Reader Appreciation Day
Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday,March 29, 2007 – Page 3
Five years ago when I began writing this column I decided that my mandate would be “Sex, Politics, and Religion… not necessarily in that order.” I figured that I didn’t know enough about sports, farming, or the weather to talk about any of them very well. I also hoped to provoke some thought and discussion once in a while, even if that risked rattling a few cages once in a while. Thank you for reading.
Obviously, I indulge in plenty of politics and religion. I’d like to think that my approach to both comes from the angle of a former history teacher; informative, analytical, perhaps even persuasive- rather than lecturing or preaching- but I know that I lapse into ranting pretty easily. As a polite neighbor I ought to apologize for doing that when it comes to politics because it seems like taking advantage of the having a forum to blow off steam without having a lot of consideration or empathy for those who would disagree. I ought to apologize, but I guess I’d rather rely on your understanding that I’m entitled to my opinions and so are you and have you either take me with a grain of salt, take my ideas under advisement, or take page three and use it to wrap a fish, line a litter box or start a fire, whichever you prefer. Thank you for still reading.
We can agree to disagree, I only hope that you appreciate that my intentions are sincere, I love my country and believe in the ideals embodied in it’s founding documents, including the Constitution and Bill of Rights. No doubt many of the people who most vehemently disagree with what I write feel the same way. I hope that you all know that I my love and respect for the hard working, God-and-country-loving, proud families of rural Iowa is deep and unwavering, even when I can’t begin to fathom why on Earth they can hold some of the harebrained opinions that they do. I’d like to think that such affection is not unrequited, even when I irritate you so much that you can’t see straight, but I’ve had at least one reader threaten to cancel their subscription, so I know that it may be that I’m far more enamored of you than you are of me. Thank you if you’re still reading.
By the way, as antagonistic as I may be toward the current administration, I’m still pretty much a moderate centrist by national standards. Anyone who really thinks that I’m outrageously liberal wouldn’t know one if they bit you in the posterior, and while we’re at it sociologists predict that the entire country is gradually shifting back to the left again after about a forty years of leaning the other way, so if you think I’m bad, you may as well try to get over it. And thank you for reading anyway.
As for religion, the late Charles Schultz, creator of the Peanuts comic strip would’ve argued that it is a cartoonist’s prerogative to sermonize. Since I’ve never received any feedback to indicate otherwise, I am under the impression that where we may differ on occasion politically, we must see more eye to eye theologically regardless of any of our denominational differences. Thank you for that.
I probably get the most responses when I write about the funny things my kids say and do or the trials and tribulations of parenting. Thank you for letting me know you enjoy it.
My wife is always trying to steer me away from the politics to the humor. I know she just wants people to like me and I have to admit that if I could, I’d love to be another Dave Berry or Erma Bombeck, but I have to tell you, even when you have kids for inspiration, it’s really hard to be funny. It’s actually a lot easier to be full of facts and fury. Still, I’ll admit that a secret ambition of mine is to be taped to a refrigerator, a work cubical or bulletin board, or a college professor’s office door and all of those things are far more likely if you’re funny and heartwarming than poignant or a blood pressure stimulant. That goes for cartoons too, Garfield and Family Circus make the front of the refrigerator a lot more than anything on the Op/Ed pages. Thanks for putting up with me, Honey.
By the way, one time our baby-sitter was laughing so much about something I wrote about our five year old daughter, Ellen, that her older sister Grace told her “Thanks a lot for embarrassing me, Ellie!”
All this introspection may make it sound like I’m leading up to an announcement that I’m quitting or something. Not at all, (sorry to that person who wanted to cancel their subscription). It just occurred to me how lucky I am to get to write here every week, I thought that you deserved to know that I appreciate it. Thank you for reading. Please don’t stop.
WEB EXCLUSIVE: By the way, the fact of the matter is that there is selfish motivation there too- not so much that I have some sinister agenda to proselytize every reader to Christianity or to Missouri-Synod Lutheranism, but when all is said and done, it’s in me and I have to let it out. They say that you learn the most by teaching and that love isn’t love until you pass it along, well what can I tell you, but I read the Bible or learn about God and I want to share it. It just happens that I write a weekly small-town newspaper column, so guess how it comes out. Thank you for reading when it does.
