Exclusive Christmas Interview!

SN: So Ted, how have you been? Would you like another interview this year?

TM: Nick, you know I’m always up for excusive interviews with world famous celebrities like yourself

SN: Alright then, lets get started, this is my busy season, as you know.

TM: Well, how about a current events question? What do you think about the capture of Saddam Hussein?

SN: You know, I try to stay out of politics. I’m sort of a one-man Switzerland if you know what I mean. That’s one of the reasons for locating my headquarters where I do, it’s very out-of-the-way. Suffices to say He’d been on my ‘naughty’ list for a lot of years and I think it finally caught up with him.

TM: Fair enough. How about a little background? So the North Pole’s not really home? Where are you from originally?

SN: Lycia, Myra

TM: Come again?

SN: Asia Minor, not far from the modern city of Demre, on Mediterranean coast in southwest Turkey

TM: Oh, well, surely you have some opinions on Turkey’s role in Iraqi reconstruction?

SN: The Turks have no love for Saddam, but my homeland was over run by the Turks in 808. The Caliph Harun ar-Rashid was another dictator who persecuted people he considered different. So you’ll forgive me if I don’t think it’s my war.

TM: Ouch. Sorry, I didn’t mean to touch a nerve. So is it true what they say? ‘You CAN’T go home again.’

TM: Oh, well, surely you have some opinions on Turkey’s role in Iraqi reconstruction?

SN: Oh, well, in my case, you can’t even go back to Constantinople.

TM: Why’s that?

SN: Well, now they call it Istanbul.

TM: I’m getting that religious persecution is a sore point for you. Is that because people call it ‘X-Mas’ instead of Christmas?

SN: No, that’s because of Cæsar Diocletian made me a martyr in 325, the same year Constantine came to power and legalized Christianity, but a day late and a dollar short for me. Really it was General Galerius who hated Christianity and Diocletian went along with it, he was playing politics, trying to balance the interests Galerius, Maximillian, and Constantine and hold on to power. The Empire had gotten way too big and too corrupt. So you see why I hate politics. It gets in the way of helping people and it gets in the way of spreading the Gospel.

TM: S-S-S-So you’re dead?

SN: No Einstein, I’m seven hundred and three years old. I’m a spirit, of course I’m dead.

TM: Oh, sorry, gosh, you don’t look a day over 500.

SN: Thanks, I gave up smoking in the 1980’s. This is kind of dragging, can you spice it up a little?

TM: Uh, Okay, uh, don’t like politics. How about religion?

SN: Now you’re talkin’. That’s right up my alley. Did you know Lycia was St. Paul’s last stop on his way to Rome?

TM: THE Saint Paul? You got to meet St. Paul?

SN: Well, yeah, but not till 325. His missionary journeys were like 250 years before I was born.

TM: Oh, sure, I get confused.

SN: That’s alright, you’re only mortal, I should cut you some slack. At any rate, as a young man, I wanted the solitary life. I made a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, where I found a place to withdraw to devote himself to prayer. But God told me that I should return home and spread His Good News. Eventually I was ordained bishop.

TM: Bishop, eh? How do you feel about the Episcopal Diocese of New Hampshire ordaining Gene Robinson their Bishop?

SN: You don’t let up do you? I thought you were different than other journalist. Is controversy all you’re interested in? I’m known for providing for the poor and needy, and delivering those who had been unjustly accused.

TM: Come on, didn’t you ever face controversy during your lifetime?

SN: Well, some people tell me I wasn’t martyred but I passed away in 334, and my body was stolen and taken to Bari, Italy in 1087. Some people claim that I performed a lot of miracles posthumously, is that controversial enough?

TM: Come on, Nick, readers want something juicy. Were you ever in a fight?

SN: I’m actually most famous for having secretly given money so that three sisters could pay dowries and marry, avoiding being sold into prostitution by their father. That’s where the whole stocking thing started, see I couldn’t just break into someone’s house, what would people think?

TM: No no no, everybody knows that stuff. These days we want our heroes to be macho, aggressive.

SN: There was that time at the First Ecumenical Council of Nicaea in 325. That infernal Lybian Arius. He claimed that Jesus wasn’t truly the Son of God. I just couldn’t help my self. He made me so angry, I walloped him one. Why, the other clergy there were so taken aback. Priests aren’t allowed to hit people you know. But they knew I was right.

TM: Wow, you go Santa! Now, be honest, is there anything now days that makes you that angry?

SN: Well, I tell ya, I don’t much care for people trying to make me out to be some kind of Nordic magician or Norse god or something. And it did break my heart when World Trade Center business destroyed tiny St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church, about 500 feet from ground zero.

TM: What is the ONE thing that you want readers to remember today, Christmas 2003?

SN: That’s an easy one- “For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord!” And “to all a good night!”

White Christmas

Growing up in Phoenix I’d sometimes get defensive around Michigan relatives who wondered how we could stand Christmas without snow. I’d trace my finger on a map or glob from Phoenix to Bethlehem just to point out that it’s not about the snow.

Needless to say, since my very first December in Nebraska, I’ve been converted. Mind you, I hate shoveling it as much as the next guy. This year I haven’t caught pneumonia or thrown out my back yet, but I have sprained my wrist. And one of the few things I miss about living in LA is sitting by the pool under the palms and bouganvillas this time of year, but now I too am one of those people who just don’t think it’s Christmas, unless the Christmas is white.

Bing Crosby first sang "White Christmas" on his NBC radio show on Christmas Day in 1941, just over two weeks after Pearl Harbor. Little did he know that the song Irving Berlin wrote for a 1942 movie "Holiday Inn" would win an Academy Award for best song. Nor did he have any idea that it become the biggest-selling single of all time.

Did he have any idea that it would become a song about yearning for peace and for "the ones we used to know?" "White Christmas" often brought tears to the eyes of many weary soldiers.
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the lovelight gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
Most years, hearing Crosby croon simply made me think about snow, or about the 1954 movie Crosby made with Danny Kay and Rosemary Clooney.

But this year I can’t help thinking about much more. For one thing, too many of the veterans who helped save the world from the NAZIs and fascism are no longer with us. Or, sick or suffering. For another, too many people my age are separated from their families this Christmas, soldiers in another war.

This time our government tried to lead us to believe that Iraq was to blame for terrorist acts committed by Al Queda, (which was centered in Afghanistan, not Iraq) and this time our government struck first without provocation.

I have a former student, Jamie, getting married this spring. Her brother Matt (another former student) is in Iraq, his unit has been fired upon and lost members in Black Hawk helicopters. Jamie worries so much she often cries herself to sleep.

I have a cheerleader who’ dad I’ve never met. He didn’t come to parent-teacher conferences. That’s because he’s over there too. Actually, he’s not allowed to tell his family where he is exactly. This 7th grade girl hasn’t seen her dad in almost two years. I can’t imagine not seeing my kids for that long.

I know that today’s service men and women are definitely not enjoying the sun, sand and palm trees in Kabal, Baghdad and Tekrit.

If Bob Hope were to take Bing Crosby and his USO show over there for Thanksgiving, I know they’d have gotten a lot of tears if they’d sing Crosby’s 1943 hit, “I'll be home for Christmas.”

Please keep our service men and women and their families in your prayers this season. May your days be merry and bright. And may all your Christmases be white.

Thank you President George

I’ve always been the kind of person who says “I never win anything.” Picked last, last place in the race, struck out in baseball, struck out with girls. Charlie Brown. I’d call into radio stations for contests but the line would be busy, or maybe I’d get through but the ninth caller would win and I was the tenth caller, or the producer would put me on hold and then I’d get hung up on before it was time for the DJ to talk to me.

But I’ve discovered the secret to luck. Dumb luck. Call it what you will, but inevitably, you never get what you really want until you stop wanting it. The Hindus call it Nirvanah. Buddah said that the only way to reach true inner peace was the absence of all desire. Jesus said that whoever would save his life must lose it.

I didn’t meet the love of my life until I gave up “looking for love in all the right places. Anyway, here’s the story about my recent streak of good luck.
The Wednesday before Thanksgiving I was packing lunches and listening to the news on National Public Radio (KWIT 90.3fm) when Bethany called down to me from brushing her teeth.

“Which President made Thanksgiving a Holiday?” she asked?
“Lincoln made it a CONTINUOUS, annual holiday, FDR made it the third Thursday, why?” I volleyed back, trying not to sound TOO much like Cliff Claven from ‘Cheers.’

“In 1789?” She asked.

“Only one guy was president in 1789,” I said.

“Call ‘the Bridge’ right now, they’re having a contest.” And she gave me the phone number.(‘the Bridge is a Christian station in Omaha, KGBI 100.7 fm.) I was in no hurry or panic since I not only knew the answer, but didn’t believe I had a snowballs chance in Havana of getting through anyway.

“Good morning, this is the Bridge, who was the President to first make Thanksgiving an official holiday in 1789?” asked the voice.

“Well, since the Constitution was just drafted in 1787, I’m going to say President George Washington.” I answered, trying to sound unsure of myself- which wasn’t hard since I was so shocked that I was actually speaking to a radio personality.

“That’s exactly right! What are you doing this morning?” asked the DJ.

“Uh, getting ready to go to school?” I said without thinking.

“Where do you go to school?” wow, I must sound young.

“Um, I teach at Boyer Valley in Dunlap.” I replied.

“Uh, oh, You don’t teach History do you?” shoot, I wondered if they were going to disqualify me or something.

“Uh, no, Art and Yearbook.” I muttered, as if I need to be ashamed that I teach Art, rather than History. I feel the same way when I tell people that I coach cheerleading rather than basketball. Of course, I didn’t go into it with the DJ that I did major in History and had taught it for the better part of a decade.

I was amazed at how quickly the prize came in the mail. Just a day or two, but I still didn’t think of myself as “a winner.” The prize was a CD and a DVD. Both of my favorite Christian musician, Steven Curtis Chapman. I had already gotten the CD for Bethany for Valentines Day (Arizona Statehood Day) and we didn’t have a DVD player, we still used the same VHS recorder we got as a wedding present. So I still felt like a loser. I was Charlie Brown on Halloween night when all the other kids are getting candy bars and money and popcorn balls, I got a rock.

So last week, at Santa Claus night in Charter Oak, I didn’t expect to win anything. I thought it would be great to win a turkey. Actually, I’m such a pessimist, I totally expected to win doughnuts and be embarrassed about how fat I am. Either that or I’d win a subscription to the NEWSpaper, which I already have.

