could get two.

The groups representing viable candidates try to convince loners and people in smaller groups, to throw their support toward one of the more viable candidates. This is a chance for people in the caucus to move to another candidate, and for nonviable candidates to choose others. This could last half an hour.

To wrap up, the precinct chair takes a final tally and may answer questions from people about caucusing, the county, state and national conventions.

One of the most wonderful aspects of caucusing is that it can be a gateway to participation in your party. Caucus attendants are invited to serve as delegates or alternates to the county convention. You can also get to know some of the people who are active in the party in your area, you may also find out ways in which you can get more involved if you’d like to.

You get to know the other people who share your party affiliation. You may be surprised by which of your neighbors share many of you concerns and convictions.

Participatory democracy begins with you. Few countries in the world offer the opportunities for direct involvement in the selection of their leaders. Iowa does it earlier and better than any other state in the union.

It’s a phenomenal privilege- not just a right or a responsibility. It’s easy and can even be fun. You have to be nuts not to try it. It’s worth getting a babysitter for, or taking off of work for, or missing that basketball game for. See you there.


Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. 'Ted's Column' has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. You can see all of Ted's cartoons, some even in color at http://tedstoons.blogspot.com

The Three-in-Pink say,

Historical Holiday Trivia; secret meaning of silly song exposed

I always found “The Twelve Days of Christmas” to be one of the more annoying Christmas songs. If you’re like me, you may enjoy many of the parodies like Jeff Foxworthy’s red neck one or Bob and Doug McKenzie’s 1980’s hit.

Turns out, some scholars believe that the original song represents the twelve days from Christmas until the Epiphany, January 6th (December 25th until January 5th).

Epiphany is usually celebrated as the time the Three Wise Men brought gifts to the Christ child. Because of this, many cultures don’t exchange gifts on Christmas, they wait until Epiphany. There used to be a tradition in some countries to give Christmas gifts for each of the Twelve Days of Christmas.

Just like with Christmas, by the time of the renaissance, Europe and Scandinavia cultures had combined the twelve days with pagan festivals celebrating new year’s. Usually the idea was to try to drive away evil spirits.

The Twelfth Night is January 5th, the last “day of the Christmas” before Epiphany This usually meant a big feast and a Christmas decoration removing party. Fruit cake was originally “King’s cake,” bejeweled with candy, spices, and nuts, this perennial Christmas doorstop of a gift represented the expensive gifts of the Magi.

The "true love" mentioned in the 12 Days of Christmas is not boyfriend or girlfriend, it represents God Himself. He gives gifts each day that represent aspects of the Christian faith. Some people think that the song was originally a way to teach children their catechism lessons.

On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

A Partridge in a Pear Tree
The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus the Christ, who’s birthday is Christmas day. He’s symbolized by a mother hen who shelters us under her wing and whom we follow. Remember the opening of the Partidge Family TV show in the ‘70’s? (Luke 13:34)

On the 2nd day of Christmas…

Two Turtle Doves
The Old and New Testaments

On the 3rd day…
Three French Hens
The three virtues that Allan Jackson sings about in his song about 9/11; Faith, Hope, and Love (1 Corinthians 13:13). When I was a kid, I always thought it was three French HORNS, which would also be a nice gift and unlike chickens, you wouldn’t have to feed them.

4th day... Four Calling Birds
The Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

FIVE GOLD RINGS! Sing it LOUD.
The first five books of the Old Testament, known as the Torah or the Pentateuch: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. They kind of give a background of how messed up humanity is, therefore needing a savior.

6th day… Six Geese A-laying
The six days of creation (Genesis 1). Think of the planet Earth as the goose that lays the golden eggs. If we take better care of her than we’ve been doing, she’ll keep producing. If we get greedy and just cut her open for the eggs inside, no new eggs. Could be why more and more people are acknowledging the veracity of global warming.

7th day... Seven Swans A-swimming
The seven gifts of the Holy Spirit: prophecy, ministry, teaching, exhortation, giving, leading, and compassion (Romans 12:6-8 and 1 Corinthians 12:8-11). Kind of like those practical presents; food processors and power drills, these aren’t worth much if you just play with them or show them off. You have to use them. That way they become gifts that keep on giving.

8th day... Eight Maids A-milking
The eight Beatitudes: Blessed are the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers, those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake. (Matthew 5:3-10). Whatever happened to those peacemakers anyway? Probably out in the garage with that drill, or up in the attic with the fruitcake.

9th day...Nine Ladies Dancing
No, these aren’t those ladies at the club by the airport with all the poles. These are the nine fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22). You can always tell a tree by it’s fruit. How fruity are you?

10th day...Ten Lords A-leaping
The ten commandments: I’m running out of room so I’ll let you look them up yourself (Exodus 20:1-17).

11th day...Eleven Pipers Piping
The eleven faithful apostles- minus #12, Judas Iscariot of course.

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Twelve Drummers Drumming
The twelve points of doctrine in the Apostles' Creed: 1) I believe in God, the Father… 2) Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. 3) …conceived by the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Mary. 4) He suffered under Pilate, crucified, died, buried. Descended into hell 5) Third day rose again. Ascended into heaven, seated at the right hand of God. 6) Will come again to judge the living and the dead. 7) Holy Spirit, 8) Church, 9) communion of saints, 10) forgiveness of sins, 11) resurrection of the body, 12) life everlasting.

more morning frost

See all 23 of these images, download them to use as wallpaper or a screensaver.
http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/75/Wintry_Morn

Wintery Morn

It was about 2ºF this morning when I took these. I don't know which I was more worried about, my camera or my hands. Brrr. Why isn't that bird in the second one somewhere South?