When I first started writing four years ago I’d only lived here for about a year, although I’d wanted to for at least ten. I’d also moved here from Los Angeles, the second largest metropolis in the U.S. and the most widely strip-mall infested, billboard laden and concrete-covered one. Consequently I was very enamored of living in the beautiful, sparsely populated, rolling prairie countryside. So as each new season came on, I’d wax poetic about how lucky we are to smell wet grass and cattle instead of smog or see green, yellow, brown or white instead of grey. I guess that’s something I don’t do so much anymore, sorry if you liked it. Thank you for not littering.
There’s at least one reader who’s asked me two or three times over the years why I don’t publish these columns in a book (and it wasn’t even my mother). As they used to say on the wine-cooler commercials, thank you for your support.
Unfortunately, the surest way for that to happen would be to self-publish and I just have to tell you that I haven’t got the time or the money. The traditional way for that to happen is to compile them, edit them more, print them out, copy them off, compose cover-letters and proceed to submit them to publisher after publisher until one of them miraculously would choose to buy them and put them out as a book. Humbly, I don’t know that I’m that good of a writer. Frankly, I don’t know that I have the time, energy, ambition, or attention-span enough to do it, And candidly, my ego is way to fragile for that much rejection. Getting cartoons syndicated is an even more brutal process that I won’t even get started on. Thanks for your pity.
I never have talked about sex much and I suppose that I’m better off not doing so, mostly it’s just not polite, and while I’d like to be frank and even a little personal with you, gentle reader, I’m afraid that we’d both agree that that would be a little too personal. You’re welcome.
Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. ‘Ted’s Column’ has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. If you’d like to see any of Ted’s editorial cartoons bigger and brighter, you can visit http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2
Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper — Schleswig Leader, Thursday,March 29, 2007 – Page 3
Five years ago when I began writing this column I decided that my mandate would be “Sex, Politics, and Religion… not necessarily in that order.” I figured that I didn’t know enough about sports, farming, or the weather to talk about any of them very well. I also hoped to provoke some thought and discussion once in a while, even if that risked rattling a few cages once in a while. Thank you for reading.
Obviously, I indulge in plenty of politics and religion. I’d like to think that my approach to both comes from the angle of a former history teacher; informative, analytical, perhaps even persuasive- rather than lecturing or preaching- but I know that I lapse into ranting pretty easily. As a polite neighbor I ought to apologize for doing that when it comes to politics because it seems like taking advantage of the having a forum to blow off steam without having a lot of consideration or empathy for those who would disagree. I ought to apologize, but I guess I’d rather rely on your understanding that I’m entitled to my opinions and so are you and have you either take me with a grain of salt, take my ideas under advisement, or take page three and use it to wrap a fish, line a litter box or start a fire, whichever you prefer. Thank you for still reading.
We can agree to disagree, I only hope that you appreciate that my intentions are sincere, I love my country and believe in the ideals embodied in it’s founding documents, including the Constitution and Bill of Rights. No doubt many of the people who most vehemently disagree with what I write feel the same way. I hope that you all know that I my love and respect for the hard working, God-and-country-loving, proud families of rural Iowa is deep and unwavering, even when I can’t begin to fathom why on Earth they can hold some of the harebrained opinions that they do. I’d like to think that such affection is not unrequited, even when I irritate you so much that you can’t see straight, but I’ve had at least one reader threaten to cancel their subscription, so I know that it may be that I’m far more enamored of you than you are of me. Thank you if you’re still reading.
By the way, as antagonistic as I may be toward the current administration, I’m still pretty much a moderate centrist by national standards. Anyone who really thinks that I’m outrageously liberal wouldn’t know one if they bit you in the posterior, and while we’re at it sociologists predict that the entire country is gradually shifting back to the left again after about a forty years of leaning the other way, so if you think I’m bad, you may as well try to get over it. And thank you for reading anyway.