Needless to say, I did a double take and didn’t believe my ears when my name was drawn for the DVD player. Part of me wanted to hide. I didn’t deserve this. Part of me wanted to jump up and down and squeal like a contestant on ‘the Price is Right.’ Wow, I’m not a total loser, I’m not, I’m not.

But you know what, it was a million times more exciting, more fulfilling, more thrilling, and more important to hear Gracie’s name drawn for the bike. It’s pretty big for her yet and she has a tough time with coordination, but wow. Just wow. That was really cool. I get to be related to her. She’s in my family. I’m pretty lucky.

A Rose by any Other Name; would smell like tuna and liver

“Mr. Mallory would you like a cat?” sang the cheerleader.
I tried to figure out an excuse or a way to stall.

“Um, let me ask my wife,” I told the cheerleader. Hoping the answer would be no.
There was that cat in California, ‘Bob’ had been his name. He was a sleep-robber. Either he slept on your face or he opened and shut the cabinet doors on the vanity in the bedroom all night long.

Then there were the ‘Three Stooges.’ My mother-in-law Marge found at the bank. They were mutants. They all had six or seven fingers on each paw. Marge and Allan thought our girls might like them, so last winter we let them live in our back porch. Three kittens can really make a place stink! They also clawed deep gouges into our kitchen door. By spring I was more then ready to introduce them to the farm.

I suppose I should feel guilty. Only one of the three survived another year. I have no idea whether he’s ‘Larry, Moe, or Curly.’ He was renamed ‘Spot’ after my nephews thought he’d look better in John Deere green.

Bethany thought a cat was a good idea, so negotiations began.

“There’s five, would you like a fluffy long haired one or a short haired one?” asked the cheerleader.

“Short,” I HATE having animal hair all over the place.

“Okay, you’ll get ‘Spot.’ We call him that because he’s all white except for one spot. At least I think he’s a he. They’re still pretty small” she said.

Her mother brought a kitten to school one Friday in a Dr. Pepper box. “We hated to break up the family,” she told me. “The other four all went to the same home.”

Holy Kitty Litter! I thought to myself.

This wasn’t ‘Spot.’ Too fluffy. Not all white. This kitten was generic. The quintessential kitten; medium length hair, orange-ish areas, whitish areas. Not my personal aesthetic. I like a more low key design in my cats. Tabby, gray, brown, black. Cest’ la vie, it was free.

But if this wasn’t ‘Spot,’ we would have to name it.

There’s that practice of naming something after the person who gave it to you. Bethany’s first car was named ‘Lola.’ The cat’s name would be ‘Randi,’ after the cheerleader. If it turns out to be a boy, then it would be ‘Randy.’ No problem.

I don’t know. What would people think if I name a pet after a student? Is that inappropriate? More importantly, shouldn’t my daughters get to name it? Uh oh, I worried, I bet Grace (our 4 year old) will want to call it ‘Nemo,’ after the two fish that we killed.

“Sweetheart, have you thought about what you’d like to name you new kitty?” I asked my daughter one afternoon out on the farm.

“Hmm, not yet. Me still thinking,” was her first reply.

“I think ‘Ginger’ is a good name for a cat” offered Great-Grandma Laura Langholdt.

“But Gram, it’s a boy,” I protested, “Ginger is such a girl’s name!” (By now the cat’s gender had been determined).

“I like ‘Cinnamon,’” suggested Marge.

I sighed. I did not want any pet of mine named after potpourri. What would they suggest next, ‘Nutmeg?’

“Hey Grace, how about just calling him ‘Cat?’” I said.

“NO, You TEASING me. You SILLY!” she replied.
My sister-in-law Sheri liked the idea of ‘Bob’ in honor of the COU Bobcats. Ellen (our 2 year old) started dancing around the kitchen saying “Bob…Bob.” It would have been easy for her to say. She likes Bob the Builder, SpongeBob Squarepants, and Bob the tomato from Veggietales. Alas, Sheri didn’t know about California Bob, who died tragically of kitty cancer.

“Grace, have you decided on a name yet?”

“Mmmm,’ Larry Boy?’” after Bob the tomato’s partner, Larry the cucumber.

“Oh, gee, honey, um, I don’t know…” at least it wasn’t ‘Nemo,’ or ‘Spiderman.’

“If ‘Ginger’ is too sissy for you, why not something more manly like ‘Butch’, or ‘Prince,’ or ‘King’?” said Bethany sarcastically.

“Geez, Beth, it’s a cat, those are all dog names” I countered, “Wait a minute, ‘King?’ how about ‘Mufasa’ from the Lion King.” Grace’s cousin Login in Sioux Falls has a can named ‘Simba.’

“Grace, how about Mufasa?” I offered, almost as a last resort.

“Mmmm. No. No Moofawsha. Mmmm, ‘Ting!’” she announced gleefully.

“Ting?” I asked. I have another cheerleader from Taiwan who’s name is ‘Ting Hu.’ Kids at school say “Ting Who? Ting HU!”

“No, not ‘Ting’, ‘TING!” Grace said, frustrated that we still can’t understand her all of the time.

“Oh, ‘King!’” I translated.

“Yes, ‘Ting.” She said.

Ellen immediately started dancing around singing “King, King, King.”

It’s amazing how much less one cat makes a place stink then three.

If you remember back a few columns, Grace does understand that girls can be Queen but not King but Queens are important and powerful and she’s Okay with it.

Poor King gets drug around by Ellen an awful lot, but Grace treats him like royalty. If by that you mean he gets treated like a Pretty Princess Barbie®.

Enjoy your pumpkin soup!

Happy Thanksgiving. I’d be amazed if you’re actually reading this on Thanksgiving. Some folks get there NEWspaper on Wednesday, some don’t get around to reading it till the weekend. I’m sure you’re busy. If you you’re reading this a week later, I understand. No offense taken.

So what’d ya have? White meat? Dark? Did ya go the John Madden NFL route and have a “Turducken?” Mashed potatoes? Dressing? Green bean casserole? Let me guess, cranberry something and some sort of pie? Why is it that millions of us Americans eat pretty much the same thing on Thanksgiving?

One of my fondest Thanksgiving memories was when Beth’s folks were out and instead of taking I-5 up to our cousins’ in Northern California, we decided to meander up Highway 1 along the coast. It took way longer than we thought it would, so we spent Thanksgiving night near of Hearst’s Castle. The pizza and beer was Okay, but at lunch we had stopped in Morrow Bay and had the best clam chowder on earth in a practically empty restaurant with huge windows overlooking the Pacific.

Some people’s first reaction would be pity. Thanksgiving without turkey? Sacrilege!

The truth of the matter is that the Pilgrims didn’t even have forks. Sorry, no forks, but they did have spoons, knives, and their fingers. They wiped their hands on the same napkins that they used as pot holders and tongs.

Miles Standish and Pricilla Mullins also had to some how get by without desert. They had brought sugar with them on the Mayflower but by the time of the feast, they were probably out. Oh yeah, no ovens either. That meant no pies, cakes, cookies, brown-and-serve rolls or even bread.

According to the historychannel.com Much of the first Thanksgiving was seafood; cod, eel, clams, and lobster. That makes sense, Plymouth, Massachusetts is pretty much a seafood bonanza. Notice, Allan (my father-in-law), no oysters. Maybe they waited for Christmas Eve, like you. Personally, I hate oysters, but Bethany hates lobsters, you can’t please everybody.

I understand that the Pilgrims might have had a turkey or two (wild though, not a big fat domestic tom). They and their Wampanoag Indian hosts also probably had plenty of other fowl like goose, duck, crane, swan, partridge, and yes, eagles (is nothing sacred?!). Talk about a lot of “tryptophan.” That’s that enzyme in bird meat that makes you sleepy. I bet nobody was left awake to do the dishes in then either. I for one really enjoy pheasant, you just have to be careful to pick the bird-shot out of the wound.

I tell ya what, anybody on the Atkin’s diet would have loved the first Thanksgiving. Cholesterol was the least of their worries. They were much more worried about small pox and the plague.

The menu continued with Venison, Seal (I hope no PETA members just read that). They had a little bit of stone ground wheat flour, and of course… “Indian corn.”

There was some other vegetables to, like roasted pumpkin, not as a pie, more likely soup. That one was one of George Washington’s favorites. I guess that there are only so many things you can eat with wooden teeth. Of course, Washington was a century later, don’t get your history confused.

The Pilgrims probably topped off their feast with peas, beans, onions, lettuce, radishes, carrots, plums, grapes, walnuts, chestnuts, acorns. No Stove Top stuffing, no French's® French Fried Onions or Campbell's® Cream of Mushroom to make that green bean casserole, and no Cool Whip®. Worst of all, the Pilgrims had no cranberry gelatin goop that makes that “shloop” sound when it slides out of the can.

No Lions’ game, no Cowboy’s game, but it was only a couple of decades before they had some wicked witch-hunts.

This first feast in 1621 wasn't repeated, so it couldn’t have been the start of our tradition. In fact, the radically conservative Puritan Pilgrims didn't call it “Thanksgiving.”

To them, a “thanksgiving” was a religious day, so they went to church and thanked God for a specific event, like winning a battle. On such a day, no recreational activities were allowed, like playing games or singing. You can bet that there would be no way that pagan savages like the Wampanoag’s would be invited. The Pilgrims were actually pretty intolerant for having come here for “religious freedom.”

Our Thanksgiving in America really got started with George Washington who declared a one-time holiday. Abe Lincoln proclaimed the last Thursday in November as"...a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens." F.D.R. moved it to the fourth Thursday in 1939, to keep a fifth week in November from cutting into the Christmas shopping season.

Tomorrow (the Friday after Thanksgiving), is now the busiest shopping day of the year. Save your sanity, join thousands of penny pinchers by observing it as the “National Buy-Nothing Day.” Believe me, if you even try to go to a mall tomorrow, you’ll wish you hadn’t.

Turns out that the Macy's Parade, was started in the 1920's by first-generation immigrant employees of the department store who wanted to celebrate with the kind of festival they loved in Europe. They put on costumes, borrowed 25 animals from the Central Park Zoo and marched 111 city blocks, drawing a crowd of a quarter million, which pretty much guaranteed an instant tradition.

You should have seen the parade of cars on I-5 backed up on the Sunday night after Thanksgiving full of pilgrims trying to get back home to L.A. I’m thankful that now we just go up to see our relatives Sioux Falls.