No nativity in DC this year

There will be no Nativity Scene in the United States Congress this year.

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States Capitol this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the nation's Capitol.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Romney will be whatever you want him to be

Recently, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney gave a speech trying to calm fears of the religious right has about his Mormonism.

It’s unfortunate that he should even have had to make the speech.

Many people thought that John Kennedy laid this issue to rest when he ran as the first Roman Catholic presidential candidate. J.F.K.’s words in 1960 are just as pertinent today; “There are the real issues which should decide this campaign. And they are not religious issues--for war and hunger and ignorance and despair know no religious barriers.”

No one seemed to mind in 2000 when Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman, a Jew, ran for his party’s nomination. But Romney wasn’t just have to assuage concerns of fundamentalist Christians who have paranoid suspicions of the Church of Ladder Day Saints. He was trying to sell himself as the best choice of “Conservative-Christian” Evangelicals.

In primary elections candidates try to appeal to their supposed bases. Hillary Clinton wants Democrats to think she is anti-war and pro-middle class, when really she is as pro big business and supported the initial invasion of Iraq as any Republican.

While governor, Romney was pro-choice and pro- gay marriage, and pro-immigrant. Now as a candidate for the Republican party’s political nomination, he’s suddenly pro-life, anti-gay, anti-immigrant. Much to the chagrin of fellow G.O.P. candidate John McCain- Romney also seems to be pro-torture.

I would think that being so progressive in Massachusetts and being a bigger “flip-flopper” than Bill Clinton and John Kerry combined would be reasons for real conservatives not to vote for him.

I consider myself a passionate believer. My faith in Jesus and my relationship with him constitute the core of my being. Be that as it may, the fact that Romney is so shamelessly pandering to the religious right is a bigger reason for me not to vote for him than his Mormonism.

Like it or, the United States is not a theocracy, it is a pluralistic- if not secular democracy. And that is as is should be. Our founding fathers deliberately wanted to avoid the kinds of conflicts that kept Europe mired in perpetual war for centuries.

After Christian Europeans were done killing Muslims in the crusades, they began killing each other. First Eastern Orthodox and Catholic, then Catholic and Protestants, then Protestants took revenge on Catholics and so on. Is it any wonder that atheists so often blame wars on religion?

Those first Pilgrims that came to Massachusetts looking for religious freedom? Were being persecuted by King James- yeah, as in the King James Bible. And while many of those founding fathers may indeed have been “Christians” as fundamentalist right-wingers are so quick to boast, they were also enlightened enough to know that no one denomination or sect should have too much influence lest they might behave very un Christ-like toward all the others.

Maybe when it comes down to it, perhaps our policy on a candidate’s religion should be “don’t ask-don’t tell.”

In the interest of self disclosure, I happen to be a Lutheran. As a child I attended and as an adult I taught in Lutheran schools, but I’ve always believed in the separation of church and state. I believe that when he held up a coin with Caesar’s face on it and told His disciples to “render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and unto God what is God’s,” Jesus may have been saying that He does too.

As Kennedy said in his speech over forty years ago, “I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute--where no Catholic prelate would tell the President (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote--where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference--and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.”

---

WEB EXTRA!
Above was the second version of this column. In the first one, I pointed out my personal concerns about Mormonism and said that from my understanding, it was a religion distinct from Christianity and that Romney is being deceitful by giving people the impression that he's a Christian.

I made it sound like Romney's faith is a reason not to vote for him, but then I end up saying that faith shouldn't be a reason to not vote for someone- which was one of the points he made in his speech. Besides the fact that I should be trying to persuade the entire audience of something, not alienate a large segment of it.

I have no doubt that many Mormons are unaware of their church's deeper doctrines and that they believe in the same true Jesus that Christians do- the LDS church after all, is notorious for it's secrecy, and changing it's official positions for the sake of legal and political expedience.

They taught that minorities were the inferior and damned children of Cain, now they claim to accept people of color. They practiced polygamy and the subjugation of women, but now promote themselves as pro-family.

Of course- The pre-reformation Church perpetrated all kinds of atrocities in Jesus' name, Catholics have the inquisition, Martin Luther was a pretty flagrant anti-Semite, Once the pilgrims got their religious liberty in New England, they proceeded to deny everyone else religious freedom (remember the Salem Witch trials?)... it goes on and on. No World religion or Christian denomination is immune. That's what we Lutherans call "original sin." We're all full of fear and hate.

I guess I still have lots of theological skepticism about Mormonism and trepidations about the possibility of a Mormon President, but that doesn't mean I should recklessly disparage Romney for being Mormon, or every single member of the LDS church.

Will Lutherans and Episcopalians refuse to vote for Mike Huckabee because he’s a Baptist? Or for Rudy Guliani because he’s Catholic? Or for Obama because he’s a member of the United Church of Christ, or for Senators Clinton or Edwards because they’re Methodists?

There's an old joke that goes like this; Guy dies, goes to Heaven, St. Peter gives him a tour. Through one door he hears this wonderful Gospel music, "Who's in there?" he asks, "Oh those are all the AME believers." A ways down the hall he hears shouting "AMENS" and "Hallelujahs!" "In there are the Pentecostals," Peter explains. As they pass another door he smells incense and hear sort of a droning of mumbles and chants. "who's that?" the man asks, "Greek Orthodox," replies Peter. A little further down the hall everything is silent, the man starts to ask St. Peter about it and Peter quickly puts his finger to his lips and whispers- "Shhh- those are the Lutherans, they think they're the only ones up here."