As for religion, the late Charles Schultz, creator of the Peanuts comic strip would’ve argued that it is a cartoonist’s prerogative to sermonize. Since I’ve never received any feedback to indicate otherwise, I am under the impression that where we may differ on occasion politically, we must see more eye to eye theologically regardless of any of our denominational differences. Thank you for that.
I probably get the most responses when I write about the funny things my kids say and do or the trials and tribulations of parenting. Thank you for letting me know you enjoy it.
My wife is always trying to steer me away from the politics to the humor. I know she just wants people to like me and I have to admit that if I could, I’d love to be another Dave Berry or Erma Bombeck, but I have to tell you, even when you have kids for inspiration, it’s really hard to be funny. It’s actually a lot easier to be full of facts and fury. Still, I’ll admit that a secret ambition of mine is to be taped to a refrigerator, a work cubical or bulletin board, or a college professor’s office door and all of those things are far more likely if you’re funny and heartwarming than poignant or a blood pressure stimulant. That goes for cartoons too, Garfield and Family Circus make the front of the refrigerator a lot more than anything on the Op/Ed pages. Thanks for putting up with me, Honey.
By the way, one time our baby-sitter was laughing so much about something I wrote about our five year old daughter, Ellen, that her older sister Grace told her “Thanks a lot for embarrassing me, Ellie!”
All this introspection may make it sound like I’m leading up to an announcement that I’m quitting or something. Not at all, (sorry to that person who wanted to cancel their subscription). It just occurred to me how lucky I am to get to write here every week, I thought that you deserved to know that I appreciate it. Thank you for reading. Please don’t stop.
WEB EXCLUSIVE: By the way, the fact of the matter is that there is selfish motivation there too- not so much that I have some sinister agenda to proselytize every reader to Christianity or to Missouri-Synod Lutheranism, but when all is said and done, it’s in me and I have to let it out. They say that you learn the most by teaching and that love isn’t love until you pass it along, well what can I tell you, but I read the Bible or learn about God and I want to share it. It just happens that I write a weekly small-town newspaper column, so guess how it comes out. Thank you for reading when it does.
When I first started writing four years ago I’d only lived here for about a year, although I’d wanted to for at least ten. I’d also moved here from Los Angeles, the second largest metropolis in the U.S. and the most widely strip-mall infested, billboard laden and concrete-covered one. Consequently I was very enamored of living in the beautiful, sparsely populated, rolling prairie countryside. So as each new season came on, I’d wax poetic about how lucky we are to smell wet grass and cattle instead of smog or see green, yellow, brown or white instead of grey. I guess that’s something I don’t do so much anymore, sorry if you liked it. Thank you for not littering.
There’s at least one reader who’s asked me two or three times over the years why I don’t publish these columns in a book (and it wasn’t even my mother). As they used to say on the wine-cooler commercials, thank you for your support.
Unfortunately, the surest way for that to happen would be to self-publish and I just have to tell you that I haven’t got the time or the money. The traditional way for that to happen is to compile them, edit them more, print them out, copy them off, compose cover-letters and proceed to submit them to publisher after publisher until one of them miraculously would choose to buy them and put them out as a book. Humbly, I don’t know that I’m that good of a writer. Frankly, I don’t know that I have the time, energy, ambition, or attention-span enough to do it, And candidly, my ego is way to fragile for that much rejection. Getting cartoons syndicated is an even more brutal process that I won’t even get started on. Thanks for your pity.
I never have talked about sex much and I suppose that I’m better off not doing so, mostly it’s just not polite, and while I’d like to be frank and even a little personal with you, gentle reader, I’m afraid that we’d both agree that that would be a little too personal. You’re welcome.
Ted Mallory lives in Charter Oak and teaches at Boyer Valley Schools in Dunlap. ‘Ted’s Column’ has appeared weekly in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper since 2002. If you’d like to see any of Ted’s editorial cartoons bigger and brighter, you can visit http://tmal.multiply.com/photos/album/2
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