A little Sex, Politics, and Religion

I think I’ve shared with you before that I always hoped that this would be a place where we could talk about many different things, including the things people often avoid talking about. I even thought about naming the column “Sex, Politics, and Religion.” I certainly tend to write an awful lot about at least two of those three.

Almost every week I feel guilty about writing too long. This gets compounded when the paper comes out by Bethany’s sighs. Sometimes I get a little too heavy politically or preachy and I honestly do try to balance stuff out with some humor the best that I can. I even try to make every third column a light and fluffy humor column.

Some of you have shared with me that you actually enjoy how diverse the subject matter is from week to week. One person even told me that they liked how I tend to wander from topic to topic within each individual column. I knew my Attention Deficit Disorder would pay off someday!

Charles M. Schulz, the creator of the Peanuts comic strip once said “…if you do not say anything in a cartoon, you might as well not draw it at all. Humor which does not say anything is worthless humor. So I content that a cartoonist must be given a chance to do his own preaching.”

I realize that a picture is worth a thousand words and believe me, I know I'm no Charles Schulz, but I like to think that I apply his philosophy to this column. Interestingly enough, I noticed that long time political cartoonist Pat Oliphant has a syndicated column too now. No doubt Dave Barry will be drawing his own illustrations soon.

I can't resist the chance to talk about sex, politics, and religion all in one paragraph. Here goes-CNN.com recently ran a headline that read "The House of Bishops voted Tuesday evening to confirm the Rev. Gene Robinson as bishop of New Hampshire, making him the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church's history."

Now that I've done it, I really shouldn't touch that one with a twenty-foot pole. Okay, I'll say this much, I understand that their own canonical law doesn't allow divorced priests to become Bishops. Robinson divorced his wife and now lives with a man, to whom he's not married. Therefore, although it's not my place to say since I'm a Lutheran, but whether or not he's gay is irrelevant, even if the Bible didn't call homosexuality a sin, the Episcopal diocese of New Hampshire still violated church rules.

Now, let's try giving sex, politics, and religion each their own paragraphs.

Politics: I'd have written Randy Steffen's name, but I showed up five minutes after the polls closed. I guess I drove too slow coming back from parent/teacher conferences in Dunlap.

I think I'm leaning toward Dean mostly because it looks to me like Gebhardt and Kerry are opposing him, more than they are Bush. It would take two or three columns to explain why I'd choose any of them over Bush, but I'll spare you today.

Religion: We took in the movie 'Luther' at the Donna Reed last week. It was much better than I expected. Of course, being a History major, you could expect me to enjoy a period piece like that. Even with the peasant's revolt included there wasn't nearly as much gore as 'Braveheart' or 'Gladiator.' There also wasn't any nudity, and barely any explicit language so it won't be a major box office hit.

I'm not only no Schulz, I'm no Luther either, but it was kinda neat to learn that he posted his 95 theses when he was only 33, since I'm only 33. Of course, he had a doctorate by the time he was 29 and I'm a long way from my Master's.

They sort of made it look as if Luther was a political cartoonist on top of being a theologian and musician. If I'm not mistaken Lucas Cranach the Elder and Albrect Durer handled most of Germany's propaganda art during the reformation.

Sex: no comment.

Humor: Well, Bethany tells me that I should update you about Halloween. The Spiderman costume came on time and Grace had a ball. Boy, that was funny. I missed trick or treating again. I was not sitting in a pumpkin patch waiting for the Great Pumpkin, I was freezing my tail off watching Boyer Valley get beat up in Lake View. Or was it Wall Lake?

The cheerleaders didn't bug me about wearing costumes. That's because the boss (our principal, Becky Panzi, a former cheerleading coach herself) read one of my columns where I anticipated that problem, came into Yearbook class and read them the riot act. God bless her.

Hey, I just got an idea! Let's see how few words I can use in a sentence and still mention sex, politics, and religion…"God bless Senator Clinton." Okay, okay, I know that how many Republicans read this, but I refuse to damn anyone, even if I don't like them. For the Republican's sake I'll add race and humor (but not racist humor, at least I don't think it is): "God bless President Carol Mosely Braun." See, her candidacy is kind of a joke because she's not even one of the front runners, so that's the humor. Okay, it wasn't all that funny. Okay, that also went from just four words to six. I guess we'll have to keep trying

I really wasn't sure what to write about this week. Did it show? Well, as the German philosopher Goethe once said, “One never goes so far as when one doesn’t know where one is going.”

Parent-Teacher Conferences should be about kids

At the time I am writing this, Boyer Valley had just finished up Parent-Teacher Conferences. That’s where teachers sit in a gym for four hours grading papers, cleaning out files, reading or talking to each other about College Football while they wait for what few parents come to come. No, seriously, it’s a beneficial thing but no matter what school you’re at there are several things that are true;

The kids who’d parents the teacher most needs to speak to don’t come. Some parents feel very intimidated and defensive because they can’t understand why their child is doing so poorly. Some teachers feel intimidated and defensive because they can’t understand why they’re the ones under scrutiny when it’s the kid who didn’t turn any homework in on time with their name on it.

One year in California a parent stayed at my desk for nearly 90 minutes! His child was pulling an ‘A’ in my History class and had no real beef with me, although it was very important to the dad that I wasn’t teaching liberal politics. I’ve always prided myself on try to see and share both sides of every issue. My primary goal as a teacher is always to equip students with critical thinking skills so that they can do their own thinking and form their own opinions.

This parent complained about everything from the cost of filling chuck-holes to clandestine government conspiracies but spent most of his time preaching to me about the virtues of guns and the second amendment.

I tried my best to just listen and not attempt to dispute anything he said.

Another year I found myself under the scrutiny of a set of parents who were upset that their daughter didn’t make it back on to the cheer squad. There was a night that I probably would’ve tested positive for high blood pressure. Forty-five minutes into the meeting I made a mental note to myself; “for future reference; never schedule tryouts the week of or the week before parent/Teacher conferences.” Whew!

The thing I probably miss the LEAST about teaching History are those students, bless their hearts, who would have a coronary if they received a ‘B+’ or an ‘A-.’ You know, the ones who would fly off the handle about how I was ruining their lives and preventing them from achieving their dreams because of the grade I GAVE them.

Hello? Teacher’s don’t GIVE grades arbitrarily because they want to ruin you dreams. They merely REPORT the grades that you’ve EARNED. Studying helps. So does 1) actually doing the homework, 2) bothering to turn it in when it’s due, and 3) having your name on it.

My, conferences have usually been much less dicey since I’ve been teaching only Art. Let’s face it, you almost have to TRY to fail Art. When a student does get a ‘C,’ it’s usually because of a severe lack of effort. Their parent’s, fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it assume it’s because their kid just isn’t talented and Art isn’t important so why bother the poor teacher about it. Mind you, I’m the kind of Art teacher who sincerely and adamantly believes that EVERY student NEEDS to learn about Art, EVERY student SHOULD learn about Art, and believe it or not, almost anyone CAN learn to draw if he or she wants to.

I enjoy getting to meet the parents of my students. Sometimes it’s a lot of fun. Some times it can tug at your heart strings. I had a pair of parents who came on behalf of a student who’s living with them for the semester. Not an exchange student, not a foster kid, just a Senior who’s parents abandoned them and who’d last host kicked ‘em out. These new host parents, genuinely want to help him get into college. What hearts.

I don’t know how far off Charter Oak-Ute’s next batch or parent-teacher conferences is but, I’d like to offer some advice for three types of people affected by parent teacher conferences.

Students- Don’t fret and sweat so much. It’s a good thing if your parents attend these conferences. It means they care about you. Believe it or not, so do most of your teachers. They certainly didn’t get into their line of work for the pay. If you’ve been trying your best and don’t have anything to hide, parent-teacher conferences may be temporarily embarrassing, but are no big deal. As Disney’s Kim Possible says “So not the drama!”

Teachers- Make sure you listen more than you talk and make sure you keep your emphasis on the student and strategies for helping them. Don’t waste time either selling your program or trying to defend your teaching style. Parents want help, not a pitch.

Parents- Always remember that teachers are human. Well, most of us anyway. That means we need you to be a little patient and forgiving, but that also means not to put them on any kind of pedestal. What I’m saying is that you going to talk about your child is not the same as you being called into the principal’s office when you were a student, so don’t get scared. At the same time, these are professionals who have had a lot of training in what they do and sacrifice a lot to do it, so please hear them out.

Neither parents or teachers should go into conferences planning on attacking or being attacked. Their common objective is helping kids. Both parents and teachers should keep that in mind.

California Dreamin’

In case you didn’t know it, he name “Iowa” is derived from the French word “Ioway,” used for the Bah-kho-je Indian tribe that lived here when the first European explorers came through. The name “California” supposedly comes from a mythical Spanish island ruled by a queen named “Califia.”

I know better. “California” is actually derived from two Spanish words; “caliente,” meaning hot or burning, and “infierno,” meaning Hell.

Thus “Cali-fierno,” which became the English “California.” Or “Col-ee-forn-ee-ah,” if you prefer Governor-elect Shwartzeneggar’s pronunciation. To-may-to, to-mah-to, anyway you say it, it’s a hot burning hell, especially right now.

Roses in January and lounging by the pool in February is one thing, but what many of my friends and former students are dealing with lately is quite another.

The Associated Press reports that more than 522,000 square acres has burned in this year’s wild fires. That’s around 815 square miles for those of us who don’t farm. To give you some perspective, the entire state of Iowa covers only 56,276 square miles.

Sioux City and Council Bluffs are barely 100 miles apart. Los Angeles proper and San Diego are getting close to 200 miles apart. So imagine if the ring of fire Johnny Cash sang about was covered the entire Loess Hills, from the Minnesota border, all the way down to Missouri! Yikes. No wonder the smoke is visible from space.

More than 1,100 homes have burned down and dozens of people have died.

At this point if we wake up tomorrow to hear that Arizona finally has the ocean front property that George Straight sang about, I’d believe it.

“We've been breathing in smoke and ashes,” said Diane D’Agostin, one of our friends who lives in Camarillo, north of L.A., “they're not too close to us, moving away now. Although I heard a new fire started in Fillmore which is northeast of us.”

We also know a couple in Porter Ranch. Anne Beirling, who is originally from Wayne Nebraska, told Bethany that while their home was safe, the fires came just blocks away in the foothills. She compared it to a cross between ‘Armageddon’ and ‘M*A*S*H,’ because they could see the glow of the flames and heard a constant whipping of helicopters above.