I googled this joke and it turns out that almost every demnomination hads their own version, including Mormons. Point is, we're all capable of tremendous bigotry.

The Lutheran college I attended was Missouri Synod and frankly, there was worse discrimination against kids who belonged to the Evangelical Lutheran Church than of non Lutherans.

I have to be theologically clear here.

• Jesus said in John 14:6 "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
  
• Orthodox ("orthodox" as in mainstream, not as in Greek Orthodox) Christianity recognizes the Apostle's and Nicean Creeds and does not recognize the Book of Mormon, John warns us in Revelation 22:18-19 "If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book. And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book."
• But Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 12:3 that "no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus be cursed," and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit."
• Romney did say that he believes that "Jesus is the Son of God and the savior of the world." Maybe that's something, of course if what I've been taught in the Lutheran church about Mormonism is true, he also thinks that Lucifer is Jesus' brother and that anyone can become god of their own planet if they're a good enough Mormon...

Guess this is why polite people aren't supposed to talk about sex, politics or religion. No matter what you say, you're bout to offend SOMEONE.

---

Want to have some fun? Check out BeliefNet's "God-o-Meter," supposedly it "scientifically measures factors such as rate of God-talk, effectiveness—saying God wants a capital gains tax cut doesn't guarantee a high rating—and other top-secret criteria."

Mal • Toons

Mal • Toons

All new- nothing but my cartoons. Come see

Mal • Toons

Mal • Toons
Want to just see my cartoons and not be bothered by my column, or other people's cartoons? Click here

Sports Photojournalism

Oh yeah, some nights you can't get your stupid camera settings right or your flash to go off. But some nights, you da man!

More true today than 20 years ago

Category:	Books
Genre:	Literature & Fiction
Author:	George Orwell

Wow. This was good. The last time I read this book, I think it was 1984.
At that time, I saw it merely as some weird science fiction thing that fortunately hadn't come true. Of course, my English teacher at the time tried to help us see how it was about conformity.

Two things motivated me to give it another look. Someone said that it was a brilliant political satire. SATIRE, I thought, satires are funny. Okay, you know how people imagine different actor's voices as different characters when they read a book? I thought I'd try to imagine what this book would be like if it were a movie made by the Coen Brothers or Tim Burton. (I figured that Woody Allen or Mel Brooks was a little too silly). It helped, especially early on when Winston Smith's life is so bleak and lonely.

The other thing that encouraged me to read it was when a friend suggested a cartoon idea to me- (see below) I just figured he was referring to the illegal wire taps and email phishing, but it it SO much more than that- the propaganda, the use and abuse of the media, TORTURE, and the psychological tricks of perpetual war. Wow. It is really frightening.

The first part of this book is bleak and depressing, the second part is an exciting combination of political thriller and romance. The third part is almost as surreal and existential as a Jean Paul Sarte play.

What is truly frightening is not the idea of this book being somehow prophetic, or of how it features many of the kinds of ideologies and tactics of the current administration, what is really scary- and shaming, is that this isn't just a satire of Socialism or post WWII Brittan or 1940's America, or the NAZIs or the Soviets or the cold war, it isn't just a satire about conformity- and it is, by the way. It occurred to me that John Hughes or somebody could rip off the basic plot and turn it into a movie about how miserable high school can be. It's not just a warning about how society or governments could evolve. What it is is a searing commentary on human nature. Very much in line with the political philosophy of Thomas Hobbes. We are all oppressors and followers. We are all capable of torture or betrayal. That's the frightening part.

If you read this and really take it seriously, you will be bound to become skeptical of any politician- regardless or party or promise. You will treasure and appreciate you rights, freedoms and your relationships. And you just might be a little less comfortable undressing with the TV on. I don't have a web-cam on my computer. Do you?


See you in the place where there is no darkness. (or room 101, whichever).
Read more of Mr. Mallory's book reviews at http://tmal.multiply.com/reviews

Fun with camera settings

Yes, those are cheerleaders

Iowa's Senator Grassley: the people's angel

My cartoon for the Dec. 13 Mapleton PRESS

Boy, I was racking my brain for an idea this week. Usually I try to get done the Thursday before the cartoon is supposed to run. This one came to me driving home from school Thursday night. But I was panicky because I was too tired and busy with my kids to draw anything that night and I never imagined I'd ever be able to manage it before school since I have hall monitor duty this week. Thank God for small blessings because we had a 2 hour late start for snow.

I was still anxious. I've only drawn Senator Grassley one time before and never thought I could ever replicate it. He has such an amazing face. But I think I pulled it off. I'm afraid I made Creflo Dollar look a little too much like Supreme Court Justice Clarance Thomas, which is too bad because Dollar is a really handsome guy. Benny Hinn usually looks friendlier in real life, but oh well. And frankly, I think I absolutely nailed the Joel Osteen.

Hot issue. Gotta confess, I sometimes like to listen to Bishop T.D. Jakes and Robert Shueler- but I never send them money. I love Rick Warren, but I think that he's actually on the up and up, unlike these other guys. I really worry about my friends and family who watch Osteen all the time, but whatchya gonna do but pray for 'em?

Annual Christmas Exclusive

Mapleton readers may not have been aware that since this column has appeared in the now absorbed Schleswig and Charter Oak-Ute papers I have been privileged to be able to obtain an exclusive annual interview with a seasonal celebrity. This year I received a phone call from the North Pole during my free period at school the last week in November. Here now is a transcript of that conversation:

TM: Feliz Navidad, Kris

SC: Mele Kalikimaka, Ted

TM: Kris, I’m excited about this year’s interview because it will be published on your birthday, December 6!

SC: Ho Ho, well, I’ll be busy leaving little presents in children's shoes as "Sinterklaas" in Belgium and the Netherlands on that day. But I will have visited Charter Oak a couple of days before that.

TM: Yes, and I’d like to take the opportunity to thank all of the businesses and volunteers who make that night possible. I know my kids always love it. Our two year old has been telling me for weeks that she’s not afraid of you anymore, but I guess we’ll see that night if she musters the courage to actually sit on your lap.

SC: Bells will be ringin', children singin' All will be merry and bright!

TM: Let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we? You’re a resident, is it true that global warming is melting the polar ice cap?

SC: We’re certainly doing out part as far as Claus Conglomerated goes. We’ve switched over almost entirely to solar and wind energy instead of wood burning, but I’ve got to tell you, many of the elves do miss the ambiance, but they’ll get over it. I never have been one to ever use fossil fuels, frankly. We are currently looking into some polar bear relocation programs, but we’ve always been about gift distribution, not animal rehabilitation. However, it’s principally a matter of logistics, and after all, we already take care of herds of reindeer, so it isn’t too much of a stretch.

TM: What about all that coal?

SC: First of all, I’ve never burned it, I only put it in “naughty” stockings, and candidly, I’ve been pretty lenient the last couple of decades on that score. Be that as it may, some of the elves have been working on alternatives, including rocks, spit-wads, and of course marshmallow “snowman poop,” ho ho!

TM: What’s the best way to make sure you stay off the naughty list?

SC: Ho Ho, just hang your stockings and say your prayers! Then, when you hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle, Oh what a beautiful sight- just jump in bed and cover your head, ‘cause that means I’m on my way that night!

TM: How do you feel about all the talk about a “war on Christmas?”

SC: Look, who’s kidding who, and who’s declaring war on whom? Christmas is a phenomenon that is too huge to be damaged somehow by political or cultural tensions. Christmas transcends contention. Personally, I suspect that anyone who thinks there’s a war on Christmas is just trying to get attention for themselves by stirring up anxiety.

TM: What about those who say that it should be reserved as a sacred, religious observance?

SC: Listen, people were celebrating the solstice and plenty of pagan pageantry long before Jesus’ birthday, and Hanukkah took place almost 200 years before that Silent Night too. So what if you have people wanting to add Kwanza or Ramadan too? I know Jesus, and I know that He certainly doesn’t need anyone to defend Him or fight for him. First of all, He’s got that omnipotent thing going for him, secondly, He’s very humble. He always puts others before Himself. The reason He deserves all the glory is that He’s not a glory-hound. Read Philippians chapter 2 if you don’t believe me.

TM: What do you say to people who think that you seem to compete with the Christ child? Even eclipse Him?

SC: Hey, I’m so devout; I even fasted twice a week when I was a nursing baby! I’ve never asked anyone to worship me and I’m not even looking for veneration for myself. I was a young priest during the persecution of Christians under the Roman Emperors Diocletian and Maximian. As Bishop, oversaw the demolition of several pagan temples including the temple of Artemis. Her birthday was supposed to be on December 6, that’s why they made that day a Christian feast day in my honor. I was at the Council of Nicaea. Maybe you’ve heard of the Nicene Creed? I lived four years outside of Bethlehem on a pilgrimage. Somebody think I’m not religious enough? Bring it on.

If people want to get in a huff about Christmas not being about Jesus’ birth anymore, they need to take a look at their MasterCard and Visa bills. Don’t blame me. I’m about interceding on behalf of children, sailors, and the wrongly accused- not crass consumerism.

No, I never died for anybody’s sins, but I spent my whole life and most of the afterlife working for the one who did. So quit trying to use me as some kind of “wedge issue.”

TM: There you have it folks, he doesn't care if you're rich or poor he loves you just the same. Santa Claus knows we're all God’s children and that makes everything right.

SC: Ho Ho, So fill your hearts with Christmas cheer. Peace on earth will come to all if we just follow the light so lets give thanks to the Lord above, and I’ll see you on Christmas night!


Many of Santa's quotes are from Gene Autry, Oakley Haldeman's 1947 song,"Here comes Santa Claus."
'Ted's Column' has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. You can see all of Ted's cartoons at http://tmal.multiply.com

Playing with Blogger banners

I decided to spruce up a couple of my other blogs for the holidays. Pretty sweet, eh?

Toy time

Above is my editorial cartoon for the Dec. 6 Mapleton PRESS. I love robots.

Below is another version of the secret project for my school superintendent.

School work

Above is the new masthead I designed for our school website. Below is something I threw together for some kind of secret Christmas project our superintendent had.

Merry Christmas

It was just too sweet of a moment not to share it with you, readers.

This time of year is for kids

Thursday, November 29 2007- Mapleton PRESS

The holiday season offers many opportunities to learn from kids, or hopefully to have them learn from you.

Case in point, I was sitting across from my 8 year old niece at a church dinner when she asked me a culinary question.

“Have you ever had Crème Brulée?”

“Mmmm, Crème Brulée,” I said, practically licking my lips. “Mmm, I like Crème Brulée, your Aunt Bethany LOVES Crème Brulée, you know, I bet that your Mom would like it too. It is SO good...” a look of abject horror registered on her face. How could any kid not like sugar custard topped with caramelized brown sugar?
“
YOU like fish eggs?!” she asked incredulously.

Obviously she got her French confused with her Russian.

“I think you mean Caviar, Caviar is fish eggs,” I explained. “It’s really salty, it’s really not as bad as you think, but it’s not my favorite. What you should really try is escargot. We had that once at a French restaurant in California. I love garlic, but I wasn’t crazy about the escargot itself. But You might love it, it’s very fancy,” after all, she is our princess.