One of my former cheerleaders is a Sophomore at UC San Diego. Remember San Diego? Sea World, the Zoo, the Wild Animal Park, the Tijuana Trolly? It used to be one of the most lush, beautiful parts of California. Much cooler and greener than L.A. Now, the Chargers had to play in Arizona because their stadium is being used as an emergency shelter.

“They are crazy! They are all over Southern California! San Diego is being burnt to a crisp! We haven't had school in three days! The air is pure smoke,” Jeraldin Kuerbiss told me. “It looks like it is finally clearing, though. There were four BIG fires in S.D. One was over 30 miles long at one point. Another has burned into Tijuana. It was pretty scary and close on Sunday, when they started. It was a little too close for comfort. Just the night before (Saturday) a bunch of us went to someone’s house right where one of the fires were!”

I for one wanted to leave after we lost our apartment in the 1994 Northridge 7.1 Earthquake. My fellow “Angelinos” and I used to scoff at “those darn rich people” who were “so stupid to live in the Malibu canyons. If they managed to survive the brush fires in the fall, then they’d lose it all in the mudslides come spring.”

But now what things hath God wrought?!
• Earthquakes
• Mudslides
• Wildfires
• Remember the energy crisis? Last year they put up with “Rolling Brown-Outs” because since they deregulated power companies Californians were gouged by high prices for electricity.
• A recall which left them with an action-figure governor-to-be who plans on repealing great sources of revenue (the $185 per vehicle per year car tax- do you know how many millions of cars there are just in L.A.?) in the face of a $38 billion state deficit! (Mind you, I’m glad I no longer live there to have to pay it, but still, why not quit your job in order to pay your bills? See my point?)
• Okay, MASSIVE, oppressive taxes, especially on cars and on gasoline.
• A mass-transportation workers’ strike. Granted, most everybody in L.A. drives an SUV, but thousands of people started trying to use the trains and the busses after the ’94 quake. Believe me, this is causing almost as much congestion as the smoke (on top of the smog.)
• A grocery store workers’ strike. Did I forget to mention that?

“They are picketing all day and night,” our friend Diane emailed me, “all about lost or decreased benefits -- which we're ALL facing! But to be supportive we've been shopping at Trader Joes (a small heath food chain that’s not among the stores being stuck against) -- the first week of the strike John went to buy milk and they were SOLD OUT!!! Even Target was sold out… I'm going to have to go to the store again soon. So, things are crazy here in CA!”

And yet my students are amazed that I ever wanted to leave L.A. “There’s nuthin to do around here,” they whine. Don’t get me wrong, I love California and have plenty of fond memories. It’s just that it’s a nicer place to visit than it is to live, although right now, even looking a mean Iowa November in the face, those California dreams are all nightmares.

Forms and reforms

Last Sunday was a notable anniversary, in1650 a Bishop named James Usher declared that by his estimations and interpretation of Scripture, the Earth was created at 9am, on October 25th, 4004 B.C.

Tomorrow is not just Halloween or the day before All Saint’s Day, or Dia de Los Muertos. Tomorrow is the anniversary of an earth shaking event in social, political, cultural, literary and religious history. It was the day when a small town college professor posted some statements on the town’s bulletin board that he hoped that members of his university’s community would consider for discussion, possibly even debate.

Universities have always been hotbeds of free speech and debate, even in times of strict political-correctness. Be that as it may, the last thing this professor wanted to do was to start a revolution. Reformation maybe.

You see, to revolve (as in revolution) is to suddenly, radically alter your direction. To reform is to, well, to reform. People are always calling for reform right? Like, “welfare reform,” “We need to reform the school systems” or “why don’t they reform the tax code?” or “Our government is in serious need of reforms.” It means that you don’t throw out what you have, but you do try to clean it up or repair it.

Whenever I think of reforming, I think about working with clay. If a student in my ceramics class doesn’t like how their clay pot is turning out they don’t need a whole new hunk of clay. They just need to take the cup they formed out of the clay, mush it back into a ball and re-form a new cup.

So on October 31, 1517 Doctor Martin Luther posted his 95 theses on the Disputation of the Power and Efficacy of Indulgences. And if you’ll forgive the metaphor, all Hell broke loose.

An “indulgence” was a get-out-of purgatory card. They were being sold to help pay for the construction of St. Peter’s in Rome. You know St. Peter’s, Michelangelo, Bernini, the Renaissance, a little Baroque, the plaza where you look for black or white smoke when they announce a new pope. Expensive art and architecture

Luther’s argument was that Jesus died to forgive our sins, priests, and even the Pope pretty much just announce that forgiveness to us. No amount of money donated to any church pays for our sins, Jesus’ own blood did that.

Basically, Luther’s hope was to reform a bloated, corrupt bureaucracy, not start his own religion. His point of view was simplify. Drop all the red tape and focus on Jesus. Drop the miles of regulations and traditions and narrow it down to three things; the Bible, Faith and Grace. “Grace alone, Faith alone, Scripture alone.”

We all sin and fall short of God’s glory, rich or poor, well educated or not, prince or pauper (Romans 3:22-24). What saves us is Jesus. Heaven is not for goodie goodies, it’s for people who recognize that they need Jesus’ forgiveness, but that forgiveness is a gift- that’s grace. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Grace doesn’t come from a piece of paper or an official proclamation, it comes through faith. Trusting and believing that Jesus is who He says He is and that He did what He came to do- that’s faith. (Romans 10:17)

Luther implemented some Vatican II style changes too. Like having the congregation sing, not just a choir of monks. The biggest change had to be allowing and encouraging lay-people to read their Bibles. He translated it into their own language and encouraged everyone to be taught to read. During much of the dark ages and the renaissance mainly priests and lawyers could read at all, and very few of them could read Latin, which the Bible was published in.

Reading and Schooling was important so that we could read the Bible for our selves and develop a personal relationship with Jesus. When we do that, God equips us with everything we need to serve Him (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

After all, the name “Christian” means little anointed ones, if our faith is sincere, what we’ll want to be like Jesus and do the things He did; love, pray, help, serve, share. In other words, “minister.” Luther called this “the priesthood of all believers (1 Peter 2:9-10). Sure, congregations still need qualified leaders, that’s why you send pastors to seminary to learn how to read Greek and Hebrew and study theology, but every believer is part of the “body of Christ” and the ground at the foot of the cross is level (Galatians 3: 28).

Since Vatican II, most American Catholics put their focus on Jesus. Every Christian denomination and every congregation faces scandals and controversies. None is perfect or has an absolute monopoly on truth, only God Himself has that. We all argue and disagree from time to time even within our own congregations. But if we can agree that Jesus is the son of God, we are brothers and sisters.

The example Luther gave to all of us is to not become overwhelmed by details and doubts. Keep it simple, focus on Jesus (Matthew 6:33), read your Bible. What else do you need to know? Jesus saves (John 3:16). That’s all you need. Grace alone, Faith alone, Scripture alone.


I had grandparents who were Catholic, an aunt and uncle who were Baptist, others who’re Methodist. As amatter of fact just last week I had a Methodist tell me that this list sounds like them too! Here it is; You might be a Lutheran if...

You're watching Star Wars and when they say "May the Force™ be with you" you reply, "and also with you."

You sing "Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus" while sitting down

It takes you 10 minutes to say goodbye

Your church library has 3 Jell-O™ cookbooks

You have an uncontrollable urge to sit in the back of any room

During communion you hum the hymns so you can see who's at church that Sunday

A meeting isn't a meeting unless it takes 3 hours

You feel guilty about not feeling guilty

Your church is on fire, and you rush in to save the coffee pot"

Grace alone. Faith alone. Scripture alone. Coffee with other Lutherans. Staley’s Chicken with Catholics and Methodists!

¡Feliz Dia de los Muertos, Calabaza Grande y Señior Araña!

Last year I tried, obviously in vain, to get people to focus on children, innocence, candy, and pretend at Halloween, instead of violence, evil, mischief and the occult. If you remember back that far, I wrote about Charlie Brown, Linus, and the Great Pumpkin (Calabaza Grande). Let me have another stab at it.

By the way, last year we encouraged Grace to choose a cute, maybe even feminine costume, like a princess or an angel or fairy or something like that, but what did she choose? A fireman. Excuse me, a fire-FIGHTER, not gender specific. I THINK it had to do with the fact that we went costume shopping right after Noah’s Ark Preschool took its field trip to the fire station.

Go ahead and take a look at this week’s front page- I’m plenty proud. Mind you, I’m a pretty progressive dad. I really believe Grace can be anything she wants to when she grows up, even President (although why would anyone want to?), there are already plenty of women firefighters, so I was all for it, what the heck.

Last weekend we were visiting cousins up in Sioux Falls and decided to ask Grace what she’d like to be for Halloween this year.

Spiderman.

Hmmm. How about Barbie? –No, ‘Pie der mawn- Oh, look honey, it’s Belle from Beauty and the Beast. –No, SPAWDERMAHN-

Okay, Spiderman. Forget that he’s a he. It took a really long time to convince Grace that she could be queen and being queen is just as good or better than being king (ex: Queen Elizabeth II and “king” Phillip of England), but she can never be king because she’s a girl and kings are all boys.

Spiderman shoots webs, swings between tall buildings, wears red white and blue and helps people by stopping bad guys. He’s a really smart, nice, kid next door. So great, you’ll be spider WOMAN to your Mom and I, but great. Spiders and Halloween, perfect match.

Have you tried getting your hands on a Spiderman costume lately? Not at K-Mart. ShopKo had one left, but the mask part was missing. I would say, don’t be surprised if every kid and his sister trick or treats as Spiderman, because the stores can’t seem to keep them on the shelves!

If Grace comes to your door looking for candy on Saturday morning, November first, you’ll know why. It will be because Bethany ordered her Spiderman costume on the internet, but they promised to ship it within five business days, one day late and several dollars too many.

I’m frustrated anyway because whatever she dresses up as, I have to miss it. Boyer Valley has an away game so I have to haul our cheerleading squad and mascot all the way out to Lake View. How much ya wanna bet all the cheerleaders beg me to wear stupid costumes instead of their uniforms?

Say, if I shave my beard, could I pass as Saddam Hussein?

I think Ellie is going to dress like Humpty Dumpty. Who says he wasn’t a she? She was an egg for crying out loud. Eggs don’t have gender, yet. Right?

Here’s what I think. Instead of monsters and demons and witches and chainsaw murderers, let’s adapt the Mexican take on Halloween. “Dia de los Muertos,” that is, “the Day of the Dead,” is a positive, joyful, family holiday.