She must have known better than to take another bite of turkey and mashed potatoes before she asked, “What’s es-car-go?”

“Snails,” I replied as matter-of-factly as I could. This exchange led to her father, my brother-in-law and I to begin discussing the calamari (squid) experiences we each had while living on the coast. I believe it was about that point when my daughter and niece both excused themselves from the table. They looked like they were heading for the bathroom, but who knows.

Then there was the concert the missionaries put on at our church one night. I guess it was pretty motivational for a lot of people. I know that they’re absolutely sincere and committed to the Lord, but I guess my musical tastes tend to be a little more worldly. But before our five year old became so disruptive that we had to leave, the concert provided a classic theological moment with our eight year old.

The husband of the duo stood up and walked away from his keyboard for a few moments of ministerial soliloquy before beginning a solo. Our daughter, Grace seemed absolutely mesmerized, no small feat with her younger sisters behaving as they were. It must have been because the man’s solo featured a piano accompaniment, but he was standing with his hands caressing a microphone, nowhere near his keyboard.

Halfway through the song, Grace leaned over to me and whispered, “Is God or Jesus playing the piano?”

See somewhere between enraptured Pentecostals and irreverent Agnostics lay we sensibly stoic Lutherans, so I pointed out the iPod held in the hand of the young man operating the mixing board in the middle of the pews. “Oh!” Grace whispered, nodding her head in recognition. She’s pretty tech-savvy so she knew what going on.

Fortunately, she still believes in God and Jesus although she announced on our drive to the family Thanksgiving that she “knows that Santa Claus is a fake.” She’d really into history and science so if we’d been alone, I might have tried talking about the real Saint Nicholas and generosity and faith all that grown-uppy stuff, but she dropped this bomb in front of her two and five year old sisters who were aghast.

Like any good parents we responded with an interrogation, “Who told you THAT?”
“A boy in my class,” for his protection, I will withhold his name at this time thereby preserving his anonymity.

“Well, you know what?” I went on, “I bet he’s just mad at Santa because he was naughty last year and got some coal in is stocking or something. Kids always say there’s no Santa, when really, they’re mad at Santa because they were naughty,” I reasoned.

After all, it has been my experience that there aren’t really any atheists. Probe someone who’s an atheist and you’ll usually find at most an agnostic who wants to be an atheist because they’re so angry at God. You can’t disbelieve someone and hate them at the same time. She seemed to buy it. Hopefully, in another year or two we can have “the talk” in private.

Ellen, our five year old is very concerned about Santa. Evidently, she’s worried that he’s getting very old and is much too over weight.

“Daddy?” she asked me one night after dance practice.

“Yes sweety?”

“I hope Santa Claus doesn’t die. What will happen to all of the children if he dies?”

“Um, er, uh…well, uh Santa is really good friends with Jesus, I uh” I was inches from going into History and Religion teacher mode and telling her about how Saint Nicholas punched out a Gnostic heretic at the Council of Nicea and how the legend started and how it has been adapted to different cultures all over the world, but she didn’t let me get a word in edgewise-

“Yeah, so God and Jesus won’t let Santa die because he wants all of the little children to have new toys for Christmas, like I want an MP3 player and a new Karaoke machine and a…” So obviously I have some lessons to go on selfishness, materialism, and the tragic discrepancies between the United States and most of the underdeveloped world. I let it go.

This was the same night that she told me that Elvis loved Christmas because he made all these Christmas movies that she’s seen in school and that “it’s too bad Elvis is dead because that means that she can’t marry him and that that’s why Aunt Lori had to Marry Uncle Mark, because Aunt Lori loves Elvis SO much”

Student & Teacher Collaboration

Drawing by Sophomore Christine Harriott, PhotoShop enhancements by Coach Mallory

Oink

Cartoon for the Thursday, November 22, 2007 Mapleton PRESS

A 24 hour moratorium on consumer spending - participate by not participating

This November 23rd, environmentalists, social activists and concerned citizens in as many as 65 countries will hit the streets for a 24-hour consumer fast in celebration of the 15th annual Buy Nothing Day, a global cultural phenomenon that originated in Vancouver, Canada. Read more.

When

North America: 23rd November, 2007
Find out more

Scott McClellan = John Dean?

Scott McClellan's admission that he unintentionally made false statements denying the involvement of Karl Rove and Scooter Libby in the Bush-Cheney administration's plot to discredit former Ambassador Joe Wilson, along with his revelation that Vice President Cheney and President Bush were among those who provided him with the misinformation, sets the former White House press secretary as John Dean to George Bush's Richard Nixon.

It was Dean willingness to reveal the details of what described as "a cancer" on the Nixon presidency that served as a critical turning point in the struggle by a previous Congress to hold the 37th president to account.

Now, McClellan has offered what any honest observer must recognize as the stuff of a similarly significant breakthrough.

The only question is whether the current Congress is up to the task of holding the 43rd president to account.

Link

Have a blast this Thanksgiving

Category:		Meat & Seafood
Style:		American

Ingredients:
4 Eggs
4 c Bread crumbs
1/2 Envelope Lipton onion soup
1 c Uncooked popcorn

Directions:
Beat eggs and other ingredients. Stuff turkey and bake at 375 degrees for 3 hours. When 3 hours are up get the hell out of the kitchen because that stuffing is gonna blow that turkeys ass right out of that oven.

Be thankful you live in the present, not the past

If you just can’t think of anything to be thankful for this thanksgiving, be thankful that you live in the Midwest in 2007 rather than in New England in the 1620s.

The Governor of Plymouth (William Bradford) invited Grand Sachem (what the heck is a Sachem, anyway? That’s why we use easier labels like “Chief”) Massasoit and the Wampanoag people to join them in a feast which included fresh eel and corn. Mmmmm, eel.

The Pilgrim settlers fed and entertained the Native Americans for three days, at which point some of the Native Americans went into the forest, killed 5 deer, and gave them to the Bradford as a gift. I don’t have anything against venison, but it seems to me like the Wampanoag family just didn’t know when to go home. That or the Pilgrims were way too polite and couldn’t figure out a sensitive way to let them know that the party was over and they needed to get to bed so they could get up in time for the big sales at the Plymouth Mall Friday morning.

Something I’ve often wondered as a student of history is whether “Wampanoag” is a Wampanoag word or an English one. I guess if there can be tribes with names like Lakota, Ioway, Ute, and Pawnee, there can be one called Wampanoag.

Young parents who give their babies “Black” names like Tanisha, Taquisha and Laquisha confound white people. What if people went back and used Wampanoag names like Squanto and Massasoit? This was a difficult paragraph to read, wasn’t it? Just imagine being poor William Bradford and having to pronounce all the non-English words. People form Iowa have a hard time pronouncing Spanish words like Cholla (Choya), Ocotillo (Oc-a-tiyo) and Saguaro (Sa-wor-o).

The last think I want to do is to be insensitive to Native Americans. Maybe Massasoit should have had a better policy about illegal immigration. His oldest son Wamsutta mysteriously turned up dead after meeting with the leaders of the Plymouth colonists. That made his second son Metacomet angry enough to declare war on the Pilgrims.

If you’re thankful that a woman may become the next President of the United States, thank the Wamanoag for setting the example of encouraging women leaders. Massasoit was Grand Sachem, but Weetamoo was a female Sachem. She drowned in a river running to escape from the Pilgrims. Then there was Awashonks, another woman Sachem who led braves into battle along side Metacomet.

Whew! Those are hard names. Probably why the Pilgrims decided to just call Metacomet “Prince Phillip.”

Poor Bill Bradford. His first wife, Dorothy May Bradford fell overboard from the Mayflower in December 1620, and drowned in Provincetown Harbor. He must have threw himself into his political career, because he was elected governor thirty times. The first Governor, John Carver died in the winter of 1620, along with half the Mayflower’s passengers. I’m not sure if Bradford constituted the first machine politician, centuries before Chicago’s Richard Daley or if it was more like the Mayor’s job in Charter Oak, where nobody else wants to do it so poor Randy just gets stuck with it.

Of course Captain Myles Standish had that whole “Serino Debergiac” thing going on with John Alden and Priscilla Mullins. Mrs. Standish got sick and died in 1621 and Myles hoped to remarry the demure Miss Mullins, but being a shy sailor and not one of the “in-crowd” among the Separatist Pilgrims, he asked his friend John to ask Pris if she thought he was cute and if she’d sit by him at recess. Unfortunately for Capt. Myles, she started crushing on Johnny instead. That’s how those things always seem to work out.

FYI Standish was just “a captain,” “THE Captain” of the HMS Mayflower was Captain Christopher Jones. Why nobody ever remembers him, I don’t know. Presumably he was just under contract to the Plymouth Company and not one of the Pilgrims. Of the 100 passengers on the three-month passage, the “strangers” outnumbered the Pilgrims.

Around 1741, the townspeople of Plymouth wanted to build a wharf. They decided to commemorate their town fathers with big boulder about 650 feet from where the initial settlement was built. Thus was “Plymouth Rock,” our nations first tourist trap, born. It must have been a big rock. In 1774 they decided to haul it up to town hall. Unfortunately, it broke in half and they just left part of it down by the wharf. History is never easy.

Obama at Dunlap livestock auction Saturday

Candidate's appearance in BVS commons changed

November 18, 2007

The town hall meeting for Obama has been changed to the livestock auction. 

Senator Barack Obama was to be at BV commons Saturday, November 24^th at 2:00pm.

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_____________________________
Pirate Prayers at:
http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com

Ted's cartoons, artworks, photos, and commentary at:
http://tmal.multiply.com

"The gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." ~Garrison Keillor

Pregnant Turkey

No, this isn't one of my family's stories, this is just a funny forward that I received. But I'd LOVE to hear someone who reads it try this prank on their family this Thanksgiving, this is CLASSIC!

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick.

She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left , my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird (s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, 'Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!' At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
I
t took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Yup................SHE'S BLONDE

Flip and Flop

Political cartoon for the Nov. 22, 2007 Mapleton PRESS

Help Crawford County Memorial Hospital win an MRI

Siemens is giving an MRI scanner away free. This $1.5 million scanner could be won by CCMH if they receive enough votes for the video they made. Go to www.winanmri.com to vote. You may vote once a day until Dec. 31st.

D.C. needs more Bull (Moose, that is)

I’ve been thinking a lot of my favorite Republican lately. Mom? No, not Mom. Clarence Hoffman? No, as much as I like and respect him and appreciate his years of service to our communities and love his family, no, not him. Barry Goldwater? No, even though I’m an Arizona native and many of his positions are more aligned with today’s Democrats then contemporary Republicans. Ron Paul or Chuck Hagel? Even though I admire their political courage to oppose the Iraq war, putting them out of step with their party.

No, my favorite Republican is the President with the coolest first name, Teddy Roosevelt.
Some of my Republican friends may resent my admiration of this GOP icon. I have a Republican Aunt who will probably tease me that I’m becoming Republican. And I’m sure I have plenty of Democratic friends who will accuse me of selling out by singing the praises of such a bully cowboy.