The Mexican point of view is that this life is a dream and when you die, you “wake up” to reality. Therefore you don’t have to be afraid of death and life is a temporary thing that doesn’t need to be taken too seriously.

Dia de los Muertos is about family. Instead of having their family reunions in July or August, families come home to be together from October 31- November 2. November 1st, as you know is a Church holiday, All Saint’s Day- the day of the dead, when Mexicans honor and remember their ancestors and the family members and loved ones who died during the previous year. Mexicans have picnics in the cemetery and decorate grave sites with flowers, colorful cut-paper banners and paper maché skeleton dolls.

November first is actually considered “Dia de los Angelitos,” day of the little children who died. Kids munch on sugar skulls with their names written on them in chocolate icing. The Devil isn’t considered a powerful arch rival to God, he is a scheming fool who doesn’t have any power over you unless you offer it to him. Sort of like Wile E. Coyote.

There’s even a special supper where whoever bites into a plastic toy skeleton baked into their sugar bread, has good luck for the next year!

Festive colors, family, faith, candy, feeling safe, feeling like you belong…that sounds wonderful. I’ll take those things over weird pagan ceremonies, zombies, vampires, blood and gore, murder and mayhem any day.

I used to like Batman when I was a kid. Dark, scary, brooding multimillionaire. But now I like Spiderman. Young, upbeat, and a freelance photographer. Keep slingin’ those wild webs Spidey (AKA: “Araña”),

¡Buenos nochés niñios y niñias!

Clergy Appreciation Month

October is Clergy Appreciation Month. I think that the only other profession less appreciated than teachers and farmers has to be pastors.

“No segment of our society is more strategic and more in need of prayer than pastors and their families. They urgently and desperately need our love, encouragement and earnest prayers,” said Dr. Bill Bright, founder and president of Campus Crusade for Christ.

According to Robert Velarde of the National Day of Prayer Task Force, 80 percent believe that pastoral ministry has affected their family negatively. 70 percent say they have a lower self-esteem than when they started in the ministry. 70 percent do not have someone they consider a close friend.

In our area we have several ministers who are over worked and under paid.

Father Richard Ball is Priest for no less than four congregations. St. Mary’s Ute, St. Mary’s D.C, St. Pat’s, Dunlap, and St. Boniface Charter Oak. Whew! What a mass of Masses he has to lead!

Pastor Ernst is no slouch either, juggling all three churches in the Lutheran “Triple-Parish;” St. Luke’s Ricketts, Immanuel Soldier Township, and St. Paul’s Hanover township.

I keep hearing good things about what a difference Pastor Ed Brandt is making over at St. Paul’s Lutheran in Ute since he came here a year or two ago.

Then there’s Ken Baughman at United Methodist, Charter Oak.
And our own Rev. L.C. Gebhardt at St. John’s Lutheran, here in Charter Oak. I’ve been to our voters’ meetings. I know what kind of pressure he’s under.

We need to honor our pastors and their families for all the hard work, sacrifices, and dedication.
Pastors and their families are unique. God uses them to ensure the spiritual well-being of His children, us.

One of the most poignant things I ever remember being said on a TV show was when Father Mulcahy was talking to the surgeons on M*A*S*H about a particularly stressful week. He told them that when they lose a patient, they only lose a life, but when he loses one, a soul is lost. That was frightening theological depth for a sit-com.

Pastors and their families live under unbelievable pressure. They live in a fishbowl, with the whole congregation and town watching their every move. We expect them to have perfect families, to be perfect themselves, to always be available on a moment’s notice, to never be tired or depressed and to always have all the right answers and always say the right thing at the right time.

Those are unrealistic expectations to put on anyone, yet most of us are quick to blame them when we don’t like the way things are in our church or community. That’s why God wants us to recognize them and support them with out prayers.

“The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching," 1 Timothy 5:17.

Saint Paul even asked his parishioners to pray for him in Ephesians 6:18-20; “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.”

So if you haven’t done it lately, why not thank your pastor and their family for all that they do? Give them a card or bring them a meal or desert some night. Most importantly, pray for them regularly. Ask God to strengthen them, to guide them and to bless them.

Next time you’re in church and you’re tempted to tune out the sermon, try praying that the Holy Spirit speak to you through your pastor and pray that God would open your eyes and ears to the message He has for you. I bet you’ll be surprised by how much more you get out of your pastor’s sermon that week!

Fair, Balanced, Circus Freaks

This month, politics seems to be less real and more surreal then ever before. It’s a dirty business, politics. Lately it’s been raw, violent and faster paced than ever before.

On the Democrat’s side we have the arrival of Candidate retired General Wesley Clark. Former Democratic front-runner Vermont Governor Dr. Howard Dean and Massachusetts Senator John Kerry are eating Clark’s dust. The party buzz is that New York Senator Hillary and former President William Jefferson Clinton brought Clark into the race because they thought Dean didn’t have what it takes to beat George W. Bush.

The Republican side is a wild ride too. Way back last summer already arch conservative columnist George Will said that if there are no Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMDs) found in Iraq, then Bush’s decision to go to war is seriously suspect. Lately Vice President Cheney and Secretary of State Powell have both been grilled about this on the Sunday morning talk shows.

Seeing as the President just asked Congress for more than eighty BILLION dollars just for Iraqi reconstruction and at least one American is being killed there every day, more since Bush declared the war over than during the course of the war itself- it might be time to think about the hole we’ve dug ourselves into. If there were no WMD, was the war for oil? No question the world’s a better place without Saddam Hussein, but there never was a 9-11 connection. There are probably more Alqueda terrorists in Iraq now than while Hussein was in power. Hussein and Bin Ladden hated each other.

Is it traitorous or treasonous to talk this way? There are people who will say that criticizing the President’s decision to invade Iraq “gives comfort to the enemy.” But isn’t it patriotic to want to save the lives and reunite the families of American service men and women by bringing them home?

Remember the 1980’s patriotic rock anthem “Born in the U.S.A.?” Singer/Song writer Bruce “the Boss” Springsteen recently weighed in on Iraq:

"The question of whether we were misled into the war in Iraq isn't a liberal or conservative or Republican or Democratic question, it's an American one. Protecting the democracy that we ask our sons and daughters to die for is our responsibility and our trust. Demanding accountability from our leaders is our job as citizens. It's the American way. So may the truth win out."

The first amendment says that “Congress shall make no law… abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” I believe that this is what American soldiers should die for, not for political polling points or for cheap gasoline.

So now, it looks like someone in the White House leaked the identity of a CIA operative as revenge for their spouse’s opposition to the war. Holy Guacamole! If it’s not true, then everything that Bill O’Rielly and Rush Limbaugh say about the “liberal media” is right, but if it IS true (and it sounds like it may be), then Holy Guacamole! That’s what I call traitorous and treasonous! That makes the Monica Lewinski scandal look like middle school!

Do you see now why I consider myself a post-partisan centrist? When you’re honest about it, are either parties REALLY any cleaner than the other?

Just when it couldn’t get any weirder…As of yesterday my old home of California got a new governor. At the time I wrote this it looked like it was going to be “the Terminator.”

I thought it was weird that New Age Priestess and former arch conservative, turned “independent” political commentator Ariara Huffington debated Arnold Schwartzenagger (or however you spell that). Let’s face it, we needed sub-titles.

Then she dropped out of the race to defeat the Action Hero and support embattled Democratic Governor Grey Davis in his recall battle.

Then we heard that Arnold sexually harassed half a dozen women. No huge surprise, but conveniently brought to light just before the election (bad liberal press, bad press, no biscuit!).

Then we heard that he said that he admired Adolf Hitler in his first muscle movie back in the 1970s. Again, very good reason NOT to vote for him, but again, very conveniently brought to our attention just before the election.

Sigh.

Then came Rush Hour. My friends used to tell me they just listen to him because he’s funny, and sometimes they think he’s right. I used to warn them that he’ll suck them in, just like pro wresting. You say you’re just gonna watch because it’s so fake and so stupid, you want to make fun of it. Then you get caught up in the excitement. Then you get caught up in the soap-opera aspect. The next thing you know, you’re running for governor of Minnesota!

I don’t know why he’s so popular. It’s partisan propaganda infotainment that feeds off our fears and frustrations. I was relieved when his TV show faded and he was isolated to am radio. Then ESPN asked him to become a color commentator for NFL football. Because he knew so little about football.

Then he resigned because he said he thought that the “liberal media” supported Philadelphia Eagle’s QB Donovan McNabb just because he’s black. Forget about his records, his awards, or the fact that there’s like 18 other starting quarterbacks in the NFL today!

And THEN, it comes to light that Rush has been abusing prescription drugs, even involved in some kind of illegal drug trafficking ring for years! I wondered how he lost all that weight!

Of course the king of preaching personal responsibility to the rest of us is not a racist addict, it’s all the “liberal media’s” fault. Watch, he’ll find a way to blame the Clintons or some “feminazi.”
I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs. I hear the founder of the Betty Ford clinic was a Republican. I don’t think it’s fair that the media latches on to people’s personal lives, their mistakes or their hypocrisies. But I don’t think it’s because their anymore liberal than FOX and Bill O’Rielly are “fair and balanced.”

I think it’s because we the readers love a good fight and when sharks smell blood they start to circle, regardless of political persuasion.

I’ll admit, that while I honestly don’t want to gloat or say “I told you so,” I have got this overwhelming urge to say, “what goes around, comes around.”

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the football game…

I had just finished my weekly column at about 5:30 last Friday. It was the September 11th one, it may have been pretty cheesy and sentimental, but, you know, it’s an emotional holiday. Poit is, it left me in a pretty patriotic mood. This set the stage…

I gathered the Cheer squad to get in the van to drive to an away game but I left my keys on a table in my classroom so I ran back across the street to school to get them.

As you know, Iowa still has the first in the nation primary elections, so as I came back out the girls were all excited because a Presidential candidate was stumping on a neighbor’s porch across from the school. Some of the volunteers asked if the cheerleaders would like to have their picture taken with the candidate. I knew it was a cheesy photo op for him, but I figured it was exposure for us too, so I let them do it. I took a picture too and it got in the local paper here, the Dunlap Reporter, and we’ll probably use it in the yearbook too.

I walked up to Democratic Senator John Edwards from South Carolina, shook his hand and told him I thought he’d done a good job on the debates in Albuquerque the night before. For some people that would have been no big deal, others would have refused to shake a Democrats hand, but it was kind of fun for me just because of my background as a political new junkie.