I know that he was only human and certainly not pure as the driven snow. Long before there was a CIA, Teddy is suspected of sending Marines (in civilian clothes) down to encourage a revolution in Panama when Columbia wouldn’t let us dig a canal there. Sure, he led a volunteer regiment in the Spanish-American War and probably would’ve gotten us into WWI much sooner than Woodrow Wilson did, when it got down to it, he was a much more shrewd and wary leader when it came to foreign policy then some Republican Presidents we’re having to endure.

Teddy Roosevelt knew it was better to “speak softly and carry a big stick,” than to talk loud and throw stones. Of course, he’s not the only Republican to have such a wise, mature attitude.

In a recent Omaha World Herald I was proud to read, “Rather than acting like a nation riddled with the insecurities of a schoolyard bully, we ought to carry ourselves with the confidence that should come from the dignity of our heritage, from the experience of our history and from the strength of our humanity — not from the power of our military," Nebraska Republican Senator Chuck Hagel said in a speech hosted by the Center for Strategic and International Studies last week. "Loose talk of World War III, intimidation, threats, bellicose speeches only heighten the dangers we face in the world," said Hagel, clearly being critical of President Bush’s recent comment and policies.

One of the saddest things about the current wars we are fighting is how we’ve been letting out veterans fall full the cracks when they come home. The state of affairs was seen clearly this year at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Roosevelt told veterans on July 4, 1903 "A man who is good enough to shed his blood for his country is good enough to be given a square deal afterwards. More than that no man is entitled, and less than that no man shall have."

Those who keep denying both global warming and our need to become independent of foreign oil let alone from fossil fuels altogether need to consider Teddy. I don’t know what he would’ve thought of Al Gore, but I do know that no president did more to protect our natural recourses. Republicans could start whoopin’ Democrat butt if they’d adopt the motto that nothing’s so conservative as conservation.

In 1907 he told a group of school children that they would blame his generation “not for what we have used, but for what we have wasted...So any nation which in its youth lives only for the day, reaps without sowing, and consumes without husbanding, must expect the penalty of the prodigal whose labor could with difficulty find him the bare means of life."
A hundred years ago he knew that the environment was the main issue we had to grapple with, "The conservation of natural resources is the fundamental problem. Unless we solve that problem it will avail us little to solve all others."

Teddy Roosevelt was a reformer. While he was on the U.S. Civil Service Commission and as police commissioner of New York he fought corruption. Whereas the Bush Administration politicized the Justice Department, Roosevelt was dedicated to cleaning up government.
He told Congress in 1903, "No man is above the law and no man is below it; nor do we ask any man's permission when we require him to obey it...Obedience to the law is demanded as a right; not asked as a favor."

In 1905 he talked about the kind of people who we should really be worried about. "This country has nothing to fear from the crooked man who fails. We put him in jail. It is the crooked man who succeeds who is a threat to this country."

Since 1980, Reagan-Republicans have been systematically dismantling the reforms made by Teddy’s younger cousin Franklin which promoted and protected the middle class with safety nets, regulations on big corporations and a tax structure which asked people who could afford to bare a greater portion of the burden to do so. Bush handed huge tax cuts to the wealthiest 2% and never asked anyone but military and National Guard families to sacrifice anything even after 9/11 and wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

More than anything, Teddy Roosevelt wanted everyone to have a fair shake and on an even playing field. He demanded that both government and business be square with everyone.

"Let the watchwords of all our people be the old familiar watchwords of honesty, decency, fair-dealing, and commonsense...” he told people at the 1903 New York State Fair, “We must treat each man on his worth and merits as a man. We must see that each is given a square deal, because he is entitled to no more and should receive no less… The welfare of each of us is dependent fundamentally upon the welfare of all of us."

I for one think that America is ready for a president like Teddy Roosevelt again. In fact, I think we need someone like him pretty badly.

Veteran's Day Tribute!

During the WW I years, Arthur S. Mole and John D. Thomas made some incredible human pictures by using thousands of sailors or soldiers in uniform to create images. This was taken at Camp Dodge in Iowa and involved 18,000 men!

Say a prayer for all of our service men and women and their families this Sunday at 11 AM. And please pray for peace. Remember, the armistice ending WWI was signed at 11 AM on 11/11/1919.

Word Game for Free Rice

A little vocab never hurt anybody!

Test yourself here

 For each word y0ou get right, they donate 10 grains of rice through the United Nations to help fight world hunger.

http://freerice.com/index.php 

This is also a great mind-challenge! Of course, if you want to help and learn more words thereby stretching your vocabulary- instead of flexing intellectual muscles you already have; open http://www.merriam-webster.com in a separate tab or window so you can cheat! Hey, you're still helping people.

_____________________________

Pirate Prayers at:
http://malloryprayer.blogspot.com

Ted's cartoons, artworks, photos, and commentary at:
http://tmal.multiply.com

"The gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." ~Garrison Keillor

Rush hour traffic in Iowa

This is my commute. For my friends and relatives in Phoenix and LA, and scattered elsewhere around the country. I remember taking an hour to travel 4 or 5 miles on the Freeways on the way to work in the morning and on the way home in the afternoons... That was year round. Here in Iowa in only happens a few weeks out of the year, but it can sure be a drag having to crawl along at 5 or 10 MPH. Fortunately there's not much oncoming traffic, so you can pass on the downhills. In case you're wondering, that's a ice-scraper/snow brush for the windshield that's sitting on my dash in the top picture.

My favorite Republican President

"The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile. To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else."