Sen. John Edwards and the Boyer Valley Cheer Squad

Did I ever tell you about the time I met Republican Senator John McCain? I was on the staff of the weekly high school supplement to the Phoenix Gazette as a Freshman in high school. He had just gotten elected to Congress for his first term. Strong handshake, but he’s one of those people who grabs ya at the knuckles and doesn’t let you shake palm to palm- at least he was them. Anyway, at the time I didn’t trust him, maybe because of his handshake and decided I didn’t like him. Of course now, I have a lot more respect for him, he’s one of my favorite Republicans. I’d like to think we’ve both matured a lot
Say, that reminds me, did I ever tell you that Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Curt Schilling was a Senior at Shadow Mountain when I was a Freshman? Yeah, I guess I have huh? What? “like a million times?” Oh, okay, sorry. Is this too much name dropping?

Edwards, right. Well, I thought it was kind of funny, his people said that MSNBC was coming and asked if we’d do a cheer, well the zipper on one of the girl’s skirts had broke, so I had run back into school to get a bunch of safety pins when this request through another girl into a moral dilemma of crisis proportions.

“Wait, wait, Mr. Mallory, shouldn’t we find out what some of his positions are before we do a chant for him?”

I was thinking, “Uh, you’ve already posed for a publicity photo with him, this is a little late, kiddo,” but I didn’t say that. I suggested cheering for Boyer Valley and not customizing it for him, dilemma solved.

This wasn’t good enough apparently, as debate continued while we pinned the skirt the best we could.

“How about this,” I suggested, “Yell ‘Hey VOTERS, Get Fired UP!’ that way it’s pro-participation, yet bi-partisan, how about that?”

This idea appealed to the whole squad, but of course by this time Edwards had started his speech and we were faced with another dilemma- not one of politics or morals, but of manners. They didn’t want to interrupt, but they also didn’t want to make our exit too conspicuous either. We listened patiently for several minutes and snuck off to our van quietly. Fortunately we made it to the game on time.

The next day in Yearbook class one who’s notoriously Republican told the one who had had the hang up, “It would’ve been Okay, I found out he’s a Democrat and Democrats are against abortion, so it would’ve been okay.”

“Uh, actually,” I tried to explain, “generally Republicans are more likely to be Pro-Life and Pro-Choice advocates tend to get more support from Democrats.”

“But I talked to Jen (a former cheerleader who now attends Georgetown University), and she says she’s anti-abortion and she’s a Democrat?” she said.
“Sure, I oppose abortion and I’m a Democrat, that’s why you have to be careful of making generalizations and assumptions, but Jen and I are kind of unusual, generally you’d expect more Republicans to be more strongly opposed to abortion,” I explained.

“Oh,” said another student, “all I know is my whole family is like totally Republican.”

“All my family is like- ‘huh? Politic? Duh, huh?’” said the notoriously Republican cheerleader.
All I know is that I doubt Edwards stands a chance against Gebhardt or Howard Dean in the primaries, so it barely matters what he thinks about anything. I did appreciate that he’s the first and only Democrat to take a stand and say that he thinks that Bush’s “No Child Left Behind” program is bad for public education and should be eliminated.

Sigh, then again, I would have wished that 17 year olds would be a little more aware of what’s going on in society. That does make me miss teaching U.S. History. At least I’m trying to help them be more aware by teaching Journalism.

Well, another Friday night, another football game. I hope no Presidential Candidates show up at this one.

6:28 pm, gotta go, talk to you next week.

There’s no place like Home

We newspaper people love to hear from our readers. I’m sure that Mike and Barb Lyon would love it if you’d make the NEWSpaper what’s called in the biz a “public forum.” A forum is a place where ideas are exchanged. Recently we’ve seen it happen with letters to the editor about the school board elections. The more you contribute to the NEWSpaper with your letters and submissions, the more it belongs to all of us in Ute and Charter Oak.

In the interest of communication, I’m revealing ALL of my email addresses to you, even though I’m putting myself at risk. You could stalk me or start sending huge amounts of “spam” to me. Please don’t. Pretty pleeease? With sugar on top?

Here they are, oh- by the way, my “snail mail” address (AKA: usps) is P.O.Box 75 in Charter Oak. tedm@mapletonpress.com, as you know is my official NEWSpaper address, but no one ever seems to write me there, even though it’s at the top of every column. malloryt-at--valley.k12.ia.us is my official email address at work down in Dunlap. We just got email this year so hardly anyone ever writes me there. Ted.Mallory-at-.org is my nifty new Concordia University, Nebraska alumni email address, it’s mostly if and when Boyer Valley blocks hotmail like every other school, but it may be a way for classmates who’ve lost touch to find me and I personally think it looks cool to other churches when I have Youth Group stuff to mail. coachmallory-at-.com is the address I check daily, but I should warn you, once you send me something I have your address forever and you might just find that you get all kinds of spam FROM me!

That said, it’s time so say something else-
Homecoming was really great. Friends, family members, alumni of all ages, Charter Oak and Ute are great places to live, be from, and come home to visit. Wherever you are scattered, whether you’re still in Crawford or Monona Counties, elsewhere in Iowa, California, Oklahoma, or on any of the ships at sea, you have to admit, that there’s no place like home.

Granted, I’m a transplant and as an employee of a different school district and parent of small children, I didn’t get in on all the homecoming activities COU had to offer last week, but judging by the coronation Sunday and the parade Wednesday, COU school and the town of Charter Oak are brimming with pride and spirit. Believe it or not, the level of involvement and enthusiasm at COU’s homecoming is very rare.

In a previous column, I applauded the contributions of Dan& Deb Kuhlman, Rosie Lally, and especially Lucia Lincoln for the hard work they put into the shelter house fundraiser. This week I want you all to give a big hand to the COU student Council, to Mrs. Linda Nepper, to Principal Rollie Wiebers, to all the kids, and quite frankly to every last one of YOU.

Sure, I love watching the golds and yellows and ambers of the fields instead of concrete and traffic, sure it’s important to raise my kids near family and in a safer environment, but what makes this such a great place to live is that the people who live here are so involved and connected.

There are city-slickers who would have giggled during coronation and thought it was too idyllic, too 1964, almost campy or kitsch. Like a scene out of “Pleasentville,” “the Truman Show,” or “Peggy Sue got Married,” but I thought it was one of the most well-planned out, charming, engaging, and meaningful high school ceremonies I’ve ever attended.

Maybe I’m naïve or idealizing things, but it sure looked like the royalty candidates were kids who genuinely reflected the best things about the student body. It wasn’t “just a popularity contest,” and (no offence winners, you great looking kids, but) they weren’t just chosen because they were the “hottest,” kids in school. That demonstrates a lot of character on the part of the voters.

Tessa Lally did a terrific job as emcee. The fact that candidates are expected to prepare an acceptance speech and the involvement of all four grade levels and eight kindergarteners are powerful and important things that most other schools overlook. Even the adapted “Miss America” song speaks volumes about the values and priorities COU is teaching.

I’ve seen a lot of parades. I’ve watched homecoming parades for at least a dozen schools over the years, often as part of the visiting football crowd. For my money, COU’s is the most amazing thing around. Oh, sure, some schools have more elaborate floats, but no place has the kind of whole-community involvement, participation and turn out that COU did last week.

It sure looked like the BBQ had a HUGE turn out too. You expatriated Charter Oakians and Utites, you missed a lot by not being here last Wednesday. Naturally, I was partial to the preschool kids from Noah’s Ark. Gracie insisted that her Mom or I could not walk with her, but she and her cousin Hallie stuck pretty close together all the way down Main Street.

I haven’t gone to a single homecoming at Shadow Mountain since graduating. I’ve only been to a couple at Concordia, but I tell ya what, COU alumni really have something special to come home to.
We should be proud. We are Americana and small-town Iowa at its best. We are the red, white, and true blue.

Email volley with a former student

First, for those of you that read last week’s column, where I left the keys to the van in my classroom, I had to share this with you. Eventually one of the cheerleaders got fed up and went into my room to help look for the keys.

She returned to the van, keys in hand, which she had found underneath someone’s pom-pon.

“Typical man,” she said, “men don’t know how to look for things!”

Now this week, I thought I’d share a conversation I recently had with a former student of mine from L.A. Chris Freet now works in the PR dept at the University of Oklahoma Athletic Dept. These were two emails, not an instant messenger chat- I hate those things, but I present it to you here in transcript form just because I thought it would be easier to follow.

Chris: I am enjoying the regular conversation.

Ted: Me too, I’m sorry it’s taken more than a week to get back to you. Monster case of bronchitis took me out one day and the rest of the week has been a bear.

Chris: I will prompt with two questions for the next one. Is Bush going to be reelected?

Ted:There’s nothing money can’t buy. Let’s see, the Republicans hated Clinton so much that after 6 or 7 years of not proving any Whitewater wrongdoing, they tried to impeach him for philandering. Then, when they lost the popular election in 2000, they had the predominantly Republican Supreme Court decide. What do you think?

Okay, I’ll get off of the “vast conservative conspiracy” trip for a minute. Seriously, I think it will be tight, just like last time, but I do think he’s vulnerable. You’re dissatisfaction is evidence. You and I are the biggest swing vote. White, male, working-class, rural or Southern. They call our demographic “the NASCAR vote.” But, unless Jesse” the Body” Venture throws his hat into the ring it comes down to five of the “ten little Indians.”

General Wes Clark, Southern (but not too Southern), a decorated vet, offers the most macho alternative. Good choice for Sec. of State or Defense if he doesn’t go all the way and Bush loses.

FLA Sen. Grahm, from right down in Bush Bro country, has gone so far as to sponsor a NASCAR pickup truck. How’s that for appealing to those with red necks, white socks, and blue collar jobs? But, most Americans hate Florida almost as much as we hate California and New York, don’t we?

NC Sen. John Edwards, young, dashing, espousing idealistic but impractical rhetoric about NAFTA and manufacturing jobs. Look for him to run again and again and again if Bush gets re-elected. Hey did I tell you I actually met him last week? I’ll have to send you a copy of the column I wrote about it.

MO Rep. Dick Gebhardt, tearing a page out of the Gore playbook is putting on the “pissed off middle class white guy” routine. He’s the most traditional center-left, healthcare and insurance for everybody Democrat. I predict a strong third for the nomination, look for a cabinet job if a Dem gets in.