~Theodore Roosevelt
in the Kansas City Star", 149 May 7, 1918

Encourage Reading

Ted's Column for the Mapleton PRESS- Thursday, November 8, 2007

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." ~Groucho Marx

Nothing is quite so discouraging for teachers than hearing students complain about how much they dislike reading. Some kids claim that reading is boring. If that’s the problem, they just need to look a little harder to find something to read that interests them.
It’s more likely that it’s work. Kids call things “work” not just when they’re dull, but also when they’re difficult. Farm families know that some of the best things in life are the result of hard work.

I try to help students see that it is an upwardly moving spiral; the more you read the better you get at it, the better you get at it the easier it is, the easier it is the less work it is, the less work it is the more fun it is, the more fun it is the more you’ll want to do it, the more you do it, the smarter you’ll get… and so on.

Somehow over the years some kids have gotten the idea that it’s somehow “uncool” to be smart. Popular culture dictates that people who like to read or who have broad vocabularies are somehow either nerdy or untrustworthy. What’s “cool” is to be crude, thick-headed and “red-neck.” I have no problem with being proud of one’s working-class roots. Love Country music, trucks in the mud, beer, hunting and NASCAR. I like most of that stuff myself, but being willing to get your hands dirty and going out of your way to not be a snob does not mean you have to be dumb as a stump.

Knowledge, learning, reading and curiosity should never be things that only belong to people who are rich enough or good enough or sissy enough. And schools and teachers will never be able to make you any smarter than reading on your own will.

Back in the 1500’s Martin Luther encouraged families to teach their children and communities to start schools for everyone’s children so that everyone could learn to read. His main reason was so that people could read their Bibles for themselves and have personal relationships with God, rather than waiting to hear a little bit about God on Sundays.

Thomas Jefferson and many of the founding fathers advocated free universal public education because they wanted everyone, including poor children to be able to read so that they could be better informed and able to participate in our democracy. Jefferson felt so strongly about it, he proposed an amendment to the Constitution guaranteeing a right to education. His proposal got shot down, and he instead focused his energy on the University of Virginia.

During the turn of the last century Steel baron Andrew Carnegie poured his fortunes into 2,500 public and university libraries because he wanted to give other people the opportunity for learning and self-improvement that he had as a child in Scotland. That commitment to reading no doubt helped to spur many an entrepreneur and helped build the middle-class of the twentieth century.

Let’s face it, you’re sitting here with a newspaper in your hands, so obviously I am “preaching to the choir.” If you hated reading, you we wouldn’t be having this chat.
So what can we do to encourage other people to read- especially kids? There are all kinds of things. It starts with attitude.

Research suggests that the most critical aspect of reading is how a child feels about reading. Positive reinforcement is important. Kids need to know that adults they know care about reading.

How can you do that? Ask them what they’re reading, ask them to tell you about whatever they’re reading. Talk to them about whatever you’ve been reading and what you enjoyed about it.

Let them see you read. Give books and magazine subscriptions as gifts- you can write in side the front cover like you would in a card, this will make it an even more special gift. Why not give a subscription to the PRESS to your 18 to twenty-something relatives for Christmas whether they’re off in college or not?

Let them read what they want. If they’re not interested in Jayne Eyre, so what? Is it so bad if they’re reading Sports Illustrated, Cosmo Teen, Progressive Farmer, or Spiderman comic books? Hey they’re still reading. When you were young you drank McDonald’s orange drink and Tang, now as an adult you have no problem with grapefruit juice and double-decaf fat free soy milk mocha lattes. Maybe your kids will never read Leo Tolstoy, but eventually they’ll graduate to James Patterson and John Grisham. So long as they’re reading, that’s the important thing.
Have books in your house, have them in your child’s room. Read out loud, you’d be surprised that even older kids enjoy this. Don’t be embarrassed if you have a hard time reading out loud, that will only show them that they don’t have to be embarrassed.

If you do feel confident in your own reading, make it fun by spicing it up a bit with silly voices or dramatic expression. That will exercise their imaginations.
Take kids to a book store or library and let them pick out their own books. Make it a regular family outing.

Donate your old books to your local school or public library. Donate your time to that same school or library to help kids. You don’t have to read to a whole room full of kids or serve as some expert tutor- many schools have volunteer programs where all you have to do is listen to the students read, maybe gently coaching them along.

You can get lots of other ideas online at places like http://www.rif.org (RIF stands for Reading Is Fundamental).

Remind kids that reading gets easier and more fun, the more you do it. And the more you do it, the smarter you get and after all, knowledge is power. Above all, let them know that reading isn’t dumb, dorky, or lame. Reading opens opportunity.

Website Recommendation from Teddy

Hello,

Teddy thought you would laugh hysterically at this Flash animation, 'I Miss Monica': http://deanfriedman.cf.huffingtonpost.com/

You have to hear this song before you go see President Bill in Onawa today. You know you want him! He's more man than 'W' will ever be. He's also more Black than Barrack. What a First Lady he's gonna make!

Note: This message was not sent unsolicited. It was sent through a form located at http://deanfriedman.cf.huffingtonpost.com/. If you believe this message was received on error, please disregard it.

Nebraska Republican Senator Chuck Hagel on War

"Terrorism, extremism, biological weapons, chemical weapons, nuclear weapons — those are a threat to all mankind, not just Christians and not just Americans," he said.

"War is nothing noble or good; it's all about brutality and suffering, and that should frighten you and intimidate you into doing what's right, to prevent going to war."

~Sen. Chuck Hagel,
Wed. Nov. 7, 2007 Omaha World Herald