And of course, Vermont Gov. Dr. Howard Dean, MD. Still the Democratic front runner. Savy, speaks his mind, not the party line, great money maker. He even looks a little like John McCain. He can take Bush, he’s a helluva lot smarter, but doesn’t come off as a boring egg head like Gore and Bill Bradley did. However, folks like your sister and brother-in-law and parents won’t like his positions on homosexuals and abortion. Other weaknesses include his wife. She’s no beauty pageant winner but more importantly, she’s a doctor too and plans to keep her practice if Dean’s elected. Too real, too strong, to independent for stay-at-home-barefoot-and-pregnant hyper conservatives.

Besides, Liberal former governor of a small New England state with a doctor wife- sounds an awful lot like NBC’s the West Wing. But ever since I saw him as JFK in “Missiles of October” in Government class in high school, I thought Martin Sheen would make a great President. Will life imitate art?

Chris: And Should Eric Gagne win the Cy Young?

Ted: He hasn’t done too well against Arizona this year, but anyone with a 1.27 ERA deserves a look. Obviously the Diamondback Dou (Schilling & Johnson) isn’t in the running this year. But Kevin Brown was always my (least) favorite Dodger. Which do you think I follow more closely, politics or baseball?

Patriot’s Day

“Patriotism;” Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines it simply as “love for or devotion to one's country.” Oddly enough, they date it’s creation as 1726, just fifty years before our country came into being. “Patriot is an older word, 1605. It’s taken from the Greek roots for Patriarch, as in your fathers. Webster’s defines a patriot as “one who loves his or her country and supports its authority and interests”

The question is, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

The Boys Scouts of America taught me to love you less than God and almost as much as my immediate family.

What are you? Who are you?

Is a country a place? I love your terrain. I love your panoramic views, your horizons and highways. I love the searing heat of my native Arizona and the cool, damp, subtropical sea breezes of the California coast. I love the aroma of pine trees in the Black Hills of South Dakota. I love the dramatic landscapes of Colorado, the serenity of Wyoming and New Mexico. I love the chilly waters and pebbly shores of the great lakes in Michigan. And I’ve sure come to love the rolling hills of Iowa that seem to embrace you and the aromas that come from the fields when the corn and soybeans are ready to be harvested.

Is a country a political entity? I’d have to admit to having a love-hate relationship with you then. Sometimes I feel like I’m the rebellious teenager, other times I feel like you’re the impetuous, sometimes annoying child and I’m the exhausted parent. Why can’t we always see eye to eye?

As much as I HATE to admit it, there have been times that I’ve been embarrassed to claim you. Like when your own people were enslaved or hanging from your trees, or when thousands of them were cut down in one day in Oklahoma City, not by outsiders, but by one of your own. Or when we are millions are never born because others think of them as decisions, rather than as people. Or when I reflect upon how much how few of us horde and consume while so many others starve and suffer. There have been so many times when your way was not the right way.

But, there are other times when I couldn’t be more proud of you. Like how much how many suffered and sacrificed for others on this awful day two years ago. When I think of how much how many suffered and sacrificed to literally save the world sixty years ago when evil incarnate walked the earth. There have been so many times, so many times when your way has been the most right way, when you led the way, even when others refused to follow.

Is a country songs and colors? Pomp and ceremony? Is a country the sum of it’s symbols? I love red, white and blue. Your anthems bring a lump to my throat, even more since this awful day two years ago. But while I venerate your flag, I will not bring my self to worship it. In the end it is only cloth and ink. Rather, we should “fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

It is not the red of thirteen stripes of a banner, it is the red of the life blood of your patriots that matters. Deep in the ground of Lexington and Anteitem, of Normandy and Sicily and Glaudal Cannal, and yes, of Manhattan.

What is a country? Is a country a system? Laws and processes and precedents? Is it a shared ethos? A morality, founded on God’s eternal laws?

I love that you still work. Through abuse and corruption, investigations and scandals, swings of the pendulum, the system that is America still works.

I love that you promise me that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

So that no denomination is corrupted by the power of being your “official” religion. So that I can seek God as I understand Him and as He reveals Himself to me in His Word. Even if that means that false religions are free to flourish here too.

So that I can speak my mind without being jailed or fined or murdered or persecuted.

So that people can read this.

So that we can gather peaceably for social, political, or religious reasons. So that thousands could gather in 1963 to hear a black preacher with a dream.

So that we can complain about you, complain to you, and “throw the bums out.”

Is a country a people? We are so many. So different. So imperfect. So angry with each other, so disrespectful of each other, so selfish. So human.

So warm, so giving, so caring, so committed, so daring, so intelligent, so powerful, so patient, so helpful, so important, so united. So sewn together not by race, not by creed or color, not by language, not by song or culture, but by choice, by commitment, by conviction, by country.

I love you to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach. I promise to do my best to do my duty to God and my country. I’ll help, I’ll give, I’ll vote, I’ll volunteer, I’ll hope, I’ll continue to believe in you.

I’ll pray for you.

I’ll remember.

I’ll remember all my fellow patriots who were lost this awful day two years ago.

I’ll remember, will you?

Cousin Campout

I missed out on a rite of summer last weekend. The annual McCutcheon “Cousin Campout” at the St.Thomas Moore center. To be honest, we never really go to camp. We go on Sunday morning and stay for the worship service and lunch. This year we stayed home to make sure the LYF Contemporary Service went smoothly at St. John’s. Just as well since all four of us seem to have come down with winter colds.

One reason I’m disappointed that we missed it is that my father-in-law Allen’s aunts, Erma, Marylin , and Janette are some of the biggest fans of this column, and never fail to tell me so. That always feels great. Even if Janette thinks I’m becoming a Republican (God forbid- no offense intended Republican readers).

Mike and Marylin Schiltz and their crew are just about the best at coming to weddings and baptisms!

Something we can all learn about our families is in Deuteronomy 5:9-10; “…I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.”

It’s painfully obvious. Weight problems, alcoholism, child abuse, infidelity or incest, these are problems that are hereditary. Even things like smoking, credit card debt, gambling habits or dropping out of school are patterns that our children imitate.

All of us have skeletons in our closets and a few fruits and nuts hanging in our family trees. I’m not about to pretend that our family is any different. Be that as it may, I want to point out to you the wonderful promise of this Bible verse.

First of all, notice that all of the negative cycles can be broken. It may be difficult and painful, it may take “three or four generations,” but it can happen. They say it takes 21 days to make or break an exercise habit, one study claims that it takes two years to quit smoking, but it can be done. But look at the other half of the verse- God shows love “to a thousand generations” of those who love Him!

Twenty or more generations ago, back in the early seventeenth century Robert Peck decided to answer God’s call and became a pastor. Just a couple of generations later, John Alden and Priscilla Mullins came over on the HMS Mayflower, fell in love and made history. Seven generations later, one of their descendants, George Washington Bidlack settled in what became Crawford County, Iowa. He was a leading Republican in Iowa, but I don’t hold that against him. If Abe Lincoln had been president when I first registered to vote, I’d like to think I’d probably register GOP too.

One of his daughters, Ella, married John McCutcheon. Our daughter Ellen is named for my great aunt Ellen and for Ella McCutcheon. These McCutcheons are who the Cousin Campout is named for.

One of the most beautiful worship opportunities I’ve ever been a part of was last year, at the funeral of Julie (McCutcheon) Meyer. She’s one of Verl and Linda’s triplets from Dow City. She died of cancer, leaving a husband, Matt and a three year old son behind. She was my age. But I’m telling you, it was incredible what a legacy of faith she left behind and how many people’s lives she touched as a nurse and with the ministry she and Matt had to college kids at their church in Lincoln, Nebraska.

John and Ella McCutcheon’s daughter Grace, married a fella by the name of Art Samuelson. Grace was down right famous throughout Iowa as a stern but loving school teacher. Their love and faith impacted generations of their descendants too.

One thing they passed on is this corny tidbit; Art’s favorite hymn was “Amazing Grace” and Grace’s favorite was “How Great Thou Art.”

Our other Daughter, Grace, is named for Grace Samuelson.
All the folks at the McCutcheon Cousin Campout do all of the same things you probably do at your family reunions. We eat a pot-luck, we joke, we reminisce, we swim, we sweat, play cards, play games and even award door prizes. And we all have our family sins and problems, we’re no better than anybody else’s family.

But what I appreciate most about the Cousin Campout, is that at this family gathering they worship together. Different denominations, different generations sing praises to their Savior to tell Him how much they love Him, discuss how He has worked in their lives, and pray to thank Him for blessing their families for these many generations.

He loves you so much. He’d rather have you love Him than hate Him. Test Him and you’ll see Him bless your family for a thousand generations.

Cheesy puns put ‘unity’ in ‘community'

by Theodore J. Chipmonk

I have to hand it to Rosie Lally and Lucia Lincoln. They've done it again. Last weekend's benefit production put on by the Charter Oak Shelter House Committee was a laugh riot.

But it was a whole lot more than funny, it was democracy in action and it was exactly the kind of thing that makes small towns so wonderful.

The show was everything it set out to be. How many Broadway plays can say that? Of course, what it set out to be was silly, cheesy, puny fun. This play was everything a small town ought to be, and everything you look for in a friend or neighbor- totally unpretentious, self effacing, and able to laugh at them self. That may be due, a great deal to Rosie and Lucia.

Ms. Lincon has been teaching, (or “coaching”) drama at Charter Oak-Ute High School long enough to have established herself as a community institution. There are some powerful values that seep into the way she writes, plans, produces and directs her plays. It’s pretty obvious that she very deliberately tries to include as many people as possible.

As a result, more people are exposed to the creative process than usual. That way, we take ownership for it, we respect it and it’s more important to us. That also means that more of us “get cultured.” More of us attend such a play than normally would.

Another result is that the creative process is exposed to more hands, more input. Rosie & Lucia know we’re not professional actors and enjoy our idiosyncrasies. Heck, they take advantage of our personality quirks. In the case of last weekend’s play, they took advantage of our names.

It’s gotta drive them crazy. Having so many people learning and rehearsing parts has to start feeling like herding cats. But they manage it like pros.

Some would argue that “too many cooks ruin the soup.” Maybe so and that may be a problem if you’re trying to make Viennese turtle soup with truffles, but if you want a good ol' jambalaya, the more input the better. Lincoln and Lally actually ask for input, encourage improvisation and solicit creativity. What results is something that reflects who we are as a town, and is more our voice than either of their voices alone.

I know it sounds hokey to compare a High School English teacher to Thomas Jefferson, but just like he was the principal author of the Declaration of Independence but it was really written by the whole Continental Congress and is historically considered to be an expression of “the American mind,” Lucia starts out writing a fun little play but it takes on a life of it’s own and it really represents Charter Oak and belongs to Charter Oak, more than to Lucia or Rosie or any one else.

When I married Bethany, it didn’t take long for me to figure out that I didn’t just marry her, I married into a family, what’s more, I didn’t just marry into a family, I married into a town. That’s a wonderful feeling, even if it was a little intimidating at first. A stereotype we city native have of small towns is that they’re exclusive, stodgy, and unwelcoming to outsiders. Charter Oak broke the stereotype for me. It has been warm, accepting, understanding and has enthusiastically made me feel like a welcomed member of the community.

When we’d first come back to visit from college or California, I’d have a hard time placing names with faces. Bethany told me that there aren’t TOO many names to remember. If you know Neddermeyer, Kuhlman, Meseck, and Staley, you know almost about everybody. Thanks to last weekend’s play, I can put a lot more faces with a lot more names.

Those are the kind of values that Lucia’s dramas and her directing style embody. As a fellow teacher, I watched her at play practice to see what kinds of “teacher” things she does. Immediately following practice she made an effort to touch base with everyone she could. She praised them for their performance, gently suggested things she’s like them to add or change and often noticed things they did on their own that she thought contributed to the play.

Lots of us may have moaned or even cringed when we were asked to be involved, but think about two things; First, one of our pastors in California said that if you want someone to become a member of a church, you should “give ‘em a job.” Active participation automatically creates commitment. Second, one of the great things for armatures (and high school students) about having a huge cast is that they’re all short, easy parts. Anyone is more apt to help if they aren’t overwhelmed by how much they have to do.

In other words, “Many hands make light the work.” Or as Red Green says on IPTV, “We’re all in this together.”

That’s what community is all about. That’s what participatory democracy is all about. Helping each other, enjoying each other’s camaraderie. As everybody knows, the family that plays together stays together. I think that that has to be every bit as important as businesses or a school. If we enjoy working together to help each other out, we’ll stay afloat. I’ll bet we’ll even improve our town some, like by being able to build a new shelter house down at the park.

It may have been a corny, cheesy line at the end of a corny, cheesy play, but we ought to thank Lucia and Rosie for “putting the UNITY back in COMMUNITY!

Happy Birthday Lady Liberty

On this day June 19, back in 1885, the dismantled Statue of Liberty arrived in the New World, enclosed in more than 200 crates.

In 1865 a group of Frenchmen were discussing their dictator-like emperor, Napoleon III and America's successful democratic government and abolishing slavery at the end of the Civil War. The dinner was hosted by Edouard Rene de Laboulaye, an abolitionist and a leader of the "liberals," a political group dedicated to establishing a French republican government modeled on America's constitution. The dinner guests talked about the close relationship and love of liberty France and The United States shared. Laboulaye called France and America "the two sisters."

The "liberals" decided to build a monument to American freedom. A successful 31-year-old sculptor, Frédéric-Auguste Bartholdi, was at the dinner. He imagined a woman holding a torch burning with the light of freedom. They planned to call it "Liberty Enlightening the World," and it would commemorate the Franco-American alliance during the American Revolution.

We probably could not have won our freedom from Britain in the American Revolution without the help of France. They provided arms, ships, money, and men to American colonial rebels. The Marquis de Lafayette, a close friend of George Washington became one of the highest high-ranking officers in the American army. Washington may not have been able to defeat British General Charles Cornwallis at the battle of Yorktown if it weren't for the help of the French Navy.

Yet today, because they opposed our war on Iraq, we belittle them and rename French Fries and French Toast "Liberty Fries." What war hawk or "frog-basher" would seriously consider sending the Statue of Liberty back? I think it's been shameful how many times Americans have made jokes accusing the French of not fighting against Hitler in WWII. How ghastly that we have so little sense of history or perspective on the evil of fascism, and NAZIism that we could make light of the suffering and sacrifice of so many of the French people during such a dark time.

It took two decades to complete the 151-foot statue. In 1877, the U.S. Congress approved the use of New York's Bedloe Island. French supporters raised money to build a statue the size of a 15 story building without a pedestal. Her index finger alone is 8 feet long. July 4, 1884 it was officially offered to the United States by France, as a birthday gift. Then, it had to be taken apart, shipped across the Atlantic Ocean, and rebuilt in the U. S.

Americans raised money to pay for the pedestal it stands on. In 1885 Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City's harbor. It was 1886 when the statue was dedicated. At the time, she was the tallest structure in New York, reaching to a total height of 305 feet. It was truly "the eighth wonder of the world."

One of the original seven wonders of the world, the Colossus of Rhodes, was thought to have only stood about 105 ft tall. It was a huge bronze statue of the Greek sun god Helios, erected about 280 bc to guard the entrance to the harbor of a Greek island off the coast of what is now Turkey.

Which reminds me, I think it's important to remember the difference between symbolism and idolatry. I believe in the principles which our flag and the statue of liberty represent, but the flag and statue themselves are just things. Damage a flag and I'm just offended, damage my freedoms or speech, press, religion and political affiliation and we're all in a world of hurt. It's good to feel patriotic, it's more important to be patriotic.

There is no Helios or Appolo, and the Colossus of Rhodes was destroyed by an earthquake. Let's say terrorists had attacked the Statue of Liberty when they took out the World Trade Center. Would there still be liberty in the United States? Benjamin Franklin once said that "a nation that would sacrifice liberty for the sake of security deserves neither liberty, nor security." Since September 11, 2001, we've begun to tread a thin line between justice and vengeance. I hope we don't sacrifice our civil liberties to the gods of pride and prowece.

In 1989 Chinese demonstrators fashioned a "Goddess of Democracy" out of styrofoam just before the Tienamin Square Massacre. Democracy in China was squashed, sadly, few people even remember their "goddess."

If you can believe this, there's been talk about erecting an gigantic angel monument in Los Angeles Harbor as sort of a twin or book-end on the other side of the country. I really don't remember if it was supposed to honor Asian and Latin American immigrants or just promote tourism. No doubt it will provoke debate about separation of church and state. Will the Catholics get a Mary-Queen of the Angels statue, or will the Mormons get an angel Moroni-who allegedly gave the Book of Mormon to Joseph Smith. My fear is that the entertainment industry will get to design it and it will just look like a colossal Emmy Award statue.

On the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty was inscribed "The New Colossus," a famous sonnet by Emma Lazarus that welcomed more than 12 million immigrants to the United States with the declaration,

"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

Does that lamp still provide the light of hope? How do we feel about poor, tired, homeless masses today? Are Mexican, Chinese, or Arab masses as welcomed as the Germans, Swedes and Irish?
What does she stand for anyway? What does she symbolize to you today?

Mistake of historic proportions

Benjamin Franklin coined one of his most famous quotes upon the close of the Constitutional convention, "Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."

The important questions are, who’s doing the taxing, who’s being taxed, how much, and what is it being used for? Libertarians and Anarchists will remind you that the War for Independence was fought to end taxes, but the real issue was who was doing the taxing, who was taxed and how much, and where the money went. If Iowan’s taxes went to Canada, we’d revolt too.

A political activist once told me that they thought that one of the main differences between Republicans and Democrats is that Republicans spend on physical infrastructure, while Dems spend on social programs. People or things.

In other words Republicans would spend our taxes on roads or street lights, Democrats on Driver’s Education programs. Case in point, the Iowa assembly, mostly Republican, want to offer money to school districts for building, but if they already have money to build, they may use the money for other things, like teacher salaries. The Teacher’s unions are frustrated with the legislature for not just offering money specifically for teacher salaries.

The old debate had always been, "guns or butter?" Somewhere in the middle of the twentieth century our Federal Government decided they should try deficit spending to try to stimulate the economy. Sometimes it helps a little, sometimes it doesn’t, but what are the long term consequences?

When I try spending more money than I have, the people I owe bills to start calling me on the phone. Don’t pay, they’ll report it and wreck your credit, right? Eventually things get repossessed.

If you were say, a hundred thousand dollars in debt, would that be a good time to quit your job? Of course not, but the Bush Administration and the Republican led Congress and Senate have decided to cut Federal revenues by at least $330 billion, even though they need to spend record amounts of money on Homeland Security, baling out the states and $50-60 billion war with Iraq.

Mind you, I love having my taxes cut as much as the staunchest Republicans. When I get my treasury check for our earned-income-tax credits- er, I mean children, we’ll probably use it to pay off some of our college loans. But I’m not sure how that’s going to stimulate the economy.

The theory behind Bush’s tax cut is the same old "trickle-down" economics of his father and Ronald Reagan. The hope is, if you give wealthy investors and corporations huge tax cuts, they’ll reinvest their savings into their infrastructure, creating jobs, producing more tax revenue from paychecks and simultaneously giving those workers money as consumers.

The fatal flaw is human nature. We don’t reinvest and create jobs, we spend on ourselves or we figure out ways to turn an even bigger profit. The rich get richer, the rest of us get poorer.

Do you deserve to keep your hard earned dividends and your capital gains? I suppose, but most of us barely know what those are and certainly don’t have any. And what about our future? Is that "class-warfare?" Then so be it. I am no communist and do not advocate any kind of socialism, but President Bush seems to see the world through millionaire’s glasses.

Some estimates suggest that the current Bush budget will increase the deficit by more than $300B over last year's $158B deficit. If you don’t remember your high school economics, the deficit is the red ink, the money you spend beyond your income, money you don’t have.

And what about our future? Will the Social Security fund still dry up by 2035? What about Medicaid and Medicare? I’m worried about health insurance and college tuition.

Annual deficits pile up and create debt. At the time I wrote this, the U.S. National debt was rapidly approaching six and a half trillion dollars! For all the reasons there are to dislike Bill Clinton, the debt was actually shrinking during his presidency. The National Debt has increased an average of $992 million per day since September 30, 2002!

Debt and deficit hurt our credit, they hurt the value of the dollar, and they hurt the economy. As bad as the economy is, is it really worth selling our future?

The estimated population of the United States is 291,066,701 so each citizen's share of this debt is over $22,000.00. That means my 1 ½ year old daughter Ellen owes $22,000!

I appreciate lower taxes as much as anybody, but I’m having a hard time enjoying this one. I think it was a mistake of historic proportions.
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